by E. M. Foner
“There’s no pretend about it,” Theodric informed them. “The Verlock mages can do some crazy stuff, but the rest of the magical effects are handled by the Stryx for the station league. I’ve played on some alien worlds where the whole adventure takes place on a holo stage of the same type used to shoot immersives, but on the stations, it’s a mix of technologies. Union Station just joined the league, but I’ve been playing on other stations since I made the junior varsity at twelve.”
“Weird that I never heard about this role-playing stuff earlier,” Samuel said to Vivian after the man departed with his noodle axe. “I mean, I know about the board games. Paul used to try to get me to play with his group, but I’d rather just practice fencing.”
“I wouldn’t have known about LARPs if not for Jonah. Don’t forget we were pretty busy dancing for a lot of years.”
“Thanks for signing us up and for the cool ring. Dinner’s on me,” the ambassador’s son offered. “Pizza sound good? I’ve got another three hours on my shift, but I’ll buy if you fly.”
Three
A group of nearly fifty EarthCent Intelligence agents, both analysts and field operatives, gathered in front of the stage used for holo training. Thomas, Chance, and Judith all stood at ease on the raised platform, and a number of aliens from various tunnel network species were seated behind them. At the precise starting time, the senior artificial person launched into his prepared speech.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why you were all recalled from your posts to undergo two additional weeks of training,” Thomas began. “First, let me assure you that you were chosen because you have excelled in your work and stated your willingness to join the fight against human crime. Eccentric Enterprises is entering the business of supplying police to human populations and EarthCent Intelligence will be providing support. You will see a bump in your base pay to compensate for your additional duties.”
The intelligence agents let out a collective sigh of relief at this statement and began smiling and nudging each other.
“Are you going to make us go on those crazy Drazen carnival rides to prove we’re tough enough?” one man asked, eyeing the seated aliens nervously.
“No, though you will be working with alien trainers every day,” Thomas responded. “The three of us have already undergone the additional training and I promise that you’ll find it both fascinating and extremely useful. In short, EarthCent Intelligence has been invited to join ISPOA, the Inter-Species Police Operations Agency. You’ll be learning the protocols for making inter-agency requests from each of the participating species, but this isn’t a one-sided affair. EarthCent Intelligence has also signed on to provide ISPOA with information about human criminals, including providing the records for all violent felons, certain classes of conmen, and intellectual property thieves.”
“Excuse me,” a woman in the front row asked. “Does this mean that the aliens will be able to issue warrants for the apprehension of humans?”
“Absolutely,” Thomas answered. “Whether we would actually deliver suspects into non-human custody will depend on if we have a mutual extradition treaty with that species, but the main function of ISPOA is information sharing. To put it bluntly, human criminal activity is on the rise, and the other tunnel network members would rather we clean up our own mess when suspects are within our jurisdiction.”
“Where is Eccentric Enterprises getting the police from?” another agent asked.
“Building up the local civil authorities is a large part of the colony ship Flower’s mission and they’ve started a police academy on board. The initial personnel are being drawn from ex-mercenaries who have served in police details for alien species, though members of the Sovereign Human Communities Conference have the option of dispatching their own candidates for training aboard the circuit ship.”
“How about Earth?” an analyst asked.
Thomas nodded to Judith, who stepped forward to answer the question.
“I’ve just returned from there, and with financial help from Eccentric Enterprises and alien businesses which are located on Earth, the local authorities have begun rebuilding and modernizing their police forces. Earth actually has its own international agency for police cooperation, something called INTERPOL, though it’s been so underfunded for nearly a century that they were down to a handful of data entry clerks and a secretary-general when I visited.”
“And we’ll be cooperating directly with them?” the analyst followed up.
“EarthCent has applied to ISPOA for a grant to fund an infrastructure upgrade for INTERPOL,” Judith answered, the acronyms rolling off her tongue like proper names. “We’ve been assured that it’s just a matter of time before the grant is approved, at which point we’ll all be able to share information through the same network.”
“Incoming,” Chance whispered to Thomas, and quickly left the stage for the all-species restrooms.
The remaining artificial person looked in the direction of the converted ice-harvester and then nudged Judith. “Dorothy alert,” he muttered.
“How about patrolling the Sol system?” a man asked. “I recently did my inter-agency training with Drazen Intelligence where I specialized in communications chatter, and my trainer mentioned that the pirates were discussing setting up a base on one of Jupiter’s outer moons.”
Judith glanced over towards the ice harvester and the approaching girl before replying. “The EarthCent president’s office is currently coordinating between the competing interests which have developed bases in the solar system since the space elevator was completed. I’m sure you’re all aware that the most powerful political entities on Earth today are the so-called city-states that have formed around major metropolitan areas, and many of them have partnered with private industry to grab a piece of the pie in the solar system.”
“Are there any more questions?” Thomas asked. “Good. Most of you have been trained in gathering information on a single tunnel network species, and if we’ve done the math correctly, each of the ISPOA trainers on the stage behind me will be taking a group of between seven and nine of you. Although the protocols for information sharing are based on a standard template, we’ve found that each species does things a little differently, so I’ll ask you to choose the trainer most closely aligned with your area of expertise.”
