“That was her choice, Dane!” I yelled, fisting my hands at my sides. The longer this conversation continued, the angrier I got. I couldn’t tell which way was up, and Dane sure as hell wasn’t helping matters.
“No, it wasn’t. You made that choice for her the minute you decided to keep your snake of a girlfriend happy before thinking about what losing you would do to Jade. You just stopped seeing her, talking to her, all for a girl that is playing you like a damn violin. You’re a fool, Reid, a damn fool.”
I stood there, mouth agape, as Dane turned his back on me and walked away. I had no response to what he’d said. But then again, I couldn’t deny a single word he’d said.
It hurt me to acknowledge it, but he was right. About all of it. When Stella had told me I couldn’t be friends with Jade anymore, I should’ve told her it wasn’t going to happen, but instead I’d acted out of desperation, and given her what she wanted. I’d cut Jade loose, only seeing her on the odd occasion, and even then I kept my distance. I pretended that it wasn’t hurting her, pretended it didn’t kill me inside to shut her out, but I was only doing more damage. Damage I wasn’t sure how to fix.
“SHE HIT ME, Reid!”
Stella’s shrill voice grew louder, more hysterical. Her lip was swollen and her cheek had started to bruise where she said Jade had hit her.
“Don’t yell, Stella. I don’t need Dane and Kennedy coming in here.”
Stella stomped her foot – God, when had she become so childish? – and fisted her hands at her sides. Her eyes were puffy and filled with tears.
“I don’t care about your friends! They were mean to me, and they did nothing when Jade attacked me!”
I pulled both my hands through my already disheveled hair, struggling for my composure. Stella’s behavior had become erratic as of late, and only seemed to be getting worse.
“All I asked, was for you to tell me the damn truth,” I said tiredly. It was well after one in the morning, and when I’d come to check on Stella after talking to Dane and Kennedy, I decided it was time to get some answers. Whether or not she told me the truth was a different story, and I wasn’t sure what to believe. I was caught between my girlfriend, and the girl I was still very much in love with.
What did that make me?
“I told you the truth,” cried Stella. “But you’d rather side with your friends, than with your girlfriend. Do I mean that little to you?”
“Of course not,” I replied. “It’s just that it’s so unlike Jade to do anything like this.”
Stella huffed, and her face twisted into an ugly scowl. “Jade is jealous, Reid. She hates that we’re together, she told me herself.”
“What else did she say?” I asked.
Stella looked away, and started shuffling on her feet. “She said she’d do whatever it took to get you back, and get me out of the picture.”
Alarm bells started ringing in my head, and I felt my body straighten involuntarily. Firstly, Stella wouldn’t look at me when she relayed what Jade had supposedly said, and secondly, I knew Jade, and she’d never say something like that. I’d have bet my life on it if need be.
My brows creased, but before I could call Stella on it she flung herself at me, and started sobbing in my neck. At first I had no idea what to do with my hands, but then I figured I had to do what any caring boyfriend would do and reassure her. I gingerly wrapped my arms around her, and held her until she calmed down, very aware that she had in all likelihood played me for a fool.
I turned us around and walked her backwards to our bed. She started kissing my neck, and when I eased her onto the mattress she started unbuttoning my shirt. Everything, even thoughts, about being intimate with Stella felt wrong, like I was betraying Jade somehow. And I knew I wasn’t because it was Jade who had walked away from me. Still, I had no desire to have sex with Stella, and that in itself should’ve been another warning – YOU DON’T BELONG WITH THIS GIRL – and yet I stayed. Like a fucking pussy afraid of being alone, I stayed.
“Stop,” I murmured, wrapping my hands around Stella’s wrists. Her skin was pale next to mine, and I immediately started comparing it to Jade’s warm caramel skin. I was a jerk. A big one.
“I want to have sex with you, Reid,” whined Stella. Gone was the distraught girlfriend from seconds ago, and in her place was the girl who knew how to play me to get what she wanted. Sadly for her, this was one thing I wasn’t ready to give yet. “We’ve been together for almost two months, and you haven’t wanted to fuck me yet.”
The way she said it made my skin crawl, and any hope of a hard on fizzled like a dying flame. She saw sex as ‘fucking’, and nothing more, and I realized then that after Jade I would never be able to see sex as just that. I wanted that connection, I craved it, and realizing that Stella couldn’t give it to me was like a slap to the face.
I couldn’t do this with her anymore. I was putting myself through the wringer, and leading Stella to believe that I could love her. I’d become the worst kind of guy, the kind that used one girl to get over another despite knowing it would never work.
“I can’t do this with you right now,” I said. “Please, just go to sleep.”
Stella’s face was blank of emotion, but I saw the latent anger flashing in her shallow eyes. She wasn’t going to let this lie, but I was going to end things before she could rip me apart over it. I just had to wait until we were back from Cabo.
She disentangled herself from me, and turned her back as she crawled under the covers. I was too wound up to sleep, so I stood up, and made my way into the living room, shutting the door behind me. There were murmurs coming from the kitchen, and when I followed the sound I found Kennedy talking to our friend Grady. He had a scowl etched onto his face, and Kennedy looked worried.
