by Trina M. Lee
He was hot to the touch. The color of his iris had been almost obliterated by his pupils. Tremors shook him. This was not like Arrow. Not at all.
“I guess I just went a little overboard.” He pulled away so I couldn’t stare into his face. “I slipped. Made a mistake. It’s not that big of a deal, Spike. Really. Chill.”
That snarky attitude he’d had back when we first met crept out. Well, he’d had that attitude last week, so that was hardly anything to go by.
I latched onto his arm, refusing to let him shake me off. And then it hit me. His emotion. I tapped into it like tapping into a storm. Suddenly I was downing in a sea of guilt. Quickly it overwhelmed me, dragging me under as I struggled to stay afloat.
“Spike?” Jett’s hand on my shoulder felt foreign, an unfamiliar touch.
Arrow’s guilt trapped me, threatening to consume me whole. Tears pricked the back of my eyes. Momentarily I couldn’t breathe.
Jett pulled me away from Arrow and off the couch. “Dude? What the fuck just happened? Are you ok?”
The fog of guilt in my head cleared. Now I knew what had driven Arrow to take his vice farther than he should have. A sad attempt to silence the guilt that plagued him. Guilt at having fallen for the same woman his brother loved.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a weird empath moment. I think we need to get Arrow to a hospital.”
“Agreed. It sounds like his heart is going to explode.” Jett sprang into action. She jerked Arrow off the couch and thrust him toward the door, calling back to the girls who watched in hushed silence. “Sorry, ladies. We’re leaving you with the gear. We’ll make it up to you.”
Naturally Arrow resisted, planting himself in the doorway. “I don’t need a fucking hospital. Can you both chill? You’re starting to freak me out.”
“Don’t argue,” Jett snapped. “You’re going. If you didn’t snort so much fucking coke, this wouldn’t be an issue.”
“Give me a friggin’ break.” Despite his argument, Arrow’s hand went to his head. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and swore.
I shoved between them, trying to get Jett to back off. She could be a little too aggressive at times. “Arrow, look at me. Are you ok?” Gently I touched his face.
With his eyes closed he muttered, “You’re way too fucking good for me, Spike. I ask myself what the hell you see in me, and I keep coming up empty.” He continued to ramble on until he wasn’t making sense anymore. Suddenly his eyes snapped open, and he looked around, alarmed. “Did you hear that? Fuck. No, I am not ok.”
He continued on, showing signs of paranoia and confusion, looking over his shoulder like there was something he could see that we could not. Because Wren could be just about anywhere, it made me anxious as well. Together Jett and I forced him from the nightclub and into the parking lot.
We’d almost made it to her Mustang when he collapsed between us. I let out a small shriek. We got him into the car, and Jett tore out of the parking lot fast enough to fishtail on the way out. Filled with panic, I started to meltdown. Jett remained calm, keeping the car steady as she sped down the street.
Jett snapped her fingers a couple times to draw my attention. “Call Rowen. Tell him to meet us there. Take deep breaths. Everything will be fine. He’s still breathing.”
“Everything will be fine,” I repeated, trying to convince myself. It took several tries to fumble my phone out and call Rowen. “Everything will be fine.”
* * * *
“Leave it to Arrow to blow the plan by fucking overdosing.” Rowen paced the waiting room, giving no shits as to who could hear him. “It seemed like he’d been hitting the shit harder than usual, but fuck, I thought he knew better after the last time.”
“The last time?” Jett sipped a coffee she’d gotten from a machine and grimaced.
I sat in an uncomfortable chair, watching Rowen pace back and forth in front of me. The three of us sat on one end of a relatively full waiting room. The emergency room was a happening place at this time of night.
Rowen laughed, a bitter sound that made me recoil. “Don’t think this is the first time this has happened. It’s not even the second. This is Arrow’s fifth OD. You’d think he’d learn but apparently not.”
Angrier than I could ever recall seeing him, Rowen’s hands clenched into tight fists like he wanted to beat the hell out of something. Or someone. He’d stalked into the emergency room already fuming.
