by Kight, Ruthi
I stood up and started pacing the room, rubbing my sweaty palms up and down my jeans. I felt completely helpless. Sure, Katy and I hadn’t known each other very long, but I considered her a friend. Just as I was about to say something else the door to the room opened. There, standing in the doorway, was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. She was taller than me, with long blond hair that ended at her hips, and deep blue eyes. The anger that flashed in her eyes made them look even more startling.
She shot me a death glare as she went to sit in the chair that I had just vacated. She took Katy’s hand in her own and smiled reassuringly. “Oh my gosh Katy! I have been so worried about you.”
“I’m fine Jenn. Really. Nothing to worry about,” said Katy as she tried to loosen the girl’s grip on her hand.
“Don’t lie. Whose ass do I have to kick?” She briefly glanced my way, a sneer on her gorgeous face, and quickly focused her attention back on Katy. “Who’s this?”
“That’s Roxie. She’s my new friend,” said Katy as she smiled at me. It wasn’t as bright as when I first arrived, but I wouldn’t be smiling if that girl had a death grip on my hand either.
I closed the distance and held out my hand to Jenn. She didn’t even acknowledge that I was standing there. I lowered my hand and stepped back again. What a witch. Well, she and I were definitely not going to be besties this summer. That much was obvious. Katy looked even more uncomfortable after that. I wanted to help her, but I had no idea how to handle Jenn. I mean, I was Jenn in New York.
“Katy, I’m going to go. Call me. For anything,” I said as I walked towards the door. She nodded and smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. Poor Katy. I felt bad for abandoning her, but I honestly had no idea what to do. I walked out the door and immediately bumped into a hard chest. His familiar scent tantalized me, causing the pain to come rushing back again. I looked up at Chase, our eyes locking instantly.
We stood that way for a brief moment before he broke contact. He stepped away from me and my composure broke. I was going to cry. I couldn’t control the tears this time, so I took off, running down the hall, making my way towards the entrance. I could hear him calling my name, but I couldn’t stop. Wouldn’t stop. I had to get away from him. I couldn’t let him see what kind of reaction he caused.
I made it out to Grandma’s truck and climbed in quickly. I sat there for a minute, letting the tears fall. I didn’t want to stop them this time. Why should I? I deserved to feel this way. I deserved to be miserable and in pain. Everyone who ever cared about me ended up in pain, so why shouldn’t I suffer with them? I deserved to live in my own hell.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I wasn’t ready to face Grandma’s wrath yet, so I drove to the only place that could make me feel safe again. I was pretty sure that no one would think to look for me at the pond. When I pulled up it looked exactly as it had the last time I was there. The sky seemed darker, menacing, but that probably had more to do with my own mood than the weather.
I got out of the truck and slammed the door. I wanted to punch the damn thing, but I seriously doubted that my knuckles would survive that kind of brutality. I started the trek down the path that would lead me to Chase’s safe haven. There were no birds chirping this time, no sign of life besides my footsteps. It was like the forest had died a little bit without Chase’s presence.
When I broke through the trees I felt the vice grip on my heart lessen. I now understood why this place meant so much to him. There was something calming about the smooth water and the wild flowers that surrounded it. I sat down near the edge and laid back to stare at the sky. The clouds raced by, darkening with each passing minute. I could smell the hint of rain in the air, but I felt no urge to leave. A little rain never hurt anyone.
I was so lost in thought that I didn’t hear anyone approach, so when I heard the masculine grunt I shot up. I must have scared him pretty badly as well because he jumped back as well, throwing his hands up in a defensive gesture.
“What the hell Chase?” My heart was beating rapidly, thumping loudly against my ribcage.
“Sorry. I thought you heard me,” he said as he lowered his arms. His chest was heaving as well as he tried to calm his nerves as well.
“What are you doing here?” I snapped.
“Me? What are you doing here? This is my spot, remember?”
