“Dad? I can’t see it. He would have been too afraid Mom would find out to risk telling anybody.” Their mother wouldn’t hear of their father drinking a drop of alcohol after his first heart attack. “Besides, this family’s good at keeping secrets.”
“At drinking up the secrets, too,” Ryan said ruefully. He put the empty flask back in the book and returned it to the shelf.
“Are you going to tell me why you’re down here hunting for whiskey?”
“I didn’t feel like drinking alone at the Blue Haven, and we don’t have any alcohol upstairs,” he said.
She crossed her arms over her midsection. “I’ve never seen you drink anything stronger than beer.”
“Things change.”
“Does this have anything to do with Annie?” At his questioning look, she said, “I know you’re still seeing her. Chad told me he saw you together the other night.”
He sighed. When had Sierra gotten so interested in his life? For years she’d been content to go her way and let him go his. She stood between him and escape from the office, clearly expecting an answer. “Yeah, well, I might not be seeing much more of her.”
“Want to talk about what happened?” she asked.
“It happened a long time ago.”
“I don’t understand.”
Of course she didn’t. She’d been on the mark when she’d said their family was good at keeping secrets. They’d kept one from Sierra for fourteen years. Despite the small age gap and choice of the same profession, or maybe because of it, he and his sister had never been close. It had always seemed as if Sierra was competing with him. Most of the time he’d been content to let her win.
She seemed different tonight, standing there in her nightgown and walking cast. Softer. Easier to talk to. Maybe it was time to trust her with his secret, especially because a part of him longed to announce it to the world.
“There’s a thirteen-year-old girl in town visiting Annie,” he said. “Her name is Lindsey Thompson.”
“She’s the one taking care of that stray dog you picked up, right?”
“Right.” Ryan took a deep breath. “She’s my daughter.”
The disclosure hung between them, filling the silence. He watched emotions flit across Sierra’s face. The easiest one to identify was confusion.
“How could she be your daughter?” Sierra asked.
“I got Annie pregnant when we were both sixteen.”
“No.” Sierra turned pale. “You couldn’t have. You weren’t even seeing Annie.”
“It was one time,” he said. “It happened the night before I left for that year in Spain. You were at college when we found out she was pregnant.”
“Nobody told me.” She spoke softly, almost to herself.
“Mom didn’t want anyone to know. Annie left town before the pregnancy showed, we gave up the baby for adoption and Mom never mentioned it again.” He marveled that he could so easily sum up the events that had had such an impact on his life. “Hell, Annie and I didn’t even talk about it until Lindsey showed up in town and Annie found out who she was.”
He briefly filled in Sierra on the girl’s surprise visit and Annie’s agreement to date him.
“So what’s between you and Annie isn’t real?” Sierra asked. “It’s all just because of Lindsey?”
“Not on my part, it isn’t. Unfortunately I can’t convince Annie of that.” He’d told Sierra this much. He might as well confide the rest. “She thinks I slept with her on a bet some of the other guys made. I don’t even know how she found out about it.”
“Oh, no!” Sierra gasped and put her hands to the sides of her face. “She knows because I told her.”
“What?” He couldn’t process what his sister was saying. Sierra was many things but she’d never been cruel. “Why would you do something like that?”
“I heard some of the boys talking about it. I was just trying to warn her to be careful,” she said. “I knew I was too late when her face turned white and she looked like she might pass out. I never imagined you were the one she’d slept with.”
Ryan massaged the space between his eyebrows as things that had never made sense suddenly did. No wonder Annie had been so cool when he’d phoned her from Spain.
“I’ve felt terrible about it all these years,” Sierra said. “Every time I ran into Annie, no matter how many years went by, I wanted to apologize.”
“You couldn’t have known,” Ryan murmured, but he certainly wished he had. He would have called—or better yet, come home—and convinced Annie what had happened between them had been genuine.
Yeah, right.
