by Layla Arts
I tried to apply my makeup, but in some sort of way it didn’t work out tonight. I groaned mutedly, when I placed the brush down, out of vexation. I tried to get more relaxed by drinking the tea I had ordered previously. I stared into the mirror only to be met with a pair of eyes that made things better when everything wasn’t going smoothly.
“Moody?” Marcel asked me.
“A little bit,” I informed him. “I just don’t want to mess up tonight,” I added annoyingly.
He grabbed a chair from somewhere out the dressing room, shoved it next to me, and he took some eye-shadow on a brush. “What are you going to do?” I asked him before he was going to paint my face as if I was a canvas.
“I am going to create art, darling,” Marcel said. “I am a professional, Vicky,” he assured me. His hand lifted my face up, and I closed my eyes. The dressing room was getting emptier after a while. Everyone was going quickly to the toilet before they went on.
“I have seen you happy so many times,” Marcel spoke. “But today someone is pouting astonishingly bad, and that person might be you.” A heavy inhalation left my mouth as he spoke those words. He placed the brush for the eyeshadow away, and I opened my eyes at him. “Tell me what is going on in that head of yours,” he instructed me chivalrously.
“Like a 40-year-old man wants to know about my issues.” I huffed serenely.
“Yes, I do,” Marcel told me. I locked eyes with him, and he gave me a sweet grin. “First drink your tea. Otherwise, I cannot do your lips.”
I brought my mug to my lips, and I drank the tea. Marcel placed his glasses on his head, and he leaned back while he instructed Renee to do her makeup more appropriate.
“Renee, please don’t add your makeup like a three-year-old,” he remarked.
“Marcel, don’t try me.”
“Honey, that is impossible. I am gay, I wouldn’t even try something on you.” Marcel said.
When I placed the mug away, Marcel had my full attention again. I needed to make a ponytail so that my hair wouldn’t stick in the lipgloss he was going to add.
It was a pleasure to have Marcel as our makeup artist. He played a huge part in the Empire, and it was amazing that he had a great personality as well.
“Since you have this pout on your face for the whole day, I want to know what is going on. I may be a makeup artist, but trust me, I am a brilliant therapist as well,” he told me and shot a wink.
I was picking at my nails nervously before I opened up. “It’s just, that, this guy I care about is not feeling so well. But I don’t know how he is feeling right now,” I muttered. “I don’t want to spam him with messages asking how he is doing, but he can just give me an update on his health, right?” I questioned Marcel in half a shake.
“I totally agree with the part that you are not going to text him, but maybe if it is eating you alive, you should? I understand that you may come across as needy and curious, but it is better than doing nothing,” he said to me. “Just send a quick message. It doesn’t have to be five hundred pages long.”
“So I just should, like, message him quickly?” I asked for assurance.
“Without a doubt,” Marcel advised me.
I couldn’t say ‘thank you’ since Marcel got interrupted by Renee who managed to ruin her makeup, again. It was a pretty funny sight to see Renee like this. She could do her hair and dress herself perfectly, but she practically sucked at doing her own makeup for the show.
Vicky: “Is everything okay?”
It didn’t take long before everyone was settled. We were walking backstage, and the music started to play fast. The high spirits that were inside of me while I danced were unbearable. I had missed the stage so much. Sure I had trained a few times, but standing here in front of a lot of strangers was definitely my favorite thing to do.
While we did a jazz song, I tried to focus on the audience. I couldn’t help but try to search for Hadrian. However, he was nowhere to be found. I did hate the fact that I hadn’t seen him. That I hadn’t received a small pep talk from him. In some way, he was the person I wanted to have it from. Red was a great friend, and she always made me happy. But we all have this particular person that could make everything way better.
And he was my person.
I accepted the fact that he wasn’t in the audience, hadn’t texted me back nor was somewhere to be found. It did make me more worried about his current state. Maybe the doctor told him that he couldn’t leave the hospital. But I couldn’t say a thing about it, because I was clueless. I had no idea where he was, and what he was actually doing right now.
