by L. A. Witt
“Like what?” I knew the answer. I wanted him to say it.
He took a breath. “Like something Jake would do.”
“Nathan, you should know by now-”
“I know, I know,” he said. “And you’re absolutely right. I’m just, you know, after everything I-we-went through with him, it’s hard to trust-” He paused. “Anyone.”
Anyone, or me? But I didn’t go there. “I understand. He did a number on me, too, but we have to make this about us and now, not him and then.”
He looked away for a moment before again meeting my eyes. “You know where I’m coming from, though, right?”
I nodded. “Even still, if we’re going to make this work, it has to be about us, or nothing at all.” I ran my fingers through his hair, just needing to touch him, as if I needed something more tangible than sight to assure me he was really here. “If it has anything to do with him, then it’s going to blow up in our faces sooner or later.” Nerves twisted my gut into knots. I felt like I was giving him an ultimatum and in a way, I was. We can’t exist without trust. Trust me, or walk away.
Watching him silently, I swallowed hard. He was quiet for a moment, his expression turning to one of intense concentration. Please don’t walk away, Nathan. I wanted to hate myself for that unspoken plea, for the nervousness that bordered on panic. This isn’t supposed to be permanent. I shouldn’t be so afraid of losing you.
When he finally spoke, he whispered, “You’re absolutely right.” He rested his hand on my shoulder, his thumb moving back and forth on my arm, his touch giving me permission to release my breath. He went on, “It’s easier said than done, of course, and it’ll take time, but you’re absolutely right.”
Before I could say anything, he leaned in and kissed me lightly. Even after he broke the brief, gentle kiss, it resonated through my nerves.
We still exist.
With the storm over and the anger quieted, adrenaline gave way to relief and before long, fatigue settled in. It was well past one in the morning, and I suddenly felt like I hadn’t slept for days.
Nathan hit the light, but as he drifted off to sleep beside me, something tightened in my chest and kept me awake. Something wasn’t right about the way things went down tonight.
This was supposed to be a fling. A rebound thing, nothing serious. But if this was just a fling, would we have fought that hard and made up just as hard?
I’d had casual relationships before, and I never fought with them. If we disagreed that much, we just went our separate ways. It wasn’t worth it. The only time fighting was worth it was when there was anything to gain-or keep-by fighting.
And if the way we’d fought and made up tonight was any indication, we both knew we had something to gain by staying.
Or something to lose by leaving.
Neither of us had had to stay. The door had been there the whole time, unlocked, unopened and unnoticed on the opposite side of the room. I could have left, but I didn’t. He could have kicked me out, but he didn’t.
What we were doing shouldn’t have been worth fighting for like that. Yet we’d fought. We’d made up. The conflict was over, but we weren’t.
Nathan stirred in his sleep and draped his arm over my waist. His skin was warm against mine, his presence beside me reassuring. His breath drifted across the side of my neck and I exhaled, my entire body finally relaxing.
I shouldn’t want you this much, but thank God you’re still here.
Chapter Twenty-four
I was knee-deep in invoices and receipts when Dylan leaned in through the office door.
“Hey, Zach, you’ve got someone here asking for you.”
“Can you take care of it?” I gestured at the papers in front of me. “I’ve got to finish this today.”
“It’s your ex.”
I couldn’t help but groan. “Oh, fuck, what does he want?”
“Don’t know, didn’t ask,” Dylan said, shaking his head. “I was afraid he’d tell me and, quite frankly, I don’t want to know.”
I rolled my eyes and stood. “That makes two of us.” In any other situation, I’d have replied with something witty and sarcastic, but just knowing Jake was in the same building eroded my sense of humor.
“He’s in the lobby,” Dylan said as I walked past him.
Good, then the police won’t have any trouble finding his body. “Thanks.” I took a few deep breaths along the way, willing myself to stay calm. The least I could do was wait to get angry until he opened his mouth.
I’d been able to face him last time without getting too angry because he’d caught me off guard. I hadn’t expected him, so I’d had no opportunity to get myself worked up. That, and I hadn’t yet realized just how much he’d damaged Nathan’s trust. Specifically, his ability to trust me.
When I turned into the lobby, all of my efforts to calm down went by the wayside.
“Zach,” he said, extending a hand to shake mine.
Had it not been for the customers and employees milling around the lobby, I’d have stood my ground and given him an earful. But out here, I had to maintain some semblance of professionalism, so I forced a smile and shook his hand.
“Jake,” I said. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” He balked slightly, and I knew my sarcasm had found its mark.
“I just wanted to talk to you,” he said.
“Well…” I gestured toward myself. “Here I am. Talk.”
He blinked, obviously not expecting quite such an icy, hostile reception. His eyes darted around the lobby and he lowered his voice. “Maybe not here, though.”
“You came here to talk,” I said. “So let’s talk here.”
“I mean, maybe someplace a bit more private.”
The last thing I wanted to do was accommodate this and play along with his little game, but, in spite of his surprise at my attitude, Jake had the upper hand, and he knew it. We were on my turf, surrounded by people who either worked for me or bought from me. He had nothing to lose by making a scene, and it wasn’t below him to do just that.
