I take Celeste’s hand, pay our bill and grab the bag the waitress packed for us. She fits the helmet to her head, climbs onto the back of my bike and we take off for the hospital. We don’t speak anymore—not about us, not about what happened or what’s going to happen. When I pull in front of the hospital, she is quick to dismount.
I’m not delusional, I know it’s going to take more than a couple of answers and a quick finger fuck in the bathroom to win her over. I wasn’t bullshitting when I said I’d give her time to get used to the idea before breaking down those walls she built around her—walls I laid the foundation for.
I grab her hand before she’s out of my reach and she freezes in her tracks, slowly glancing over her shoulder at me. Sliding my free hand into my pocket, I pull out a bag of peanut M&M’s and place them in the hand I’m holding.
“In case you get hungry,” I murmur, and again I’m treated to the flicker of hope hiding in those big brown eyes.
Her face softens and she gives me a small smile. Small as it may be, I still tack it onto my count as I watch her disappear into the hospital holding the brown To Go bag with her lunch in it.
My small glimpse of heaven quickly fades as I make my way to the intensive care unit, spotting Deuce and Blackie outside Linc’s room. They speak in hushed tones, but the expressions portrayed on their faces are full of doom. Stepping up behind them, I tip my chin toward the doctor and listen as he recaps Linc’s surgeries. He explains the first surgery they performed repaired torn vertebrae in his back and the second treated the compound fractures of his tibia and fibula bones. He wasn’t telling us anything we didn’t know. We knew they had to put a titanium rod through the bone of both legs and that he needed full casts on both as well. We knew he was put into a medically induced coma to help the healing process of both his back and his legs. What we didn’t know was if the man would ever fucking walk again and this schmuck still didn’t give us the answers we needed.
“Doc, with all due respect, you ain’t tellin’ us anything we don’t already know,” I grind out, cupping the back of my neck in frustration.
Blackie crosses his arms against his chest and levels the surgeon with a glare.
“Is he going to walk?” he grits.
The surgeon draws in a breath and glances over at the two people standing to his left before turning back to Blackie.
“There is bleeding and extensive swelling around the spinal cord. Until we can get the swelling down and the compound fractures heal there is no way of telling if the paralysis is temporary or not. The paralysis stems from the nerves, and right now because of the swelling everything is pushing on those nerves. We have him on heavy doses of steroids which hopefully will bring down the swelling, but you should know even if that’s the case he is going to require extensive physical therapy once those compound fractures heal.”
“Jesus,” Deuce hisses, running his fingers roughly through his hair.
“Does he know all this?” Blackie asks.
“Yes, Mr. Brandt didn’t take it very well,” he reveals, pausing for a beat. “Regretfully, I’m not sure how much longer he’ll be able to stay here, but I’m certain he won’t be able to continue his rehab here.”
“What do you mean you don’t know how much longer he can stay here? He’s fucking paralyzed,” I seethe, narrowing my eyes as he scratches at his jaw. Turning nervously to the man beside him he clears his throat.
“I’m one of the social workers here and the hospital cannot continue to treat a case this severe when the patient doesn’t have any medical insurance.”
“What are you saying right now? You’re kicking a crippled man out on his ass because of some HMO bullshit?” Wolf bellows from behind us.
Cringing, I slowly turn around as Wolf struggles to maneuver his wheelchair down the hallway.
“Shit,” I hiss, making my way toward him. “Who let you out of your room?”
“Fuck off, boy,” he sneers. “Push me over to that cocksucker so I can give him a piece of my mind.”
“Wolf,” Blackie warns.
“Fuck you too, Black. My heart might be all sorts of fucked up but my hearing ain’t, and these douchebags just told you they were throwing Linc out on his ass,” he growls as he grips the arms of his wheelchair.
Pinning his beady eyes on the doctor and his posse, Wolf channels all his strength and pushes himself out of the chair. Quick on my feet, I go to him and offer him a hand but he pushes me away and steps toward the doctor.
“You doctors are a bunch of fucking pussies. I reckon you shitheads take a fucking Hippocratic oath. You swear to uphold the ethical standards of a practitioner but there ain’t nothing ethical about the bullshit you’re spewing. Where I come from an oath is sacred, men kill to stand by their word and hypocrisy isn’t an option.”
Losing his balance, he sways slightly and presses his hand against the wall to steady himself.
“Might not look like much of a threat to you motherfuckers now with this dress on and my ass hanging out for the free world to see, but I promise you I won’t let your politics interfere with his care. That man in there is going to walk again and you fuckers are going to be the ones who get his legs back on the ground. Unlike you I’m a man of my word,” he sneers as he holds their frightened gazes for a moment.
Then in true Wolf fashion he turns around and gives them a prime view of his ass and tells them to kiss it. I probably would have laughed along with Blackie and Deuce but then he turned to me and I realized the crazy fuck was just getting started and I was the poor bastard that had to deal with him.
So much for a glimpse of heaven.
