Harendra only stared at her dumbly. He couldn’t imagine such a proposal. How could she, a woman, bring herself to utter it?
His unbounded confusion shook Kamal as well. She stood still for a few moments and then said, ‘My mistake, Haren Babu. Go home. This is why Nilima, the object of your infinite reverence, couldn’t find shelter in your ashram but only at Ashu Babu’s place. You know of only one kind of encounter between an unrelated man and woman in a lonely house: you have yet to learn that to a man, a woman can be anything but a woman. And you a brahmachari! Don’t wait any longer—go back to the ashram.’ Having said this, she disappeared into the dark balcony outside.
Harendra stood like an idiot for two or three minutes and then slowly climbed down the stairs.
20
NEARLY A MONTH PASSED. THE INFLUENCE OF THE EPIDEMIC ABATED. A few stray cases were heard of here and there, but not fatal ones. Kamal was in her room, intent on some sewing, when Harendra entered. He carried a bundle which he put down on the floor near her and said, ‘I’m sorry to push you when I see how hard you’re working. But these people are so insistent that, whenever they meet me, they ask, “Is the work done?” I tell them bluntly, “It’ll take a long time. If you’re in a hurry, tell me and I’ll return you the cloth.” But it’s funny how someone who’s once tried out your handiwork won’t go anywhere else. Just see. The Lalas have sent along this bolt of handspun silk and this specimen kurta.’
Kamal looked up from her sewing and said, ‘Why did you accept it?’
‘Do you think I did so easily? I told them it couldn’t be done before six months, and they agreed. See, they even thrust the money into my hand.’ He slapped down a few coins wrapped up in a banknote.
Kamal said, ‘If I keep getting so many orders, I’ll have to hire somebody to help me.’ She unwrapped the bundle, took a close look at the old sample kurta and remarked, ‘It was stitched by the master tailor of some big shop—I can’t make anything like this. I’ll simply spoil the expensive cloth. You’d better return it to the man.’
Harendra said in surprise, ‘Is there a better tailor than you?’
‘There are in Calcutta if not here. Tell him to send it to Calcutta.’
‘No, no, that can’t be. Do what you can—it’ll be good enough.’
‘No, Haren Babu, I can’t do it. If I could, I would have.’
She suddenly smiled and said,’ Ajit Babu is a rich, fashionable person. Why should he agree to wear any worthless old thing I might make him? There’s no point in spoiling the cloth unnecessarily. Take it back.’
Harendra was totally astonished. He asked, ‘How do you know it’s Ajit Babu’s?’
Kamal said, ‘I can read fortunes. Such expensive cloth, advance payment and yet six months’ grace—Hindustani Lalajis are not so stupid, Haren Babu. Tell him that I’m not worthy of stitching his clothes. I can sew cheap garments for the poor, but I can’t do this.’
Harendra was in a quandary. At last he said, ‘He wants it very much. I didn’t let on for a long time for fear you might come to know, and think we were somehow trying to give you something. I’d told him to buy some cheap ordinary cloth, but he didn’t agree. He said, “This is not a dress for daily use. This will be a garment made by Kamal herself. I want to wear it on special occasions, at festivals. I’ll preserve it carefully.” I think there’s no one on earth who respects you more than he does.’
Kamal said, ‘But didn’t many people hear just the opposite from him sometime ago? Perhaps you’ll remember that too if you try. Just think.’
It had happened only a few days ago: Harendra remembered perfectly. He was a little embarrassed and said, ‘It’s not untrue; but many people had such notions at one time. Perhaps Ashu Babu alone did not, but I even saw him looking perturbed one day. Take my own case. Today I don’t have to prove my words; but where would I stand if you were to test my present respect and devotion for you on yesterday’s touchstone?’
‘Have you tracked down Rajen?’ asked Kamal.
Harendra understood that all sentimental discussions were suspended for the day, as once before. He said, ‘No, not yet. But I hope I will—once he turns up of his own accord.’
Kamal said, ‘I wasn’t asking about that … I’d only asked you to find out whether the police have arrested him.’
Harendra said, ‘I’ve enquired. He’s not in their shelter right now.’
