The girl looked more confused than ever. “I don’t understand. Shouldn’t you look your best? Mommy always dressed up when she went out with Daddy.” Vannie swallowed hard. “She was all dressed up that night--” Though she didn’t collapse in tears, the bereft girl couldn’t continue.
“I know, but your mother was dressing to please her husband--to make him feel special by looking as attractive to him as she could. I don’t like the feeling I got dressing up for a man that wasn’t ‘my’ man. Does that make sense?”
“I guess…”
It seemed as if she’d never be able to explain her heart. “Well, when we got to the restaurant, the waitress led us to an amazing table that overlooks the lake. There were candles, on the tables, soft music played around us, and some couples danced out on the terrace. We talked about the menu, the music, and the stars…”
“That sounds so romantic.” Vannie’s sigh made her sound as if she were lost in a dream.
“Vannie,” Aggie laughed, “it was like we were acting out lines from a movie or a book or something. There’s nothing wrong with candlelight dinners, beautiful music, and flowers. Yes, they can be romantic, but--” She struggled to find the right words to express how awkward it had all felt. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that tonight I learned that most of what we call ‘romance’ is not real life--or at least it’s not my real life.”
“But isn’t your real life whatever you make of it? If you aren’t something and you want to be, you start doing it and then you are.” A stubborn look flooded Vannie’s eyes. Aggie knew that look; it was the exact one she’d always seen in Allie when someone criticized the number of children they had, the lifestyle they led, or commented on the “waste” of Allie’s degree. “Mommy always said that if we don’t grow and embrace the new things the Lord brings into our lives, we become pathetic… no, apathetic.”
“I suppose you could argue that, in this instance, it’s the same thing.”
“Is it apathetic if I don’t want to squeeze that into my life? To me, it felt fake. You know, your dad used to bring your mom flowers whenever he came home from a trip.”
“I remember those flowers. Usually, they were red roses.” Only a slight sniffle told Aggie how much the memories pained her sensitive niece.
“Well, in the traditional sense, that is what people consider romantic. Flowers, chocolate, nice dinners, concerts, and movies--those are some of the things that people think of when they think of romance. Do you know what your mom thought was the most romantic thing your father ever did for her?”
Vannie shook her head. It seemed almost wrong to share things with Allie’s child that Allie hadn’t chosen to share herself, but at last, she decided that if Allie felt free to share with her, Aggie could pass the story on to Vannie. “Did you know that your father used to hold your mother’s head when she would vomit? Every pregnancy was hard on Allie.” She swallowed hard before continuing. “She would get so horribly ill with each baby; do you remember?”
For a moment, the girl’s face was blank, but slowly she nodded, remembering. Clearly, Allie had managed to do an excellent job of hiding her morning sickness. “Well, she did. She was horribly sick every time for weeks. Your father would take sick days off work, stay home, and hold her hair out of the way while she threw up everything she tried to eat.” Her lip quivered as she tried to smile at the memory. “That’s what your mother found most romantic of everything your father ever did for her.”
“That sounds so gross!” Vannie’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “Daddy couldn’t stand being around sick people. He always threw up if he even heard one of us getting sick.”
“That’s exactly what Allie said. While he held her head and kept her hair out of the way, she’d throw up in a bowl, and he’d gag and sometimes get sick in the sink.” Aggie waited until she had Vannie’s full attention. “That’s my idea of real romance, Vannie. It’s someone caring enough about someone else that they will do anything to make that person feel special-- even when the other person is getting sick.”
“And you didn’t feel special when you were out to dinner; is that it?”
“Well, it’s more like I didn’t think that kind of--” The talk seemed to be failing. “I didn’t feel like me. William didn’t feel like him. It all seemed like we were acting out lines because that is what books, movies, music, and magazines tell us you do on a date instead of it being what we naturally would do.”
Several minutes passed as Vannie tried to process her aunt’s words. There were so many things that Aggie wanted to interject, many things she hoped she’d be able to say to make the girl understand, but her heart told her to wait. At last, the girl lifted troubled eyes to meet hers and asked, “Aunt Aggie, if you don’t date someone, how will you ever get married?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m not supposed to get married, or maybe it’s just that I’ll need to find another way. I just know that tonight I saw something I’ve never seen before.” Her niece’s eyes reminded her of old cartoons with question marks for pupils. “I saw that I don’t want to force a friendship into becoming something else, and that’s what that date tonight felt like. It seemed as if I was working to turn our friendship into something deeper and more intimate rather than waiting for God to change it with us and for us.” She rubbed her temple while searching and praying for words that would make Vannie understand and think about her own life as she grew into a young woman. “I don’t know how to explain it, Vannie. I am just not ‘going there’ again. I’d rather play a good game of Monopoly with you guys, inviting William to join us, than sit through another dinner like that.”
“You don’t think you’d get used to it?” Disappointment dripped from every word.
“I don’t want to get used to it, sweetie. I don’t ever want to get used to acting like someone I’m not, and that’s exactly what I did tonight. I’m actually quite ashamed of myself.”
