“I haven’t spoken to her since last night.” He took her by the shoulders, feeling them tremble. He fought to keep a clear head. “Tell me what this is about.”
He listened while she explained about finding the stolen camera under Lindsey’s bed and their ensuing argument.
“I was going to give her a chance to explain when she got back from her bike ride except she took off again.” Annie’s face was pinched and drawn. “Jill—she’s working in the shop today—said Lindsey was still really upset.”
The story sounded off, and not just because it seemed wildly out of character for Lindsey to steal the camera. “If she had an explanation, why wouldn’t she come back and tell you what it was?”
“I should have gone after her. I might have if my dad hadn’t showed up.” Annie stopped, her eyes growing huge and pained. “Oh, no!”
“What?”
“My dad cut his trip short so he could talk to me in person about Lindsey’s adoption.” She put both hands to her mouth. “What if Lindsey did come back? What if she overheard us?”
“Wouldn’t you have noticed?”
“We had the screen door open. If she was standing on the porch, she could have heard everything.” Annie looked as though someone had punched her in the gut. “Oh, Ryan. I mentioned you, too. What if she heard all of it? What if she knows we’re her birth parents?”
Her theory would explain why he hadn’t been the person Lindsey had called. He made himself focus. “Let’s look at this logically. Lindsey knew whoever she called. We need to figure out who that was.”
“Sierra?” Annie asked with audible hope.
“She’s inside with Chad.” He jerked his head at the church.
“How about Chase and Kelly?” Annie suggested. “Lindsey liked babysitting for them. You have a number for Chase, don’t you?”
“I do.” Ryan quickly got Chase on his cell phone, but the forest ranger was at work on patrol duty. He gave Ryan his home number. The phone rang five times before Kelly answered.
Annie was white-faced when he hung up, anticipating his report.
“Kelly hasn’t heard from her, either,” he said.
“Lindsey must have overheard us,” Annie said. “I was so stupid. I should have been more careful, especially after she eavesdropped that time when I was talking to Jason.”
“Annie, stop.” He took both of her hands in his. “You are not stupid. Far from it. I would not have fallen so hard for a stupid woman.”
“Oh, Ryan—”
He put two fingers over her lips. “You don’t have to say anything. Right now we need to find Lindsey.”
She nodded once, and he took his fingers away from her lips. He tried to keep the heartache over things not working out with Annie at bay. Now was not the time to feel sorry for himself.
“Any ideas?” he asked.
“Just one,” she said and told him what it was.
TWO HOURS later, Annie was out of ideas.
Considering she’d had only the single brainstorm, that was not good news. She hadn’t given up on her hunch that Lindsey was with Jason Garrity, but so far she couldn’t prove it.
She’d had her father look up an address in Jason’s employee file, but Jason wasn’t home. Driving around Indigo Springs searching for his car, an older-model green Civic, also proved fruitless.
There was nothing left to do but return to the river rafters. She surveyed the familiar surroundings as they pulled into the dirt parking lot, trying to figure out what about the scene was wrong.
The trailers awaited the return of the morning rafting group, the mountain bikes were lined up outside the building and the river continued its timeless flow. The setting was awash in sunlight, a perfect enticement to tourists seeking to experience the sheer beauty of a day on the river, Just like always.
A dog barked when they got out of the car, and she realized what was out of place.
Hobo was back.
“Hobo was with Lindsey, right?” Ryan asked just as the dog bounded toward him, putting his paws on Ryan’s thighs, begging to be petted.
“Right,” Annie answered as her eyes scanned the parking lot, zeroing in on Jason’s green Civic.
The teenager suddenly was exiting the shop, swiping his long hair back from his face in a familiar gesture. That was when he saw them.
Ryan strode up to Jason, reaching him before Annie did. “Is Lindsey with you?” he demanded.
Jason scuffed one sneaker clad foot in the dirt, delaying his answer while Annie wanted to shake it out of him. “I took her to the train station in Paoli.”
A vein in Ryan’s temple bulged, but he kept himself under control. “You drove a thirteen-year-old girl to the train station and left her there?”
“Hey, she asked me to, okay? She said she couldn’t stand it here any longer.” Jason looked pointedly at Annie. “She said it was because you accused her of stealing that camera, but I’m not sure that was everything. She was pretty upset.”
His observation was further confirmation that Lindsey had overheard Annie and her father. Annie’s heart sank.
“Another reason for you not to leave her at the train station,” Ryan retorted.
Some of Jason’s bravado faded. “I didn’t do so great. I realize that. But I asked the ticket-taker to keep an eye on her. Then I came here.”
“To bring Hobo back.” Annie wasn’t willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“To tell you where to find her,” Jason said defiantly. “Her train doesn’t leave for another couple hours.”
Annie nodded once, which was all the thanks she could muster. After shooting Jason a scathing look, Ryan grabbed her hand. “We should go.”
She went with him toward the pickup, but they hadn’t gotten more than a few steps when Jason called her name.
“There’s something else I need to tell you.” He looked down at the ground before lifting his chin and meeting her eyes. “I’m the one who took that camera.”
She supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised, but she was.