The news did not put Kamal at peace, but she felt somewhat relieved. She asked, ‘Can’t you try to find out in the leather workers’ quarter where he’s gone, and when? Haren Babu, I know how fond you are of him. These questions may seem superfluous; but for a few days now I’ve been in such a state that I can’t think of anything else.’ She looked so perturbed that Harendra was deeply struck. But the next moment she lowered her face and returned to her sewing.
Harendra stood there silently. Question after question arose in his mind: his curiosity knew no bounds, the questions almost escaped his lips; but he controlled himself, because he could not now determine the outcome of these questions. After some minutes, Kamal herself spoke. Having finished her sewing, she laid it down with a sigh of relief and said, ‘That’s enough for today.’ Then she looked up and exclaimed in surprise, ‘What’s this? Why are you standing? Couldn’t you pull up a chair and sit down?’
‘You didn’t tell me to sit down.’
‘What a thing to say! Won’t you sit down if I don’t ask you to?’
‘No, one shouldn’t sit down unless one’s asked to.’
‘But I didn’t tell you to stand either—so why do you keep standing?’
‘By that logic I shouldn’t be standing either. I admit I'm wrong.’
Kamal laughed. She said, ‘Then I also admit mine. It was wrong on my part to have been unmindful for so long. Please sit now.’
As Harendra drew up a chair and sat down, Kamal suddenly turned grave. She pondered something and then said, ‘Look, Haren Babu, both you and I know that there’s nothing in all this, yet it hurts. That I forgot to tell you to sit down, that I didn’t give you the treatment due to a guest—these lapses have not escaped your notice, although we’re such good friends. No, no, I’m not saying you’re angry, but somewhere inside you you’re a little hurt. People can’t fully do away with these conventions—there’s always some trace left somewhere. Isn’t that so?’
Harendra did not understand her meaning and looked at her in some bewilderment. Kamal went on: ‘So much confusion arises in life from such things, yet this is what people most often forget. Isn’t that so?’
Harendra asked, ‘Are you saying all this to me or to yourself? If it’s meant for me, speak a little more dearly. I can’t understand these riddles.’
Kamal said smiling, ‘These really are riddles. The road seems straight and clear: one doesn’t see any peril frowning ahead. It’s only when you stumble and bleed that you realize you should have been more careful: isn’t that so?’
Harendra said, ‘That may be true of roads; at least, one must be careful on the streets of Agra. The ashram boys often meet with such accidents. But the riddle remains a riddle. I still don’t understand what it means.’
Kamal said, ‘There’s nothing to be done about it then, Haren Babu. Everything can’t be fully understood as soon as told. Just see, nobody taught me such things, but I’ve had no difficulty in understanding them.’
Harendra said, ‘That only means you’re fortunate and I’m not. Either speak in a language simple people can understand, or else stop. The more I try to draw out your meaning, the more complicated it seems, like one of those Chinese fireworks. I can’t make head or tail of your argument: it starts from an unknown or unknowable premise and ends God knows where. Are you saying all this with Rajen in mind? I know him too. If you speak plainly, perhaps I’d understand something of your meaning. Otherwise, if I go on listening in this way to a sleeptalker, I’ll lose faith in my own wits.’
‘In your wits, or in mine?’ asked Kamal with a smile
.
‘In both.’
Kamal said, ‘I don’t know why, but since the morning I’ve been thinking not only about Rajen but about everyone—Ashu Babu, Manorama, Akshay, Abinash, Nilima, Shibnath—even my father …’
Harendra objected, ‘You mustn’t go on like this: you’ll turn sombre again. Your parents have passed away: I can’t bear to have them dragged back to earth. Rather, speak about those who’re alive. You wanted to talk about Rajen—why don’t you do so? I’ll listen. He’s my friend, I know him and love him. Trust me: I might run an ashram and do all kinds of other things, but I won’t deceive you. Like everybody else, I too like listening to love stories.’
Kamal’s gravity at once turned to mirth. She asked, ‘Do you only like hearing about others’ love? You have no temptations of your own?’
‘No,’ replied Harendra. ‘I’m the gang leader of the brahmacharis. If Akshay’s party came to know any such thing about me, they’d eat me alive.’
Kamal smiled again and said, ‘No, they wouldn’t. I’d tell you how to escape.’
