Kamal said, ‘How do you know it’s different? Seeing him from the outside, people thought my father to be one of them too. I know it wasn’t so, but the truth couldn’t rest on my knowledge alone. Where’s the evidence before the world?’
Again Haren had nothing to say, so he kept quiet. Kamal went on: ‘All of you have heard my story, probably with great relish. You are silent as to whether my actions were good or bad, whether my life is pure or tainted. You respect me only because what I do is carried out openly, defying everybody, and not in secret. Haren Babu, I haven’t had so much respect from the world that I can lightly dismiss what I get; but as you’ve come to know so much about me, you should also know that this respect hurts me more than the disrespect shown by Akshay Babu and his like. I can tolerate that, but this is unbearable.’
Harendra remained speechless as before. He felt deeply humiliated by Kamal’s words, and still more at the cold severity of her voice. After a while he asked, ‘Can’t you believe that one can respect a person in spite of differences in ideas and attitudes—at least, that I can do so?’
Kamal replied very calmly, ‘I didn’t say that I can’t believe it, Haren Babu. I say such respect oppresses me.’ She paused and then continued, ‘There’s not much difference between your ideas and principles and those of Akshay Babu and his circle. Except for their excessive and gratuitous severity, you’re all much the same. So also with your respect. The defiance shown by my not hiding or suppressing myself has earned me your admiration. Of what value is it, Haren Babu? Rather, when I think about it, I feel repelled that you’ve been applauding me only for that.’
Harendra said, ‘Was it wrong to applaud you? Does courage matter nothing in life?’
Kamal said, ‘Why phrase all your questions in such extreme terms? I don’t say it matters nothing. I only say that it’s rare, and dazzles by its rarity; but there are greater things that, viewed from outside, look like want of courage.’
Haren shook his head and said, ‘I don’t get your meaning. What you say often sounds like riddles, but what you are saying today goes even beyond that. You seem to be utterly distracted today. You don’t know what you’re saying, or to whom.’
‘That’s true,’ said Kamal. She remained silent for a while and then said, ‘Perhaps so. Perhaps I myself hadn’t known all this time what it is to be truly respected. I was startled the day I found out. Don’t take offence, Haren Babu, but compared to that, everything today seems to be a mockery.’ As she spoke, her stern gaze was overshadowed by a soft quietude. Harendra had never seen this image of Kamal. He was convinced that she was addressing some other, absent person; he merely provided an occasion for the address. That’s why everything appeared like a riddle to him.
Kamal went on: ‘Just now you were praising my reckless courage. By the way, do you know that Shibnath has left me?’
Harendra hung his head in embarrassment and said, ‘Yes.’
Kamal said, ‘We had agreed privately that if the occasion arose, we would part very easily in this way. Not by signing documents—just casually.’
Harendra said, ‘Brute.’
Kamal said, ‘That applies to your friend Akshay Babu. Shibnath is a worthy person. I don’t have many complaints against him. And what’s the use of complaining? In the heart’s court, ex parte justice is the only kind of justice available; there isn’t any appeal bench either.’
Harendra said, ‘That means you don’t accept any bond other than that of love.’
Kamal said, ‘At first there was no other bond between us. And had there been, what use would it have been to get it endorsed? The external tie of a paralysed limb is a huge burden. It oppresses you the more you try to make it work.’ She was silent for a moment and then continued, ‘You think that I say all this only because we didn’t have a real marriage; that otherwise I wouldn’t have. I could have even so, but that wouldn’t have solved my problem so easily. The paralysed limb would have hung on to this day and, like most women, I’d have had to bear the burden of that misery all my life. I’ve escaped that, Haren Babu. Luckily, the door to freedom was open, and I could escape.’
Harendra said, ‘You might have escaped, but if everyone wanted to keep the door of freedom open like this, the very foundation of the social system would be uprooted. No one can imagine the shape of that horror—one can’t even think of the possibility.’
Kamal said, ‘It can be conceived of, and you’ll have to do so one day. That’s because the last chapter of human history is yet to be written. If a day’s ceremony were to bar one’s way to freedom forever, it couldn’t be accepted as a preferable system. There are precepts for mending every error in the world: no one sees anything wrong with that. So how can I admit that it’s good to deliberately remove the means of correction where there’s the greatest risk of error and the greatest need for remedy?’
