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by Amanda Berriman

Ryan says, ‘I need help, Tina. I need someone to help me. I need you to talk to Lorna, to explain to her that it’s not my fault.’

  Mummy says, ‘Not your fault? Fucking hell, Ryan! GET OUT!’ She pushes Ryan. ‘GET OUT!’ Push. ‘GET OUT!’ Push. ‘GET OUT!’

  Oh! Ryan’s gripping Mummy’s shoulders and his face is red and he’s shouting and …

  Pull-door-open-run-run-RUN!

  ‘STOP IT! LEAVE MY MUMMY ALONE!’

  Mummy twists away from Ryan.

  ‘JESIKA, STAY BACK!’

  He tries to grab her again.

  Oh!

  Mummy’s falling, falling …

  THUMP!

  Oh, the table! Mummy’s head! Oh!

  Mummy’s not crying.

  ‘Mummy?’

  Not moving.

  Ryan, eyes scary-wide …

  Mummy’s face squashed on the floor. Can’t see her eyes.

  ‘Mummy! Mummy!’

  Not moving. Not speaking.

  Ryan bends down, reaches out a hand. He smells like toothpaste.

  Why can’t Mummy speak?

  Ryan stands up, steps backwards, turns, runs through the open door. Where’s he going?

  ‘Mummy?’

  He bangs the door shut.

  ‘MUMMY!’

  I shake Mummy’s shoulder.

  A sound comes out of her mouth, like a cow. Is she pretending?

  Mummy moos again and moves her head. I can see her face now.

  Eyes closed. There’s something dark on her forehead, like black paint, and it’s sliding down the side of her face.

  I bend over and touch it with my finger. It’s wet and when I hold my finger up, my finger isn’t black, it’s red. Mummy’s bleeding on her head.

  I don’t think Mummy’s pretending to be a cow.

  I think Mummy might die cos Paige’s Daddy died when he bleeded from his head.

  This is a mergency.

  Is that why Ryan ran away? Did he go to get help?

  I listen and listen but I can’t hear footsteps running to our house. I can only hear the music and the doors and the shouting and the busy-ness outside.

  Mummy’s head is still bleeding.

  Ryan’s not coming back.

  I know what to do.

  Mummy’s voice speaks inside my head and says, ‘Slide it like this to unlock, press green, then 9-9-9.’

  But where’s Mummy’s phone?

  There! On the little table.

  I slide it like Mummy said but the screen stays black. It’s apposed to light up. I slide it again, and again. It’s not working. Why isn’t it working?

  I say, ‘Mummy, why is your phone not working?’ but Mummy’s still mooing.

  HOOT! HOOT! Chuffa-chuffa-chuffa.

  I stand up and I can see Toby crawling after his Thomas train and I say, ‘Toby, take Thomas back into the bedroom NOW!’ and I say it like Mummy does when she’s feeling cross and Toby stops and looks at me and then he picks up Thomas and he runs back into the bedroom with him and that’s good cos I think if Toby sees the bleeding on Mummy’s head he’ll be scared and he’ll cry.

  I’m scared.

  It’s a mergency but Mummy’s phone doesn’t work.

  I have to think a different answer.

  Who else can help us?

  Nandini and Emma! But they’re a long way down the stairs and I’m not apposed to go down the stairs by myself.

  But it is a mergency.

  But I can’t open the outside door cos it’s too big and heavy.

  Next-Door Lady!

  Mummy said she was kind and she’s just next door. That’s not going down the stairs and I don’t have to open the outside door.

  I run to our front door and I tug on the handle but the door won’t open and there’s a sticky-out button high up on the door that Mummy always touches to open the door but I can’t reach it even stretching and I don’t know how it works and Next-Door Lady can’t help if I can’t open the door.

  Ade! He might be still outside his shop and I can wave and wave my hands and he might see me this time.

  I run to the window. Outside is busy with cars and lorries and buses and it’s proply dark now and I look for Ade at the rainbow shop and he’s there! He’s leaning on one stick and pulling the shutter all the way down and I wave and wave both my hands but he’s not looking and I shout, ‘Help! Ade! Help!’ but he doesn’t look. Maybe he can’t see me. I climb up on the rainy-hater and it wobbles and then I get my knee on the windysill and I can feel the cold air rushing through the crack at the side of the window but I don’t touch it cos it’s broken and I’m not allowed.

  I wave and wave and I shout, ‘Help! Ade! Help!’ again and he doesn’t look and I bang my hands on the window and it shakes and rattles and makes lots of noise but he doesn’t look and the shutter’s all the way down and he’s standing up and he’s walking away and he’s not heard me at all. Why can’t he hear me?