“I don’t see your name on it.” Okay, so that was childish, but at this point I didn’t care.
“Grow up Roxie. Shit,” he said as he ran his hands through his hair. His action left his hair tousled, but not like the guys I knew back home. They would spend hours on their hair, trying to recreate this look, but never coming close. None of them could ever hold a candle to Chase.
“I’m not leaving.”
“Neither am I.”
We stared at each other, invisible daggers flying from our respective eyes. I broke first, tearing my eyes away from him. I couldn’t sit here and stare at him without thinking about the last time we were alone. How I wish I could take back those words. We had been so close to kissing, but I had to open my big mouth and tell him that I felt nothing for him. Now, the only person who truly understood me couldn’t stand to be around me. Two points for my idiocy, once again, I mentally kicked myself.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them. The silence between us was uncomfortable. I couldn’t handle being this near him, not speaking, when all I wanted was to crawl into his arms and let the pain subside. Just as I was about to make a hasty retreat, he finally spoke.
“It doesn’t have to be like this, ya know?”
“Like what?” That’s right. I’m feigning ignorance. Leave me alone.
“Awkward. I mean, okay, it seriously sucked when you said you didn’t feel that way about me. But oh well. You’ve got every right to feel however you want.” He had sat and was systematically ripping grass out of the ground as he rambled. “I assumed there was something there...but I was wrong. I get it.”
“Stop! Just stop being so damn nice!” I jumped to my feet and brushed the dirt from my butt. He stared up at me for a minute before standing as well. His movements were more controlled. He was in no rush to deal with this standoff.
“What do you want me to do? Want me to yell and scream? Throw a punch? What?” His hands were gesturing wildly in front of my face, causing me to take a step back.
“I want you to hate me!” I screamed. I immediately wished I could take the words back. The color drained from his face as he stared at me.
“Hate you? Why, Roxie? Why would you want me to hate you?”
“Forget it.” I turned and walked away, but I didn’t make it far. I felt his hand grasp my arm and pull me to a stop. I didn’t face him. I couldn’t. I felt the first drops of rain as the sky finally opened up.
“No. I won’t forget it. Tell me why.”
I spun on my heel to face him, my blood boiling in my veins. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t. I was in too deep to hate him.
“You should hate me! Then I wouldn’t want to do this!” I yelled right before I grabbed his shirt, my arms sliding around to the back of his neck as I pulled him closer. I didn’t hesitate. I pressed my lips against his and closed my eyes. I expected him to pull away, to yell at me, something, but he didn’t. Instead, I felt his hands as they snaked around my waist. He pulled my body flush with his and slowly ran his hands up and down my back. I couldn’t stop the shiver that coursed through my body.
The rain was coming down harder now, cascading down our entwined bodies. Not that I could feel a single drop. My body was on fire from the feel of his lips, the pressure of his hands, as the sparks flew between us. My toes were curling in my shoes as I fought against knees that had suddenly gone weak.
I was losing control of the situation. I had to stop, but his soft lips were still moving, causing my heart to stutter. I had been kissed before, but nothing compared to the heat that I felt in this moment. Too soon the moment ended
and Chase drew back. He was smiling, so at least that was a good sign.
“I’m thinking that hating you would be bad for me,” he said as he smiled.
I laughed and gently slapped my hand against his chest. I meant to pull it back immediately, but I couldn’t bring myself to break the contact. Instead I kept it there as I stared into his eyes. There was a sparkle there again. Could I have been the one to put it there?
“If you were smart you would stay away from me.”
He groaned and took another step away. “C’mon Roxie. Don’t push me away. Not after that...that kiss.”
I closed the gap between us and slipped my arms around his neck once again. “Guess it’s a good thing that you don’t know when to run.”
