by Wendy Smith
I shake my head. “I can taste the sand,” I whisper.
“Shit.” Corey lets go of me, and I turn toward him.
“I would never hurt Lily.”
“I’ll make us all a coffee and we can sit down,” Lily says softly.
Corey shakes his head. “Not on that ankle. You sit down, and I’ll make the coffee.”
He eyes me suspiciously, and I can’t blame him. I haven’t had anything like this happen since I’ve been back in New Zealand. I thought it was something I’d got over long ago.
Despite her arms having been around me, when I take Lily by the arm, she flinches, and she grimaces as she takes another step.
“What’s wrong?”
“My ankle. When you dived on me, I fell awkwardly.”
It tears me apart. My girl, still recovering from childbirth, and I threw her on the floor, injuring her in the process.
“I’m sorry, Lily.”
She shrugs. “It is what it is. Help me to the table, and we’ll have to work out where we go from here.”
I haven’t heard her so deflated since we’ve been back together. All these months our relationship has been happy and full of love and laughter. That’s what she needs, not me falling apart. My guard’s so far down, I didn’t even think to use those stupid breathing exercises that Jenna taught me. Would they have helped? Maybe not, but I could have tried.
Pulling Lily’s arm over my shoulder, I help her as she hops to the table. I fall to the floor at her feet. “I’m so sorry.”
She sighs, and runs her fingers through my hair. “I have no idea what that was, but we need to get you help.”
“I think I need to tell you a story.” She’s asked so many times, but I’ve deflected, not wanting to wound her with knowledge of how I tried to move on from her. If I tell her about Ben, I tell her about his sister, the first girl I was with after Lily. “Please?”
Corey stands behind me with the first-aid kit. “Get out of the way. I’ll take a look at your ankle, Lily.”
I move to the side, and keep scanning her expression. Her face is devoid of colour, and her eyes have dark circles underneath. She’s under enough pressure with a new-born baby without me adding to it.
“We need to ice this and rest it before bandaging it.”
Before he can say anything else, I retrieve a packet of peas from the freezer and a tea towel while he grabs an ottoman from the living room. We work in silence, placing the frozen food on her ankle with the towel to hold back the ice.
“Thank you.” I think she’s speaking to Corey, but at the same time, she reaches down to stroke the stubble on my chin.
“I love you, Lil. I’d never hurt you deliberately.”
“I know. You were trying to save me.”
Corey snorts, and I glare at him.
“Did you get the possum?” Lily asks.
He nods. “He won’t be eating Lucky’s food again.”
“I hate that you have to do that.”
He nods. “They’re pests. There are so many native animals around here, and if you let the possums get out of hand, they’ll destroy that.”
Lily sighs. “I know. It just makes me sad. I love the bush behind our house; it’ll be great for the kids to learn about nature.”
“Then we need to make sure that there are plenty of animals left for them to learn about. It’s why I love where I’m living. That group that owns a huge chunk of the mountain have been after my land for ages, but they can bugger off.” He stands and goes to the kitchen bench, plucking two mugs from the cupboard.
“I’m pretty sure Adam will want one too.”
Corey grunts, and reaches for a third cup, flicking on the kettle. He’s pissed, and I don’t blame him. He’s always been protective of Lily, and even offered to take care of her and Max in my absence. While he’s said it’s not because he has feelings for her, I have my doubts. Lily said no to his offer of help, but I’ll always wonder if she’d said yes if it would have become more than a relationship of convenience.
All I know is that she has a way with him that no one else does.
And right now, she probably prefers him to me.
Lily’s still distant at bedtime. I try and make things up to her by making sure Max is in bed on time, and I’ve changed every nappy since the incident in the kitchen.
When the baby is fed and asleep, she slides into bed with me.
“Everything okay?” I ask, knowing it’s not.
“It’s fine.”
“Come here then.” I hold my arms open, and after a brief pause, she lets me wrap them around her. There’s nothing better than having her in my embrace, and I close my eyes.
“You scared me,” she whispers.
“I scared myself. It was all so real, and I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone taking you away.”
Opening my eyes, I meet her gaze. Her blue eyes are full of concern, and tears well in them as we look at each other.
“Nothing and no one will ever take me away. Not again,” she says softly, raising her hand to brush my cheek.
“I know that. It was just my reaction to that gunshot. Everything’s been so good, and I’ve been so relaxed that I let things go too far.”
She swallows. “Tell me what happened. Please.”
It’s not the first time she’s asked, but it’s the first time I’ll give her an answer. After everything, she deserves to know the full story.
I kiss her, savouring the taste of her lips as if it’s the last time I’ll enjoy them. It’ll be a few more weeks until we can do anything more with her so recently giving birth, but right now I need her to know how much I love her. How much I’ve always loved her.
“Adam,” she whispers. “Let me in.”
I take a deep breath. “When I left town and went to the States, I stayed with friends of Mum and Dad. They had a son my age, and we got along so well—it was like finding another brother. We enlisted together. I thought I’d lost you, and it was what he’d always wanted.”
