by E M Lindsey
“It’s beautiful,” Noah said quietly.
“It’s one of the few places that can calm my head some days, when nothing else works,” Adrian murmured, then kissed the edge of his ear. “I was hoping you’d like it.”
Noah did. There weren’t really words for how it was making him feel—not just the view, but the pieces of himself Adrian was sharing, because Noah could tell the guy was intensely private. Noah had no idea what Adrian had seen, what he’d been through, but the trauma of it was evident in every aspect of Adrian’s life. Noah understood what a gift it was to be allowed in like this.
With a small sigh, he tilted his head back against Adrian’s shoulder and glanced up. Even with his corrective lens, he couldn’t quite make out the sky the way he used to. It was fuzzy shapes and faint twinkles now, and he let himself mourn it a bit.
“My dad used to take me stargazing when I was little,” he said, his voice feeling a little harsh in the intense silence. “My vision was always poorly but he’d take me out to an open field, miles and miles away from the city. I think he’d always wanted to get into astronomy, but he didn’t really have the head for it. Still, his telescope was probably his most favorite thing in the world.”
Adrian hummed, his hand drawing lazy circles along Noah’s side. “Does he still go now?”
Noah felt a little wrench in his chest, swallowing past a tiny lump in his throat, and shook his head. “He died eleven years ago. Sometimes I would go on my own, sometimes on the anniversary my brother went with me. But…I haven’t done it since my accident.”
Adrian breathed out, heavy and warm against his neck, and he nuzzled against the warm skin there. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose a parent. Not yet, anyway. But I can only imagine the emptiness. I’m sorry, Noah.”
Noah shrugged, the apology somehow feeling better than any expression of sympathy he’d ever gotten. “Thanks. It’s…I mean, it’s not fine. I’m left with my mother who spends her days trying to convince me gay is just a phase and if I just attend temple more regularly, I’ll meet a nice Jewish girl and settled down to give her some grandchildren.”
He felt Adrian give a full-body wince. “Rough.”
Noah snorted. “Yeah. I love her. I mean, of course I love her, but it gets exhausting trying to convince her to just love me for me and not the man she thinks I could be. I think my biggest regret was not coming out before my dad died. I can’t say for sure he’d have been okay with it, but I like to think he would have.”
Adrian raised his hand slowly, then dug his fingers into Noah’s curls and gently raked his blunt nails along his scalp. “My parents really struggled with me too. They’re…better now. Mostly. But we aren’t as close as we were when Anna and I were kids. I changed a lot after the service. I was stationed in New York after my first tour and I think they could tell I wasn’t ever going to be the same guy as I had been when I first signed up.”
Noah turned in Adrian’s arms, dislodging the other man’s grip, but not going far. He just wanted to be able to look at him as best he could. “I’ve never been a risk-taker. Hell, my accident wasn’t anything more than being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I’ve been even more terrified after that. Your life, your past, it…it kind of scares me, because I can’t imagine ever having the courage to do something like that. But…” He paused, licking his lips as Adrian’s eyes watched him with soft curiosity and so little judgement it made Noah ache. “But you make me feel brave. And I know that sounds stupid to a man who literally risked his life and limbs over and over but…”
“It doesn’t sound stupid,” Adrian said. He brought one hand up, cupping Noah’s cheek and holding him steady. “I’ve seen and done a lot of things that have made grown men piss themselves with fear, but trusting someone with my heart, is hands-down the scariest thing I have ever done.” He hesitated, then said, “But it doesn’t feel like a risk with you. I know we just started whatever this is, but I felt like you should know.”
Noah couldn’t answer with words, he had none in that moment, so he went up on his toes and pressed his mouth to Adrian’s. He was welcomed with parted lips and a searching tongue. Adrian’s hand moved to his waist, tugging him close so their chests touched, and Noah felt the passion and intensity in that kiss. It was a little scary, and a lot beautiful, and everything he hoped it would be.
When they finally parted, Adrian pressed his brow to Noah’s. “I don’t know where we’re going, exactly, but I feel like we’re on the right path.”
