Another dream shattered into a million pieces.
As if my life wasn’t fucked enough, destiny has brought me back to the life that was robbed from me. I’m now standing in front of the little girl and her mom. Her mom is the girl that I once thought of as my sister.
Crying, she stares at me like I’m a mirage.
Like I’m the answer to all her prayers and she’s the answer to mine.
But that isn’t the case.
We’re strangers.
I’m not the girl she remembers. Alexandria doesn’t exist anymore. She’s dead. She died the day a man stepped out of a black van and covered her mouth with his hand, blocking her screams as she was violently snatched from the streets she grew up on and thrown into the burning flames of hell.
The only person that knows me has his arms wrapped around a beautiful woman. I try not to look; I try not to remember how safe I felt in those arms once. But Stryker is the only familiar thing in this newfound hell, so I do it. I stare at him, wait for him to look back at me and offer me some kind of support. It doesn’t happen and why should it? I’m not like the girl he has now. I’m the girl everyone chews up and spits out. I’m a discarded piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe.
The forgotten girl.
Tearing my eyes away from him, I glance around the room at the men who took me and claimed they saved me. The man with the long hair, the one that shot Rush in the back of the head. The other one who ordered him to kill me but then told me I was property of Parrish—whatever that means. He will probably be the new man in my life, the one that throws me down and has his way with me whenever he needs to get off.
Closing my eyes, I lift my hands to my ears as they begin to speak.
How did you find Alexandria?
I hate that name.
Where’s Cobra?
Another stranger.
Should we take her to the hospital?
No fucking hospitals.
I open my eyes wide and shake my head forcefully. However, before I can scream no and demand they take me back to the clubhouse, the man who ordered to kill me drops his phone and sends the whole place into an uproar.
Orders are shouted.
Celeste screams.
The baby is taken by the pretty girl Stryker was holding, and I am dragged out the door. I kick and scream but everyone ignores me except for Celeste. Through her own hysterics, she tries to calm me down as we’re thrown into the back of a truck.
“Jagger’s in trouble,” she cries beside me.
Jagger.
My brother.
My other half.
I close my eyes as I claw at my skin and picture my brother’s face. Sometimes it’s hard to remember what he looked like, but the one thing that always comes to me is the grin he wore whenever he teased me about my overactive imagination. I also remember him calling me a dreamer, and if I try really hard, I can hear his voice.
For a moment, I let Alexandria surface and tears prick my eyes as I wonder about my brother and the man he is now. I turn to Celeste and watch as she cries, demanding answers from the two men sitting in the front seat. The reality of what they became hits me and it hits me hard.
They’re together.
They fell in love like I always knew they would.
They have a daughter.
That little girl is theirs.
The truck comes to an abrupt stop and everything plays before my eyes as it did in that cabin. The men in front of us jump out of the truck. I watch through the window as all the men that killed Rush and took me race down the pier.
Celeste gets out of the car and I watch her scream in horror. I’m no stranger to violence and I know the sound of gunfire like I know my drugs. It’s the sound that signals you to duck and hide for cover, yet none of these people are attempting to save themselves.
They’re charging into the chaos.
And before I realize it so am I.
Climbing out of the truck I follow Celeste as she runs toward the sound of the gunfire. I spot the men in leather, hear them shout at one another and struggle to look through the fog at who they’re running toward.
I hear him but I don’t see him.
The voice sends chills down my spine and I know without a doubt it’s my brother.
It’s Jagger.
“No,” he screams as he spreads his arms wide and drops to his knees.
Celeste screams too and the man with the long hair orders her to stand back. My chest constricts with pain as tears stream down my cheeks and I watch in terror as he’s shot repeatedly.
Born to the world as Alexandria Richardson; lost to hell.
I’ve survived only to bear witness to my brother’s death.
“Jagger,” I shriek.
But it’s too late.
For me.
And for him.
BOOM!
Chapter Forty-five
The first time she smiled at me I caught her off guard. She was sitting on my sister’s bed wearing a Punky Brewster t-shirt and drinking a can of Sprite. I was badgering Alexandria about leaving her hair shit in the bathroom sink when I turned and caught her staring at me. I winked at her and she gave me her smile.
I had no idea at the time that smile would mean so much to me or that I’d chase it for the rest of my life.
I had no idea it would be one of the last things I saw before I died.
I didn’t know chasing that smile would give me a daughter.
A beautiful little girl who I would love more than anything.
That smile gave me all the good things in my life. It gave me a chance to be someone I never thought I’d be. It allowed me to meet my daughter and give me a glimpse of a new life I’ll never get the chance to live.
It’s that smile that made life worth living for me.
That smile that kept me on this earth longer than I anticipated.
It’s that smile I’ll miss most.
Struggling to open my eyes, I hear the voices shout my name as the gunfire dies and the flames crackle behind me. Parts of my body feel as though they’re on fire while other parts feel ice cold. Lifting my hands from my chest, I stare at the blood on my fingers.
There is no list.
No name to cross out this time.
I’ve failed.
They finally caught me.
Resigning, I close my eyes and welcome death, knowing it’s an escape—one I don’t deserve.