She nods.
“To cut a really long story short, we travelled the world together. We saw so many different places, met so many different people. We fought by each other’s sides, and we came home together. Ben met someone and fell in love. I was the best man at his wedding.” I scan her face in anticipation of her reaction. “I had a relationship with his sister.”
It hits her; I can see it. I don’t have to ask to know her mind’s ticking over, and she knows all this went on after I thought she’d left me. While she was back here, struggling with a young child, I was half a world away trying desperately to fall in love with someone else. Not that it ever worked.
“Anyway, my last deployment, we’d been really lucky to have been through so much. There were mental scars, but not physical. We were both getting out. He and his wife had a baby on the way. I just wanted a new life.”
Lily wipes my tears with her fingers.
“He died, Lil. Our Humvee hit an IED, and I was the only survivor. I held him in my arms, but he was already gone. That’s when I got shot. It was a miracle it was my shoulder and not a bullet through my head. It was only because there was a team behind us who came in and dealt with the insurgents that nothing worse happened to me.”
Warm tears fall on my chest.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m right here.” I grasp Lily’s chin and pull her gaze to mine. “I got better physically, but mentally, I was a mess.”
“And then you ended up with me.”
“We both have our scars, and they’re pretty deep. I see you struggle sometimes, those nights when you still have nightmares. The bedroom lights help with your fear of the dark, but they don’t take it all away.”
She nods.
“I stayed in the army to try and make up for something. I don’t know what. When I left, I fell apart, and at first, there was no one to help. I’m pretty sure it’s the same wherever you go. Being in the army is one thing, and there are groups you can get support from. But there’s a
reason why there’s such a high suicide rate among veterans.”
Her grip on my arm tightens.
I swallow. “Then I met someone. She’d worked with people like me, people with PTSD. She spent hours talking it through with me, teaching me ways to cope. I was busy burying myself in alcohol.”
“She helped?”
There’s no easy way to put this, and I wrap my arms around her and brace myself for her reaction. “We fell in love. At least, that’s what it felt like. After a while, she moved in with me.”
“That was the woman you told me about,” Lily whispers.
“It was. I got so caught up. She and I were so close, and I nearly asked her to marry me. But she wasn’t you, Lily. I realised I wasn’t prepared to marry some other woman when I didn’t feel a fraction for her of what I felt for you. It wouldn’t have been fair to her or to me.”
Tears roll down Lily’s cheeks.
“I chose you, or at least the feelings I had for you. How could I commit to someone without feeling that way about them?”
I break myself out of my thoughts. I hadn’t been fair on Jenna at all. Not from the start of our relationship to the end. She hadn’t deserved what I’d done to her.
“Adam.” She sobs
Now, I not only have the love back I thought I’d lost so long ago, I have the original target of those feelings. My beloved Lily.
“I’m so sorry about today. It’s been a long time since …”
“No, it hasn’t.”
“What?” Her eyes are so hurt, and I’m so confused.
“I’m not the only one who has bad dreams. You hide it better than I do, but I hear you cry out in the night. I see you sit up to get your bearings and I understand because I do the same.”
I nod. Despite me trying to hide it, she knows. I should have known she did. “When I came back and found out what had happened to you, all I could think of was how I could make things right.”
Lily rolls away and onto her back. “It wasn’t you who abused me. It was my mother.”
“I know, but I still feel guilty about it. I always will. It might have been her, but I could have done more.”
She sighs. “What’s done is done. We’ve moved forward so much, and we need to keep on going.” Focusing her blue eyes on me as I nod, she gives me a small smile. “We are going to have to find you some help though. You can’t live in the countryside and do that every time a gun’s fired.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry I hurt you today.”
Lily shakes her head. “I’m not blaming you for that, and I’m not saying this because of what happened to me. If this sets you off every time, it’s the impact in here I worry about.” She taps me on the forehead. “You’ve done a wonderful job of looking after us, but now we have to look after you.”
I let out a relieved breath. If there’s one thing I know about Lily, it’s that she has a big heart. I should have known she’d do anything to protect me, just as she does our children.
“I’ll work something out. You and the kids are everything to me. I couldn’t bear it if I lost you.”
Her eyes, so full of concern, search mine. “You will never lose us. Got it?”
I nod, but this latest episode fills me with fear for the future. “Tomorrow, I’ll do some research on the net. Work out what the next step is,” I say.
“Tomorrow, I’m going to need some help getting around with Rose.”
“Rose?”
She smiles. “Max was right. It’s the perfect name. She is my little rose.”
I kiss her. I love her. “You’re all so precious to me. We should be back up to full staffing at the garage tomorrow. I’ll work something out after I’ve taken you to the doctor to look at that ankle.”
“It’s only twisted. I’m sure I just need to take the weight off it for a while.”
“Even so, I think we’ll get it checked out. The last thing I want is for it to get worse.”
Lily runs her hand down my arm, and gives me a tender kiss. “I love you. We’ll get through this just like we’ve got through everything else.”
I close my eyes as we snuggle together. There’s nothing I love more than Lily and our family.