Harendra had always felt a deep compassion for the miseries of this young woman. He never took part in the hostile discussions about her; he would protest when her opponents brought out all kinds of proof of her allegedly irrefutable baseness. When they condemned her by citing instances of her brazen ways and shameless utterances, Harendra, though defeated in argument, would do his utmost to convince them that these were not true of her life: that there was some hidden mystery which would surely be revealed one day. They would sarcastically reply that if she would only reveal it, the Bengalis of Agra would have peace. If Akshay were present he would angrily say, ‘You are all alike. None of you have my strong faith. You can neither accept nor reject. Some high-sounding modern English catchwords seem to have bewitched you.’
Abinash would say, ‘My dear Akshay, it’s not that we’ve heard those catchwords from Kamal for the first time; we knew them before. They can be picked up today from two or three books translated from English. It’s not the glitter of the catchwords that has taken us in.’
Akshay would sternly ask, ‘The glitter of what, then? Of Kamal’s beauty? Abinash, Haren is young and unmarried. He can be forgiven. But it seems she has even charmed the rest of you in the ripeness of your years.’ He would look askance at Ashu Babu at this point and then continue: ‘But it’s only the gleam of the will-o’-the-wisp: it’s born of slime. I can dearly foresee that she’ll drag many people into the slime. But she can’t seduce Akshay: he knows the true from the false.’
Ashu Babu would smile wryly at this, but Abinash burned with rage. Harendra would say, ‘You’re a true hero, Akshay Babu. I wish you victory. The day that you see us wallowing in slime, you can flap your elbows and dance on the shore. None of us will blame you.’
Akshay would reply, ‘I never do anything unseemly. I’m a householder and I conform to society as my simple understanding dictates. I don’t want to give a new interpretation to marriage, nor do I collect a host of rascally young men and deal in brahmacharihood. Go, brother—let the dust of more feet gather at your ashram; then you won’t lack prayer and worship. Soon the ashram will turn into the sage Vishwamitra’s hermitage, and you’ll have set up a record for all time.’
At this, Abinash would forget his anger and burst into uproarious laughter, while Ashu Babu’s face also lit up with a soft, suppressed smile. Nobody had faith in Harendra’s ashram: it was thought of as his private fad.
Harendra’s face would flush in anger, and he would say, ‘One can’t reason with beasts. They have to be dealt with by other means. But because such arrangements haven’t yet been made for you, you can butt whoever you like with your horns. You don’t discriminate between the decent and the vile, between men and women.’ Then turning to the other two he would say, ‘But how can you do this? His ugly insinuations seem a huge joke to you.’
Abinash would say with embarrassment, ‘No, no, why should we indulge him? You know Akshay has no sense.’
Harendra would retort, ‘You have less sense than he does. It’s just that one can’t see a person’s mind, Sejda. If one could, very few people would have the face to laugh and joke. Shibnath deceiv
ed Kamal with the illusion of marriage, but I firmly believe Kamal took that deception for a truth. She didn’t want to slight him in others’ eyes, bargaining with him over give and take, profit and loss. But even if she doesn’t want to do so, why should all of you let him go free? Shibnath is the object of her love, but who is he to you? You couldn’t tolerate her misplaced forgiveness of Shibnath. That’s the seed capital of your hatred for her. You may bank on it as long as you can, I’m quitting.’
Having had his say, Harendra left in anger that day. In his heart he was certain that one day Kamal would confirm she had genuinely been deceived in accepting a Shaivite marriage as the real thing: that she had not knowingly and deliberately sought shelter with Shibnath like a harlot. But today the very foundation of his faith crumbled. He had an unusual and deep sympathy—not only for a Harendra, Akshay or Abinash, but for everybody, man or woman. That is why he would associate himself with all kinds of work for the good of the people and the nation. This trait lay at the root of his brahmacharya ashram, his generous philanthropy, his habit of sharing things with everyone. But he had never imagined that she would, to his face, give such a devastating reply to his question.