Chapter Nineteen
Pacing back and forth, my boots wear on the threadbare carpet lining the hallway of the motel. The tarnished gold numbers fixed to the door stare back at me offensively. Taunting me. Teasing me. Daring me. I was never one to turn down a dare, in fact it angered me any time someone assumed I didn’t have the gall to do something. However, right now, I’m not sure where the girl with the brass balls is. I’m not even certain she ever existed because it’s been a hell of long time since I took a chance. A hell of a long time since I lived without caution.
It’s not without reason. If you’ve been burned as many times as I have you’d be less likely to take chances and more keen on playing it safe too. Especially if every decision you made not only affected you but your innocent little girl too. Coming here—conning the address out of Mr. Scotto, or Wolf rather—well, it was the mother lode of decisions. The severity wasn’t lost on me and every time my eyes glance back at those gold numbers, I remind myself once I knock on the door the decision is made. There is no turning back.
The truth is the decision was made yesterday, it was made the moment he hooked me on his promise. When I left work yesterday with Skylar on my hip and my scrubs wrinkled from Cobra’s hands, I knew I would tell him she was his. There is only one God; He’s the only one who can play games with people’s lives. Cobra deserves to know he’s a father the same way Skylar deserves to have a daddy.
That’s if he wants to be one.
I thought a lot about that too.
Spent all night tossing and turning, conjuring all the possible ways my news would be received. Honestly, it can go either way. You see, Cobra’s right, I know little about the man he is. When I had Jagger we were too young and too consumed with what happened to Alexandria to be anything more than two kids trying to survive a shitty situation. We never discussed kids, and I wasn’t even sure I wanted them until I already had my little miracle growing inside of me.
From the moment I stared at those two lines on the pregnancy test I wanted my baby, not because Alexandria would have wanted to be a mom, but because I wanted to be one.
In another life, a perfect life, Jagger would have been a pro football player and I would have been a journalist. We would have had three kids, a dog and two houses. One here in New York and one in whatever state he played. There wouldn’t be a question of whether or not
he wanted our life because every decision we’d make we’d do so together.
In this life, I’m a nurse and he’s an outlaw. There is me and Skylar and then there is him. I don’t know if Skylar fits into his life or if he even wants her, but if he doesn’t know then he can’t make that call.
He also can’t follow through on his promise to put the miles of hurt behind us and travel together down the open road before us. Skylar and I are a package deal. There is no me without her and I’ll choose her over everyone, first loves and all. Always her.
However, my heart is naïve to my mind and to the world around me. I want to believe he would want to be her father. I don’t know a damn thing about his motorcycle club other than they’re shady as fuck and they just got their shit blown up. His world is scary and danger seems to find him more than anything else, but I beard witness to a whole lot of love in that hospital. I saw those men rally around each other. They might not be ideal citizens but there was something about them. Some of them had families, and those who did seemed to make it work despite the mayhem.
Maybe Cobra could be like them. I’m not saying I’m looking for a fairy tale but there are all different types of families.
Maybe we could make something work for Skylar.
For us.
I don’t know. I won’t know unless I knock on that door and give him the choice.
To stay and put the work in.
To turn away and never look back.
Replaying the memory of yesterday, I fed off the spark of determination set in his eyes as he promised to come for me once the dust settled and his pipes cooled.
Determination.
It’s the most noticeable common thread between the outlaw and the boy. Jagger wanted to play football more than he wanted anything else. He never gave up, and that night the coach put him in, all his hard work and patience had finally paid off. The man who took me to the diner yesterday and promised me he’d make this right between us, the man who swore the wind might carry him away but he’d always come back—that man and the boy I loved are the same. When determination sets into those blue eyes, there is no stopping him.
That’s part of the reason it’s so easy to latch onto his promises.
Sucking in a deep breath, I raise my fist and aim it at the door but freeze when I hear a gruff voice from behind me.
“Well now, what do we have here?”
As thick and raspy as it might be there is also a hidden twang to the teasing sound of Deuce’s voice.
“Finally decided to take me up on the offer to play doctor?” he asks as I drop my hand to my side and spin around to meet the amusement decorating his face. He’s quite the character, a little charming and a whole lot amusing. The nights he guarded Wolf he flirted shamelessly with all the nurses and I’d put money on it that he even nabbed a quickie in the supply closet with the new girl the other day.
“My room is this way, darlin’.” He nudges his chin toward the room just left of the one I was standing in front of.
“Is it now?” I ask as I shuffle my weight onto one foot and tilt my head to study the cocky grin lifting at his lips. “And whose room might this one be?”
Twisting the brim of his baseball cap to the back of his head he arches a brow.
“You’re choosing him over me?” he teases. “You’re killin’ me, blondie,” he adds with a shake of his head. Pointing a long finger between us he frowns. “You and me, we could’ve been good together.”
Is that what I was doing? Was I choosing Cobra? Coming here didn’t seem like a choice, it seemed fated—almost as if I had to come here. I needed to be here like people need air. There was no choice, it was an order delivered from a higher power and my heart slammed down the gavel making it official.
Snapping out of my thoughts, I lift my eyes back to Deuce and smile at him.