Harendra shook his head. ‘You won’t be able to do that. Even if I close down the ashram and flee, I shan’t escape them. Now that Akshay has come to know me, he’ll keep me on the path of virtue wherever I go. Why don’t you speak about yourself instead? Start from the point where you said you can’t ever forget Rajen. I want to hear how you’ve come to love that young rascal so much.’
Kamal said, ‘I ask myself that very question time and again.’
‘Don’t you have any clue?’
‘No.’
‘I don’t think you ever will, and I don’t believe you’re truly fond of him.’
‘Why can’t you believe it?’
‘Never mind. I think I’ve already told you once. In any case, there are better candidates for your love. Do consider their cases before you reach a conclusion. That’s my only request.’
‘But cases can’t be judged on conjecture, Haren Babu. You have to put up evidence. Who’ll do that?’
‘They’ll do it themselves. They’re ready with the evidence: they’ll appear as soon as you call them.’
Kamal did not reply; she only looked up and smiled a little. Then she neatly folded the pieces of sewing, finished and unfinished, put them in a cane basket, and stood up. She said, ‘It must be time for your tea, Haren Babu. I’ll go and make some tea while you sit here.’
Harendra said, ‘I’ve been sitting all this while. But I have no fixed time for tea. I drink it when I get some, and don’t if there’s none going. You needn’t trouble yourself about it. May I ask you a question?’
‘Of course.’
‘You haven’t visited anybody for a long time. Have you stopped doing so on purpose?’
Kamal was surprised and said, ‘No. I never thought of it that way.’
‘Then why not pay a visit to Ashu Babu today? He’ll really be glad. You went there only once during his illness. Now he’s well. The doctor has ordered him not to go out, otherwise he’d have come here himself one day.’
Kamal said, ‘That wouldn’t be unexpected of him. I ought to have gone, but couldn’t because I was tied down with work. It was remiss of me.’
‘Then why not go today?’
‘Let’s—but in the evening. Just sit down while I make some tea.’ So saying, she left the room.
As they came out on the road in the half-dusk, Harendra said, ‘It would have been better to have gone while it was light.’
‘It wouldn’t have been,’ said Kamal. ‘Somebody who knows us might have seen us.’
‘So what? I don’t care about such things any longer.’
‘But I care about them now.’
Harendra thought she was being sarcastic. He said, ‘But what will those acquaintances think if they hear that nowadays you hesitate to come out with me alone?’
‘Perhaps they’ll think I’m joking.’
‘But can someone who knows you think otherwise? Tell me.’ This time Kamal kept quiet. Getting no response, Harendra said, ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with you today. Everything seems mysterious.’
Kamal said, ‘It’s better not to understand what’s not meant to be understood. I can’t forget Rajen—I remember him most whenever you come. He couldn’t find a place in the ashram. He could easily have stayed under a tree, but I didn’t let him do so. I fondly brought him home. He came to this room, but that didn’t confine his mind. It remained free in every way, like light and air. I seemed to find a new aspect of the male in him. I haven’t yet considered whether it’s good or bad—it might take me a long time to judge.’
Harendra said, ‘That’s a great consolation.’
‘Consolation? Why?’
‘I don’t know.’
Neither spoke after this. They both seemed somewhat abstracted. Harendra might have taken a roundabout route on purpose. By the time they reached Ashu Babu’s house, the evening was well advanced. There was no need to announce their arrival, but since Harendra had not come for five or six days, he asked the servant who let them in whether his master was well. The servant touched their feet and said, ‘Yes, he’s quite well.’
‘Is he in his room?’
‘No, they’re all chatting together in the front room upstairs.’
‘Who are “they”?’ asked Kamal as they went upstairs.
‘Boudi—perhaps others as well,’ said Harendra. ‘I don’t know.’
As they pushed aside the curtain, both of them were a little surprised. The air inside the room was heavy with the mingled smell of cigar and perfume. Nilima was not there. Ashu Babu was puffing a cigar, his legs sprawled along the arms of his chair. Near him, an unknown woman was sitting very straight on a sofa.
Her appearance was as pungent as the atmosphere of the room. She was a Bengali woman, but seemed to have no taste for speaking Bengali. Perhaps she was not used to it either. From the instant they stepped into the room, Kamal and Harendra heard her speaking continuously in English.