He’d tried that tonight, and she hadn’t come close to believing him.
“I’ll talk to Annie for you,” Sierra offered.
“It wouldn’t do any good,” Ryan said. “You can’t prove I wasn’t in on the bet.”
“I’m so sorry,” Sierra said. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Her face crumpled and tears welled in her eyes. Ryan crossed the room and put his arms around his sister, maybe for the first time in his life.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” he said. “It was high school. We were all kids. What did we know back then?”
“That’s not the only thing I’m sorry about.” She sniffled. “If I’d been in your corner back then, you would have told me about your daughter.”
“You’re in my corner now and I’m in yours,” he said, holding her a little tighter.
They weren’t the same people they’d been as teenagers. They’d both made mistakes, but they’d grown up. It was time to forgive each other the transgressions of the past.
That was it! Ryan thought with a burst of insight. That was what he hadn’t seen clearly in all of this.
“I wish there was something I could do to help you with Annie,” Sierra said.
“There is,” Ryan said and proceeded to tell her exactly what it was.
LINDSEY RUSHED halfway up the sidewalk to the Whitmore house Thursday night, then pivoted and hurried a quarter of the way back. Quite a feat considering she was wearing her skinny jeans with wedge-soled sandals.
“Aren’t you coming, Annie?” Lindsey called. “It’s already past seven!”
Annie closed the door to the pickup, unable to muster the same enthusiasm as Lindsey. The confrontation she’d had the night before with Ryan was too raw, bringing up memories she thought she’d put behind her. She didn’t relish seeing him again or telling him about the phone call she’d gotten earlier from Lindsey’s stepmother concerning the girl’s return trip home. She couldn’t bear it if he persisted with the fantasy that they could have Lindsey with them always.
Annie was already feeling separation anxiety. She’d gotten too little time with the girl today, having spent the bulk of her day on the river guiding white-water trips after a morning appointment in town. A call from Ryan to Lindsey had dashed Annie’s hopes to spend a quiet evening alone with Lindsey. He hadn’t asked to set up a dinner date for himself but for his sister. It seemed Sierra had done some modeling in her teen years that Lindsey was dying to hear about.
“I’m coming, but I still don’t understand why I had to drive you here,” Annie said. The sidewalk leading up to the house was made of redbrick pavers, a classy touch on a property that transcended the ordinary. The landscaping was immaculate, the green blanket of grass neither too long nor too short. “It seems like it would have been easier on Sierra if I’d dropped you at the restaurant.”
Lindsey giggled although Annie hadn’t said anything funny. The girl had been doing a lot of spontaneous giggling since talking with Ryan earlier.
“Don’t ask me,” Lindsey said. “I didn’t make the plans.”
Annie didn’t have a firm idea of what Ryan’s plans for this evening were. She’d gotten the impression the dinner date was for two but she could be mistaken. Maybe Ryan would go along. He might even try to get Annie to accompany them. Annie would rather not be around either Ryan or his sister, but she’d gladl
y go to be in Lindsey’s company.
“Annie! Come on!” Lindsey was already on the wide, spacious porch, ringing the doorbell.
The door, the fancy kind with the stained-glass insert, opened before Annie reached the porch.
Ryan greeted Lindsey with a big grin. Even from the bottom step of the porch, Annie spotted the love in his eyes. She could take issue with his treatment of her, but had no complaints about the way he dealt with Lindsey.
“I got Annie here,” Lindsey announced, which was a strange way of putting it. How else would Lindsey have gotten to the Whitmore house?
“Hi, there, Annie.” Ryan smiled at her as though last night hadn’t happened. “Come on in.”
She had the uneasy feeling that he was like a spider drawing her into a web, which was ridiculous. She couldn’t have made it more clear that she wouldn’t get involved with him.
The foyer of the Whitmore house was even grander than Annie had imagined, with gleaming wood floors and a curving staircase that ascended to a second-floor hallway. The dining room was off to the right.