I let out an exasperated breath. Dylan was in the office, but the projector room was probably unoccupied.
“Come on,” I muttered, and led him upstairs to the projector room. The next films weren’t showing until later that evening, but Max and Dean milled around in the room. As soon as I walked in, they both jumped, scrambling to look busy now that the boss was there.
“Out,” I said, gesturing toward the door. I immediately regretted speaking so sharply to them, and promised myself I’d apologize for it later, but this bullshit with Jake needed to be dealt with now.
They didn’t hesitate, quickly vacating the room and leaving the two of us alone to sort this out. I turned to Jake.
“Look,” I said through clenched teeth, keeping my voice as low as possible. “Whatever it is you came to say, fucking say it. I don’t have time for this. I have a goddamned business to run.”
He put his hands up defensively. “I won’t keep you. I just want to talk.”
I took a deep breath to keep myself calm. “Fine. Talk.”
Jake grabbed a chair and straddled it, resting his forearms across the back of it. Oh, do make yourself at home, jackass. He fiddled with his phone for a second, then looked up at me, a smug grin tugging at the corner of his mouth and pulling really hard at my waning patience. “I just wanted to talk.”
I leaned against the window, gripping the sill to keep myself from throttling him just for showing up. Through my teeth, I said, “Come on. Out with it.”
His eyes flicked toward the screen on his phone before looking back up at me, then back to the screen. His thumb moved quickly across the keypad, probably composing a text message to God only knew who. It struck me that he’d always hated texts and voicemails, but seemed rather enthralled with it now. I wondered who had finally brought him into the twenty-first century, but didn’t care enough to ask. I was, however, annoyed that he was texting someone while he was talking to me.
“Yo
u wanted to talk to me or someone else?” I asked.
He looked up, his cheeks coloring slightly. “Sorry,” he said. “I do want to talk to you.”
“Then quit stalling and get on with it.”
His phone vibrated, but he kept his attention on me. “Are you still seeing Nathan?”
“Not that it’s any business of yours, but-”
“You ought to be careful with him, Zach,” he said, gaze darting to his phone again.
“Careful?” I snorted. “This coming from you?”
He shrugged, probably unaware how much his flippancy made me want to smack him. “I’m just giving you a heads-up, that’s all.”
I tapped my fingers on the windowsill, wondering if I should humor him or just throw him out. Finally, I said, “Fine. Why should I be careful of him?”
Another shrug. Another text message occupying his focus.
Count to ten. Count to ten. Count to-fuck it, I’m going to kill him. “Jake-”
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I laughed aloud. “Oh, that’s priceless coming from you. Truly priceless.”
“Look, you don’t have to believe me, but I think I know him a wee bit better than you do.”
“Oh, really? And since when are you concerned with whether or not someone hurts me?” I shook my head. “What exactly do you think he’s going to do? Cheat on me?”
“Exactly.” His thumb stopped on the keypad, and he leaned on the back of the chair again, letting the phone rest in a loose fist. “You both want to play the moral-superiority card because I cheated on the two of you, but you’ve never given me a chance to tell you the rest of the story.”
“The rest of the story?” I didn’t even try to mask my sarcasm. “Let me guess. He cheated on you all along, had so many boyfriends you couldn’t count, and you came running to me either out of revenge or a need to find love when he was finding it elsewhere.”
His lips pulled into a thin line and he dropped his gaze. The LCD on his phone lit up, illuminating the back of the chair and the side of his hand, but he only gave it a quick glance before looking back at me. “Laugh all you want,” he said quietly. Pitifully. “It happened, whether you believe it or not.”
“Jesus Christ, Jake.” I let my head fall back against the window, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths as I tried to compose myself. “Do you really-” When I opened my eyes, he was fiddling with his phone again, and my chest tightened with anger.
“Okay, look, if we’re going to talk, let’s talk,” I growled. “If you’ve got other things you need to take care of-” I gestured toward his ever-present phone. “Don’t let me stop you.”
“Right, right, sorry.” He shoved the phone in his pocket and put his hands up defensively. “There, it’s gone. Let’s talk.”
“Give me one good reason to believe you,” I said. “That he cheated on you.”
“I can’t make you believe it,” he said. “But it’s the truth.” Our eyes met, and his sad expression almost made me laugh out loud. Oh, Jake, you’re laying it on thick, aren’t you?
“Funny,” I said. “You didn’t mention that last time we talked. Seemed to me you were just pissed off that I had the audacity to date him.”
He exhaled. “Okay, yeah, I was, but that doesn’t change what he did.”
“It doesn’t change what you did, either.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he said. “But-”
My phone rang, my pocket muffling Nathan’s distinctive ringtone. I exhaled sharply. Given the choice, I much preferred to talk to him rather than Jake, but that would have to wait. For now, I needed to get this over with and get Jake out of my theatre. That, and it had annoyed me that Jake kept fucking around with his phone, so I’d be a hypocrite to answer my own.
He eyed me. “You going to answer that?”
“No.”
We stared at each other in silence as the phone continued to ring unanswered. When it finally clicked off, we still didn’t speak. Then the voicemail tone beeped and only then did I pull the phone out of my pocket, quickly hitting the yes, I fucking hear you button to keep it from beeping incessantly.