Ashu Babu turned and looked at them. His face lit up with joy as his eyes fell on Kamal. He attempted to sit up, but could not do so quickly. ‘Come, Kamal, come,’ he said, throwing away his cigar; then, pointing to the unknown lady, ‘This is a relative of mine. She arrived the day before yesterday. I hope I can persuade her to stay here for some time.’ He stopped for a while and said, ‘Bela, this is Kamal. She’s like a daughter to me.’
The two women made namaskars to each other.
‘And what about me?’ asked Harendra.
‘Ah yes, of course. This is Harendra—a very close friend of Professor Akshay. You’ll get to know each other better, Harendra—don’t worry.’ He beckoned to Kamal and said, ‘Come near me, Kamal. Let me hold your hand and sit quietly for some time. I’ve been longing to do this for some days.’
Kamal went across smilingly and sat beside him. Stretching out her hands, she drew his heavy arm on to her lap. Ashu Babu affectionately asked, ‘Did you have dinner before coming?’
Kamal shook her head and said, ‘No.’
Ashu Babu sighed gently and said, ‘But what’s the point of asking? I won’t be able to make you eat anything in this house.’ Kamal remained silent.
21
ASHU BABU LOOKED AT BELA, SMILED A LITTLE AND SAID, ‘Does my description fit the original? Do you admit that you shouldn’t have ridiculed it as an old man’s extravagance?’
The lady remained silent. Ashu Babu caressed Kamal’s hand a little and said, ‘People are surprised at the exterior of this girl, but it’s just as amazing to see her inward appearance too. Isn’t that so, Harendra?’
Harendra too remained silent. Kamal replied smiling, ‘It’s doubtful whether that’s true. But there’s no doubt that if anyone has mocked you for being extravagant, she’s perfectly correct. You have no sense of proportion.’
‘Nonsense!’ exclaimed Ashu Babu, and continued in a tone of deep affection: ‘I know I can’t possibly make you eat in this house, but tell me what you ate
at home today.’
‘What I do every day.’
‘Still, tell me. Bela thinks I’m exaggerating.’
Kamal said, ‘That means you’ve been talking a lot about me in my absence.’
‘I won’t deny that we have.’
The servant entered with a small card on a silver tray. The writing caught everyone’s attention and surprised them all. Ajit had once been like a son of the house; but though he was still in Agra, he did not come there any more. Perhaps this was to be expected. But the embarrassment and hesitation implicit in the avoidance had created such a distance between the two parties that not only Ashu Babu but everyone present was startled at his unexpected appearance.
A shadow of deep anxiety fell on Ashu Babu’s face. He said, ‘Bring him here.’
Ajit presently entered the room. He had not expected to find so many people, known and unknown.
‘Sit down, Ajit,’ said Ashu Babu. ‘Are you well?’
Ajit nodded and said, ‘Yes. How are you? Do you feel better now?’
‘I’m hoping the illness has left me,’ answered Ashu Babu.
The enquiries about each other’s well-being ended here. There might have been some more exchanges had Kamal not been present; but Ajit did not dare look in her direction for fear of meeting her eye. After everyone had sat silent for two or three minutes, Harendra began. He said, ‘Are you coming straight from home?’
Ajit was relieved to have to say something. He said, ‘No, not quite. I had to make a little detour in search of you.’
‘In search of me? What did you want?’
‘It’s not I but someone else. He has called for Rajen maybe four times since midday. I asked him to wait but he wouldn’t. Perhaps it’s not in his nature to wait patiently.’
Harendra said in alarm, ‘Who’s this man? What does he look like? Why didn’t you tell him that Rajen isn’t here?’
Ajit said, ‘I did. I don’t think he believed me.’
Harendra rose in agitation and left, entrusting Ashu Babu with the charge of reaching Kamal home. After he left, Ashu Babu said, ‘Kamal, I haven’t seen this boy Rajen more than two or three times. You don’t see him unless you’re in danger. But I think I can say I love him dearly. He seems to carry something precious with him. Yet Harendra tells me he’s very wild—the police have their eye on him, and there’s every risk that he might suddenly get into trouble and I’ll never come to know of it. Just see how he’s suddenly vanished, and nobody can trace him.’
The Final Question Page 23