The aliens rose from their chairs and climbed down from the stage, after which each of them moved off to a pre-designated area of the training grounds with a number of EarthCent Intelligence agents trailing after them like baby ducks. Judith made a futile effort to blend in with the humans following the Dollnick, but the ambassador’s daughter homed in on her like a guided missile.
“Hi, Judith. Welcome back.”
“Hey, Dorothy. Are you looking for Chance? I think she’s in the bathroom.”
“I used her the whole time you were away. Besides, you and I have the same build, and she makes everything look so good that it’s not helpful. No offence.”
“None taken. You know that I’m not into this girly stuff, and it’s not really fair for you to stalk us at work like this.”
“Come on. I know that you and Chance always go through any inter-agency training before you roll it out to the rank-and-file. I’ll bet you have nothing else to do this morning.”
“I was going to go shopping, there’s no food left in the apartment,” Judith replied. She glanced over at Thomas in hopes of salvation, but the artificial person had no help to offer. Head held high, Judith accepted her fate like a good soldier and fell in with the ambassador’s daughter.
“This is better than shopping,” Dorothy insisted. “It will only take a half an hour and I’ll let you raid our refrigerator for whatever you want.”
“The last time you said it would be ten minutes and it took the whole afternoon. I ended up with muscle cramps.”
“That’s because you’re not used to wearing heels, which is why you need to practice.
“Why would I practice a skill I have no desire
to acquire?” Judith retorted. “This is the last time, Dorothy. I’ll even give you the rest of the morning if you need me, but you have to promise not to ask again.”
“I swear it,” the girl said, putting her hand over her heart. “You’re the best. The dress is almost finished, anyway. I just want to make sure it still looks good in movement and you’re so athletic.”
“Are you planning on doing gymnastics at your wedding?”
“Just dancing,” Dorothy replied seriously. She led her reluctant fitting-dummy up the ramp of the ice harvester and into her workroom, which, thanks to all of the white silks and lace, had taken on the appearance of a cloud. “Here, I got you this as a token of my appreciation.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” Judith said, accepting the programmable Union Station gift chit. “Can I use it for groceries?”
“Uh, it’s for a place that’s better than groceries. Let’s get you out of those clothes so you can put on the dress.”
“What’s better than groceries?”
“It’s six private lessons with Marcus, Chastity’s husband. I already checked with Bob and he said whatever you want is fine with him.”
“You bought us dance lessons?”
“I want you to feel comfortable at the wedding and I know that ballroom dancing has never been your thing,” Dorothy explained.
“That’s because I don’t want it to be my thing!”
“I’ve seen you fencing with Vivian. Why do you think her footwork is so much better than yours?”
Judith undid the last button on her black fatigues top and let Dorothy pull it off over her shoulders. “I know that she and Samuel danced competitively when they were kids, but six lessons isn’t going to make any difference for me.”
“Marcus was their trainer, and how do you know that if you haven’t tried?”
“It’s not fair to Bob,” Judith protested, deactivating the magnetic strips that served as laces on her combat boots and stepping free of them.
“I lied when I told you he’s okay with it. He loved the idea. He said that if I can get you to go along with it he’ll buy me lunch.”
Judith’s face turned a light shade of pink as she pulled off her pants, but she muttered, “Bob’s a goof.”
“Here, put this on,” Dorothy said, passing the other woman a silky garment.
“I feel like I just degraded my combat readiness by fifty percent,” Judith grumbled as the slip settled over her body.
“Now the gown.” For the next five minutes, Dorothy issued rapid-fire instructions as she helped the other woman into the dress and its accessories.
“How are you going to dance in this?” the practical-minded EarthCent Intelligence trainer asked. “Even if you don’t trip yourself, there must be a thousand creds of silk dragging on the floor behind you for other people to step on.”
“Can you keep a secret?”
“About a dress? I think I can manage that.”
“Do you remember how to access the shoe interface over your implant to raise the heels?”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes, but that’s not what I meant. Go to the same menu and choose the ‘peripherals’ option.”
Judith sighed and navigated through the heads-up display provided by her implant with practiced eye movements. “What am I looking for?”
“Train.”
“How is the wedding gown train a shoe peripheral?”
“It’s not, but the shoes already had the interface available so we’re piggybacking on it for the prototype. Pick a side.”
Judith selected the “Gather left” option, and then almost lost her balance from the surprise when all of the trailing silk suddenly appeared artistically suspended below the palm of her left hand.
“How—”
“That’s why I added the fingerless wedding gown gloves, though some people call them gauntlets. There’s a magnetic monopole sewed into the palm, the same Verlock technology we used in the heels. It’s wicked powerful, and it’s tuned to only draw the monopoles in the train. I’ve been working on the exact placements for days to get the draping effect right.”