In another life, I would have gotten it right. I would have been the man they needed. I would have saved my daughter. In this life, I’m the coward that gives up so he doesn’t have to look the woman he loves in the eyes and tell her he lost their little girl.
In this life, I leave Celeste one final time.
“Jagger,” she cries.
In this life, I’m the selfish bastard that forces his eyes open so he can get one last look at heaven.
She drops to her knees beside me and sobs over my body, begging me to stay with her, begging me not to leave her again. Like the last time, I give her the only thing I have left. I give her my words and hope they’re enough for her to one day forgive me of my sins.
“I’m sorry…” I rasp, my throat tight. “I…couldn’t…save—”
“She’s okay,” she interrupts, leaning down to touch my face. “She’s safe, baby. She’s home. Jack brought her home.”
Desperation.
It’s what we feel before we die.
The words we need to hear in order for us to rest easy.
I lift my trembling hand to her cheek, watch as my blood smears her creamy skin and memorize her face.
“Did you hear me? Skylar’s safe, it’s over, Jagger. There’s nothing left to fight except for your life so you can watch her grow up, so you can be there for her and this baby. Please. Please don’t leave me.”
“Smile,” I plead.
“Live and I’ll smile every day of my life,” she sobs, wrapping her hand around my wrist.
I wait for it.
> Plead for it.
But before she can give it to me I see my sister’s face.
She’s not the girl I remember but there’s no denying who she is.
It’s the eyes.
The eyes we share, the ones I passed down to Skylar.
They gaze into mine and welcome me home.
Once the wanderer.
I am now…
Gone.
Chapter Forty-six
Cobra died that day.
We lost him in the back of the ambulance in transit to the hospital. Luckily, the paramedics were able to bring him back, but for sixty-three seconds the love of my life died before my very eyes. I learned then that the only reason I survived the years we weren’t together was because he was still alive, wandering the world. I know I told myself he died when he left at eighteen but my heart never believed the lie. If it had my heart would have stopped beating.
Upon our arrival at the hospital they rushed Cobra straight into surgery. I’m a nurse. I knew the odds of surviving were not in his favor. He had two bullets lodged in his chest and one in his abdomen. The two in his chest had exit wounds but until he was in surgery the doctors wouldn’t be able to tell if those bullets hit any major arteries or organs. The other was stuck inside of him and would need to be removed. He had lost an extreme amount of blood as well and would also need a transfusion. To say surgery was risky would be the understatement of the year, but there was no other choice.
He’d die.
And that wasn’t an option for me.
He was in surgery for hours and every hour that passed was more grueling than the one before. I was exhausted, missing my baby and staring at Alexandria the whole fucking time. It didn’t help matters that she was closed off and I had no idea how to handle her. I suggested she get checked out and she tried to flee. After that I gave up, realizing it was going to be a long, grueling road to get Alexandria acclimated to life in the real world.
I had officially entered the twilight zone, a place where you recover your missing daughter, learn your best friend is alive, and watch the man you love almost die in a spray of bullets all in the same day.
If I didn’t have a nervous breakdown then, I wouldn’t ever have one…not in this life.
It was early morning when the surgeon came to update us on Cobra’s condition. He informed us he was able to remove the bullet and the other two had not caused any permanent damage. They removed his spleen and gave him a blood transfusion. They also informed us that the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours were critical.
I’m learning forty-eight hours is the cut off in extreme situations. The first forty-eight hours Skylar went missing was crucial to her case just like the forty-eight hours following Cobra’s surgery was crucial to his survival.
He was stable, and on the down low the doctor told me the prognosis was good. He said Cobra was lucky; he must have had an angel on his side. Instantly I thought of Alexandria—how strange is that? It didn’t matter that she was sitting beside me, my brain hadn’t processed that she was alive.
The next two days were impossible. If I could have split myself three ways I would have done it without question. Part of me would have never left my daughter’s side, another would have helped Alexandria adjust, and the last part would have sat vigil next to Cobra.
Like I said, impossible.
Thank God for my parents, Gina, and the club. They all pitched in and helped. My parents and Gina looked after Skylar and brought her to the hospital a couple of times to see me. Jack took Alexandria with him and promised to take care of her until we could figure everything out. The club took turns standing outside Cobra’s room. They made sure I ate, slept and when I needed a moment to myself they took my place next to Cobra.
Rick’s been here a lot too. He was the one that called Jack and told him that Cobra had gone rogue and was at the docks. If it wasn’t for him, Cobra would likely be dead. I don’t know the details of everything and I don’t want to either. I just want him to wake up. I want this all to be over so we can go back to living our lives.
Taking his hand in mine, I stare at his face, noticing how pale he is, how the ink that adorns his skin seems so vibrant at this particular moment. The ventilator pushes oxygen into his lungs, creating the only noise in the room and I start to lose it.
“Jagger, you need to wake up, baby,” I plead.
The machine sounds in response, angering me.
“Damn it, Cobra, I know you can hear me,” I rasp, squeezing his hand as someone knocks on the door. Lifting my head, I stare up at Deuce.
