by Tessa Murran
Suddenly, Fearghas and Lyall bustled into the hall. They fell silent at the sight of her, and Fearghas called loudly for ale and food to be brought.
Ramsay continued to stare at her insolently until Fearghas dismissed him.
‘Sit girl, come,’ Fearghas commanded.
When a servant scuttled in with a jug of ale, he poured her one first, before getting his own. Some bread and cheese followed, along with cold mutton, and Ravenna eyed it, feeling sick to her stomach.
‘Don’t just stand there. Help yourself, there’s plenty to spare, I keep a good table. You’ll not want for food in my keep. Come, eat, keep your strength up.’
‘For what?’ thought Ravenna, as she sat down. She noticed that one hand was missing, just a stump wrapped in a rag. She watched Fearghas cut his meat clumsily with a knife held in the other.
‘There’s no colour in your face, you need meat for strength,’ said Fearghas, between mouthfuls. ‘You’d be bonnie with a bit more flesh on your bones.’ He began to pile food onto a trencher and thrust it across the table towards her.
The man called Lyall stuffed food in his mouth, saying nothing, but glancing up at her now and again, and then quickly looking away. She’d heard Cormac call him brother. No one had bothered to explain anything to her about her new family, which spoke of their contempt of her. Now she had a chance to have a good look at Lyall, she saw that he had a gentle face, longer than his brother’s, elegant almost. His hair, with its hint of red, reminded her of trees in autumn. He had the same Buchanan eyes, striking and hooded, but his were dark green, not brown. They were altogether softer than Cormac’s, and there was kindness in them.
‘Can’t stand a scrawny woman,’ continued Fearghas, with no concern for her womanly sensibilities, ‘all skin and bones, like a scarecrow. That’s nothing to warm a man on a cold winter’s night.’
She tried not to look at Fearghas as he droned on.
‘You do have a lovely face, girl. Do you get your looks from your mother?’
‘Aye, Laird.’
‘Not your father, to be sure. He has a face like a snake.’
Just then, she glanced at Lyall and was surprised to see him rolling his eyes. Suddenly he grinned and winked at her.
‘I think Ravenna looks very well, Father,’ he said. ‘Perhaps you should be more chivalrous, and not discomfit her so, with your observations.’
‘I speak as I find, and take care how you flatter her boy. She is your brother’s to seduce, not yours, and she is a Gowan.’
Ravenna looked down at her plate, feeling anger flare up in her belly, but when she looked up Lyall mouthed ‘sorry’ at her and smiled again. What a handsome face he had, with its warm expression, not like his brother’s at all, which seemed to be turned to a permanent winter.
She gave him a wan smile back, thankful for his kindness. It was the best she could do as exhaustion was closing in on her from a hard day’s ride. Fearghas had set a blistering pace on the way to Beharra. He had been eager to get well clear of Gowan lands, still fearing an ambush. Ravenna had half expected one herself, as her father was more than capable of it.
They ate in silence for the longest time as Ravenna’s discomfort grew. She wondered where Cormac had gone. Could he not bear to even sit with her? Would this awful day never end?
Just as she was fit to collapse with tiredness, he strode into the hall.
‘Cormac,’ shouted Fearghas, ‘your wife has the appetite of a bird. She’ll not breed good sons unless she keeps her strength up. She’ll not listen to me. A firm hand that is what is required, for she’ll fight the bridle, this one. You tell her to do as she is told, son.’
Ravenna felt her cheeks grow hot as Cormac came up beside her and gave her a hard look.
‘Have you no appetite, Ravenna?’ he said evenly. How strange her name sounded on his lips, like an insult.
‘None at all.’ In her nervousness, and with his black eyes boring into her, Ravenna took a swig of ale and winced. It was poor stuff, sour and fit only for pigs. Her expression was not lost on her new husband.
‘Is our fare not elegant enough for you, lass?’ he snarled.
‘The ale is gone bad that is all,’ she murmured as he glared at her. ‘I meant no disrespect.’
‘Glad to hear it. If you’ll not eat or drink then, come, I will take you to your bed.’