The show was over before I even had the feeling it just started. But I was okay with it. Red and I walked off the stage, because we were sooner done than Carmen, Jess, and Lilly. I was packing my bag, and I got a kiss on my cheek from Marcel. He told me I had done an incredible job even after my state. Reminding myself of the text I had sent Hadrian, I still hadn’t received one back.
“Girls!” I heard Renee yell through the dressing room. “Mr. Smith is here.” She beamed. Everyone’s head snapped to Hadrian who was standing there.
Hadrian stood in the door opening, and I looked at him like a shot. He was wearing one of his high-ticket suits, and it was the finest thing he could sometimes wear. It made him look so stunning, and it truly suited him too. Hadrian could pull everything off without looking anguished.
But when I gave him a mannerly smile, it looked like he wanted to abstain from it, so he looked away.
“You girls have done an implausible job, and I want to celebrate it with a party at my house,” Hadrian told us, but without any trace of cheerfulness. “I’ve already arranged for a massive Hummer-limo outside, so we are ready to go.” He added monotonously.
While everyone was excited about the party, I was inaudibly looking over at Hadrian. The girls were so in for a party at Hadrian’s house this evening that they didn’t even catch sight of me being so absent in their emotional state.
After a few seconds, Hadrian locked eyes with me, and I couldn’t read his facial display. Was he barmy over something? Had their happened a conflict between us that I hadn’t noticed?
“Are you okay?” I heard Red questioning me kindly, and she was standing by my side.
“I am, but he isn’t,” I told Red while pointing unnoticed at Hadrian.
Hadrian closed his jacket with one hand, and he adjusted his red tie. He licked his lips habitually when he stared down at his watch. When his head shot up, he saw me still looking bewilderingly at him. But that didn’t amend something in his features.
My jaw got clenched powerfully when I saw Carmen walking over to Hadrian. But she didn’t just casually walk; it was clear she tried to show her best abilities to come across as hundred percent attractive.
Her hand came in contact with his chest. I didn’t understand why and how, but out of nowhere he started to roll with laughter with her. His eyes were squeezed shut because he needed to chuckle so loudly. I hadn’t detected what she had told him, neither what he said back. But there was a feeling, in the pit of my stomach that was close to jealousy. She got to make him laugh, and I didn’t.
Carmen was the oldest of us, twenty-nine, and she had blonde hair. You couldn’t really notice that she was the oldest, since she looked twenty-five. But she liked to wear clothes that made her boobs go all the way up. I completely accepted that some women wanted to show their body parts, but how Carmen was doing it made me almost vomit in disgust.
I got back to reality when Red nudged. She knew I had drifted away from my thoughts, and it was the right thing she had done. Carmen whispered something in Hadrian’s ear, and he nodded instantly. I kept staring at the two of them. Carmen started to walk to her spot, and she grabbed her belongings and coat quickly. I saw her heading back to Hadrian in excitement.
“I remember that you promised to be at the next party at Hadrian’s house, but if you don’t want to go th—”
“I need to go, Red,” I cut her off. “In some
way, I don’t trust this,” I added with a hint of sadness.
Maybe I was overthinking everything. I couldn’t help but let a part of Hadrian’s past slip inside of my head. Yet, I couldn’t conclude things out of nowhere when I had no idea what was going on in their heads.
“Grab your stuff,” she instructed me.
I knew that almost everyone was ready to go to Hadrian’s residence. I kind of hated the feeling that so many people would abruptly show up at his house. It was something natural what most people did when they found someone they intensively liked. They claimed almost everything they had. I felt like I had claimed him, and the spot to be alone with him at his house. Just the new feeling that there were so many people roaming through his house wasn’t soothing me.
As I grabbed my coat and followed the group of girls, I was happy to have Red next to me. She linked her arm with mine while we got outside. When we were all outside, we were confronted with the huge vehicle being parked in front of us. Some of the dancers were jumping around like teenagers. They were so excited to get into the car so they could party at Hadrian’s house.