Annie had envisioned the interior of the house enough times that she couldn’t resist a peek. A crystal chandelier hung over a mahogany table. The light was set on low, the soft glow illuminating a table set for two. Tall, unlit candles added a touch of elegance.
“Surprise!” Lindsey cried, grabbing Annie’s elbow. “While I’m having dinner with Ryan’s sister, he’ll be serving dinner to you! I almost told you about it a dozen times but I didn’t.”
“You did good, Lindsey.” Ryan winked at her. “Thanks for getting her here.”
Lindsey beamed. Annie simmered. Of all the underhanded tactics he could have used to get her alone, enlisting a child’s help was the most grievous.
“Where’s your sister, Ryan?” Lindsey asked excitedly. “I can’t wait to meet her.”
“She’ll be hobbling along any minute now.” Ryan didn’t even have the humility to avoid Annie’s glare. Her displeasure didn’t even seem to affect him. “Ah, I hear her now.”
Sierra’s footsteps on the wood floor got progressively louder until she appeared. Annie sucked in a breath. Dressed in a short-sleeved top and a denim skirt, with her light-brown hair falling past her shoulders, Sierra looked even more like an older version of Lindsey than she had the last time Annie had seen the woman.
She stood silently by as Ryan made the introductions, afraid Lindsey would pick up on the resemblance. Lindsey was thinner than Sierra, her hair was a little lighter and her eyes blue instead of green, but the two females had similar bone structure and mouths almost identically shaped.
Emanating warmth, Sierra grasped Lindsey’s hand. Sierra knew who Lindsey was, Annie realized with a start. Ryan must have told her.
Annie had difficulty getting through the next few minutes, although she managed to greet Sierra cordially and extend her wishes that she and Lindsey enjoy the dinner.
Sierra’s boyfriend soon arrived to drive Sierra and Lindsey to the restaurant, adding assurances that he’d pick them up when they were through eating. As soon as the three of them were out of the house and far enough away not to overhear, Annie spun on Ryan. “How could you?”
He shrugged. “I figured you and I had to eat, too. Why not together?”
“No.” That transgression paled in comparison to his latest offense. “How could you have told Sierra about Lindsey? What if she lets something slip?”
Ryan didn’t ask how she’d figured out Sierra was in on the secret. “She won’t. She knows the deal.”
“You saw them together. You must realize how much they look alike. What if somebody figures it out?”
“Nobody will figure it out,” he said. “You saw the resemblance because you were looking for it. Now stop worrying and let’s eat. I got takeout and it’ll only stay warm for so long.”
He left the foyer, heading in the direction of what must be the kitchen, as though she’d already agreed to have dinner with him. She glanced at the door, tempted to make her escape. If she did, how would she explain it to Lindsey? The girl surely expected her to be at the Whitmores’ to drive her home after she and Sierra finished dinner.
“I could use some help,” Ryan called.
She took one last longing look at the door, then trailed him into a spacious kitchen with granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. He must have swung by the dining room en route to the kitchen because he’d set the two plates from the table beside small white takeout boxes. Wordlessly Annie helped him transfer food from the containers to the plates.
“I went to that new Thai restaurant,” he said. “I got red curry chicken and basil fried rice with beef. You can either pick one or we can share.”
Sharing food with him seemed too intimate so she chose the curry chicken, keeping from him that it was her favorite Thai dish. He’d picked up some spring rolls and green tea, too, and seemed content to enjoy the meal. He didn’t object when she turned the dimmer up on the chandelier, honored her request not to light the candles and didn’t complain about her one-word answers when he attempted to start a conversation.
The meal over, she was helping him carry dishes into the kitchen when she couldn’t stand the uncomfortable silences anymore. It would be best to get everything in the open. “What’s going on, Ryan?”
He rinsed a dish, put it in the dishwasher and took the one she was holding before responding. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Why are you acting like everything between us is fine?”