His lips met mine, but with a sense of urgency that hadn’t been there before. I felt the heat coursing through my veins as he deepened the kiss. His tongue lightly traced the outline of my lips and when my lips parted his tongue gently darted inside, a small moan emanating from me at the sensation. That small noise gave him all the prompting he needed. His arms wrapped tighter around my body, pulling me against his strong chest. My hands slid from his neck and began to roam up and down, delving into his hair and then sliding down to grasp his waist, exploring every inch in between.
My head began to spin from the intensity. I broke the seal of our lips and drew in a shaky breath. My body was quaking as I leaned against him, trying not to pass out. He continued to run his hands up and down my back as I inhaled his delicious scent. I would forever remember this moment, wrapped in his arms, my world lying in tatters all around me. We had gone past the point of friends, even though I had told myself repeatedly that we wouldn’t.
“You smell like apples,” he mumbled as his nose pressed into my soaked hair.
I couldn’t help but laugh. There was something so innocent about his words. “If smelling like apples will get you to hold me like this every day, I’ll bathe in a tub of them.”
“Now there’s a fun mental image.”
I leaned back and playfully smacked him on the arm as he laughed. The moment felt so right, but like a douse of cold water on a flame, I remembered that it couldn’t be forever. “What happens at the end of summer?” I whispered the question. A part of me needed to know, but the other part was content to delay the inevitable.
“Let’s not think about it right now. I just want to enjoy you while I can,” he said as he pressed one of my hands to his mouth. I almost melted right there.
“As Katy said, I’ll let it go for now,” I said as I smiled up at him. My heart was wrapped in warmth and I would give anything to keep it that way. I didn’t think we should ignore the future, but that’s what people do with summer romances. They burn hot, but fizzle out by the end. We would probably be sick of each other by the time I had to leave.
“By the way, Betty called me earlier. Did you seriously steal her truck?” He laughed at my face as heat rose in my cheeks.
“Damn! How mad did she sound?”
“Pretty darn mad. Maybe we should head there. Ya know, before she calls out the cavalry to track you down,” he said with a laugh, releasing his hold on me long enough to grab my hand.
“They’re probably already out looking for me. What’s one more minute?” I asked as I pulled him back to me and pressed my lips to his once again. If I was going to be grounded anyway, I was determined to enjoy what little freedom I had left.
* * * *
Two hours later and I finally made it to my room. Grandma was really upset about her truck, but she understood why I did it. The part that really made her mad was Chase pulling into the yard behind me. When she saw us she knew something was going on. My lips were swollen and lightly bruised from kissing and his hair was even more disheveled than usual. We were seriously busted.
“Both of y’all get in this house. Now,” she said as she stared down at us from the top of the porch. She abruptly spun on her heel and went inside. I looked over at Chase and groaned. I was not looking forward to this conversation.
“Don’t worry. We can handle this,” he said as he gripped my hand and walked with me up the steps.
It was so weird to hear him refer to us as a “we.” It felt right. We spent the next two hours hearing “y’all” quite a bit, once again lumped together. I couldn’t help but smile, even if it made Grandma even madder each time I did. Little did she know that she was the reason I kept smiling. Well, that and it was kind of fun to make her blood pressure rise. Some habits are hard to kick. I ended up grounded for a week, but it was so worth it.
Later that night, as I lay on my bed, I called Chase. I was completely caught off guard when a female answered his cell phone. “Hello?” The voice seemed familiar, but I couldn’t quite place who it was.
“Um...is Chase there?” I asked, hoping that I had dialed the wrong number.
“Sorry sweetie. He’s...occupied at the moment,” she replied sweetly.
“Um...okay...who is this?”
A throaty laugh came through the phone and I was finally able to place the voice. Jenn, the witch from the hospital. What was she doing with Chase’s phone?
“Don’t worry about who I am. He’s going to be busy for the next few weeks, so you should probably stop calling. In fact, stop throwing yourself at him. He told me how you have been coming on to him every time you see him. It’s pathetic, really,” she said as she laughed.
“What? I...I didn’t...did he tell you that?” I felt my throat threaten to close up. I had to force the words out as I fought the urge to scream.
