by Eva Luxe
“I’ll see if I can handle it, okay? Just try to stay in today if you can help it.”
My mom turned her attention back to the road.
“Is it always like this?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, I have a bodyguard with me usually. It’s something you budget for. I just didn’t realize I would need one in Laramie, or that the press would even know I was here. That was a big mistake on my part.”
My mom shook her head back and forth, still watching the commotion.
“I don’t know how you can live like this,” she said.
It had taken a little getting used to when I’d first started out as a professional player, but I had gotten used to it. Sometimes, it was a nuisance that I couldn’t go anywhere without a tail that had a story to write about me, but I loved my fame and the fans that followed me blindly. To some of them, I was a hero. It was just a game, football was just a sport, but I liked it that some people looked up to me and relied on me for a win or something spectacular.
My phone rang.
“I’m taking this in my room,” I said to my mom before I answered. I walked to my room.
“Hey, Kina,” I said.
Kina was Jacob’s wife. She had started out as Jacob’s PR manager before they had fallen for each other and gotten married, and even though she didn’t manage me full time, she kept an eye on me too and gave me some pointers.
“Jacob told me you’re having a bit of trouble,” she said.
“Yeah, the press found me out here, and now I’m stuck in my house with a bunch of crows outside my door.”
“What happened?” she asked.
“I think it’s one of the places I went out to the other night. The bar or the hotel I visited. The people around here are star struck, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they leaked to the press about me. That’s probably where it happened.”
“Right,” Kina said.
“What do I do now?” I asked. “I’m not in the mood for this shit. I came out here to relax, not to play these damn games with the press. I feel like I have to watch myself everywhere I go now.”
Kina sighed. “Unfortunately, that’s how it’s going to be if you’re planning on staying. You have to keep your nose completely clean while you’re out there. Like, I’m talking about being on your best behavior the entire time. So, no blackout drunk nights or fights or prostitutes.”
I groaned. “What a party,” I said. “There are no other options?”
“Getting back to Miami is an alternative,” she said. “If you leave now, get back to your own space, and have Jerry with you again, you can deal with it. But other than that, I’m afraid your hands are tied. It’s the downside of being famous, Brad.”
She was right. I would have to watch my back and behave instead of acting like I was on vacation. My break wasn’t going to be a complete break, and I had to accept that. Unless I was willing to go home, leave Laramie behind, and move forward. I could always spend the last of my days off at home, doing whatever I wanted there with my security intact.
“I’ll have to see what I’m going to do,” I said.
“Well, whatever it is, be safe,” Kina said.
I knew what she meant. She was talking about my image, and I understood why. It was so easy to mess up and so hard to get out of trouble again. Some players had had their contracts cancelled because of doing one wrong thing.
Going back home would probably be the right thing to do, but I didn’t want to leave. Not yet. Going back to Miami meant I wouldn’t be able to spend more time with Carly, and that was all I wanted. It would be one of the only reasons I stayed.
I didn’t want to leave until I understood what was happening between us. I needed to know how she felt about me, if there was anything we could work with. If she still had feelings for me, I needed to know. Because I had no idea where we stood. I didn’t know if she still had feelings for me or if this thing we were doing was just a fling. The problem was that I didn’t know what I felt for her, either. I wasn’t sure what I felt for her.
I felt something. That was for sure. But I didn’t know what it was. I was confused. I hated not knowing what was happening or where I stood with someone, and it irritated me that I didn’t know. When I decided on something or wanted something, I needed to move forward. And not knowing stopped me from doing that.
“I think I should stick it out here for a while,” I said to Kina. “I can’t let them rule my life.”
Of course, it wasn’t totally about that, but Kina didn’t have to know that.
“You’ll have to work hard to keep your image clean. Whoever you’re with might get dragged into this, too. Keep that in mind.”
It was sound advice and the last thing I wanted to hear.
“I’ll be careful,” I promised. “Things are going too well with my career for me to afford to mess it up now.”
“Good man,” Kina said. “That’s the spirit. But stick to it, okay? I’m keeping my eye on you.”
Kina was a good woman. Jacob was lucky to have her. It had to be amazing to be married to someone who could manage your image like that.
“I’ll see you at the charity event,” I said before hanging up.
I looked at the phone in my hand. Yes, I decided. I needed to stay. Whatever it was I found out, I needed to know. And I was sure I could keep things clean and simple while I was here, although being with Carly the other night had been anything but clean and simple. And maybe it was because of our escapades that I had the press on my doorstep right now.
Either way, I decided that it would be better to stay. All I had to do now was learn how to deal with the press. Maybe I had to look at getting a bodyguard here. I preferred Jerry, who knew what I liked and disliked and understood my routines, but I couldn’t have everything.
“Did you say you might be leaving?” my mom asked when I returned to the living room. She must have heard a bit of my conversation with Kina.
I shook my head. “I’m not going anywhere for the moment, Mom. I want to stay here as long as I can.”