I remained a worried wreck. “Shouldn’t you save the anger for when we know he’s ok?” I dared to ask, fearing his wrath being turned my way. “I mean, this is pretty serious.”
“Oh, he’s definitely ok. I don’t doubt that for a minute. It would take a lot more than a little too much coke to kill Arrow.” With a heavy sigh Rowen dropped down into the chair beside me. “If anything kills Arrow, it’ll probably be me.”
Knowing he was just venting didn’t make that declaration sound any better. It stirred up a brand-new worry that had me sitting up straighter in my seat. “Don’t talk like that. Don’t speak shit into the universe that you can’t take back.”
Rowen put his head in his hands and made a frustrated sound. “Fuck, Spike, it’s just so aggravating. Don’t think I don’t love him because I do. But I’m starting to reach my limit on how much I can take.”
“Dude, no.” Jett set her nasty coffee on a table littered with three-year-old magazines. “Don’t say stuff like that. He’s a massive pain in your ass. I don’t doubt it. But he’s family, and you don’t give up on family.”
I was glad she’d said it and not me. Lecturing Rowen about his brother didn’t seem like something I had a right to do. But I kind of wanted to slap him upside the head. We didn’t know how Arrow was yet, and here Rowen was ranting and raving.
Rowen turned to me with a thoughtful frown. “He’s been using more since you all went to the prison realm. Maybe it’s linked to what happened there. He doesn’t like to talk about it. About Rhine. But I want to know. What all went on there?”
He’d lowered his voice, but I glanced about anyway, wary of anyone overhearing. Everyone seemed to be preoccupied with their own emergencies.
“What did he tell you?” I hedged, wanting to avoid this topic at all costs. Not because anything especially traumatic had occurred there but because it had been a hell realm will hellish things. The worst of them being Rowen and Arrow’s father.
“He told me the gist of it. What it looked like. The demons tormenting one another. The whole carnival scenario. He won’t talk about Rhine.” Rowen sat back in his chair, angled toward me. “So why won’t he talk about Rhine?”
Unable to meet his beautiful amber eyes, I glanced at Jett. No way was I telling him that Rhine had confessed to forcing himself on Rowen’s mother. Absolutely not.
Legs crossed, foot swinging, Jett shrugged. “Because Rhine was a grade-A cunt, Rowen. Total piece of shit. Arrow was relieved that you hadn’t come. He didn’t want you subjected to him.” Her flippant but on point explanation would have to do.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “What she said.”
Rowen looked from Jett to me like he knew we were keeping something from him. “There has to be more to it. What are you leaving out?”
“I don’t think it’s about Rhine.” I attempted to steer Rowen in a new direction. “I think Arrow feels guilty. About having a thing for me. I kind of got that vibe from him earlier.”
Considering this, Rowen chewed his bottom lip. He didn’t have many nervous tells, but I recognized it immediately for what it was. “Good,” he said softly. “I don’t blame him for seeing what I see in you, Spike. Just… Be careful. Arrow’s not the commitment type.”
I swallowed hard, and it hurt like there were razor blades in my throat. “Neither am I.” At least I hadn’t been before Rowen. And maybe I never would be again after him.
The most awkward silence I’d experienced in some time settled over us. I was torn between wanting to get up and walk out just to get away from Rowen and the urge to
grab him and shake him. To scream at him for fucking us up when we were perfect.
Would I ever get over the loss of us?
Wounded by my bitter reply, Rowen got up and went to pace on the other side of the emergency room. Jett came to sit in his vacated chair, offering me comfort with her presence and a sympathetic smile.
“I’m not sure I can do this, Jett. I feel like I’m failing both of them.”
“Are you kidding? From what I can see, you’re the only thing keeping those morons from completely self destructing. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. You’re doing your best and that will be enough. I’m sure of it.” Resting her head on my shoulder, Jett slung an arm around me.