  Oh! I know! Nina and the New Rons said sometimes the invibisle waves bash against things and make sounds small. I think my sound is bashing on the window. I have to open the window! Quick! Afore Ade disappears!

  I lift the handle on the window and push hard and all the busy-ness noises rush loud into the room and the wind blows my hair all over my face and I can see Ade and I lean forward on the handle and use the most Biggest Ever Big Voice and shout, ‘ADE, ADE, ADE, ADE!’ and he stops and turns and looks right up at me!

  CRACK!

  The window snaps forward, hanging, wobbling, hand slips, knee slips, belly whooshes and …

  belly-squeezing-tight-can’t-breathe-falling-back-back-back-BUMP!

  ‘Jesika! You nearly … Jesika!’

  We’re both on the floor and Mummy is crying and hugging and I’m squashed and I can’t breathe and then Mummy lets go and shouts, ‘TOBY! WHERE’S TOBY!’ and she goes up on her knees and she’s looking all around and her eyes are scary-wide and her face is bloody and there’s a horrible hole on Mummy’s forehead and it’s leaking blood and that’s not what heads are apposed to look like and my heart thumps and thumps and she grabs my shoulders and shakes me and shouts, ‘WHERE’S TOBY!’

  HOOT! HOOT! Chuffa-chuffa-chuffa …

  Toby runs out of the bedroom ahind Thomas and shouts, ‘BOO!’

  Mummy does a hiccup, and then another and another and she crawls over to Toby and lifts him up and she’s not hiccupping, she’s laughing and laughing but there’s also crying coming out of her eyes and it’s mixing with the blood on her face so it looks like her crying is red and she brings Toby to where I am on the floor and she takes my hand and she pulls me in front of the sofa and it’s not so windy there and then we’re all hugging and laughing and crying all at the same time.

  Then Mummy says, ‘What were you thinking, Jesika? How many times have I told you not to touch that window?’

  I’m looking at Mummy’s still bleeding head and I’m trying not to look at the horrible hole and I say, ‘Your phone wasn’t working and … and … it was a mergency!’

  Mummy says, ‘Oh, Jesika,’ and she says, ‘The battery was dead, remember? I couldn’t find my charger. But I’m glad you didn’t phone anyone.’

  I say, ‘Why?’

  Mummy hugs me tight and says, ‘I’ve only just come out of hospital. I’m not going back again!’

  I say, ‘But what about your head? Someone needs to fix the hole,’ cos even though Mummy is talking and being not dead, Paige’s Daddy is dead cos his head was bleeding, and I don’t want that to happen to Mummy.

  Mummy says, ‘Heads always bleed a lot. It’ll be fine in a minute.’ And she reaches her hand up to her head and touches it and sucks breath into her mouth and then smiles and says, ‘It’s fine. Can you help me, though? Can you run and get the toilet paper from the bathroom?’

  I get up and run into the bathroom and take the toilet paper off the holder and I run back. It’s blowy standing up. The window is still open, stuck to a metal stick and wobbling in the wind
.

  I give the toilet paper to Mummy and I say, ‘Ade’s coming to help so he can check your head is OK and we can ask him to fix the window so it’s not so cold and blowy. Do you think he knows how to fix windows?’

  Mummy says, ‘I don’t think Ade’s coming to help, poppet.’

  I say, ‘He is! I shouted and shouted at him from the window.’

  I sit down next to Mummy and she pulls off some paper and touches it to her head and she says, ‘I don’t think he would have heard you from up here, darling. I’m afraid it’s just us right now until my head stops bleeding.’

  The paper on Mummy’s head turns red. What if Mummy’s head keeps bleeding til she dies?

  I say, ‘Ade is coming to help.’

  Mummy says, ‘Darling, Ade wouldn’t manage to get up our stairs.’

  I say, ‘Then he’ll tell Nandini and Emma and they’ll come and help cos they’re our friends.’

  Mummy shakes her head and says, ‘Another bit, please,’ and holds out her hand for some more toilet paper and I say, ‘They are our friends and they’re coming to help!’ and Mummy says, ‘I know, Jesika, but they don’t know we’re in trouble and my phone’s dead. We’re on our own for now.’

  Mummy’s wrong, cos Ade is getting us help. He is.

  But he needs to hurry afore Mummy does too much bleeding.