For some time after Vannie dragged herself up the stairs, disappointed and a little disillusioned after their frank discussion, Aggie sat on the couch lost in her own thoughts. Had she made the right decision to share that information with her niece? Was the girl too young to understand? Was it right to plant seeds that might grow into weeds of disappointment? Of course, those thoughts came after it was too late to change anything.
The mantle clock chimed on the half hour and startled her. “Luke!” Dismayed, she raced for her laptop and carried it back to the couch, hoping he hadn’t waited for her all that time, and yet, illogically, praying he did. When she saw his status as “online,” her fingers flew across the keys.
Mibs says: Luke? Are you still there? I can’t believe I kept you waiting.
Luke says: Sure am! How did your date go?”
Mibs says: Flopped. I am NOT doing that again.
Luke says: Really? I’m sorry. Was it bad like last time or…
Mibs says: No, not at all. It was just so artificial. I’ve decided that dating and I don’t mix. *waits to hear the earth shake as Luke falls to the floor, stunned*
Luke says: LOL. Nope, you won’t hear that from me. I decided the same thing back in high school after watching what Corinne went through.
Mibs says: You’ve never dated either?
Luke says: Nope.
Mibs says: Well, Vannie would say, “No wonder you’re not married.” She asked how I’d ever get married if I didn’t date.
Mibs says: That’s what took me so long. She came in, needed to talk it through. She’s very disappointed. I think I crushed her dreams of romance.
Luke says: Melanie got married without ever entering the dating scene. I liked what I saw. And, if she can con a great guy like Ryan into marrying her, then surely anyone can.
Mibs says: Is that your other sister?
Luke says: Yep. Olivia, Corinne, me, Cassie, then Melanie.
Mibs says: Well, all I know is that I don’t ever want to sit through another fake meal again. BLECH.
Luke says: You know what I
never understood?
Mibs says: What’s that?
Luke says: Well, if you ask people why they date, they usually say something like, “it is a way to get to know them better.” So then, inevitably, you find out they’re going to a movie. What sense does that make?
Mibs says: That’s a good point! I mean, you sit in a dark theater, can’t see their reaction to what is happening on the screen, you can’t talk…
Luke says: My point exactly.
Mibs says: I wish I’d never gone in the first place. When William brought it up, it made sense. It even sounded fun. It was NOT fun.
Luke says: Does William feel the same way?
Mibs says: *shrugs*
Mibs says: Confession time: I was horribly rude to William again when we got home. I mean, the dinner was nothing like last time. It was pleasant and everything.
Luke says: So, what makes you think you were rude to him?
Mibs says: Probably the way I informed him that I was determined to remain single. FOREVER. Emphasis in the original conversation…
Luke says: LOL. That’d probably do it.
Mibs says: I didn’t like how the whole evening made me feel, so I just dumped my frustrations on him. I wasn’t ugly, but it was rude.
Luke says: It sounds like an apology might be in order.
Mibs says: I’m making a hobby of it or something.
Luke says: That’s one of the best things about you. You’re not afraid to admit when you’re wrong.
Mibs says: That’s actually why I dinged…
Luke says: So, you need me there early tomorrow?
Mibs says: If you can.
Luke says: Sure, but where’s Tina?
Mibs says: She left tonight for Yorktown. Her father really does have a dinner planned for her.
Luke says: I can’t believe she left before you got home. I would have expected her to give a grilling that’d make William proud-- if it wasn’t his date she was interrogating you about.
Mibs says: I expect to get a call while I’m at Espresso Yourself begging for details.
Luke says: What time do you need me there?
Mibs says: Well, I told William’s voice mail that I’d meet him at Espresso at eight, so…
Luke says: I’ll be there at a quarter ‘til.
Mibs says: Thanks.
Mibs says: Luke, I have this awful feeling. I know feelings are not always reality but…
Luke says: No, but sometimes feelings are that prompting we get when the Holy Spirit reminds us of something we’ve learned. What does the feeling tell you?
Mibs says: Well, it seems to me like William is TRYING to be “interested” in me. Like it is some kind of duty he has to perform or something. I mean, if that was what God wanted for our lives, wouldn’t it happen naturally without having to work so hard?
Luke says: Well, you’d think so, wouldn’t you? He’s a good man; you shouldn’t carelessly toss aside a good man who loves the Lord.
Mibs says: Ugh. I was so sure, but you’re going to put doubts in my mind, aren’t you?
Luke says: Well, I was also going to say that just because he’s a good man doesn’t mean he’s the right one for you.
Mibs says: *sigh* Honestly, Luke, I am still struggling to learn the basics of housekeeping, parenting, and all the joys and trials that come with those. I don’t think I have time for this.
Mibs says: Maybe that should tell me something. I mean, if William was “the one,” don’t you think I’d think differently? Don’t you think I’d be willing to make time for the right guy?
Luke says: Maybe. It may be that you won’t be looking when he comes. He may have to work a little to show you what could be there, and that’s ok. Any guy who really cares about building a life with you won’t mind that challenge.
Mibs says: Can I ask you something?
Luke says: Of course.