Noah grinned at him and closed his eyes, allowing himself to take comfort in darkness where he’d been so afraid before. “Me too. And I trust you.”
8.
Wiping sweat from his brow, Noah rolled his shoulders and didn’t miss the way Anna was grinning at him. A mixture of pride and a little mischief in her smile. Noah didn’t always see the resemblance in the twins. Adrian favored his mother’s side, broad, tall, square-jawed and bulky from his Nordic lineage where Anna was smaller, curvy but petite in her frame and more rounded features. But they had the same eyes, and the same sense of stubborn pride, and the same absurd sense of humor Noah had been getting to know over the last few weeks.
The controversy on campus had finally died down, and though Lowe was breathing down Noah’s neck about keeping enrollment retention up and ensuring enough people in his classes were maintaining As and Bs, it wasn’t anything new. Charlie was shorter with him now, less likely to corner him in corridors and at his office, but he was counting that as a win. Noah knew he should have just been up front with the guy, but the damage was done and maybe this time the guy would take the hint.
Noah had more important things to focus on—like trying to win the university’s favor so he could secure his position there which would make him comfortable for a long time. He hadn’t exactly set his sights on tenure here—every academic like him dreamed of Oxford, Harvard, Duke—but he wasn’t foolish enough to think his name would go down with the greats. He’d never discovered anything, and his greatest accomplishment was having been invited to do six months on Crete at the Minoan ruins.
It was enough though. Things finally felt like they were enough. His job remained the same pain in the ass, but he was three weeks into an official relationship with Adrian—even if their time together was growing more and more sparse. Finals were approaching, and with that the final deadline for Adrian’s accessibility proposal and Noah had to assume whatever exams the School of Business leveled out for end of term. Plus, his garage was getting busier, and he still had his client at the gym.
But Noah also knew it wasn’t forever. They’d have six weeks over winter break, another semester, and then the summer. Noah had already decided he wouldn’t be taking on any summer courses, wanting to spend some time working on a couple book concepts with his downtime. He had thirty grand in savings which would easily see him over those three months, and maybe even secure him a few days away.
Maybe even with Adrian, if they got that far.
“You did good tonight,” Anna said, clapping him on the shoulder when the last of the other students filed out.
“Yeah, that bag never saw me coming,” Noah said with a short laugh. “Really though, this has been great for my stress. This semester has been worse than others and I swear it’s the only thing that’s keeping me together before winter break.”
“Yeah, I remember it un-fondly,” she said with a wink. “All that stress eating and cramming and not sleeping. It’s a wonder I passed anything.”
Noah chuckled. “Literally every conversation I’ve walked in on for the past three weeks. But it’s almost over and I…” He trailed off when he saw Adrian and his client walking out of the back boxing room. The guy was holding Adrian’s shoulder with one hand, and the leash of his guide dog in the other, and they were talking softly.
Adrian shook his head at something, then he laughed, the smile lighting up the whole room and Noah felt his heart thud.
“Wow. You’re like a fucki
ng Disney movie prince,” Anna said, nudging him in the side. “I don’t think it’s possible to be more obvious apart from spontaneous violins playing.”
Noah flushed and rubbed the back of his neck with a shrug. “I like him,” he said slowly. “I…yeah. I like him.”
“Good, he likes you too. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.”
Noah turned to her. “Is this where you give me the shovel talk?”
Rolling her eyes, she shoved at him again. “I don’t think I need to. You know I could take anyone in this gym, especially little kickboxing newbies. What I’d really like to do is have you over for dinner.”
Noah blinked at her. “Really?”
She nodded. “Wes has been up Adrian’s ass to ask you, but I think he’s afraid you’ll turn him down.”
Noah almost choked on his own tongue. “What?”
Anna shook her head sadly. “He’s a little bit of a dipshit, and he has a hard time accepting when things are good in his life. So fuck it, I’m the twin, it’s my job to cross lines. How about this weekend?”