Harendra was immeasurably devoted to India’s religious ideas and customs, her unique and distinguished civilization. He never denied its aberrations, whether caused by long bondage or through weakness of individual character; but he was deeply distressed by this audacious contempt, this denial of the basic principles of that ethos. He was repelled by the thought that Kamal’s father was a European and her mother a harlot: the blood of profligacy ran in her veins. He kept silent for two or three minutes and then said, ‘I’d better go now.’
Kamal could not gauge Harendra’s feelings. She only noticed a certain change in him. She asked softly, ‘But what about the problem that brought you here?’
Harendra raised his face and asked, ‘What was that?’
Kamal said, ‘You’d come to ask about Rajen, but you’re going back without having learnt anything. Tell me: has there been any unpleasant comment about his staying here? Tell me the truth.’
Harendra said, ‘Even if there is such comment, I don’t share in it. I’m happy as long as he’s out of police custody. I know him well.’
‘But what about me?’
‘You don’t care about such things.’
‘That’s largely true. At least I’m not on oath to conform to these things. But it’s not enough to know your friend. You must know the other party as well.’
‘I think that’s superfluous. I have no fears about someone whom I’ve come to know well over a long time. Let him stay wherever he likes. I’m not worried about him.’
Kamal looked silently at him for a few moments, then said, ‘People have to pass many examinations, Haren Babu. The answers one day may not match the questions of the previous one. You shouldn’t judge anyone so conclusively: you’ll be deceived.’
Harendra realized that Kamal was not talking in general terms but hinting at something specific. Yet he dared not ask her for more details. He dropped the subject of Rajen and began to talk about something else. He said, ‘We have decided to punish Shibnath as he deserves.’
Kamal was surprised. ‘Who are “we”?’ she asked.
‘Whoever they are, I’m one of them,’ said Harendra. ‘Ashu Babu is ill; he has promised to help me when he recovers.’
‘Is he ill?’
‘Yes, for the last seven or eight days. Manorama has already left. Ashu Babu’s uncle, who lives in Varanasi, came to take her away.’
Kamal silently heard this.
Harendra went on, ‘Shibnath knows that the arm of the law can’t reach him. Sure about that, he has cheated the wife of his deceased friend; he has deserted his own ailing wife, and brazenly ruined you. He knows the law very well, but he doesn’t know that it’s not the last word in the world. There are things beyond it.’
Kamal asked with amusement, ‘But what punishment have you determined for him? Will you arrest him and hitch him to me again?’ She laughed a little.
The idea suddenly seemed so ridiculous to Harendra that he too could not but laugh. He said, ‘But it’s intolerable that he should evade his responsibilities with such impunity, according to his whims. Of course there’s no reason why he should be hitched to you.’
Kamal said, ‘Then what’s the use of bringing him here? Will you give me the job of keeping watch over him, or will you force him to compensate me? First of all, I won’t accept his money, and secondly he hasn’t got any. I know how poor Shibnath is, even if no one else does.’
‘Then won’t he be punished at all for such a grave offence? However that may be, at least he needs to be told that you can still buy whips in the market.’
Kamal anxiously said, ‘No, no, don’t do any such thing. That would be too humiliating for me. I’ve burned so long with anger at the thought that he absconded like a thief: would I have stopped him from leaving if he’d been frank with me? At that time, the humiliation of his hide-and-seek seemed monstrous to me. Then suddenly there was this summons from death’s very quarter. Now that I’ve seen countless deaths with my own eyes, I’ve begun thinking along new lines. I now feel that his cowardice, in not telling me he was leaving, honours me. His secrecy, his deceit and all his frauds seem to add up to that. He gained me by deceiving me; but when he left, he had to repay the entire debt, both principal and interest. I have no grievances: I’ve got back all my dues. Give my regards to Ashu Babu and tell him that he mustn’t spell disaster for me by trying to do me good.’
Harendra failed to understand a single word of all this. He stood staring in amazement.