“I bet,” I tease, pausing to look over my shoulder at the door behind me.
“Wolf will be devastated,” he points out.
“Actually…” I start, turning my attention back to the wild man standing in front of me. “He took it pretty well. I guess he decided he didn’t need a fourth wife. His plate is kind of full with the three he has.”
A chuckle rumbles through him and his tired eyes light up with amusement.
“I like you, blondie. So much I’ll forgive you for breakin’ my heart,” he states, flashing me a smile full of dimples. “You got any friends that might want to ride a stallion?”
It was my turn to laugh and to my surprise the light banter between Deuce and I eased the tension radiating off of me.
“Sorry, even if I did something tells me I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I matched her with you.”
He clutches his heart in mock disappointment.
“You wound me, blondie.” He pouts as he reaches into his pocket to produce a key.
“No disrespect,” I reassure. “I only mean it’s obviously going to take a special breed to tame the likes of you.”
He laughs, a full belly laugh and the exhaustion fades from his eyes as he brushes me aside and fits the key into the lock of Cobra’s room.
“Sure hope Cobra knows what to do with you, blondie…seems you need some taming too,” he croons, unlocking the door. “And the good Lord knows it’s going to take a beast to wrangle that one in there,” he warns, jutting his chin toward the handle.
“Thanks,” I mutter.
Winking at me, he turns on his heel and saunters to his room.
Drawing in a deep breath, I reach for the knob, twisting it until I open the door and step into dangerous terrain. Closing the door behind me I stagger into the darkness of the room, feeling along the walls as I walk further into Cobra’s territory. A waft of stale smoke assaults my senses as I glance around the small, dated room. My roaming gaze comes to a halt, landing on the man twisted in the sheets of the bed. Tucking my bottom lip between my teeth, a wave of longing washes over me as I stare at the corded muscles of his back and all the colorful tattoos that seem to take up every inch of his skin. So many colors, so much story in each piece. As I gravitate toward the bed the urge to trace every single one consumes me.
It’s not the promise of the man I’m hooked on.
It’s the man.
It’s this incredibly mysterious man that I used to know.
“I’m not dreaming,” he mumbles into the pillow, startling me.
My knees touch the edge of his bed as his thick, raspy voice blankets me and sends a shiver up my spine. It’s not new—that voice was there years ago too. It’s the voice of sex, of carnal pleasure and the promise of bliss. It’s predatory, feral and so damn tempting.
“No you’re not.” The words are a breathy whisper, a tone he’ll recognize. One that is as sinful as his.
We’re in trouble.
So much fucking trouble.
His head slowly rises from between the pillows and his eyes slice to me, squinting as if he’s witnessing a mirage.
“Feel you in my bones, Cel,” he explains huskily before dropping his face into his pillow.
“I’m sorry, Deuce let me in. I could go, maybe—”
He rolls over on his side, the sheets twist at his waist, leaving very little to the imagination as his eyes skate over me.
“Don’t know why you’re here, don’t care too much either, but thankful as fuck for whatever brought you here, gorgeous,” he says, a lazy smirk tipping his lips as he extends a hand. “Get over here,” he demands.
I should have been prepared.
I should have known that a higher force always has a plan for us.
I should have been stronger.
I should have known he’d hook me with a look and I’d crawl into bed with him.
I should have known old habits are hard to break.
I should have known old loves never die.
Chapter Twenty
I roll onto my side as the mattress dips and she crawls into my bed. Chewing mercilessly on her bottom lip she lays flat on her ba
ck and chances a glimpse at me through the corner of her eye. She looks as if she’s fighting some inner battle between her mind and the rest of her. Willing to be the guy that makes her mind and body surrender, I reach out and run my finger down her bare arm and watch through hooded eyes as chills run down her skin.
I fucking love that.
I love how responsive she is to my touch.
The exhaustion I was feeling since I left the hospital suddenly fades and my body awakens. Alive, wired with a need so palpable it’s frightening because now that she’s here with me I’m not letting her go. Not without branding her mine. I don’t know why she’s here or how she got here and I don’t give a fuck either. Resolving to take now and ask later, I slip a finger under the strap of her tank top.
“Looks like I’m not the only one who decided to come home,” I mutter, rolling on top of her.
Nudging her thighs apart, I slide between them and lift her hands over her head.
“I didn’t come here for this,” she croaks.
“Sure you did, gorgeous. You told yourself it was for different reasons, made it sound innocent and right in your head and then you believed the lie. You gathered your courage and came home.”
I dip my head, run the tip of my nose down the slope of hers and force her eyes to mine.
“Welcome home, Cel,” I rasp.
“Don’t,” she pleads. “Cobra—”
“Shit,” I hiss as I drop my mouth to her neck, drawing her skin deep into my mouth. Sucking harder than necessary but leaving my mark nonetheless—branding her, claiming her. She used to be mine. In another life she was the prettiest girl I just had to have. Now she was the woman I needed, the woman I needed the world to know was mine.
“Say it again,” I demand, flicking my tongue over the fresh brand.
Wanderer (The Nomad Series Book 2) Page 13