“I didn’t even want the camera or anything, but that guy called me an idiot,” he said. “I was just trying to cause him some grief.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Annie asked.
“To get Lindsey off the hook,” he said. “And because I needed to. I’ll understand if you tell the police.”
Annie was more likely to leave it up to the customer whether to press charges, but for now she was content to let Jason stew.
She and Ryan made their way to the truck. She handed him the keys, wordlessly asking him to drive.
“Let’s go find our daughter,” Annie said.
It wasn’t just the first time she’d allowed herself to speak of Lindsey that way…it was the first time she’d thought it.
IT HAD only been ten days since Annie had last been at the train station in Paoli, but it seemed a lifetime ago. So much had happened, not only with Lindsey, but with the man driving her pickup.
Her feelings for Ryan were so jumbled she couldn’t sort them out, but she did know one thing for certain—he had grown into a good man. A man she could count on in a crisis.
“Should I park first or drop you off?” he asked when the train station was in view.
He was really asking if Annie wanted to be the one to explain what Lindsey had overheard. That was only fair, she realized.
Annie had made the decision to give her up.
“Drop me off,” she said, but hesitated when he stopped the truck in front of the building. It felt as though her safety net had been yanked from under her.
He touched her cheek and met her eyes. “Go on. I’ll be there in a minute. Everything’s going to be fine.”
She nodded, although once inside she was afraid Lindsey would never forgive her.
The train station was only a fraction as busy as it had been the last time she’d been there, enabling her to spot Lindsey almost immediately. She stopped dead, feeling her heart thump.
/> Her daughter was sitting in the same spot where Annie had first seen her. No, that wasn’t true. The first time Annie had laid eyes on her she was a sweet-faced, crying newborn.
Lindsey was listening to her iPod, her eyes fixed on a spot in front of her. She wore the yellow dress she’d put on for church, but with her body slumped and her legs thrust out in front of her, she looked like a little girl instead of the young woman Annie had once mistaken her for.
She also looked miserable.
Drawing in a deep breath, Annie walked toward her. “Hello, Lindsey.”
The girl straightened, her posture growing rigid. She turned, and Annie could see the tracks of dried tears on her face. Lindsey shut off her iPod and took out her earbuds.
“Hello, Mom.” Her watery blue eyes muted her sarcasm.
Annie longed to take her in her arms and comfort her, but stayed where she was. The pain of being abandoned by her own mother had never really gone away. For Lindsey, the wound was fresh.
“I can explain,” Annie said.
Lindsey didn’t reply, continuing to gaze at Annie with that same downhearted expression. Annie wondered if she could say anything that would be sufficient.
“I never meant to deceive you,” Annie said. “I didn’t know you’d been adopted by friends of my father. I was just as shocked to find out the truth as you were.”
“So it really is true?” Lindsey’s voice shook and it seemed as though her whole body was trembling. “You really are my mother?”
“Yes,” Annie said. “I am.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Lots of reasons,” Annie said. “I didn’t think it was my place. I wasn’t sure how much your parents had told you about me. But mostly because I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” Lindsey asked in a soft, hesitant voice.
“Afraid you wouldn’t forgive me for giving you up.” Annie moved to the bench and sat down next to her daughter, desperate to make her understand. “I was only sixteen years old when I got pregnant, seventeen when I gave birth. I couldn’t give you the life you deserved so I asked my father to make sure you went to a loving family.”
Lindsey said nothing, her huge blue eyes brimming with tears.
“Giving you up was the hardest thing I ever did,” Annie said. “When the nurse took you away from me, it felt like my heart was being ripped out. That’s when I understood what it was like to love somebody.”
A few of the unshed tears in Lindsey’s eyes escaped and trickled down her face.
“Oh, sweetie,” Annie said. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Lindsey flung herself into Annie’s arms, the tears flowing freely now. After a few moments, Lindsey said, “I was afraid you didn’t love me. I thought you wouldn’t care if I went back to Pittsburgh.”
Annie held on to her for precious moments, then held Lindsey slightly away from her. She brushed back the hair from her daughter’s face, awed that the girl had forgiven her so easily. “Of course I love you. We both do.”
“Both?” Lindsey asked.
“Ryan’s here with me,” Annie said. “He’s parking the truck. You should know that he wanted to tell you right off the bat that we were your birth parents.”
“Ryan’s my father?” Lindsey stared at her in obvious shock.
Too late Annie realized the girl must not have listened at the door long enough to hear that pertinent piece of information. She started to apologize, then thought better of it. Lindsey wanted the truth and now she had it.
“Ryan’s your father,” she stated.
Out of the corner of her eye, Annie caught Ryan striding toward them. “There he is now.”
Lindsey’s head whipped around, then she looked back at Annie in awe.
“Ryan’s my father,” Lindsey repeated, the words no longer a question but a statement.
She scrambled to her feet and practically flew across the floor of the train station, flinging herself into Ryan’s arms. He hugged her and twirled her around, father and daughter wearing identical expressions of joy.
A lump of emotion formed in Annie’s throat while she watched the joyous scene between two of the people she loved most in the world.
THE DRIVE back to Indigo Springs passed in a blur for Annie, with Lindsey asking countless questions about their family trees.