She noticed Lyall and Cormac exchange a hard glance and could not discern its meaning. She rose on unsteady legs and followed Cormac out of the hall.
As they climbed the dark staircase to the upper level of the keep, Ravenna looked at her husband’s back in growing dread. How tall he was, broad too and powerfully built. He walked quickly, head down, his every step screaming belligerence and brute strength.
He’s just a man, just a lump of muscle and bone, nothing to fear, she told herself. No matter what, do not show you fear him.
At the chamber, he held open the door for her, an unexpected piece of chivalry, and she walked past him quickly. The room was not small, but it was dominated by a huge bed of carved black wood. When she heard the door close with a thump, she turned to face her husband. He came towards her and Ravenna backed away.
For a moment, he stared, and she stared back, holding her breath.
Cormac smiled bitterly and shook his head, then went over and sat on the settle near the fire, with one leg on the floor and the other stretched out across it. He clasped his hands together on his chest. He regarded her intently for some moments, with a heavy silence between them, as if he was working up to something.
‘You have beautiful eyes, like a stormy sky. They were the first thing I noticed about you.’
There was something almost genuine about the admiration in his low, cold voice.
Ravenna glared at him. Did he think flattery would get him anywhere? Did he think her stupid?
‘You favour your peasant mother in looks?’ he said next.
‘Aye, and she was gutter-born Lord, what of it?’
‘You may call me Cormac, but only if you are prepared to be respectful.’
‘Very well… Lord,’ she spat.
‘You are an angry one, aren’t you?’ He smiled. ‘Angry and defiant, that was the second thing I noticed about you.’
‘Is there anything you don’t notice?’
He ignored the sarcasm. ‘Your hands are rough, you are no stranger to hard work. Tell me true, Ravenna. You are here with me now, and no escaping it. Are you Baodan’s daughter, are you of his blood, or am I being taken for a fool?’
‘He says I am, and my mother left me in his care.’
‘Why?’
‘Because she was dying, and there was no one else.’
‘How old were you?’
‘About seven, I can’t remember exactly.’
‘Did he keep your mother as his whore?’
‘No, he told me she refused him. I think she hated him in some way.’
‘And yet she took him into her bed.’
‘What is a poor tenant’s daughter to do when the Laird comes calling?’ snarled Ravenna, with as much venom as she could manage. She needed to get this man on her side, but looking into his handsome face, all she saw was Brandan’s death. Her anger had hold of her, and she could not relinquish it.
‘I struggle to make sense of you, Ravenna. Baodan must have had some feeling for your mother if he fed and clothed her child, and yet he did not seem sorry to part with you, so I would guess that there is no love lost there.’
He looked up at her from under his brows. She was being tested, so the best course was to say nothing.
‘Don’t be offended Ravenna. I ask questions so that I may know you better, now we are wed.
Ravenna could not think of anything to say. Her mind was racing ahead to what would happen next.
‘Why did Baodan keep you around if your mother rejected him? Why did he hold his shame out in the open?’ asked Cormac.
‘He has none, and it amused him to do so, to parade his b
astard around for all to see. He has nothing but contempt for his wife, so maybe he did it to wound her. It matters not to me if I was unwanted. I was just a child, there was nothing I could do about it. Was I supposed to lie down and die to spare others the burden of me?’
‘I suspicion the world would be a far duller place if you had, Ravenna.’ He gave her a cold smile, his eyes never leaving hers. ‘Bastard or not, Gowan or not, it matters little to me either way. I had an order from the King to marry Baodan’s daughter and so I have. I am content with the arrangement. You are certainly easy on the eye, so that makes up for you being a Gowan, and being born out of wedlock.’
Ravenna stayed silent. He would say his piece no matter what. Best he get it over with.
‘This is what I expect from you, wife - obedience, in all things. Do not question my orders, do as I say, in bed and out of it, and we will rub along well together.’
Ravenna sucked in a breath. How harsh he was, this man.
