by A. C. Wilds
Cassy’s eyes meet mine in the mirror, and I quickly look away. I don’t need her to see the pain there over how my mother treats me, especially in front of others. I’m a disgrace in her eyes, and that’s another reason I can’t be the Meyer my family wants me to be.
“These dresses are gorgeous,” Desi says, her beautiful brown hair cascades over the shoulder of the dress. She’s stunning in purple; it makes her eyes pop.
“Agreed. They’re a bit on the puffy side, but it’s just one night,” Emerson teases. She’s another stunner, her curves filling out the dress in all the right places.
“Let’s start the fitting. Bliss, move over to the platform.” The seamstress comes from the backroom, beckoning me to the mirrors.
I stand on the platform, feeling vulnerable, and let the women prod and poke me until they are satisfied with the way the dress fits. I squirm underneath their touch and wait for this to be all over. I need a drink.
AND DRINK I DID. Until it was hard for me to sit in the chair at the restaurant they dragged me to after the fitting.
Bridesmaid Brunch, Cassy called it. It’s supposed to be fun—a tradition or something like that. I wasn’t paying attention. I heard free booze, and after all that time with Mother and her scowl, I needed to not see for a while.
“You’ve had too much to drink. As per usual,” my mother hisses to me after the waiters have taken our dishes.
“Keeping count? I thought you’d be ignoring me, as per usual.” Rolling my eyes, I try to prop my chin up on my hand, but miss. My head snaps back and I grip the table for support.
A sigh escapes Cassy’s mouth as her sorrowful gaze flutters to me. Yeah, I need to get out of here.
“I’m going to go. Thanks for brunch, Mother. It was delightful as ever to see you in good health and hideous personality. Cassy, see you at the altar.”
I give a mock salute as I stand up from my chair, wobbling in my Jimmy Choos. Emerson is up and clutching my arm with a frown of disapproval. She’ll have to get in line. More than enough people are ahead of her.
“You’re going to miss the bachelorette party? And the rehearsal dinner?” Cassy’s voice is close to frantic, like I’m the one who’s going to ruin it all for her.
“She’ll be there, dear. Bliss is having a moment. I’m sure it will pass.” Margaret Meyer’s threatening voice slides over me like a wet blanket. I fight the shiver that comes with it.
“I’m so glad to see that you still want to meddle in the lives of your children without their consent or the need for further information. You don’t give a shit who you hurt as long as it appears that you have the perfect family. Even when your children’s lives are on the line.”
The words are out of my mouth before I can censor them. Fuck, this isn’t going to be pretty.
“Leave. Now.” Her voice is deadly, her face red with rage. She knows exactly what she did. She put Tilly in an early grave, and I will never forgive her for it.
“I don’t really do the girl-party thing, but I’ll come to the rehearsal dinner,” I say to Cassy, grabbing my purse and storming out the backdoor of the restaurant.
The sea air hits me, soothing the stifling air that’s made a home in my lungs.
The sun is high in the sky, glinting off the water and inviting me to see it closer. I cross the boardwalk, down the alley the pier has made jutting out into the sea.
There are people all around. Some with families, others just enjoying the breeze off the water. Benches are sporadically placed throughout, but I don’t want to sit. I want to fly.
My shoes get caught in the grooves of the planks, but I press on. What is a pair of ruined shoes? It’s not like I can’t afford another.
Reaching the end, I grasp the ledge and lean over. The waves crash against the pillars, making a foam so luscious I want to bathe in it. The ocean water looks so inviting.
Hypnotized, I place my bag on the ground next to me. The wind blows my short dress up, but I don’t bother to hold it down. It’s not like the hotel guests didn’t get a glimpse of it last night.
I set my foot on the railing, boosting me up about two feet. The bar presses against my thighs. I’m not high enough.
I grasp the top rail and put my foot on the second rail. When I straighten, the top rail is at my knees. The wind is stronger up here, beating against me and making it hard to hold on with just my feet in these stupid shoes.
