“I remember two weeks ago when you were promised to Douchebag Zach!”
“Yeah, well, somehow that almost seems better in hindsight. He might have been a douche, but at least he actually wanted me.”
“Jess, seriously, do you really think Evan didn’t, doesn’t want you?”
“Of course I think that. Why wouldn’t I?”
“He came to talk to you today, but you yelled at him and sent him on his way, Jess.”
“Seriously? He blamed me for misunderstanding things. He only texted because you told him to, and I overheard you and Asi talking before I got up and left to go get my Jeep. He wasn’t planning on sticking around. So, what good would talking to me about it do?” I punched my pillow, as I sat up. “You know me. I’ve never been one of those girls who goes out and falls in love with every guy who pays her a compliment. I’m the opposite of them. I had a guy hitting on me today, granted he was human, but he was at least nice to me. I wasn’t interested in the least. I don’t know what it was about Evan, but I really liked him. Call it chemistry, or fate, or wolf magic, I don’t know. But there was something there – for me anyway.”
“Maybe there is for him too, and he’s just trying to protect you from the mess his family is going to cause?”
“Really, because that’s a cowardly move.”
“What? How so?” Ashley actually sounded angry now, which just fueled my anger in turn.
“He marked me out of the blue, and I had to come home and face my family, my pack master, and my intended bond mate with his scent all over me. I had to do that alone, until he showed up. I stuck by it though. I stood with him in front of my pack, and allowed his claim on me to stand. I didn’t know how my father challenging Marcus was going to play out. Honestly, Marcus could have won, and I could have lost my father, and been punished, and shunned from the pack.” I had to tone down my voice, because I was getting a bit shrill and loud. “I did all those things, despite not knowing him that long, and then I stuck it out, and made sure we were taking the time to get to know one another and make sure it was going to work out. Hell, I was so caught up last night, I would have…” I sighed. “I guess that would have been one way to find out the feeling wasn’t really mutual, when the bond didn’t take. Maybe he saved me from that hurt by doing it this way.” I moved over further, toward the wall, and curled back up, lying face down on my stomach, with my face turned away from Ashley now.
“Jess, maybe you should try talking to him. I saw you two together. I don’t know what all happened today, but it has to be fixable.”
“Ash, I appreciate you coming all the way out here, but I’m tired. And I don’t want to think about it anymore.” I heard the front door open, and wondered who could be leaving this late at night.
“Just answer me one thing.”
“What?”
“If today hadn’t happened the way it did… if you had woken up next to Evan, or he had called you after he left, would you be ready to give up?”
“That’s just it, Ash, I didn’t have a chance to give anything up. It was decided for me. I wanted him.” I all but whispered the last four words. “He didn’t want me.”
Ashley rubbed her hand over my back a few times while she said, “I’m sorry, Jess.” She got up and left the room. I heard her walk down the stairs, speak quietly to someone, and then leave the house. I fell asleep again shortly after that.
Later that night, I felt the edge of my bed depress as someone sat down on it. I didn’t bother moving, or looking. I figured it was my mom or Ashley, and if I pretended to still be asleep, I might get away with not having to talk or cry anymore. So, I stayed still, and kept my breathing even. Before long whoever it was simply laid down beside me, and didn’t move much either. I started to drift off to sleep again until I felt an arm circle around my waist, and that was definitely not Ashley or my mother. It was a masculine arm, and I had a moment of panic flair up inside me, before I allowed my wolf to taste his power and tell me who it was.
“Evan?” I whispered as my wolf pushed closer to the surface.
“Shhh, it’s me. Don’t freak out.” Evan said hastily.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, keeping my voice down. I turned my body so that I was facing him instead of with my back to him. It was the first time since the car that I’d seen his face. He looked as bad as I felt. I wasn’t sure what that meant though.
“I’m sorry, Jess. You were right, earlier.”
“About?”
“When you said that you did all those things, knowing that you could lose everything, and I walked away at the first sign of trouble.” He sighed heavily. “It wasn’t me I was worried about though. It was you. I needed time to think things through, because I couldn’t drag you into my family’s crazy world and have you hurt by them. But I can’t do this. I can’t have you thinking that I never cared, or that it was all a game to me, Jess. I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. That connection you feel isn’t just one way. It’s here, inside me.” He held my hand up to his chest, to sit right over his heart when he said that. I was taken aback. Thrown for a loop would be an understatement.
“What are you doing here? In my bed?”
He let go and got up immediately, taking a seat in my desk chair instead. “I’m sorry, I just…” He was leaned over, elbows on his knees, and let his head dip down into his hands. He slid them back through his hair, which was hanging loose around his face tonight. “I’m sorry.”
“For what exactly?” I sat there, watching him with conflicted eyes. Part of me wanted to go climb into his lap, be close, and hold onto him. The other part wanted to throw things at him.
“Jess, I got scared.”
“Great. You got scared. Not like I wasn’t scared when I thought I might lose everything, because of you marking me, but I stuck by it. So, you saying you got scared just doesn’t cut it.”