“Do us all a favor, city girl, go back to where you belong.”
I heard the call end and I pulled the phone away from my ear, staring at it like it was a foreign object. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw the phone against the wall. But more than anything, I wanted to smash Jenn’s perfect face into a brick wall. How could Chase tell her those awful things? When we kissed it had felt real, not like I had forced myself on him. Evidently he had lied about how he felt about me. I knew I should have kept my distance, but no, I had to be that girl. He had managed to fool me once, but I would make sure that didn’t happen again. Never again.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I spent my week of grounding in my room, only coming out to eat meals, immediately returning to my hole right after. Grandma kept asking me if everything was okay, but I ignored her questions. I didn’t want to talk about Chase, especially not with her. She asked if I had been by to see Katy since she went home, but she knew that answer. I hadn’t left the house in a week. I had talked to Katy on the phone numerous times, but I hadn’t even told her what had happened with Chase. That was my dirty little secret and I wanted to keep it that way.
Sure, it would have been fun to tell everyone what kind of scum he was, but deep down I still cared about him. I couldn’t bring myself to talk about him that way. Since I couldn’t say anything nice, I didn’t say anything at all. Katy offered more than once to come over with a couple of movies, but I declined every time. I wasn’t really in the mood to watch a bunch of sappy movies and gossip about people that I didn’t even know. What I really wanted was to call Amber.
I never did though, no matter how much I wanted to. I did, however, call my mom. She sounded really depressed, which I expected, but when I had talked to Dad, he hadn’t sounded sad at all.
“Mom, are you okay? You sound terrible,” I said as I stood in front of my bedroom window, the phone pressed to my ear.
“I’m fine. Just tired, I guess,” she replied with a sigh.
“You don’t sound fine. You sound terrible. Have you...have you talked to Dad?” I wanted to know how the divorce proceedings were going, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I didn’t want to do anything that might set her off.
“No,” she spat the answer at me. “And I don’t plan on it.”
“Sorry I asked,” I said as I released the breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. “Mom, when can I come home?” I had been thinking about home
this whole week and I was ready to be there. I couldn’t possibly make it through the entire summer here.
“Not yet. I told you. You shouldn’t be here for all of this.”
“You do realize that children watch their parents go through this all the time, right? I mean, even young kids have been through this. I hate it here,” I whined. I hadn’t meant to whine, but my sweet voice wasn’t doing the job. I wanted her to know how much I detested this situation.
“I’m sorry baby. Once this is all over you can come home. I promise.”
We said our goodbyes shortly after, both of us tired of arguing about the same thing. I would just have to tough it out here for a while longer. I decided to go downstairs to see if Grandma had gotten home from the farm yet. She had been staying later and later since I had been grounded. I didn’t bother to ask why. To be honest, I didn’t really care at that point. When I got downstairs I heard laughter from the living room. I walked in and nearly ran back out. Sitting there, on our couch, was Jenn and Chase. They were talking and laughing with Grandma as if nothing was wrong.
They must have heard my sharp intake of breath. As I made eye contact with Chase his smile grew even wider. He stood up and walked over to me, his arms raised to hug me. I backed away and put my hand up to stop him. He looked at me like I had just punched him in the stomach. I knew he was a good actor, but this was Oscar-worthy.
“Don’t come near me. Ever again,” I said and he tried to grab my hand. I jerked away from him and took another step back. “I’m serious Chase. Stay away from me.”
“What’s going on Roxie?” The look of confusion and hurt on his face almost convinced me that he didn’t know what was wrong, but I quickly dashed that thought.
“Not a damn thing. That’s what,” I said as I stormed out of the room, moving towards the kitchen door. I slammed through it and walked to the fridge, pulling out bottled water. I took a long drink and then put the top back on. I looked up to find Chase standing in the doorway, his eyes glued on me. “What?” I snapped at him.