I’ll call you back in a few minutes, Nathan. Just wait until you hear about this.
“Anyway,” Jake said. “No, it doesn’t change what I did. And I’ve apologize for that a million times.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but the door came open just then. Max glanced at the two of us nervously, then looked at me.
“Hey, boss,” he said. “Sorry to bug you, but Dylan said I needed to talk to you about this.”
“Sure, what’s up?” I said, trying not to let my annoyance show.
Max nodded toward the stairs behind him. “In the box office. Couple of customers have a gift card I’ve never seen, and no one knows how to run it.”
For God’s sake, does everyone need to talk to me today? “Okay,” I said. “I’ll come take a look at it.” I gestured for Jake to follow me. Downstairs, I left him in the lobby while I handled the situation in the box office. It took a bit longer than I expected, and I secretly hoped he’d get tired of waiting and leave, but when I returned fifteen minutes later, he was still there.
He looked up from sending a text message. “Squared away?”
“Yes,” I said. “Now let’s go finish this.” As I led him back up to the projector room, my phone rang again. Once again, it was Nathan’s ringtone. I chewed the inside of my cheek and considered answering it. He wasn’t one to call repeatedly unless he really needed to reach me, but I had to settle this situation first. I hoped Nathan would understand.
In the projector room once again, I faced Zach. “So, where were we?”
He put up his hands. “Look, you’ve got a lot going on, maybe we should deal with this another day.”
“Oh, no, no, no,” I said. “It’s now or never. I don’t have time for it now, but I’m not going to make time for it any other day.”
He shrugged. “Well, I’ve said everything I came to say. I just wanted you to know what he’s like.”
I smirked. “Yes, and you’re clearly the moral authority when it comes to relationships.”
“Zach, come on, I’ve apologized and-”
My phone beeped with a text message. I tried not to release the string of profanity that was on the tip of my tongue. Fuck, would everyone just give me five goddamned seconds today? Please?
“I should let you go,” Jake said. His tone no longer carried that pitiful woe-is-me bid for sympathy. Instead, some of his usual unrepentant smugness crept in. When I looked at him, his narrowed eyes echoed that irritating smugness.
I eyed him. My desire to dig a little deeper, to find out what exactly I was missing in this conversation, was overwhelmed by my desire to get him out of here so I could call Nathan back.
“Okay,” I said, still regarding him suspiciously. I gestured toward the door. “I guess that’s it, then.”
“Yeah,” he said. “That’s it. That’s all I came to talk about.”
I hesitated, then nodded, and we walked out of the room in silence. All the way down the stairs, I was certain I was missing something. His demeanor had always been tricky to read, but today, he was just…weird.
But I forgot all about it when we stepped out into the sparsely populated lobby and my heart jumped into my throat.
Nathan’s eyes flicked back and forth between Jake and me, his posture and expression both stiffening.
“I’ll see you next time, Zach,” Jake said, loud enough that I was sure Nathan heard him. He clapped my shoulder, keeping his hand there just long enough to cross the line between platonic and not. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”
My jaw dropped, but before I could gather my wits and ask him what the fuck he was talking about, he released my shoulder and brushed past Nathan. The temperature in the room plummeted the instant they exchanged a look. Nathan’s expression was as bitter and angry as Jake’s was smug.
Then Jake was gone. Nathan
looked at me, and the room stayed cold.
He glanced over his shoulder at the door through which our ex-boyfriend had disappeared, then looked at me, his brow knitted with confusion and his eyes burning with an unspoken accusation.
Through his teeth, he asked, “Do I even want to know what that was all about?”
Chapter Twenty-five
Avoiding Nathan’s accusing glare, I let out an exasperated sigh. A thousand ways to strangle Jake crossed my mind, but there would be time to think about that later. For now, I had some damage control to perform.
“Come on, let’s go in the office,” I said.
He planted his feet and nodded toward the projector-room door. “Prefer not to return to the scene of the crime?”
Anger rose like bile in my throat, and I wasn’t sure who it was directed toward. Probably both of them now. I swallowed it, trying to stay calm. “Or, we can talk in there.” I opened the door, and made an after you gesture.
Neither of us spoke on the way up the stairs. The projector room was still deserted, as I expected, but seemed strangely emptier with the two of us in it now. There was an arm’s length and miles of distance between us as we faced off, and the silence was an unbearable preamble to whatever this was going to be.
He folded his arms across his chest and gestured at the door through which we’d just walked. “So what was that-”
“Nathan, for God’s sake, you know what he’s like,” I said.
“Yeah, I do,” he said. “That’s why I’m wondering why he was here with you. Specifically, here with you.” He gestured around the room.
I gritted my teeth. He had a right to be concerned. Once bitten, twice shy, after all. Except the one that bit you took off out of the lobby and left me to sort this out. “Do you trust me?”
He shifted his weight. “Should I?”
I rolled my eyes and barely kept myself from groaning with frustration. “Look, Nathan, he’s fucking with us. Trying to play us against each other. What he said on his way out? It didn’t mean a damned thing.”