I wasn’t even amused when I saw Carmen walking past me with Jess. They were both smiling like dorks, and then Carmen hushed Jess. She said something to her when she was finally silent, and since everyone was already inside the Hummer, I was able to eavesdrop easily.
“What is going on, Carmen?” Jess questioned her partner in crime.
“I like them young,” Carmen said, and Jess giggled softly.
My heart sunk when I heard her words. Hadrian was twenty-six, she was twenty-nine. I didn't know how I could feel suddenly a bit miserable. Maybe it was the fact that Hadrian didn't even pay some attention to me. From being completely sticky for the past weeks, he was outstandingly distancing out of nowhere.
Carmen told Jess that they would meet at Hadrian's house. I didn't understand why first, but it became all clear to me when I saw Hadrian coming closer with his familiar Bentley. He stopped next to Carmen, and she got inside of his car. I swallowed the lump that had developed in my throat. Carmen was making herself comfortable in the passenger seat, and I saw that Hadrian helped her with buckling her seat-belt.
He hovered over her, and it didn't go past me that Carmen pushed her breast closer to Hadrian's head. But, luckily, he was gone before she could almost smash them into his face. His hair was messy, and he had flushed cheeks. Carmen went with her hand to his head, and she pushed his locks away. Hadrian was surprised first, but then he accepted that she had done his hair.
Hadrian adjusted the rear-view mirror, and he pressed on the pedal. I saw the Bentley driving past me fast.
“Are you coming, Vicks?” Red asked me nicely from the Hummer.
“Yes, I am coming,” I muttered softly, and I got into the car with repugnance
There was a big party going on inside the Hummer. The girls were already busy with getting themselves mortal before their arrival at Hadrian's house. It was quite sad to see how much beverage they would throw inside of their mouths. It seemed like they thought that a successful party was only happening whenever you were under the influence of alcohol.
Everyone got out of the Hummer Hadrian had rented. One of them was holding her bottle with alcohol when we got out of the vehicle. I instantly noticed that there were more people gathered at Hadrian's house.
It wasn't a surprise to see Hadrian's Bentley already parked in the garage. But when I walked to the front door, I saw him shutting the garage door. He didn't see me, or he just didn't want to say hi.
Something was going on, and there was no way I could put my finger on it.
“Red,” I said, and she immediately joined my side. “He is doing that, again. The thing where he looks completely untouchable, like he is the owner of the world.”
Red turned to me. “I don't want you to have a sad evening, Vicks. I don't have an idea what is going on right now with Hadrian, but he doesn't seem his usual self. Maybe you should just ask him what is going on?” She encouraged me, but my mind was definitely telling me it wasn't a smart idea at all.
“Impossible,” I pointed out. “If I could talk to him that easily, he wouldn't ignore me like a freaking wall,” I added truthfully. “His behavior is odd, Red. And what Carmen said made me even get more frustrated,” I growled.
As everyone was already inside, Red and I were outside discussing the situation. I had my arms crossed over my chest, and I paced back and forth on his porch. I was so close to leaving his house and drive to my apartment, when in fact I wanted to keep an eye on him.
“What did Carmen say?” she asked me in confusion.
“She said she liked the guys young,” I spoke. “She is twenty-nine, Hadrian is twenty-six. It's freaking obvious she is willing to shag Hadrian. I can't even comprehend how I should feel. I want to throw up in her face, I'm so disgusted right now. Just the thought of Carmen makes me sick in general. It's all messed up since she doesn't know Hadrian and I are dating each other.”
Red held me by my shoulders, making sure I was steady again. I hadn't noticed that my heart was racing so quickly, and that I was insanely nervous for whatsoever was happening. I wanted to know how Carmen and Hadrian were behaving towards each other inside the house. I wanted to see every aspect of these two right now, because it felt like I needed to know how Hadrian viewed her and how she saw Hadrian.
But Red made it all clear to me in eight words why I shouldn't be in panic right now.