‘In return Ravenna, you will have my protection, you will be fed and clothed, my hearth, my home, my land, what is mine is now yours. You have the keeping of my household and my servants will respect you or, by God, I will hear of it, and they will be dealt with. You may as well ignore my father’s insults and bad manners for he will not change. In my frequent absences on the King’s business, which I am sure you will enjoy, you will bow to him in all things. As Laird here, he will have your respect and obedience, as will I. Now, do you have any questions about what I have just told you?’
‘Just one,’ she replied. ‘Did you expect to take a much grander wife, someone less shameful than the low-born bastard of an enemy?’ It was an insolent question, but she did not care, she wanted to hurt him, as he had hurt her, talking of her bastardy.
‘I didn’t expect the best of Gowan’s daughters, to be sure, and he did not shock me in that regard, gifting me his bastard, the least wanted of them all. But I also didn’t expect the loveliest, for that is surely what you are. I saw the others clucking around, spying on us, when we rode in, a plain bunch, the lot of them. Now I know Gowan has no love for me, so it does press on me as to why he would give you to me?’
Ravenna said nothing.
‘Answer me. It was a question.’
She glowered at him, wishing he would go away before she dropped with tiredness.
‘Still, she does not speak,’ he said quietly, but with menace.
‘I don’t know why he chose me. I do not have a window into my father’s mind, and if I did, I would not tell you. I can no more trust a Buchanan than you can trust a Gowan.’
‘Perhaps that is something we can agree on then. Come, if I have spoken harshly, forgive me. Let us make friends.’ He stood up and moved a step closer. ‘We are joined now at the Kings command. We can either suffer it or find a way to enjoy it. I didn’t want to end up like this any more than you, so we have that in common.’
‘So you did hope for something better. Is there some disappointed maiden out there sighing and longing for you?’ said Ravenna, backing up.
His eyes glittered at her impudence, there was edgy kind of excitement too. ‘Hope is for fools and bards, and no, there is no woman I have my eye on. I think I have more than I can handle in you. Now, what about you, tell me, did you set your sights on finer stuff?’
‘I set my sights far higher than a Buchanan cutthroat for sure.’
Surprisingly, he smiled at her insult. ‘That’s better, now I know you are Gowan’s daughter with that sharp tongue of yours. Perhaps tonight, I can persuade you to put it to better use.’ His voice had suddenly become low and seductive. ‘Come here to me,’ he said, taking a step closer.
It did not sound as if he meant to be gentle with her. Ravenna took a step backwards, and her legs came up against the side of the bed. ‘I… I am tired, I want to wash and sleep.’
How could she delay him? Cormac Buchanan, with his towering height, his fierce demeanour and his contempt for her and all she stood for, was far worse than she had expected. This was not some green boy, totally infatuated with her, lost in love and tenderness. This was a man seeped in blood and battle, a warrior and a killer.
Ravenna knew that there would be no sighs and longing looks from this one, no tender kisses and hand-holding. This man was used to taking what he wanted by brute force, whether it be land, lives or her body. Could he even be worked upon to be gentle at least? Ravenna saw desire spark in those dark, hooded eyes and, with a sinking feeling, it dawned on her that her father might have greatly underestimated this man’s thirst for vengeance.
‘Best you leave your pride behind, Ravenna, and set aside your hatred of me,’ he said quietly. ‘As I already said, I will try my best not to hurt you or to be cruel, though I fear my nature is not a good one.’
‘But this is a marriage of convenience, to satisfy the whim of the King only. Surely you don’t mean to…?’
‘Ravenna, I trust you will do your duty as my wife, no matter how distasteful it is. Baodan should not have gifted me such a bonnie bride if he didn’t want me to bed her.’
Was he playing with her? Did he actually intend to have her?
He looked down at the floor and spoke softly. ‘Are you a virgin, is that why you are fearful?’ It was a rough question but gently put.
‘Of course, I am,’ she said, her voice wavering at the lie.
He looked up at her and frowned. ‘T’would be better for you if you weren’t, for they mean us to rut like animals until they get their way and you give me an heir to put a seal on this unholy alliance. You are just a pawn in their game, Ravenna, easier if you just accept it.’