  27

  THE PILE OF red toilet paper on the floor is getting more bigger like a mountain and Mummy says, ‘And another bit, Jesika,’ and I hold out another bit and she touches my cheek first and I say, ‘Why do you keep touching my cheek, Mummy,’ and Mummy says, ‘You fell,’ and I say, ‘No, Mummy, you catched me,’ but Mummy shakes her head and says, ‘I don’t remember catching you,’ and then she shakes her head again and says, ‘Another bit, Jesika,’ but I’ve not got another bit cos the roll is empty and I have to run back into the bathroom and get a new roll and it’s tricky-fiddly to get it started cos the paper’s stuck down and Mummy has to help me with the hand that’s not pushing the paper on her head and that means she’s not cuddling Toby and he gets shouty and it all takes for ages afore Mummy’s got it started.

  Mummy takes the new bit and swaps it quick with the red one and all I see is messy blood and not the horrible hole and she drops the red one on the floor with all the other red ones and presses the white one to her head. It turns red, like magic, but it’s not really magic, it’s blood and I don’t know how much more blood Mummy’s got afore it’s all runned out.

  Where’s Ade?

  I get up again cos I think maybe I can sneak a look out of the window while Mummy’s not looking and see if I can see Ade coming to help but Mummy says, ‘Don’t go near that window, Jesika,’ and I don’t know how she knew I was going there cos she’s still got her hand pressed over her eyes. I look at the door cos that’s where Ade will come in and he might be coming in right now. But I don’t know how to open the door. What if Ade can’t open it too?

  Mummy says, ‘I don’t know how I’m going to fix this one,’ and her voice is wobbly and quiet.

  I say, ‘It’s OK, Mummy, Ade’s coming to help.’ He might bash the door open with his sticks!

  Mummy takes her hand away from her eyes and says, ‘Jesika, he’s not. I’m sorry, poppet, I know you want to—’

  BANG! BANG! BANG!

  SNAP!

  ‘Tina! Open the door!’ And it’s Emma’s Bossy Lady voice coming through the letterhole.

  Mummy’s mouth opens wide and then she moves and stops and holds her head and says, ‘Can’t move.’ And then she says, ‘Keys, Jesika. On the table. Push them through the letterbox.’

  I run to the table and pick up Mummy’s keys and push them into the hole and they tug out of my hands and something jingles and Emma shouts, ‘Move back!’ and I do and the door opens fast and Emma and Nandini rush through.

  I said Ade would get them, didn’t I?

  Mummy’s mouth makes another big ‘Oh!’ and Nandini and Emma rush over and they’re kneeling down next to us and Emma’s talking to Mummy and Nandini’s asking me what happened and we’re all talking loud at the same time and Toby opens his mouth wide and cries and cries.

  Emma says, ‘Enough!’ And her voice is loud and scary and everyone goes quiet, even Toby.

  Emma points to the bedroom and says, ‘Nandini, take Toby in there.’ I get up to go too but Emma says, ‘No, Jesika, you stay here for a minute. Tina, I need to see how deep the wound is.’

  Mummy says, ‘I am NOT going back to hospital, Emma. It’s not happening. You can’t make me,’ and Emma better listen to Mummy cos she’s doing her scary voice that means someone is in trouble.

  But Emma makes her face tiger-fierce and she says, ‘It’s a head injury. You’ll do as you’re told.’

  I stare at Emma. Now Mummy’s going to shout.

  But Mummy gasps in a breath and says, ‘I can’t leave them again. I can’t. I almost lost Jesika,’ and she presses her lips tight til they disappear.

  Emma’s tiger face goes away and she says, ‘You may not have to. Just let me look, OK?’ and Mummy nods her head.

  Emma reaches for a bag like Mummy’s green plaster bag but more bigger and she pulls out something stretchy, like a balloon, and she pulls the stretchy balloons over her hands and they’re gloves. I’ve never seen stretchy gloves afore.

  She says, ‘OK? Let’s have a look.’

  Mummy nods her head and peels away the red tissue and now I can see the horrible hole and it’s still leaking blood and I don’t want to look at it but I can’t make my eyes not look. Emma reaches out her hand and touches Mummy’s head just where the hole is and Mummy sucks in a great big breath and there’s blood running down Mummy’s face again. Emma pulls something else out of the plaster bag and she rips it open and inside there’s a white squashy cloth and she gives it to Mummy and tells her to press it on the hole and it’s like the tissue but it doesn’t turn red right away.

  Emma says, ‘Might need stitches.’

  Mummy says, ‘I’m not going to hospital.’