“News flash, Vicks. You two aren't dating,” Red told me while she stared sprightly into my eyes.
There wasn't an argument shared. I just simply nodded in understanding.
I couldn't claim him, and neither could he fully claim me. We still weren't official even after months of spending time together and celebrating Christmas in New York City. And I wondered what it would take for both of us to come to the point where we could really call ourselves partners.
“You know what,” I muttered. “I think I should head home.”
“No,” Red protested. “You're going to come home with me. I'm not letting you go this miserable. I've got some hot chocolate milk and good movies or books whatever you please. I don't want to see sad Vicky; I need a happy one.”
***
“I can't fucking stand the idea that I don't have whipped cream in my house,” Red said while she looked through the cabins. “I definitely have to make a list of the groceries I really need and stop buying complete nonsense.”
She never failed to make me laugh.
“It's okay, Red,” I assured her. “I'm thankful you even want to make time for me.” I was wearing Red’s clothes, and I was laying on the couch with a blanket over me. It was late – probably around three a.m. – and here we were, two people drinking hot chocolate milk and one person panicking over whipped cream.
“Of course I'm making time for you, dumbass. It would be stupid if I didn't,” Red pointed out honestly. She took her cup and sat down next to me. It didn't take long before she claimed the blankets. “I'm not here to tell you it's going to be okay, because this man is unpredictable. Since day one, I don’t even understand why he wears ripped jeans.”
“So?”
“I want you to be prepared for whatever can happen,” Red said, and her tone was serious. “I've been in several positions where I completely wanted to smash my fist into someone's face.” She added. “One time, we had a discussion about him and you. I've pointed it out once, you both can be fucked up people, but I'm certain he is way more fucked up than you.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because, otherwise, he wouldn't go all mysterious,” Red said. “He doesn't answer your text neither does he even say hi to you. He is the guy – if I'm thinking about all the stories you've told about him – who wants to be with you all day. He is fond of you and wants to kiss your lips for as long as he can. And then suddenly, he doesn't say a freaking thing.”
I wrapped pieces of hair around my fingers as I listened to h
er.
“I'm not saying someone can't be allowed to be distant because sometimes we need to have a few miles apart from the other ones. I just don't feel so sure about what his intentions or thoughts are,” she explained to me in a decent tone. “I'm not trying to pull you guys apart; I'm trying to give advice like a best friend does.”
I brought the warm drink towards my mouth and started to drink it. Red pushed herself up, changing from her position and adjusted her gaze on me. I only listened to the words Red had to say, which were mostly true. She wasn't about telling some fairy tales and assuring me that every romantic connection between two people would always consider of happiness.
She stayed realistic, and how I needed to change my perspective.
“Could he – you know – fancy Carmen?”
“Fancy in a love and likeable way? No. In a sexual way? Yes.”
“I can't describe what I'm feeling now.”
“You are hurt?” Red asked me normally. She scooted closer, and I nodded in confirmation. “It's not a bad thing, Vicks. He has your heart, so that is understandable. The only thing you shouldn't do is think about all the consequences. So tomorrow morning he is working, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then go to the Empire and talk; confront him face to face. If things need to work out between the two of you, make sure there is communication. And don't forget to freaking ask him if he is going to pop the question to be his girlfriend, because I'm not the only one who is hating not to see you two officially together.”
***
I had spent the majority of the day at Red's house. My lack of sleep was noticeable by the bags under my eyes. I didn't even come across as a person who was awake. But I was home right now, making sure the washing machine was doing its job when I would be out of my apartment for a while to see Hadrian.
I had called this morning to the Empire and questioned about Hadrian's arrival. I talked to Judy, who has been very kind to me since the beginning, and she said she knew that Hadrian would definitely be here at three p.m.
I had everything I needed to bring with me to the club. I got to my car and had a hard time to get out of the busy traffic. I didn't know why but I felt nervous. My heart was racing, and I knew Hadrian was the cause of it. It felt like we hadn't seen each other in three weeks, and that we were finally going to discuss the situation between the two of us.