He continued to clean up, then said, “I’m acting like an adult.”
“Could have fooled me,” she said.
He ignored her sarcastic comment, drying his hands on a dish towel. “Last night I found out Sierra was the one who told you about the bet.”
Annie felt her muscles seize up. “I don’t want to talk about this again. There’s nothing else to say.”
“You might not have anything else to say, but I do. Sierra, by the way, feels terrible about what happened.”
Annie had been about to walk out of the kitchen without hearing him out, but her feet felt frozen in place. “She shouldn’t.” Annie had never blamed Sierra for being the bearer of degrading news. “She didn’t know we’d slept together.”
“Exactly,” Ryan said. “What struck me last night was that her actions would have been forgivable even if she had known. Sierra’s grown up now. We all are. Every one of us regrets some of the things we did when we were teenagers.”
“You’re saying we should be given carte blanche for everything we ever did wrong?”
“Not carte blanche and not for everything, but for the mistakes we own up to,” he said. “Seeing you again made me realize what a jerk I was. I should have at least tracked you down to make sure you were okay after the baby was born, and I’m sorrier for that than you’ll ever know. But I can’t keep beating myself up over it.”
He looked her straight in the eyes, the words seeming to come from his heart. She could hardly refuse to accept them. She nodded, waiting for the rest of his confession. Except he seemed to have finished.
“What about the bet?” She hadn’t intended to mention it again, but the question slipped free. Tears immediately pricked the backs of her eyes. “Do you take responsibility for that?”
His head shook from side to side. “I’ve made enough mistakes. I’ll be damned if I’ll own up to one that wasn’t mine.”
His unflinching gaze met hers. She searched his eyes for a sign that he was lying. Last night she’d claimed he couldn’t say anything that would get her to believe him. It turned out his words hadn’t done the trick. His eyes had.
He truly hadn’t had an ulterior motive.
She thought back to that night, before Sierra had told her about the bet and the pain had kicked in. The connection between her and Ryan had seemed so real, the lovemaking special even though it had been her first time.
If he hadn’t slept with her to win a wager, he’d done it purely becaus
e he was attracted to her.
The knowledge swept through her like a bright light, banishing the final remnants of the pain she’d held on to for far too long.
She knew enough about the man he’d become to believe he’d regret any past mistakes, but he wasn’t guilty of the sin which she’d long attributed to him, and that made all the difference in the world.
“You believe me,” he said softly. It wasn’t a question.
She nodded anyway, hardly able to process her feelings.
“Yes,” she said. “I believe you.”
He closed the distance between them and framed her face with his hands. His gaze dipped to her mouth as though asking if he could kiss her. She raised her lips.
One of his hands slid from her cheek to cup the base of her skull. The other reached down so they were holding hands. His mouth lowered, claiming her lips with an unhurried gentleness.
It was the same as the kiss at the miniature golf course yet different. Time seemed to move in slow motion, magnifying every reaction. She could swear her heart had never beaten so hard, her legs had never felt so weak, her senses had never come so alive.
It wasn’t because of the kiss, she acknowledged. It was because of the man.
Even when they were teenagers, before circumstance and misunderstanding had muddied the issue, the chemistry between them had been transcendent.
She opened her mouth, and he deepened the kiss, his tongue at first toying with hers until they were both no longer in the mood for playing. He slanted his mouth over hers, and she met his tongue thrust for thrust, her body molding against his.
Throughout it all, he held her hand, the sweetness of the gesture touching her on a level his kisses couldn’t.
She lost her bearings, where they were in the room being less important than their proximity to each other. She felt something against the backs of her thighs. It took a moment to realize it was the edge of the kitchen table.
“Ryan,” she said against his mouth. “The table.”
He blinked, seeming to realize where they were. He lifted her onto the table. She put her right hand down to brace herself and heard something crash. A glass vase. Flowers and water pooled on the floor.
The Secret Sin Page 14