Mibs says: Is it even right to think about this stuff? Don’t I have enough to do without spreading myself that much thinner?
Luke says: The right man will understand what he’s getting into, Mibs. He’s not going to mind sharing you with the children.
Mibs says: It just seems wrong to take more time away from the kids
Mibs says: Well, actually, since I’m not dating anymore, the only way I can see me getting married is if someone arranges it for me, so I think I’m probably worrying about nothing.
Luke says: Most worries are.
Mibs says: Are what?
Luke says: About nothing. It’s late. I need to do a few things next door before I mosey on over there, so I think I’ll have to sign off now.
Mibs says: Thanks for the chat, Luke. I feel a little better now.
Luke says: Get some sleep. You’re going to need it.
Mibs says: Thanks again. I really appreciate it. Goodnight.
Luke says: Good night, Mibs.
Sugar & Spice
Chapter 7
Monday, August 11th
Aggie’s hands fidgeted as she tried to find the right words to explain to William why the date that he saw nothing wrong with was so disappointing to her. She didn’t want to hurt him; he’d been so considerate, but she needed to ensure that he took her decision seriously. At last, William’s hand closed over hers. “What’s wrong, Aggie? What did I do wrong? I tried--”
“I know you did, William. I know, and I’m sorry, but that’s actually the problem.” She returned the gentle squeeze he gave her and tried to smile. “I don’t want to have to ‘try’ at any relationship. I don’t want that artificiality. It’s not me.”
“Every relationship takes work, Aggie. There’s no such thing as a perfect couple who never had to work things through.”
Her eyes closed as she prayed again for the ability to explain herself without being any ruder than she’d already been. “William, I understand that. What I am not so keen on is having to start a relationship with so much work. Can’t we just keep being the friends I know we are, and if we change and become more to each other than we are now, that’s ok?” She waited for him to meet her gaze. “Can you honestly say that your heart will break if we don’t go out to dinner every other week?”
“Well no, but--”
“Then what’s the problem? You can come over, or we can take the kids to the park, we can talk, laugh, play games… all the stuff we do now, but there’s no pressure to make it into some big romantic thing.” She swallowed. “If I really thought you were falling for me in some way, I wouldn’t be saying this. I’d be reexamining my own heart. I’d be more willing to see if I could learn to care for you in a more intimate way…” Her voice trailed off as she tried to find a non-insulting way to tell a man she wasn’t salivating to have more time alone with him. “Since neither of us is there yet, why do we have to work to get there? It’s a lot of pressure, William--for both of us.”
“Yeah. That’s true.” He seemed lost in thought for a while. “I guess, I just assumed that if you’re friends with a woman, a mother in particular, you need to be willing to commit to that no matter where it goes.”
Aggie’s smile crinkled the corners of her eyes in that delightful way that gave her added attractiveness. “It means so much to me that you said that. I really appreciate that you were willing to invest all of yourself to be my friend--that you are willing to do it still.” Her eyes twinkled as she added, “Let’s make a deal. If either of us changes how we feel about the other, we’ll just say so. No awkwardness, or as little as we can manage, no expectations, just open honesty so the other can know what to expect.”
“That I can get into.” His hand gave hers one last squeeze before he stood and gathered their trash. He accompanied her out the door and to her van. Before William opened the door, he brushed her cheek with the back of his hand in a way that sent waves of dread over her. “I wish my little sister was like you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re understanding; you’ll talk out a problem. You give people second chances.” He k
new that several store merchants had their eyes on the scene before them, all speculating about the deeply romantic moment they thought they saw, but for once in William’s highly regulated life, he didn’t care. “Is it silly to say I hope I fall in love with you or someone like you?”
“No, I think that’s flattering. I could say the same thing about you--most of the time.”
His laughter rang out sending more glances their way. He shut the door behind her and leaned his arms on the window as it lowered. “Tell Sullivan I said to get your room done. You look tired, Aggie. You need your own space.”
“He’s probably working on it now.”
William shook his head. “We both know that he’s goofing off with the kids. He’d never leave them alone without someone watching them.”
He was right, and she knew it. “Yep. I’d better get home so we can get it done.”
“Let Luke do it, Aggie. Your ankle is still on the stiff side. Don’t risk it.”
Tuesday, August 12th
A door slammed, waking Aggie from her impromptu catnap on the sofa. She bolted upright, and glanced around her, blinking. “Um, wha--” The room was empty. Shouts filtered downstairs, but she still wasn’t certain who was shouting or why. Dragging herself off the couch, Aggie glanced around the room, wondering where Ian was. This wasn’t good.
At the top of the stairs, she overheard Vannie sob, “I always have to watch him! You never do! I just want to finish my book!” Guilty eyes met Aggie’s as Vannie realized she had an audience. She shifted a whimpering Ian from one hip to the other, embarrassed.
Before Aggie could speak, Laird’s door flung open, and he snapped, “Fine. Just give him to me. Why do you always have to wait until I’m in the middle of something he can’t be around--”
“Why didn’t you bring Ian to me?”
For Keeps (Aggie's Inheritance) Page 9