Lindsey already knew that Annie was an only child and Ryan had one unmarried sister, but she was eager to hear about grandparents and cousins.
Other than agreeing that Ryan and Annie would drive her back to Pittsburgh, none of them mentioned the future.
It stretched ahead of them like the great unknown, making Annie’s anxiety grow with each passing mile. Back at the train station she’d realized she loved Ryan, but she very much feared she’d killed whatever love he might have had for her.
Lindsey took hold of both of their hands when they reached the river raft compound, skipping between them like a young child. She didn’t let go until they were inside the house and Annie’s father got up from the sofa where he’d been waiting for them.
“Hi, Grandpa,” Lindsey called, running ahead of them to catapult herself into his arms while Hobo danced around them.
Her father had made this possible, Annie thought as she watched him clutch his only granddaughter to him. If she hadn’t forgiven him before, she did now.
“How about you and me take your mutt for a walk?” her father remarked to Lindsey after greeting Ryan. He winked at Annie. She didn’t know how, but he must have realized how much she and Ryan had to discuss.
And then, suddenly, Annie and Ryan were alone.
“Why don’t we wait for them on the porch?” Annie suggested. They sat in side-by-side rockers that overlooked the rippling river, protected from the still-bright sun by the overhang.
Lindsey called it a granny porch. Annie wouldn’t mind growing old, she thought, if Ryan was by her side.
“We need to talk about how to handle tomorrow,” Ryan said when her father, Lindsey and Hobo disappeared on the trail at the far end of the property.
His comment jarred Annie back to reality. He was right. She needed to focus on tomorrow and their daughter, not some flight of the imagination of a future with Ryan. She’d already ruined that.
“Only Helene knew that my father was more than just a family friend,” she said. “It’ll be a shock for Lindsey’s father and stepmother to find out we’re her birth parents. There’s no getting around that.”
“That’s true,” Ryan said. “But Lindsey isn’t a baby. She’ll have a lot of say in what happens next.”
“She’ll want us to be part of her life,” Annie said. “That was obvious from how she reacted this morning.”
“We’ll make sure her father and stepmother know our split was amicable,” he said. “We’ll convince them we don’t want to interfere. We just want to see Lindsey from time to time. Have her visit Indigo Springs.”
Split…Amicable. He’d used two of the words most commonly associated with divorce. Pain stabbed at Annie, seeming to center in her heart. Just days ago she’d tumbled back into love with him, and now they were at this sad place.
What’s more, it was her fault.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted out.
He cocked his head. “Sorry for what?”
“Those things I said when you asked about my port-wine stain. You were right. I was afraid being with you would mean being a mother to Lindsey, and I didn’t think I could do that.”
“Why not?” he asked, his eyes intent on hers.
“I thought I might be as bad at it as my mother was. After all, I gave Lindsey up, just like she gave me up.” Annie took a deep breath. Now that Lindsey had forgiven her sin, she found she could forgive herself. She could even understand it. “When Lindsey went missing, I realized I was nothing like her. My mother never cared enough to be part of my life. I knew that if we were lucky enough to find Lindsey, I’d do anything to stay in her life. It’s what I want more than almost anything.”<
br />
“Almost anything?” he asked, fastening on the qualifier. “What is it you want more than that?”
She wet her lips, wondering if she’d have the courage to tell him. “For you to forgive me for the ugly things I said.”
“Done.” He got up from his rocking chair, stood in front of hers and pulled her to her feet. While holding her hands, he looked into her eyes. “I could forgive you anything, Annie. I love you.”
“You still love me?” She could barely make herself believe it, but his familiar blue eyes were smiling, like his lips.
“I started to fall in love with you fourteen years ago,” he said. “Did you really think I’d get over it in a couple of days?”
“Well, yes,” she admitted.
He placed one of her hands over his heart, which was racing just like hers.
“Feel what you do to my heart, Annie,” he said, “because you’re in there to stay.”
Her gasp was both a cry of relief and joy. She lifted her lips, expecting his mouth to cover them. His kiss, soft and warm, landed on her port wine stain instead.
“One more thing,” he said when he lifted his head. “I love you, Annie Sublinski, just the way you are.”
He smiled. This time, when he kissed her, it was on the lips.
EPILOGUE
Six months later
POWDERY white snow stretched as far as the eye could see, coating the evergreens and sloping trails where skiers zigzagged down the mountainside.
Sitting in a ski lift with Ryan on one side of her and Lindsey on the other, Annie watched her warm breath turn visible in the cold winter air when she laughed.
“You’ll have to let go of my arm to get off the ski lift, Lindsey,” Annie told her daughter.
“I don’t think I can,” Lindsey muttered. “I don’t know why I let you talk me into leaving the beginner hill.”
“Because Annie’s working here as a crackerjack ski instructor and she says you’re ready.” Ryan leaned slightly forward and directed his comment at Lindsey, then grinned at Annie.
Staying in Indigo Springs to help her father run the river rafters was only one of the decisions Annie had made since last summer. Because the business was seasonal, she’d had to find a job to keep her occupied during the winter months.
The Secret Sin Page 18