We sat there watching the tiny TV in the corner. It played the National Geographic channel on mute. Just when I was about to grab an outdated People magazine from the table, a nurse came to speak to us. Spying her approach, Rowen hurried over. My heart quickened its pace as I stood up, dragging Jett with me.
The nurse’s neutral expression told me nothing, and that scared me. “You brought Arrow in?”
“Yeah, I’m his brother. Is he ok?” Despite Rowen’s crappy attitude about Arrow, he couldn’t hide the fear that filled his eyes.
The nurse pursed her lips and scrutinized us each in turn. We were rockers; judgment was a daily thing for us. Still, she didn’t have the right. “He’ll be fine. We gave him some sodium bicarbonate to bring his heart rate back to a normal pace. Gave him some fluids. Tested blood and urine. It wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. He’ll be discharged soon. The doctor recommends that someone keep an eye on him for the next twenty-four hours, and it would be wise for him to attend treatment for his addiction. Any questions?”
I sat back down, almost missing the chair. The sudden swell of relief left me a little dizzy.
The nurse continued. “I hope you all realize how serious this could have been. We didn’t have to tranq him this time, and the hyperthermia was minor. However, cocaine really screws with the central nervous system.” She went on about the various effects of coke and the many ways it can fuck someone up.
I tuned out, unable to listen. All I knew was that Arrow was ok, and I couldn’t let her scare me with horror stories. I knew what kind of dangerous game he played.
Almost five hours after bringing Arrow in, we were able to take him home. Lucky didn’t even begin to cover it.
“You two should take Arrow back to your place, Spike.” Jett yawned. The entire night had been eaten up in the ER. “I’ll grab Sam and take him to Doghead until sunrise. Then we’ll sleep at my place through the day.”
Doghead was Jett’s pack. Their clubhouse would be relatively safe. Most demons didn’t bother the wolves because of Alexa, local vampire queen and Hound of God. The wolves fell under her protection, and she’d proven to be someone most demons didn’t want to tangle with.
“Alright, that sounds good.” I glanced at Arrow who sat slumped in Rowen’s car while the three of us talked about him outside it.
“No,” Rowen protested. “I’ll drop you and Arrow off at your place. I’m not going to stay.”
“But—”
He cut me off. “It’ll be sunrise soon. It’s fine. I’ll come by at sunset. I’d rather go home.”
Instead of arguing I simply said, “Fine.” I gave Jett a hug and thanked her profusely. Then I got into Rowen’s car and didn’t say another word until we reached my apartment.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Rowen said nothing the entire drive. Not even when we stopped by Arrow’s house for him to grab some things. With each passing street the tension in the car grew. I seemed to be the only one who felt it. Arrow sat in silence, staring out the window until we reached my building. Then he got out and slammed the car door without so much as a glance at Rowen.
I opened my door to get out and paused. “He needs you, Rowen.” It was the best I could offer. I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling him that I needed him too. Because that wasn’t us anymore.
He nodded but didn’t turn to look at me. “Call me if anything comes up. I’ll see you later.”
Rowen needed time to cool down. And we all needed to get some rest. It had been a stressful few days. So with a quiet, “Goodnight,” I got out and followed Arrow up the front walk.
“You know I really don’t need to be here, angel girl.” Arrow listed to the side but kept from losing his balance entirely by grabbing the handle of the lobby door. “I’d be just fine sleeping it off at home.”
“Doctor’s orders.” I steered him inside. “No point arguing. Just do as you’re told.”
“Well, if you’re giving the orders, then I’ll happily take them.” A wry but tired smile graced his lips. “Can we take the elevator? I’m too exhausted for the stairs.” Five hours in a hospital waiting room can really suck the life from a person.
I punched the button for the elevator.
Once we were inside my apartment, I set about brewing some tea, which I then forced on Arrow. “It’ll relax you. Help you sleep. You can take my bed. I’ll crash on the couch.” I pushed the tea into his hand despite his reluctance to take it.