“That’s just it, you don’t understand. I wasn’t afraid for me. I was, I still am afraid of what will happen to you. I’m not the only one. The talk your dad had with me, it wasn’t about anything that happened in here the other night, it was about my family. He wanted to know what would happen if they told us no to our bonding. What would happen to the Lesser girl who dared to fall for the Ancient? He had a lot of good points. My family, the Ancients, they’re all a bit more animal than human, Jess. They let their wolves lead, and that’s not always a good thing. And they are powerful. The Ancients could swoop in and swallow your pack whole, just because they’re in a bad mood.”
“I understand all that, but you didn’t even have the common courtesy to tell me. Not to my face, not over the phone, hell I didn’t even get a fuck off text from you. I got nothing. Hell, I got more compassion from some dude in my class whose name I can’t even remember.”
“It took everything I had not to rip that boy to shreds when I saw you with him.” I slid to the edge of the bed, and threw my legs over it.
“I don’t understand that. You are willing to toss me away like yesterday’s garbage, yet you say you were jealous.” My posture suddenly mirrored his, head in my hands, frustration seeping through my pores.
“Not like garbage, Jess. And I wasn’t willing to toss you away. I was willing to save you, even if it was at my expense.”
“It was most definitely at my expense.”
“Jess,” he moved forward so fast I almost didn’t see it happen. Evan was on his knees in front of me with my hands in his, calling out my name. “Jess, please, look at me.” I did. His black hair formed a frame around both sides of his face as those deep cobalt eyes penetrated right into my soul. “I’m sorry. I was wrong, and I can’t do it. I can’t walk away from you.” He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around me, and snuggling his head into my lap. “Please, forgive me for being stupid, and let’s go back to getting to know one another.”
“And what about when your family comes?”
“We’ll deal with it then. If we need to run, we will.”
&nb
sp; “Right now, I just want to sleep.” I had never been so tired in all my life, and a quick glance at the clock on my desk said it was three in the morning. Evan scooted me backwards on the bed, and climbed in right beside me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about everything, but there was a part of me that just wanted the comfort of being curled up with him. So, that’s what I did. I curled up with him behind me, and fell asleep like that.
THE WHITE
“Jess, we need to get you to class today.” Ashley was saying as she burst through my bedroom door. I looked up at her, and when she realized I wasn’t alone in the bed, a surprised, “oh,” escaped her lips. That’s when Evan threw his pillow at her.
“She’ll be down in a few minutes.”
“Right,” Ashley turned and left the room, shutting the door behind her. I hid the smile that was on my face, because I didn’t want him to know he amused me. I was still angry about how completely stupid he had been. I wasn’t the type to forgive easily, and Evan had hurt me yesterday, even if he thought he had good reason to do it. I started to slide to the bottom of the bed, so I wouldn’t have to crawl over him to go get some clean clothes.
Evan reached out and caught me, pulling me back to him. “We need to talk, Jess.”
“Fine, but it’s going to have to be later. I didn’t set an alarm. I have literally 15 minutes to get dressed and get my ass out that door or I will end up late for class. Professor Tanner will lock me out.”
“Okay, when are you done with classes today?”
“I’ll be done around three.”
Evan let go of me so that I could get up and grab some clothes. “Can you meet me at the club afterwards? I have some things to finish up there before we reopen, but I should have it all under control by then.”
“Yeah, I will swing by around 5ish.”
His eyebrow crooked up in question, probably wondering what the delay was, but if I wasn’t getting a shower right now, I was definitely going to grab one before I went to see him. I grabbed a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and slipped out to the bathroom.
Ten minutes later I was dressed, teeth brushed, hair sort of taken care of, and heading down the stairs. I had only been mildly disappointed when Evan wasn’t in my room still when I was done, but I figured he had to get his day started too, and we had plans to talk later.
“So,” Ashley said as I hit the bottom step, “you want to tell me what that was all about?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, last night, you had a hate-on for Evan, and today I find him curled up with you in your bed.”
“We were fully clothed.” I said, as if that was as defense for something. “I don’t know, Ash. We’re going to talk later. I don’t like what he did, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t worry me a little about what kind of future I could have with him, if he’s so willing to just drop me like that the first time he’s afraid of something.”
“He wasn’t just afraid of something though, Jess. He was afraid for you.”
“We need to get to class, can we have this talk on the way?” She smiled at me, and started heading for the front door. “Did you sleep here last night too?”
“No, we stayed at Jack’s place last night.” I didn’t have to ask who the “we” in her statement was.
“How did he react to you and Asriel showing up together?”
“There was a small scuffle, and then they made up. I think all’s good now.”
“Small scuffle?” When we got outside Asi was there on the porch, speaking in hushed tones with Evan. I thought he had already left, so I was a little surprised to see them both there. Asi had a ?black eye. I snickered when he looked my way, and he shot me a dirty look. “Black and blue looks good on you!”
“Yeah, well puffy hot mess looks fantastic on you.” He got me right in the gut on that one. My hand immediately flew up to my face, as I turned to go get in my Jeep.
“Damn it,” I mumbled under my breath.