I haven’t seen him since before Cobra was brought into the hospital. The bruises on his face are still visible and by the way he clutches his ribs it’s safe to say he’s hurting.
“Blondie,” he greets.
Quickly, I drop Cobra’s hand and rise to my feet, stepping around the bed so I’m standing in front of Deuce, inspecting him.
“Don’t look at me like that, I’m fine,” he insists, pulling off his hat. He runs his hand over his head and glances at Cobra. “How’s he doing?”
“Thank you,” I blurt, forcing his eyes back to mine. I swallow down the lump in my throat and continue. “Thank you for making sure she was safe,” I murmur.
“I don’t deserve your gratitude, darlin’. If it wasn’t for me, then she would’ve never been kidnapped in the first place,” he says with regret as he reaches around and cups the back of his neck. He cringes at the slight movement and with his free hand he rubs at his sore ribs. “You want to thank someone, thank Jack for getting us out of there or thank Cobra’s sister,” he snarls. “Bitch is crazy as all hell, but she took care of Skylar.”
“Did she know who she was?”
“No,” he says with a shake of his head. “She didn’t know until Blackie didn’t pull the trigger on her. Rush had me tied up in a room that had a shit ton of articles and pictures of her, otherwise I wouldn’t have known either.”
He pauses assessing my features as he cocks his head and continues.
“It’s fucked up, Blondie,” he adds. “I don’t even think she realizes she’s been rescued. It’s been hell over at Jack’s, but the motherfucker won’t let me leave either. He’s afraid I’m going to pop a stitch or something. Anyway, she’s better off there than with you. Even if Cobra wasn’t in the hospital, I don’t think she should be around Skylar. Jack and Reina are watching her now. She’s better during the day than she is at night. The girl wakes up every night screaming, she’s all strung out looking for drugs and in her sick mind she thinks we’re holding her captive.” He shakes his head. “Crazy, fucking crazy.”
Tears prick my eyes as he describes Alexandria.
“I can’t imagine what she’s been through. Actually, that’s not true, I think both me and Cobra have an idea. When no one found her we thought the worst. Every nightmare we imagined was probably her reality.” I shake my head. “That could’ve been Skylar,” I cry, my voice cracking as the words fall off my tongue.
“But it’s not,” he says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “And it’s not Ally’s life anymore either. That don’t mean she will forget and everything will go back to normal. It’s going to take her a long time to heal and transition into life again. A life she owns herself.”
“Ally,” I repeat. “Is that what she wants to be called now?”
“Fuck if I know. I try not to talk to her too much. Girl’s cost me all sorts of trouble,” he hisses. “She’s been asking to see Cobra, so that’s a good sign. Jack’s dropping off Skylar here like he promised your pops he would so he’ll bring Ally with him.”
Looking over my shoulder, I stare at him lying helplessly in the bed. The image of him dropping to his knees as he spread his arms wide and sacrificed himself assaults my memory.
He’s suffered through so much, through losing his sister, both parents and then Skylar went missing. He thought he failed his daughter, mainly because I made him believe he did.
“Why don’t I go get you
something to eat? You look like you’re fading away,” Deuce comments.
“I’m fine,” I answer automatically.
“Who you lying to, Blondie? You ain’t fine. You’re as fucked as the rest of us and fit right in with all our chaos. Now, you got a little baby growing inside you that needs you well, so I’m going to go grab you a sandwich and you will eat it.”
“You know about the baby?”
“Told me right before we picked up Skylar that day. He swore me to secrecy, but fuck, Blondie, as long as I’ve known him I’ve never seen him happier.”
Staring at Cobra, my heart aches and I wish more than ever he’d open his eyes so I can bring him back to that happy place. Deuce places a hand on my shoulder.
“I’ll be back. I’ll get you some peanut M&M’s too,” he says as he offers me a wink. He looks back at his friend then turns and walks out of the room, leaving us alone with the sound of the oxygen obnoxiously pumping his breaths.
Sighing, I step beside him and carefully drop the rail on the bed so I can sit near him on the bed and not in the chair as I have been for the last few days. Suddenly, it's not enough. I need more. I need to feel him next to me. Cautious of the wires and his injuries, I slip into the small space beside him and lay my head next to his.
“I love you, Jagger,” I whisper into his ear. “I’ve loved you since I first saw you.”
Closing my eyes, I let the exhaustion settle over me as I reach for his hand and lace our fingers together.
He squeezes my hand and my eyes fly open.
He squeezes it again and I watch as his eyes slowly flutter open. Quickly, I push myself up and lean over him, staring into his blue eyes I give him what I know he needs.
I give him my smile.
“There’s my guy,” I whisper, pressing my lips to his forehead. He doesn’t respond because of the ventilator in his mouth. I push the call button as he tries to lift his hands. I push his hands back down. “Don’t. Wait for the doctor to come in and look at you.”
Confused and angry, he shakes his head and balls his hands into fists. I realize he doesn’t know what has happened and probably still thinks Skylar is missing. Instantly, I lift my hands to his cheeks as two nurses enter the room.
Wanderer (The Nomad Series Book 2) Page 31