  Emma says, ‘Steri-strips might do it but …’ She looks at me and says, ‘Jesika, what happened after your Mummy hit her head?’

  I say, ‘Ryan ran away and Mummy lied on the ground and didn’t move.’

  Emma’s holding a little torch and she shines it into Mummy’s eyes and asks Mummy to follow the light with her eyes and Mummy’s eyes go side to side.

  Emma looks at me again and says, ‘Was she awake on the ground?’

  I say, ‘Yes, cos it’s not bedtime.’

  Emma says, ‘I mean, was she saying things or making noises?’

  I shake my head and say, ‘She didn’t talk for ages and then I shaked her shoulder and she made a sound like a cow.’

  Emma smiles and says, ‘OK,’ and Mummy says, ‘I wasn’t unconscious. I could hear Jesika calling me, and Ryan … Ryan put his hand on me and then I heard him running out the door. I couldn’t speak or move because of the pain, not until I heard Jesika opening the window and then …’ Mummy starts crying. ‘I keep seeing her falling. I keep seeing it. I didn’t catch her and she fell and … I can’t stop seeing it!’

  Emma says, ‘It’s shock. Don’t torture yourself. Jesika’s safe. She’s right here, see?’

  I say, ‘Ryan shaked Mummy and she fell over and he ran away and he didn’t get help. That’s cos he’s not our friend.’

  Mummy says, ‘Jesika,’ and she reaches out her hand to me and I hold it and she squeezes one, two, three and I say, ‘Is he coming back?’ and Mummy says, ‘I don’t know,’ and her voice is wobbly and whispery and she looks at Emma and my belly is twisting and squeezing and I don’t want him to come back. I don’t like him. He’s scary.

  Emma puts her hand on Mummy’s shoulder and says, ‘Tina, you’re safe. You’re all safe.’

  The front door swings wide and a voice says, ‘Hello?’ and me and Mummy and Emma all look round and someone wobbles into the room. Oh!

  I jump up and shout, ‘Ade!’ />
  He’s smiling and smiling and so am I and I turn to Mummy and I say, ‘I told you Ade was coming!’

  I look back at Ade but now he’s not smiling and he says, ‘Tina! What happened?’ and then his knees start bending and he says, ‘Uh-oh, need a chair.’

  Emma jumps up quick and pulls over one of the chairs from the table and she gets it ahind Ade’s bottom just as he sits down on it. She says, ‘Mm-hmm,’ and lifts her eyebrows right up.

  Ade says, ‘Man! You got a lot of stairs, Jesika,’ and he sticks his tongue out at Emma. That’s rude! But Emma doesn’t get cross.

  She says, ‘Don’t whinge to me about the pain.’

  Ade smiles big and says, ‘I wouldn’t dare!’ He winks at me and then he leans forward to Mummy and says, ‘I saw Sarah on the stairs. She’s gone to fetch Leon. He might be able to do something with that window.’

  I know Leon. He’s Shiny-Head Man and he fixed our door but I don’t know who Sarah is. Mummy just nods.

  Emma says, ‘Let’s get you fixed, Tina.’ And she turns to me and says, ‘Jesika, go and play with Nandini and Toby now.’

  I say, ‘Can I watch?’ cos I want to see how she fixes Mummy.

  Emma says, ‘No. Go and play,’ and Mummy says, ‘Emma needs to concentrate, poppet. It’s only for a minute.’

  I run into the bedroom. Nandini is sitting on the bed but I can’t see Toby anywhere.

  I say, ‘Where’s Toby?’

  And then the covers on the bed wriggle and Toby’s head pops out of the end and he says, ‘BOO!’ and Nandini presses both her hands on her chest and all her bracelets jingle and she says, ‘Oh! What a fright!’

  Toby giggles and I giggle and then I jump under the covers and I play peekaboo too and we do it for ages and ages til Toby says, ‘Toby sleep,’ and he puts his head on Mummy’s pillow.

  Nandini says, ‘Poor love, I think he’s ready for bed.’

  I say, ‘Is it bedtime?’

  Nandini says, ‘I don’t know. What time do you go to bed?’

  I say, ‘I’ll ask Mummy,’ and I run out of the bedroom.

  Oh! Leon is standing at the broken window and he’s twisting a screwdriver and, oh! Emma’s putting long white stickers on Mummy’s head and the horrible hole isn’t there now and Ade waves at me and then Next-Door Lady comes out of our kitchen and she’s carrying two mugs and I didn’t know she was here too! Everyone’s in our house today!