“You don’t look bad, Jess. He’s just trying to get you back.” Asi came over and gave Ashley a hug, and a lingering kiss goodbye. “You’re going to be in trouble for that later, mister.” She threatened, but it didn’t really sound like she meant it in a way that he would mind. That was somewhat annoying. Evan didn’t bother to come over, he waved to me as he got in the car, and I turned to start the Jeep.
“Okay, you two need to break it up, we have to go or I will be late.” Ashley got in, and we took off for town.
“So…”
“So, what?” I asked.
“Are you going to tell me what happened after I left last night?”
“Yeah, I fell asleep, and I woke up to a man’s arms wrapped around me.”
“You’re kidding? He just climbed in bed with you, and didn’t say a word?”
“Yeah, then he apologized, and tried to explain himself.” I sighed. “I was just too tired to hash it all out last night, so he curled up with me and we fell asleep. There’s really nothing to tell.”
“Well, that’s a start. Jess, he cares about you. Asi admitted that much to me. He said that he’s never seen Evan care for someone before like he does for you. So, keep that in mind when you have your talk later.”
“Yeah, okay. So, Asi’s eye…” I smiled. “Good for Jack.”
“That’s just mean.”
“Aw, come on, he deserved it a little bit.”
“Yeah, he probably did. So, what do you think is going to happen when you talk to Evan later? I mean, you didn’t turn him away when he came back last night, so that’s something, right?”
“I’m conflicted, Ash. If it weren’t for yesterday… I was falling so hard for him. He’s been a gentleman with me. He’s fun, and oh God is he sexy! He’s intelligent, when I talked to him about what I wanted to study psychology for, he actually understood, and thought it was a good idea. He holds me, and I feel like I am literally the only woman on the planet, and that he’s there to protect me. He kisses me, and I just melt from the inside out.”
“But?”
“But, then yesterday happened. How can he be there to protect me, and make me feel safe and secure if his reaction at the first sign of trouble was to run away from me instead. Even if he thought he was keeping me from being hurt, he turned out to be the one hurting me.”
“Aw, Jess, I wish I had advice to make it all better. It doesn’t help that this is the first real relationship you were ever in. A part of me wishes you’d taken my advice a couple years ago and just dated a few people here and there. I know it’s not the way your pack does things, but Asi was telling me the other day that other Lesser packs actually allow it, more as a rite of passage before bonding type thing.”
“Yeah, well, I never really was interested in anyone though. I didn’t even like the guys in my pack. Maybe, I’m just weird. I mean, I am the one wolf who has to stay hidden from the others because I don’t look right, remember?” I shook my head, as I drove us into the parking lot behind the school’s theater. “We’ll talk later, okay? I need to run by your place after class and grab a shower and change, is that okay?”
Ashley gave me a knowing smile. “You know it’s always okay, and Jess..”
“Yeah?”
“There must still be hope if you want to clean up and smell good!” I laughed as she gave me a suggestive look and then we went our separate ways.
I was rounding the corner down the hallway where my class was, completely lost in thought, when someone put their arm out in my way to stop me. I looked up to see Zach standing there. I had two minutes to get through the doors before my professor shut them. I tried shoving past him. “You aren’t supposed to be around me.”
“Actually I was told to stay clear of you when you are on pack lands. They said nothing about seeing you out in town.” As I tried to shove past Zach again, he put his whole body in front of me. “I just want a quick conversation, Jess.”
“I don’t have time for a quick conversation, my professor is going to lock me out if
I’m late.”
“This psychology thing is dumb anyway, our kind don’t need their heads shrunk.” The clank of the door behind Zach told me I was too late.
“AGghhh! Seriously, you’re an asshole! I only get one day to miss in that class. ONE! And you just wasted it.”
“Good, that means you have time to talk now.” He tried to put his arm around my hips, and turn me in the opposite direction, but I stood firm.
“Get your hands off of me, Zach.” I let my power roll out just a little with my words.
“Fine!” He said, holding his hands up in the air, “but I don’t think the teachers around here are going to like us having a conversation out in the hallway, especially since you like to get all loud and passionate when you think you’re right.”
I threw the most hateful glare I could muster his way, and stalked off to the fountain in the quad. I didn’t say a word until we got there, but I definitely knew I wasn’t going anywhere with him that wasn’t completely in the public eye. “Here we are, a place to talk.”
“I was hoping for a more intimate setting, Jess.”
“That’s just too damn bad. And you know, you may not be breaking the rule about coming around me, but you aren’t supposed to be off pack lands either.”
“Come on Jess, like you never broke a rule! Give me a break.”
“Whatever, what did you want, Zach?”
“I heard you and your Ancient friend are on the outs. I wanted to tell you there weren’t any hard feelings and I’m here for you if you changed your mind.”
“If I changed my mind?”
“Yeah, even though you humiliated me in front of the entire pack, I am willing to take you back, Jess.” I was flabbergasted. My jaw quite literally fell as far as it was possible, and I just stared, open mouthed at Zach. “I just figured… look, we can tell everyone how he bowled you over with all that power the Ancients have, and made you think you were in love with him. I mean, everyone is pretty much saying that’s what had to have happened anyway. You’ve never really cared about guys before, aside from me, a little bit.”
Shadows of the Ancients Page 15