“I’m not taking your bed, Spike. It’s cool. The couch works for me.” To emphasize his insistence, Arrow sat on the couch and raised his mug. “Thanks for being so chill about this. I know I fucked things up tonight. I’m sorry.”
I stood in the middle of the living room, unsure of what to say but knowing I had to say something. “Rowen’s pretty upset. He said you’ve been using more since we went to the prison realm. Is that true?”
Arrow blinked a few times. He looked drained. Hand trembling, he set the tea down on the coffee table. “Guess he’s paying closer attention than I am. I slipped tonight. I fucked up. But he’s reading too much into it.”
“Is he?” I challenged. “I tapped into you tonight, when you were pretty out of it. I felt guilt. Your guilt. Arrow, drowning yourself in coke is not the way to handle it.”
He looked me right in the eye and said, “I slipped up. That’s all.”
Ok, so he wasn’t up for therapeutic discussion. Neither was I. We were less than an hour from sunrise, and I was bagged.
I finally managed to convince Arrow to take my bedroom after deciding to watch some TV in an attempt to wind down from the events of the evening. Although he was still obviously reluctant, fatigue won out.
Before he retreated to my room he dug a folded piece of paper out of a pocket and thrust it at me. “It’s not really a gift or anything. I know you’re not into that Valentine’s Day shit. Just wanted you to have it.”
He didn’t wait for me to read it before disappearing into the bedroom. I unfolded the paper to find the lyrics to the song he’d written about me.
I have never wanted to be on fire so bad
In you I see everything I'll never have
And it's ok cuz I know I don't deserve you
I want to dwell in that place where the light meets the dark
Where the shadows kiss the flames
Even though it tears me apart
Can I tell you everything
I need you to know
Would you ask me to stay
Or tell me to go
So far apart our loyalties lie
You’re standing in the light
While I embrace the dark side
Every time I look into your eyes
I see the place in between
Where Heaven and Hell collide
Swallowing hard, I read through them several times with a lump in my throat before tucking the paper away in a kitchen drawer.
I grabbed a pillow and blanket and flung them on the couch without bothering to pull out the couch bed. As tired as I was, sleep eluded me. So I drank a hot tea with honey and watched reruns of Archer. Because I was paranoid, every twenty minutes or so I crept to the bedroom door and peaked in, ensuring Arrow was still breathing.
The sky was still dark, just beginning to lighten, when there came
a knock at the door. Expecting nobody at this time of day, I padded over to peek out the peephole. Koda stood on the other side. Most definitely unexpected. Not to mention suspicious.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Trying to be quiet I opened the door a few inches. Because of Cinder’s wards Koda couldn’t get in anyway, but that didn’t make me any less wary.
Right away I noticed his unease. “You can’t stay here, Spike. It’s not safe for you anymore. I know that you have no reason to believe a single word I say, but believe this: you’re not safe anywhere. If I were you, I’d get to the closest church with angel protection and stay there until this all blows over.”
I gaped at him, trying to figure out what his agenda was here. “I’m supposed to just abandon my home and hide out in a church like some kind of total chicken shit? Cinder is missing. I intend to find him. What do you care anyway?”
“Look, I don’t have much time. Shit is about to get uglier than you’ve ever seen it. You need to believe that. Don’t put yourself at risk by making stupid decisions.” There was a pleading in Koda’s crimson eyes that I’d never seen before. It struck a nerve.
“Do you know something?” I demanded. “Do you know where Cinder is?”
“No, but I imagine he can take care of himself. You on the other hand, I’m not so sure.” Koda put his hand on the door frame, and an unseen force zapped him, thrusting him back several feet. He cursed. “You better hope that ward holds. Because if Wren has Cinder, it’s coming down. And you’ll be sorry you didn’t listen to me when you had the chance.”
The dawn began to break, and I knew Koda didn’t have much time. Near seconds at best. “You know something. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Tell me what you know, Koda.”
“Just get out while you can, Spike. Leave this one to the angels. You can’t face Wren. You’d be a fool to try.” Before I could grill him further, the dawn forced Koda from his physical form.