Noah worried his bottom lip. He had fifteen research papers to grade, but then again, he had a small arsenal of grad students looking for favor too. If he shuffled off seven or eight, he could clear a few hours. “Yeah. Count me in. But you have to break it to Adrian.”
She laughed and rolled her eyes a little. “Trust me, I have no problem with that. That asshole doesn’t scare me. So, what do you say? Saturday.”
“Perfect,” Noah said. He glanced up through the window again and saw Adrian making his way over to them and his heart started beating rapidly behind his ribs. He was so gone for this man, so damn gone and it was probably going to freak the guy out if he made himself obvious.
Licking his lips, he finished unwrapping his hands and just managed to drop the wraps on his bag when Adrian breezed through the door and came right for him. He was leaning on his cane heavily, holding Lemon’s leash around his wrist, but he was moving quickly and had his free hand around Noah’s waist in seconds.
“Hey, you,” Adrian murmured in his ear, kissing his jaw gently.
Noah felt his entire body heat up and was only vaguely aware of Anna slipping out of the room. “Have a good session?”
“Yes,” he replied, moving his face to give him a swift kiss on the mouth. “Go for a ride with me tonight. I’ll have Anna take Lemon back to my place and we can take the trike. I’m feeling a little amped, but I want to be with you. Say yes.”
“Yes,” Noah said without a second of hesitation. “I just need to change first.”
Adrian nodded. “Go. I’m going to talk with Wes for a few minutes so take your time. Meet you out front in ten?”
Noah nodded, then gathered his things and headed for the shower. Luckily, he was one of two men in the beginner’s kickboxing class, so around that time he had the locker room to himself and could take his time. He used the body wash dispenser on the wall, and the woodsy scent always reminded him of Adrian which, on nights they didn’t get to see each other, was a way to take him home. He didn’t linger, though. The promise of riding with Adrian, holding him close and letting the wind whip around them as they tore through the quiet streets of city’s outskirts was enough motivation to get him moving.
He’d been feeling good these past few weeks in spite of the stress, and he planned to take full advantage of it while he could. With finals looming, he was going to be swamped until just before the winter break. It would cut into his Chanukah celebration with his mom—though in all honesty it had been a long time since he’d been able to see her for any of the holidays—but it meant seeing the new year in with a clean slate and this time, a new boyfriend.
That, he thought to himself, was well worth it.
Dressing in a hoodie he’d tucked in his bag, he tugged his shoes on, then shoved his bag into his locker and fit the lock on snug. He was glad to come back for it later if it meant no burden when he climbed on the trike behind Adrian. He made his way out front and saw the lights turned low. It was near closing, and only one of the personal trainers was left, swiping down benches with a towel and disinfectant. Noah gave him a nod before heading out front, and he felt his heart do a little staccato pattern against his ribs when he found Adrian leaning against it, a leather jacket on, looking like walking sex in his tight jeans.
“Ready?” he asked as Noah approached.
Noah nodded, swallowing thickly and biting his tongue from all the dirty things he wanted to say right then. Adrian seemed to tell though, if the smirk on his face was anything to go by. He held out a hand and helped Noah mount the bike before climbing on. He pulled Noah snug against him, revved the engine, and tore off down the street.
***
They rolled to a stop and when the engine cut, Noah’s ears rang in the sudden silence. The hilltop overlooking the city was far from most neighborhoods, barely room for two cars to pass, and perfect for a night like this. It was cold, the air crisp and dry with the promise of an intense winter. The sky beyond was pitch black, mottled by a sea of stars. Noah always had trouble with them at night, seeing more of a smudged galaxy than anything else, but it had its own beauty attached to it.
He swung his leg over the trike and steadied himself as Adrian climbed of and held on to the seat to keep himself steady. Perching his backside against it, he pulled Noah against him, spreading his legs into a close V and held him there. His arms cinched around his waist and Noah could feel warm breath puffing against his neck.
“Gorgeous,” Noah murmured as he looked at the city beyond them.