I have to take these shoes off. I want to feel everything, want to be taken out of this life for a moment. Leaning down, I grasp the rail with one hand and struggle with the strap of my right heel. It won’t budge. My alcohol-soaked mind spins as I turn upside down to grab the shoe with both hands.
The breeze brushes my face, then I’m falling into the water below. I have a second of clarity before the cool water pulls me under.
A heavy weight crushes my chest as I sink down to the bottom. The sun’s rays glimmer, out of my reach.
All I feel is acceptance and peace. The torment inside me is finally going to end.
I let go.
My eyes close as the pull of the underworld tugs me into a place where I can no longer feel pain or guilt, where I will be with Tilly like before the cancer consumed my sister, my best friend.
I gasp for air, my lungs filling with sea water. My vision blinks in and out. The pain of not breathing is too much. Before I black out, I see the face of my savior, and I know this battle is lost.
CHAPTER EIGHT
CARSON
From my perch, I see the only person I’d recognize in a sea of people. The taste of her is still on my mouth as I watch her fall into water.
I don’t think, only react. Grabbing my rescue can, I run as fast as my legs will take me, screaming for Ashton to call 911 in the walkie before throwing it on the sand.
My dive is flawless as I break the surface. The ocean is tortuous today, the tide strong, but I’m stronger. I use all my strength to kick, my adrenaline fueling me to swim faster.
She’s right there, three meters from me. She’s sinking, her raven hair a curtain in the water like an ink stain. Her eyes are closed. For a second, I think I’ve lost her.
My chest tightens at the thought of being without her. I shouldn’t feel this way about the girl who reminds me of everything I hate, but I do. There’s no more denying it.
I reach her just as she’s about to slip away and fall further into the abyss. Her small frame fits perfectly to mine as I push for the surface. I inhale a lungful of oxygen and thrust us forward with the last of my energy.
I see Ashton on the beach and hear the sirens in the distance. My feet hit the sandy bottom moments later, and gravity brings to my knees.
Ashton’s there in a moment, grabbing her from me and running onto dry sand. I scurry after them, dropping next to her prone form. Her lips are turning blue. Fear pulses through me.
Ashton begins chest compressions. I wait for his signal to do mouth to mouth. We don’t get far before the paramedics find us. We make way for them and let them work. She’s still not responsive.
Ashton’s hand is on my shoulder as we stare down, hoping and praying for her to come to. She has to. I can’t imagine her being gone. Now that I’ve accepted it, I want to know all of her.
She begins to choke, water flowing from her lips as the paramedics roll her on her side. She still doesn’t open her eyes, but both Ashton and I sag against each other in relief.
“We’re taking her to Mission if you want to let the next of kin know,” one of the paramedics says before they rush off with Bliss on the stretcher.
“Do you know how to get in touch with them?” I turn to Ashton for help. If I have to, I’ll call an old friend of Eli’s and find out. I’d do anything for her now that I’ve realized how much she means to me. I’m still unable to process the quick changes of my heart.
“Her brother’s name is Royce. Shouldn’t be hard to find from the front desk. I’ll go talk to them. You write up the report. I’ll let you know when I he
ar something.”
Ashton runs in the direction of the hotel. I simply stand there in shock, thinking about what could have happened, how close I came to losing her. I have to give us a chance. This is more than some social boundary standing between us.
BLISS
After I was released from the hospital, my mother gave me one of her lectures. It was more exhausting than almost dying.
My life is a mess. That’s what the fall from the pier showed me. I was irresponsible and reckless. My emotions took over logical sense. Once upon a time, I was a clear-headed medical-school student. Now, I’m just a hot mess.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay alone?” Cassy asks.
She came by after my mother left me with a headache. Her concern for me is more genuine than that of the woman who gave birth to me.