‘Then we are pawns together, for you are little better than a prize stallion led out into the field to service a mare.’
Cormac frowned. ‘I’ll say this for you, Ravenna, you have guts to spare, speaking to me like that. I am master here, not you, and I will be obeyed.’
‘Then you don’t want a wife, you want a dog to kick.’
‘And you want a whipping post for your resentment against us Buchanans.’
‘What a fine pair we are then,’ she spat.
‘Aye, locked in misery together, but we are wed so…’ He began to unbuckle his belt.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m going to take you to bed, woman.’
‘No, this is a marriage in name only.’
‘Is it?’ he hissed. ‘You are my wife. This is my wedding night. Whether you like it or not, it is my right as a husband to claim your maidenhead.’
‘But you don’t have to claim it. If I spoke out of turn, forgive me. Please, can I not appeal to your softer side, Cormac.’ She said his name for the first time in the hope of stirring his pity.
‘I don’t have a softer side, Ravenna,’ he smiled as he tore his tunic off over his head.
She took a deep breath and braced herself. ‘Alright, then I must tell you that I don’t have a maidenhead.’ Perhaps now he would recoil from her since she was soiled goods.
He froze, and then to her astonishment, he started laughing. ‘I knew it,’ he said, jabbing a finger at her. ‘That look you keep giving me is far too bold for a blushing virgin. Baodan Gowan really did get the better of me, wedding me to a whore as well as a bastard.’
Well if I’m a whore, you won’t want me in your bed, will you,’ she snapped.
‘On the contrary, if you know your way around a man, you will know how to please me.’ Cormac grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her to him. His grip was firm, and up close, he seemed huge.
Ravenna squirmed to get free, but he jerked her up against him so that her chest was pressed to his. ‘Let me go,’ she gasped. ‘Your pleasure is not my concern.’
‘Then I will take it from you, regardless of what you want or what you feel,’ he said, so calm, so confident in his power.
‘Do that, and you will feel a knife in your ribs while you sleep, I swear.’
‘Come on, Ravenna. We’ve both been pushed into the yoke, so why n
ot get some pleasure from it? I find I want you, I wish I didn’t, but I do. If you stop being a bitch, I could be kind, and you might actually enjoy it. If you give in to me, this will go a lot easier.’
The way he was looking at her, that heat in his eyes, made her terribly nervous. She had to think. This man didn’t like her, and he couldn’t want her, with her low birth. He’d called her a whore. He was bluffing, she was sure of it.
‘What if I say no?’ she said, looking him straight in the eye.
‘Then the marriage will not be consummated, and I have the right to return you to your father. Is that what you want? If so, tell me now, and you can leave tomorrow, if not, I would like your clothes to come off. I am still looking for a flaw in your beauty, you see, and for that, I need to see all of you, Ravenna.’
So there is it was, her dilemma laid bare. It was either lie with this man or go back to the convent or worse, her father’s wrath. It wasn’t a choice at all, really. She would put a brave face on it, hide the fear, and do what must be done. All her life it had been that way, this was no different.
Just do it and get it over with, aye she had to. Cormac was a fine sight to look at, handsome even, in a rugged sort of way. He had not been vicious so far, perhaps it wouldn’t be too bad.
His hand came slowly up to her check, so hot, so rough. He traced her jawline with his thumb slowly, all the time looking into her eyes. Ravenna swallowed hard and held his gaze.
Pretend you want him, just pretend and it will be alright.
Close up Cormac was a big man, overwhelming male. She was tall enough to look many men straight in the eye, but not this one. He was a good head taller than her, and when he took hold of her hair and pulled it through his fingers, her knees wobbled.
‘So soft and thick, I wanted to touch this from the first moment I saw you,’ he said softly.
Ravenna could not look away from his dark eyes, and before she could ready herself, he took hold of her waist and brought his mouth to hers. She could do nothing but be held passively in his firm embrace, her breasts pressed to his chest. Cormac’s mouth took hers gently, almost tenderly, there was no forcing or urgency.