“Yes, you are,” Adrian whispered, then kissed the back of his ear, a little wet with parted lips and a hint of tongue. “You are so fucking gorgeous.”
“You really know how to charm a guy.”
“A guy,” Adrian emphasized. “One. You. I’m only interested in charming you.”
Jesus, Noah thought, letting his head fall back against Adrian’s shoulder. It was like a movie, like he was in some gay romcom being swept off his feet in a manner of days, in ways that should not have worked and yet…
And yet.
Here they were. He pressed his palm over the back of Adrian’s hand that was holding him tight and let his fingers slot between the other man’s. It was cold, but Adrian’s skin was warm, and sent tingles all the way up to his elbow. “I’ve never felt like this before,” he finally said. “I don’t exactly have a world of experience, but I know this is different.”
“It is,” Adrian told him. “Maybe it’ll wear off someday and we’ll start to feel like everyone else, but I hope that doesn’t happen for a long time.”
Noah huffed a laugh through his nose, shaking his head against Adrian’s collarbone. “Me too. Because trust me, I am boring as fuck. Just some classics nerd drowning in papers and getting all stupid excited every time they find some old shitty Aesop manuscript.”
Adrian chuckled against his ear. “I find your nerdy excitement hot as fuck. And I hope after the break I get to see more of it because three days in the last couple of weeks has not been enough.”
“I know,” Noah said from behind a sigh. “I have every intention of making as much time for you as possible.”
Adrian spun him, hands on his hips, then dragged their bodies together for a slow kiss. “Let’s go grab dinner, okay? Take it to go, because I know we have shit tomorrow, but I have plans. I have things I want to do to you and I’m willing to risk a little fatigue if it means I can take my time.”
Noah’s entire body felt like it was going to erupt into flames. They hadn’t gone very far yet—they just hadn’t the time—but the promise of what Adrian was implying, it went straight to his dick, plumping up the front of his sweats. “Uh. Yes. Yeah. I’m…we could do that.” Honestly a good dicking would make a world of difference in his mood the next day, he was damn sure of that.
“Then let’s get going,” Adrian said, releasing him so fast, Noah stumbled a little.
With a laugh, he shov
ed at Adrian’s shoulder before climbing back onto the trike and grabbed his waist when Adrian followed suit. “I also plan to cook for you over break,” he said before Adrian started the bike up. “I’m not amazing or anything, but I enjoy it and it’ll be nice to have the time.”
“I can’t wait to taste anything you want to put in my mouth,” Adrian said, and laughed, revving the engine to drown out Noah’s loud, exasperated groan.
9.
The places near campus were a little full that night. Students from all walks of life were grabbing comfort food to soothe their pre-final nerves, and Adrian definitely considered himself one of them. Though it wasn’t the food tonight that was going to ease the way into the exams he had coming up.
No, it was the man on his arm, the one holding his waist as they queued up to get some of the Thai take-away Noah said he was craving. They weren’t all over each other, not nearly as bad as the twenty-somethings who seemed seconds away from taking their clothes off and touching genitals right there in the restaurant, but there was something profoundly erotic, yet also grounding, at the way Noah held a possessive hand around him.
Adrian wanted to crowd him up against the counter right there and kiss him stupid. Instead he handed off the to-go cups to Noah and said, “Fill these up and I’ll pay.”
Noah looked like he wanted to argue, but eventually sighed and did as he asked as Adrian smiled and dug his student ID out of his wallet for his discount. He had it all paid for, the sacks of fragrant noodles and soup on his arm by the time Noah was done, and they decided to walk the rest of the way to Noah’s place since it was closer.
Noah held his arm to help navigate the dark streets, and they didn’t say much as they headed off, but they didn’t need to. A need was simmering between the two of them, and Adrian swore he could feel the bottle of lube and box of condoms pressing against his side through his jacket pocket. He wasn’t sure they’d actually get that far tonight, but he wanted it. Whether it was himself in Noah, or Noah in him, he didn’t care. He just wanted the connection to the man he was falling head over heels for.