My mom looked like she relaxed. She’d been worried I would leave. It was another reason for me to stay. I barely got to see my mom, and I wanted to spend more time with her.
“What are we going to do about all this?” she asked, gesturing toward the people outside.
“Let’s carry on with life as usual,” I said. “It’s a nuisance right now, but if they see there’s nothing to write about, they’ll leave us alone.”
My mom looked skeptical, and she was right to be. But I’d found that the media was like a child having a temper tantrum. As soon as they realized it wasn’t working, they gave up.
I had to make another call and found Carly’s number on my contacts list. I pressed the phone against my ear and waited for it to ring. When it started ringing, I counted the rings. It rang longer and longer until I reached her voice mailbox.
Why wasn’t she answering? I glanced toward the neighbor’s house. Was she avoiding me? I didn’t try to call again—I wasn’t going to come across as desperate. Instead, I texted her.
I’m so sorry I had to ditch you last night. Do over, soon?
I read the text three times before sending it, contemplating if I should change it. Finally, I hit send.
I waited for a reply. I held the phone in my hand so that I would know the moment the reply came.
It didn’t come. There was silence. She hadn’t answered my call, and now she wasn’t responding to my text. Maybe I was expecting her to answer ridiculously fast, but I felt like she was avoiding me. Why the hell would she be avoiding me? I hadn’t done anything wrong. I had canceled on her for her own good.
“Whatever,” I said out loud, shaking my head. I didn’t care. Why should I? I wouldn’t care.
I walked to the kitchen to make myself lunch. I made a BLT sandwich and sat down in the living room to eat. I checked my phone again. There was still no reply.
Dammit, what the hell was I supposed to do now? I couldn�
�t even march next door because the press would be all over me like a cheap suit, and then I would have to explain why I wanted to see the girl next door. So, I would have to wait for her to text me or call me, and she wasn’t doing that.
I was getting angry. I liked getting what I wanted. I had money and I had fame, and I barely needed to wait in the real world. But this wasn’t the real world. This was Laramie, where I had started out as a nobody and where I could easily be a nobody again. At least, to the woman I was interested in.
I wanted to talk to her. I needed to discuss what had happened between us. That was fucking hard to do if she refused to answer my calls or my texts.
My sandwich tasted like cardboard when I bit into it. I chewed and swallowed and bit off another piece without thinking. Maybe I needed to give Carly and the press a day or two to calm down.
If I could hold out that long.
Chapter 13
Carly
“Have you seen how many people are out there?” my mom asked, coming into the office-turned-bedroom that I stayed in. “It’s like in the movies.”
I frowned and got up, following my mom to the front door. She opened it, and I looked out.
There were swarms of them outside. Vans were parked on the curb, men with cameras walked around like the equipment was a part of them, and women and men with mics and boom mics stood in small groups, talking.
“What’s happened?” I asked. “It looks serious.”
“I don’t know,” my mom said. “I didn’t hear anything.”
I thought about Brad calling it off last night. He’d said the press had found out he was in town. Could this be what he’d been talking about? I had thought that he would be harassed by a reporter or two when he’d said it, but this was obscene.
“Brad is famous,” I said to my mom. “Maybe that’s all it is.”
“Well, I would hate to be followed around with an entourage like this,” she said, and I agreed. It was overkill.
I guessed I understood a little more why he had canceled on me. If this was what he had to deal with, I couldn’t imagine it being romantic or anything. But I still felt hurt that he’d decided to cancel on me. It felt like he was trying to hide me, to stop the press from seeing me, like I would be a bad mark on his image. Was that how he saw me? Surely, being seen out with me wouldn’t do something terrible to his social standing?
Maybe he didn’t want the world to see me. Maybe he wanted to keep me a secret, the way he always had.
I was being silly. I knew that. I had been the one to ask for our secrecy when we were kids. Even when we had gone out the other night, I had preferred that people didn’t know so that I didn’t have to confront my dad. But this? It felt like the tables had turned, and now Brad didn’t want anyone to know that he had a relationship with me. Which was stupid because we weren’t in any kind of relationship. We were friends.
Which he still wanted to hide. So, it made me feel that much worse. I wasn’t anyone that needed to be hidden, was I? I had a good track record, and I was an ordinary woman.
Maybe that was the problem; me being ordinary. Maybe he wanted a supermodel or an actress or something. Someone that could be on those shows that they did on television about the wives and girlfriends of athletes. Maybe he didn’t want me at all.
Stop it, I told myself. I was letting my imagination run away with me. But it was hard to keep calm about it and act like it was normal when Brad had appeared out of nowhere, shown me the best time, and then canceled plans with me so that we didn’t see each other.
I ignored him. He tried to call and text, but I didn’t answer him. I had no idea what he wanted, but I wasn’t going to speak to him to find out. I was hurt that he had insisted on being with me only to push me away.
It was getting harder and harder to ignore him. One or two calls and a few texts had been fine, but he was calling constantly as the day dragged on, and finally, I answered.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said.