“I have to admit, this is actually pretty cool.” Judith took a step or two, holding her left elbow in close to her side and the forearm parallel with the floor. “It doesn’t seem to pull on my right leg at all.”
“I’m going to apply for a Stryx patent,” Dorothy said proudly. “Drilyenth, the Verlock genius who invented our heels did the engineering part, but it was my idea.”
“Can I switch hands, or will the train wind around my front?”
“Go ahead, it’s all in the programming. I want to launch it with our wedding line, but after that, we may offer it as an add-on kit for existing full-length dresses. Just imagine being able to walk on a park deck without your skirt dragging in the grass.”
“I don’t own any full-length dresses,” Judith replied, selecting the ‘Gather right’ option from her heads-up display. The bunched train dropped away from her left hand and flowed around her back to the right like magic. “I can’t believe how much I’m liking this. Hey, do you think you could add offensive capabilities to your shoes?”
“What?”
“You know, like releasing knock-out gas or firing darts. Who would ever expect command-and-control to be built into ballroom heels?”
“I’m not a weapons designer, Judith, unless your goal is making the other women die from envy. Let’s get the dress off and move on to the real work.”
“Just once more, I want to watch it,” the spy trainer said, twisting her neck to look over her shoulder as the bunched silk fell away from her right hand, spread out on the floor like a liquid, and then leapt back up to her left palm. She couldn’t help giggling before letting the train drop again and standing still while Dorothy peeled her like a piece of fruit. “What else do you need me for?”
“Your bridesmaid dress. Did you think you could show up in any old thing?”
“I don’t remember—”
“It was the night Bob got promoted to senior correspondent and we all went bowling.”
“But I was tipsy!”
“Thomas is my witness. I got you, Chance and Vivian at the same time. Kevin recruited Bob as a groomsman.”
“How many bridesmaids do you need?”
“Eight, and I only have six lined up so far, including you. I didn’t want to use married women. Mom is inviting lots of aliens from her work, so in addition to my friends, I drafted a couple of Sam and Vivian’s classmates to cover more species.”
“I’m not going to be the oldest?”
“No, Affie, Flazint and Tinka are all older than you.”
“It seems like a lot of bridesmaids, even for you,” Judith complained.
“I’m not just making this up,” Dorothy said, brandishing a dog-eared copy of Weddings For Humans. “Formal weddings with over four hundred guests should have between seven and twelve bridesmaids. I’m practically doing the absolute minimum.”
“Does being a bridesmaid mean I have to clean up after the wedding or something?”
“Your job is to make the dress look good. Now let me put my gown away and we’ll try yours on.”
“Please don’t be pink. Please don’t be pink,” Judith chanted rapidly under her breath.
“It’s cream, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Dorothy said over her shoulder as she rummaged through a lace-draped rack of dresses. “Here it is.”
“I’ll never fit into that,” Judith declared, backing away from the proffered wasp-waisted dress.
“Sure you will. Just don’t eat breakfast on my wedding day.”
“I could not eat breakfast UNTIL your wedding day and I still won’t fit into that.”
Dorothy frowned and checked the nametag she had sewn into the waist. “Oops, this one is Affie’s. I must have given her yours when she stopped by this morning.”
“Hello?” a voice called from the entrance to the ice harvester.
�
�That’s her now,” the ambassador’s daughter said happily. “We’re in here.”
“Are you trying to tell me that I’m getting fat?” the Vergallian member of the SBJ Fashions design team demanded as she entered the room. “Hello, Judith. Here for your dress fitting?”
“Yeah. It seems that you have it.”
“Oops,” Affie said, favoring the intelligence agent with a dazzling smile. “You know I meant it in the relative sense. In fact, I’m sure you’re thinner than the last time I saw you.”
“I ate vegan on Earth—too many chemicals in everything else there,” Judith replied grudgingly. “Hey. Do you know the story with Ambassador Aainda? She’s making the local Vergallian intelligence people cooperate with us, and she even scrounged up some old surplus patrol craft and donated them to Flower’s police academy.”
“I’ve only met her once, but it was clear that she’s from the group that opposes the main imperial faction. Her extended family controls three populated worlds, so she doesn’t have to worry about somebody having her back.”
“Too much talking, not enough trying-on,” Dorothy interrupted impatiently. “This one is yours, Affie.”
The women made the necessary exchanges and the two bridesmaids meekly shimmied their way into the dresses.
“Can you help with the back?” Judith requested.
“Sure. Put your hands on your waist like you do when you’re looking tough for the recruits,” Dorothy instructed her. “Now, exhale and squeeze.” The bridesmaid-to-be followed her orders and the ambassador’s daughter fastened the magnetic seal on the flaps. “You can breathe now.”
“No, actually, I can’t.”
“Don’t be a baby,” Affie told her. “The dressing assistant at the modeling agency I worked for used to place her foot on our spines when she laced us in. I never figured out how she could do it standing on one leg.”
“Are you sure the waistline won’t simply burst?” Judith wheezed.
“I used the good carbon fiber thread. You could swallow a grenade and the dress would hold.”