Nothing will destroy that.
Ever.
9
Hayley
Drew’s already out of bed when I wake up, but still he surrounds me, the sheet and pillows smelling of that light cologne he wears. I could wake up like this every morning and be happy. My nose twitches as it picks up the scent of coffee and toast, and I roll over onto my back and smile.
Last night was stressful and exhausting, but Drew had this way of calming me, surrounding me in him until I forgot about my worries. It’d be far too easy to become addicted to that.
There’s no sign of my clothes, and I sigh as I remember him placing them in the washing machine. I climb out of bed, and open a drawer, finding a light blue T-shirt that I pull out and tug on over my head. It might be clean and smell of laundry powder, but it’s his laundry powder and he’s the one who cleaned it. He’ll be lucky if he gets this shirt back again.
He’s hovering around the dining table as I approach, fussing over the plates and rearranging the cutlery three times as I watch in silence. I sneak up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, smiling at the way he shivers.
“I didn’t know you were awake,” he murmurs.
“Only just. I hope you don’t mind me stealing one of your shirts.”
I let go as he twists and turns to face me. “You can wear my shirts any time. Your clothes are in the dryer.” He bends a little to kiss me, his warm, soft lips pressing against mine with so much tenderness.
“Guess I’m wearing this until they’re ready.”
He runs his hands down the length of my spine until he cups my arse. “Suits me. Are you hungry? I hope so. I’m cooking breakfast.”
“I can smell.”
“I was wondering whether to bring some in to you or just leave you to sleep. Last night would have been exhausting.”
“No thanks to you.”
His smirk makes me chuckle. When I’m around Drew, I’m always smiling, laughing, having fun. I like this so much—I just hate that he’s so far away.
“It was pretty good. Even if I do say so myself.” He pecks me on the lips again and lets me go. “Now, I’ve got more bacon to cook because I’m starving. There’s some toast out on the table, but I wanted something a bit more.”
“Bacon is good.” I walk around him and sit at the table.
“Coffee? I just made some and I can make one for you.”
I smile. “Coffee would be amazing.”
“Then I might let you get dressed and we’ll go to the hospital. I’m sure you want to check on your patient.”
I nod as he walks to the machine, and the sound of the coffee pouring fills the room. “Hopefully she’s doing well.”
“She is. I’ve already called to ask.” He places the cup in front of me. It’s got milk in it, just how I like it, and I bet it’s got the required two sugars, too. The man has a good memory.
I look up at him. “Maybe I’ll keep you around. This is such great service.”
“Give me a chance and this’ll be just the beginning.”
My breath catches looking at him. His eyes are so earnest, and I know I can believe him. Drew Campbell wants to give me the world, but I’m so scared of taking it.
“Drew, I …”
“Take your time. We have plenty of it. If you’re staying another night, I’ll have another opportunity to prove to you how good this can be. How good we can be.”
I take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes. “You don’t need to prove anything.”
He squats in front of me, and I open my eyes again to see him face to face. “I don’t want you to be afraid to try.”
I shake my head. “I’m not afraid. Being with you is amazing. I’m just worried about when I’m not with you.”
“Do you think I’ll muck around?
”
“No.” I shift my gaze away.
“So, what is it?”
I bite my bottom lip to give me courage. “Every time I’m with you, I just get confused. I thought I had my life all mapped out.” I raise my eyes to meet his. “When I worked in Auckland, I didn’t cope. Copper Creek gave me the peace I needed.”
“I won’t ask you to give up that peace. Not yet.”
“It’s the ‘yet’ I’m scared of.”
He places a hand on my left knee. “So, we’ll take things slowly. I mean, it’s gonna be slow with the distance, but I don’t want to give up on this. Whatever it is we have is so special, and I’m really glad that Lucy chose the day Lily gave birth of all days to blow the landlord.”
I can’t help it. I giggle, and a huge smile spreads across his face. “So am I.”
“It’s settled then. I’ll make you breakfast, we’ll go see your patient, and you can be a lady of leisure for the day. You’d better get lots of rest. You’ll need it for tonight.”
I lean over, cup his face, and press my lips to his. “Sounds good to me.”
“Then you can have the pleasure of my company on a drive back to Copper Creek.”
“This also sounds good.”
He wiggles out of my grasp and backs away toward the kitchen. “My stomach’s grumbling. I think I need to feed it.”
As he fusses around, turning the element on with the frying pan and pulling the bacon from the plastic wrapper, I smile at our domesticity. I could get used to this; it’s wonderful and scary. In that moment, I can’t imagine being apart from him, but the reality is our time together will come to an end in less than twenty-four hours.
I have to make the most of it before leaving.
We get more curious looks as we walk through the hospital hand in hand. Drew doesn’t start work for another half hour, and I’ve got the use of his car to drive around before I pick him up later.
I’m glad he knows where he’s going. After the craziness of last night, I wouldn’t be able to identify what corridors led to the maternity ward, let alone Julia’s room.
“Here we go.” He lets go of my hand and pushes the door.