Kamal said, ‘Everything in this world isn’t meant to be understood by everyone, Haren Babu. Don’t be hurt. But no more about myself. Kamal and Shibnath are not the only people on earth; others too live here, they too have their joys and sorrows.’ With these words, she seemed to dispel in a moment the thick cloud of pain and misery with an innocent and tranquil smile. ‘Tell me how everyone is,’ she said.
Harendra said, ‘Tell me who you want to know about.’
‘Well, first tell me about Abinash Babu. I’d heard that he was ill. Has he recovered?’
‘Yes, but not fully. One of his cousins lives in Lahore. He’s gone there with his son to convalesce. He may not be back for a month or two.’
‘What about Nilima? Has she gone with them?’
‘No, she’s here.’
‘Here?’ asked Kamal in surprise. ‘Alone in that lonely house?’
Harendra hesitated a little and then said, ‘She really was put in a difficult situation, but God saved her. The opportunity arose for her to go to Ashu Babu’s house and nurse him.’
The news was so bizarre that Kamal did not ask anything more. She only waited curiously for the details. Harendra got over his hesitation, and signs of deep anger appeared in his voice, for he had had a little altercation with Abinash over this matter. Harendra said, ‘A person can do what he likes in his own house, but he can’t go to stay with his elder cousin taking along the grown-up widowed sister of his own wife. So he said to me, “Haren, you too are my relative; perhaps your house …” I replied, “First, I’m your relative, and a distant one at that; I’m not related to her. Secondly, it’s not my house but our ashram. Thirdly, the boys have now gone elsewhere and I’m alone.” At this Sejda was extremely worried. He couldn’t stay in Agra, people were dying all around; his cousin was sending letters and telegrams pressing him to come. He was in a great quandary.’
Kamal asked, ‘But haven’t I heard that Nilima still has her parents?’
Harendra nodded and said, ‘Yes, she does. I’ve also heard that she has a large household full of in-laws, but these factors weren’t discussed. Suddenly one day, along came a remarkable solution. I don’t know which side the proposal came from, but Boudi took charge of the ailing Ashu Babu.’
Kamal remained silent.
Harendra smiled and said, ‘But there’s e
very hope that she won’t lose her job. When Dada comes back, she can take up her old post of housewife.’
Kamal did not respond to this sarcasm, but remained silent as before.
Harendra went on, ‘I know that Boudi is a really virtuous woman. She couldn’t desert Sejda in his time of trouble: perhaps that’s what closed all those other roads for her. But it seems this road wasn’t open either when she was in distress. It makes me realize how helpless women are in our country, even for no fault of their own.’
Kamal still sat silently, saying nothing.
‘Perhaps you’re laughing to yourself on hearing all this. Aren’t you?’
Kamal shook her head and said, ‘No.’
Harendra said, ‘I often go to see Ashu Babu. Both of them asked about you. Boudi was extremely anxious—would you like to go there one day?’
Kamal instantly agreed and said, ‘Why not today, Haren Babu? Let’s go and see them.’
‘Today? Well, let me go and get a tonga if I can find one.’ He was about to leave the room when Kamal called him back and said, ‘If the two of us travel together in the same tonga, your friends at the ashram may be angry. Let’s walk.’
Harendra turned and said, ‘What does that mean?’
‘Nothing. It’s just something I said. Let’s go.’
19
WHEN HARENDRA AND KAMAL REACHED ASHU BABU’S HOUSE, it was almost afternoon. The master of the house was half-reclining on his bed, reading that day’s Pioneer. His temperature had been normal for the past few days; his other symptoms were also abating, but he was still weak. As they entered the room, Ashu Babu put aside his paper and sat up. His face showed how glad he was. He had been afraid that Kamal might not visit him again. So he held out his hands to her and said, ‘Come and sit near me.’ Sitting her down on a stool near his bed, he asked, ‘How are you, Kamal?’
She answered with a smile, ‘I’m very well.’
Ashu Babu said, ‘It’s so only by the grace of God. Times are so bad that it’s hard to imagine anybody being well. Where were you for so long? I’ve asked Harendra every day, and he’s come back and said that your house is locked and there is no trace of you. Nilima thought you might have gone away somewhere for a few days.’
The Final Question Page 21