“Everything okay?” I asked. They both looked up at me, and if looks could kill, I’d be a pile of ash on the floor.
“No,” said Grady, “It’s not, but we’re dealing with it.”
The way he said ‘we’re’ didn’t sit well with me at all. “What’s wrong?”
Kennedy sighed, and turned her head towards Grady. “He’ll find out one way or another,” she said. “Might as well tell him.”
“You do what you think is best honey bee. I have to get going, but I’ll text you when I get back.”
He turned around without sparing me another glance and left.
“Tell me what?” I prompted.
“I’m only telling you because I know you care about Jade. She’s leaving, her parents are sending a jet.”
“Why would she do that?”
Kennedy wrung her fingers together, and refused to meet my eyes. “Grady said she’s really sick, and she wants to go home.”
“I’ll go talk to her,” I said, moving towards the door.
Kennedy’s hand shot out and grabbed my forearm. “You’ve done enough,” she said quietly. “Just let her go, Reid. She needs some space from you. You can talk to her when we get back.”
Her hand fell away, and she left me standing in the kitchen, alone with my worry, and the clusterfuck of emotions colliding in my chest. For whatever reason, I listened to Kennedy’s advice, but as soon as we got back to Brighton, Jade and I were going to talk, and I wasn’t going to let her get away without hearing everything I had to say.
Chapter 5
Jade
Little Feet
Raquel Matthews was not a nervous woman. Ever. She was always well put together, composed, and sure. But the look on her face told me my mother was as nervous as I was as we waited in Dr. Burke’s consulting room.
Dr. Burke had been our family doctor since before I was born, and my mother had already scheduled an appointment by the time we landed back on home soil. Grady had dropped me off at the airport, and waited until my father’s jet had landed. I’d asked him to let Kennedy know I’d come home, and that I’d call her as soon as I could.
“What about Reid?” He’d asked. “You know he’ll be going out of his mind when he finds ou
t you’re gone.”
“I don’t care what you tell him,” I’d replied. “I doubt he’d care after what happened with Stella.”
On the cab ride over to the airport, I’d finally broken down and told Grady what had happened with Stella, and to say that he was ready to rip her apart was an understatement.
“Don’t you worry about that bitch,” he’d said angrily. “You can bet your fine Spanish ass that Kennedy and I will take care of her.”
I hadn’t bothered fighting him on it. I knew once he’d set his mind on something there would be no getting him to change it.
I could only hope there would be no residual blowback from Reid.
Dr. Burke walked into the room, and my mother and I both sat up straighter. I’d been feeling anxious ever since she’d done the blood and urine tests, and couldn’t quite explain why I had the strangest feeling in my stomach – like little flutters or something. I’d had very little to eat since we landed, but didn’t want to risk eating anything. I was sure it was nothing more than a stomach bug that had made me sick.
“Your tests came back,” said Dr. Burke. She took a seat on the other side of her large, ornate mahogany desk, and frowned down at the papers in front of her. “When was the last time you had your period, Jade?”
My forehead crinkled. “Two weeks ago,” I replied. “Why?”
“Well,” she sighed, “It would appear that you’re pregnant.”
What?
“No,” I shook my head. “That can’t be. I haven’t had any morning sickness, and I haven’t skipped a period.”
“I tested both your blood, and your urine twice to make sure. You’re definitely expecting, Jade. Some women still get their periods, and may experience little to no morning sickness at all. ”
Time stopped, right along with my heart.
Pregnant.
A baby.
My mind raced with every possible explanation, but stringing together a coherent thought was as challenging as trying to open my mouth to speak.
“Is that what made her so ill?” Asked my mother. I looked at her, expecting her to be mad, or at least disappointed, but her face was soft, and filled with worry. How could she be so fucking calm? I’d just found out I was pregnant, and was on the verge of freaking the fuck out.
“No,” replied Dr. Burke. “But because Jade had no idea she was pregnant, she could have easily ingested something that most pregnant woman are advised not to eat.”
I thought back to the night before, and what I’d eaten, but it was a blur of meaningless moments. I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that I had a baby growing inside me.
Reid’s baby.
I felt a sense of panic start to creep in, and I grabbed my mothers’ hand on the armrest between us. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t break down.
She squeezed my hand in reassurance, and I somehow knew I wasn’t about to go through this alone.
“Can we find out how far along I am?” I croaked, grateful to have found my voice.
Dr. Burke smiled softly. “We can do an ultrasound, and find out. You should also be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat.”
She rose from her desk, and my mother and I followed.
“I’ll have one of our ultrasound technicians meet you in here,” – she opened a door to a room kitted out with an ultrasound machine, and a bed – “and she’ll help you get situated. I’ll be with right with you.”
I stepped inside, and turned to face my mother, my hands clasped tightly. I had no idea what to say to her just then. Did I apologize for being pregnant or being pregnant at the tender of twenty?
Both would insinuate I was sorry, but then I’d have to be sorry about what happened with Reid, and I wasn’t. Not for one second. I was, however, sorry that things had ended up this way, and that I was here experiencing this life-changing moment without him.
I wanted so much to talk to my mother about everything, but thought better of it when a curvy African-American nurse walked in.