“I have,” I answered, being honest about it.
“Why?”
I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Why did you cancel with me last night?”
“I told you, I couldn’t go out with the press being what they are. You can’t have missed them right outside your front door.”
“Oh, no. I saw them. But I thought that after the years of fame you already have behind you, you would be used to it all.”
He sighed. “I am used to it. You’re right. But you’re not. I didn’t want to take you out and then have people speculate about you. It can be very damaging. You have no idea how hard it is to kill rumors once the press has started them.”
“And what would they say about me that would be so terrible? That you are involved with someone from your past, from your hometown? That you have a life? God forbid.”
“Carly, don’t be like this,” he said. He sounded exasperated. Maybe I was being unfair, but I was upset, and I had never been very good at hiding it.
“Should I accept it, instead?”
“Look, I didn’t expect it to happen in Laramie, okay? They weren’t supposed to find me here. Someone tipped them off, and now my relaxed vacation is ruined because I have to make sure I keep putting my best foot forward. It’s not something I wanted to drag you into. It’s not something you deserve. You’re acting like I did you in, but I did you a favor.”
I barked a laugh. “You canceled on me last minute, making me feel like I was something you needed to hide, and now, I should thank you for it?” It was absurd. “It’s a pretty sad excuse, Brad.”
“Carly,” he said, and he was getting angry. I could hear it in his voice. That voice went with eyes that turned evergreen and mouth corners that turned down instead of up.
“No, Brad,” I interrupted him before he could say whatever it was he’d wanted to get out. “It feels like you’re ashamed of me. I don’t like being treated that way. Not now.”
“That’s rich, coming from the girl who had dated me secretly for over a year.”
I swallowed hard. He was right, and he was wrong, and it was so close to each other that they almost blurred.
“It’s not the same,” I said.
“Isn’t it?”
I didn’t answer him. I tried to swallow down a lump in my throat that had appeared out of nowhere. We were fighting. One date, and we were fighting. God, we really hadn’t changed at all, had we? This was something we’d done back then, too. And about the same things as well.
“Listen,” Brad said after a beat, and the anger had drained out of his voice again. “Will you meet me? I do want to see you. I’ve wanted to be with you from the moment you arrived next door.”
I hesitated. “Where can we get away from them?” I asked.
“We can meet at our spot.”
I hadn’t been back to our spot since we’d broken up. It had held all of our memories, and going back there had hurt too much. I had written the place off, told myself I would never go there again.
“I can’t,” I said. “I’m busy.”
It sounded like a rejection, and it was. I didn’t want to go there with him. What would it mean if we did?
Our spot had been where our love had grown, where everything else had fallen away, and it had only been the two of us. If we went back there and we were friends, nothing more, it would be wrong. And if we were more, Brad wouldn’t hide me. I was confused, and I was upset, and our spot was the last place I wanted to go.
“Come on, Carly. You can’t push me away.”
His words solidified my resolve. “Really?” I asked. “Watch me.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said that.” Brad knew that if anyone told me I couldn’t do something, it was exactly what I would do. “Please, I’m not asking for much. Meet me there tomorrow night.”
God, I was torn. A part of me wanted to meet him so badly. I wanted the days back when we were in love, our future was bright, and everything was perf
ect. But those days were gone, and I wasn’t going to get the happily ever after I had dreamed about once upon a time.
Those had been the dreams of a teenager, and I was an adult now. So, a part of me was sure that I wouldn’t go to meet him, that our story had ended long ago and all we were doing was reminiscing and thinking about a past that was long gone.
“Please,” Brad added.
He had always gotten me with please. He had always managed to convince me because I hadn’t been able to say no to him when he asked me like that. When my big, strong man became a pleading puppy dog for me. He knew just how to play this game, and it turned out that he still knew me well enough that he could try his tricks on me.
Tricks that I had always complained about, but had to admit, I secretly liked.
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
It made me want to say no.
“It’s a maybe.”
He chuckled. “You’re as stubborn as ever.”
I was getting irritated with him and how easy he was about this, how comfortable. He laughed about it when I was angry. I felt like he was pushing me to do something because he knew how to get me to want it. I hated that he had that hold over me because of our past. Because of what I might still feel for him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Brad said after we argued back and forth a few times before he hung up.
“We’ll see about that,” I said to the dead phone in my hands. I didn’t want to give him what he wanted, purely because he demanded it. But I wanted to see him again. I wanted him to prove to me that he didn’t want to hide me, that I was someone he wasn’t scared to be seen with.
I hadn’t been to our spot in years. Something about going back there was enticing, but I wouldn’t go because he had demanded it. He had no right to me or my life. Not after he had done nothing to stop my dad from dragging me away. Not after he had walked away from me at graduation when all I had wanted to do was tell him I missed him.
I walked into my room to find something to do, something to distract me. My thoughts were driving me mad. I had to talk sense into myself and leave it at that. I had to make a decision and stick to it.