“Yeah, I just need to sleep. I’ll be fine for the rehearsal dinner,” I respond, picking up a piece of fruit from the platter Royce had delivered to my room.
She sighs and pats the couch where she’s sitting. “Real talk?”
I’m taken aback by her wanting to have a heart to heart. I haven’t done that in a long time.
I pick up my teacup and join her on the couch, every muscle in my body tense from what’s about to come.
Cassy pushes her hair to the side and puts a stern look on her face. I wonder if she uses this look with my brother. It’s quite frightening.
“I don’t think you’re this person. Royce explained everything to me. With what happened to Tilly.”
The sound of my sister’s name coming out of her mouth makes me tense up. I grip the teacup a little harder and try not to throw the liquid in her face.
“I don’t want to talk about her.” I adjust my leg underneath me and take a sip of my tea. The sting of the hot brew burns my tongue, but I welcome it.
“That’s the problem, Bliss. You haven’t talked about it, with anyone. You’ve held it all inside and turned to partying and drinking. It’s not healthy.”
Anger bubbles up inside of me. I slam my cup on the coffee table that’s between the two sofas.
Standing, I pull my robe tighter, mustering the meanest expression I can, but the tears that have been threatening all day fall before I can stop them. She’s right, but fuck if I’d admit it.
“Tilly is gone. There’s nothing to talk about. My parents killed her, and I couldn’t stop them. They knew the treatment was experimental, and yet they did it. They threw money at the doctors and expected them to fix her, but they couldn’t and she died. She died and left me here to fucking deal with all of this.”
I clutch my robe tighter around me as I get up. Turning away from her, I stalk to the mini bar. I need a fucking drink.
“Stop it,” Cassy says, twirling me around and grabbing onto my forearms. “You’re better than this. Smarter. Don’t let their mistake end your life, too.”
Her words cut deep, but there’s nothing I can do now. She doesn’t understand my pain. All the turmoil I’ve collected over the last two years has settled inside of me like tar, coating every part of me in darkness.
Shrugging her off, I open the fridge, looking for the reprieve I so desperately crave. Her exasperation sounds from behind me. It makes me pause for a moment. This woman I don’t know has taken it upon herself to be the first to help me. Royce hasn’t ever had this conversation with me.
I slam the fridge door shut and turn toward her, empty-handed. Her eyebrows raise in surprise as she crosses her arms, waiting for me to say something.
“Why do you care so much? It doesn’t make sense to me.”
“You’re about to become my family. Of course, I care. I don’t take my relationships lightly. Royce is your brother and he’ll always be there for you, but I want to be there for you as a friend. I can’t take Tilly’s place, but I want you to know you have an ally. Someone to count on when your mother gets—”
“Horrible? Bitchy? Aggravating?” I smile.
“Exactly. She’s not the easiest. We need to join forces.”
I laugh because if my mother is anything, it’s not easy. She’s a socialite. A perfect specimen of the entitled. She throws money at her problems or simply walks away. Royce is her star. Tilly was her moon. I’m what’s left.
“I’d like that. It’s been . . . a long time.”
She nods, picking her bag up from one of the chairs in the sitting room. “The bachelorette party is tonight if you change your mind. Desi and Emerson will be happy to see you.”
The thoughtful look she gives me almost makes me cave, but I can’t go out. Not with them. I don’t trust myself enough.
“I think it’s best I don’t.”
Holding out her arms, she offers me a hug. It’s been so long since I’ve had physical comfort from a female that I sink into it.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at the restaurant. Are you bringing someone?”
A smile passes my lips as I think about introducing everyone to Ashton. He’s going to be the perfect buffer.
“Ashton. He’s exactly what the party needs.”
“I like him already.” She laughs, giving me one last squeeze before letting go and leaving me with only my thoughts.
CHAPTER NINE
CARSON
I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like I’ve never talked to a girl before. But there is something about this that makes it more intimate. More than a boy just knocking on a girl’s door.