“Jade Matthews?”
I nodded, swallowing the bundled nerves in my throat, and she smiled kindly. “You can lie down on the bed,” – she led me over to where I had to lie down – “and just lift your shirt over your stomach. I will be doing your ultrasound today, but Dr. Burke will be with us shortly to observe.”
Wordlessly, I climbed onto the narrow bed, and lifted up my shirt. My mother stood at my side, and took my shaking hand in hers.
“I’m here, darling,” she said in Spanish. It was strange having her there, only because her and my father spent very little time at home. My mother was an interior designer, and her company designed hotels and large apartment blocks all across the globe. My father, Erik, was a retired pilot, but had started his own charter company when I was twelve years old. When celebrities, congressmen, and even world famous musicians needed to charter planes, or jets, my father’s company was the one they sought out. I rarely saw them for long periods of time, so the fact that my mother had put her busy schedule aside to make sure I was okay meant a lot.
“This is going to be a little cold,” said the nurse. She applied some cool gel onto my abdomen, and I sucked in a breath because, fuck, it really was cold. Just then the door opened, and Dr. Burke walked in.
“Have you started yet, Sirenda?” She asked, looking at the nurse.
“You’re just in time,” she replied, looking up at the ultrasound machine. She pressed the wand down onto my stomach, spreading the gel around, and started clicking away. A loud swooshing sound filled the room, and after a few minutes I heard it.
The steady thump-thump thump-thump of my baby’s heartbeat.
No sound had ever been more life altering, or more terrifying. I couldn’t describe how it felt, knowing there was a new life inside me. It was actually...breathtaking.
“Wow, that’s a strong heartbeat,” said Dr. Burke. “160bpm, very good.”
“You’re about sixteen weeks,” said the nurse, clicking a few buttons while moving the wand around. “Baby weighs just over three ounces, and measures in at,” – click click – “four and a half inches. Perfect.”
My mother let out a slight whimper, and when I looked at her I saw she’d shed a few tears.
“Mama.” I tightened my grip on her hand, feeling the urge to cry myself.
“Your due date is round about August 18th, Miss Matthews. That means conception took place...” Click. Click.
“Thanksgiving,” I finished. My baby was conceived over Thanksgiving. After that first night with Reid in Barcelona, the night after we’d laid my sweet grandmother to rest. I didn’t miss the irony of it at all.
I saw the look on my mothers’ face, and knew she was thinking the same thing I was.
“Bendición,” she whispered, her eyes watery.
Blessing.
A profound sense of peace blanketed me just then, and I smiled – it was a real smile, honest and light. How could I be upset when the magnitude of this baby’s presence was so overwhelming? The timing was wrong, but also so perfect, especially after I’d had such a hard time saying goodbye to my grandmother.
This baby felt like a gift somehow, and I refused to allow my fears to take away from that.
The nurse printed some pictures for me, and cleaned me up before helping me sit up.
“Your next appointment is in four weeks, and then we’ll be able to see if it’s a boy or a girl.”
“Thank you,” I replied.
She left the room, and my mother started firing questions at Dr. Burke.
“Just be sure to take your prenatal vitamins every day,” she told me. “My receptionist will give you a list of foods you’ll need to avoid. If you experience any cramping or bleeding, you have my emergency number. I want you to call me if you have any concerns or questions, okay Jade?”
“I will, thank you Doctor.”
She left the room, and I finally looked down at the pictures in my hand. I rubbed over the image over and over again.
I was
going to be mom.
And Reid was going to be a dad.
“ARE YOU GOING to tell him?” My mother asked on our way home. I’d decided to stay at their house for the remainder of spring break. Staying alone wasn’t something I wanted to do, and was hoping to have some more time with my mother before she went back to work.
“I’ll have to,” I replied. I took my phone out of my purse, and turned it on. It started pinging loudly as several texts from Kennedy, Grady and Reid started coming through. Reid had called me twelve times in the last six hours, and his texts ranged from:
Where are you? to Answer your phone, please!
His last one read, I’m sorry, please talk to me.
As much as I wanted to speak to him, tell him the news, I just wasn’t ready. I needed some time.
“What do you think daddy will say?” I asked. My mother pulled into their long driveway, and stopped in front of the garage. She shut the car off, and twisted in her seat to face me.
“I think he’ll have some concerns,” she replied, fingering her car keys. “But you know we will support you, Jade.”
She looked down, and I heard her sniffle.
“Are you okay, mama?”
“Si,” she replied. “I’m just very sorry that your father and I have been too busy to see that you were going through some things.”
It was my turn to look away. I couldn’t ease her guilt because she was right. Her and my father, although both very loving and supportive, had been very absent. I was going to need them now, and I was afraid they wouldn’t be there.
My phone rang and when I looked at the screen I saw Reid’s name. I contemplated answering, but it was too soon. I switched it to silent, and just allowed it to go to voicemail.
“Let’s get you inside,” said my mother. “I’m going to call your father, so that we can discuss everything.”
I simply nodded, climbed out of the car and followed my mother inside. I made us both some tea, and waited at the breakfast bar in the kitchen while she phoned my father.
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