Squaring my shoulders, I rap three times on the door. I hear a rustle and footsteps approaching.
Bliss opens the door in nothing than a bathrobe. Her onyx hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun.
“Carson, you’re here,” she says, tying her robe tighter around her.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay. You scared me yesterday.”
“I’m okay. I was actually going to come by later to thank you, but it seems you saved me the trouble.”
I look her all over, taking in every inch of her to make sure she really is okay. Yesterday tore me in two, and it’s taken all of me to stay away.
“Can I come in?” I ask.
She worries her lip, then stands off to the side to allow me to pass. “I ordered some lunch. It should be here any minute. There’s plenty for both of us. You could stay.”
“I’d like that,” I say as I take a seat at one of the couches. Bliss walks around and perches on the opposite couch. Her robe slips open, showing her tanned legs, which she tries to adjust but can’t seem to.
She jumps up. “I’m going to change. Help yourself to a drink from the fridge. I think that beer you were drinking at the bonfire is in there.”
She’s gone so quick you’d think she was on fire. The fridge is the last place I want to go as I watch her retreating form. I want to go after her and pull her against me. Open that robe and make sure she’s okay. All of her.
Ten minutes later, she joins me again, dressed in yoga pants and a loose t-shirt. She’s like any other girl now, all the money washed away in the ocean.
“The food came while you were in the bathroom. I had them put it on the table.” I gesture to the dining set by the window.
When she said she ordered plenty of food, she wasn’t kidding. There is an assortment of fruit and cheese, two cheeseburgers, and a huge plate of cheese fries with what looks like tomato sauce on them. Comfort food. All things I would have ordered myself, except the fries. Gross.
“Thanks, let’s eat. I’m starving. I couldn’t look at food this morning, but I think my appetite is back. It all smells amazing.”
She plops down at the table and begins to pile food on her plate. I take a seat across from her and wait until she’s finished before I fill my plate.
“Do you like pizza fries?” she asks, watching me avoid the plate of fries.
I can’t help but laugh. “Pizza what?”
“Fries with sauce and cheese. It’s pizza fries or fry’s parmesan if you want to get fancy,” she says, popping one into her mou
th and moaning.
My body responds instantly, and I shift in my seat to ignore the twitch my cock is trying to make me pay attention to.
“It doesn’t look appealing.” I pick up my burger and take a bite, watching her every movement. She’s beautiful without all the extra stuff she puts on to impress people.
“It’s delicious, try it.”
She picks up the dish and extends it to me. I shake my head and rear back in mock disgust.
“Come, on. It’s delicious. Trust me.”
Nudging the plate more in my direction, I reach out and take a fry. Giving it one last scowl, I pop it into my mouth and chew tentatively. The first taste is sauce, which is pretty good, then the fry itself, and the finish with the cheese.
I feel my eyes widen in shock. “This is fucking amazing.”
“Told you! Here, take half. We can pig out together.”
Taking the plate from her, I pile it up with my new favorite food.
“Thank you,” she whispers and the mood in the room changes in an instant.
“What were you thinking?” It’s the question I’ve been asking myself ever since I saw her fall off the pier. Fear has prevented me from saying it out loud. What if she was trying to take her own life?
“I wasn’t. I was drunk, and my mother was being her usual self. I left the bridesmaid brunch, and the water called to me. The ocean is one of my favorite places. I feel calm there. Standing up on the railing was lifting me above all the noise. All the demons.”
“The ocean is my safe place, too. It’s one of the reasons I became a lifeguard. After my brother—” I stop. I’ve said too much already.
“Your brother what?” She isn’t prying, but the sadness in her eyes begs for a connection, for someone to share the pain she has inside of her.
“He died. My parents . . . He was kidnapped and then killed.”
Bliss gasps, dropping her fork and covering her face with her hands. Tears shimmer in her eyes, and my heart breaks for the pain she feels for me.
“My sister died of cancer,” she says, searching my face.
