“Goddammit,” Dred said from behind me. “If there’s one thing I hate more than lion bats, it’s dragon bats.”
32
Thirteen seconds later, all the bats were dead, their corpses a tribute to our awesomeness.
33
Two hours of walking later, we found ourselves in front of a third door, though this one looked a bit different. It was split down the center with the left side resembling the lion door and the other resembling the dragon door. Energy seemed to crackle and pop around it, and as I stopped and stared at it, I couldn’t help but feel a bit in awe of the thing.
“I didn’t know there was a third door,” I said, glancing at Dred. “Did you?”
“No.” The big man shook his head. “I thought we’d just find the Ark to be honest.”
“I knew about the third door, but you should be able to get through it because you both have keys.” She gestured at it. “May I present the door of Heaven and Hell?” She looked at each of us. “A door that can only be unlocked by the Destroyer and the Builder in unison.”
“You know, I’ve been looking for reasons not to kill Dred like this whole time. You could have just said I needed him to unlock the stupid door.” I glared at the angel. “Lucifer would have bought that.”
“I did not know for sure that it existed. Ever since we passed the Door to Heaven, we stepped into uncharted territory.” She looked at her feet. “I do not like to presume things.”
“But still …”
“Arthur.” Jophiel looked at me. “How would you feel if I told you this door existed, and it did not?” She gestured at Dred. “Would it not make you think I wanted him alive for reasons I was not letting on?” She shook her head. “Instead, I erred on telling you the truth about his usefulness, and he has been useful, no?”
“I want to kill you too if it’s all the same,” Dred said, stepping away from me and moving toward the door. “As a matter of principle for shooting me in the throat with your stupid grappling gun.”
“Whatever,” I said, waving my hand away. “Let’s just open the stupid door.” I fingered my own key before pulling it from my pocket. Then I took a step forward, joining Dred in front of the door.
“On three,” I said, and when he nodded, I began to count. “Three.” I twisted the key in the dragon lock.
Dred did the same, and the door in front of us trembled. Cracks of violent purple energy snaked across it as sparks of silver and gold danced in the air. The air around us grew thick and heavy with magic, and the cavern trembled.
Then the door exploded, flinging us back into the cavern. I hit the ground hard on my shoulders, spots of color dancing across my eyes, and as I blinked, trying to clear my vision, I could have sworn I saw a terrier sitting there, peering at the pair of us.
Only by the time I recovered, the weird terrier was gone, and I found myself staring at a pedestal lit with soft golden light. Upon it sat a simple wooden box so innocuous I’d have dismissed it if not for, well, the difficulty of getting it.
“Leaves something to be desired,” Dred said, getting to his feet and offering me his hand. I took it, allowing him to help me up. “I expected it to be a bit more bejeweled.”
“Like how the truly great do not need to proclaim themselves, the truly valuable do not need to make a spectacle of themselves,” Jophiel said. She was standing a bit back, her large eyes transfixed on the Ark.
“An excellent point,” I said, glancing at Dred. “Want to go together?”
“No.” He shook his head, and as he did, I realized he was covering his eye with his hand. “I feel like if I get any closer, I’ll go blind.”
“Um… okay,” I said, staring at him for a moment. The light coming from the Ark definitely seemed to bother him, but I felt okay. Thankfully a quick look at his stats revealed why. “You’re getting a debuff because of the Darkness you’ve absorbed.” When he looked at me confused, I explained further, “Basically, it’s hurting you because you’ve absorbed so many Darkness warriors.”
“Ah,” he said, taking a few steps back. “I’ll watch your back then.” He took a few more steps back until he was standing behind Jophiel.
“All right,” I said when he finally stopped moving. Not surprisingly, it was at about the distance the debuff dropped off him.
Taking a deep breath, I pocketed my key and moved into the room beyond. It was a bit strange because I could hear the angels singing in my ears, only there were no angels to sing. My next step caused flashes of perfect warmth to envelop me, and I exhaled in pleasure as all my pain, worry, and fatigue walked away.
By my third step, I felt completely rejuvenated, and my fourth settled my mind. The fifth step caused all the grime and blood clinging to me to fall away, and the sixth caused the scars of my life to fade away, leaving all my skin supple and new.
The seventh step brought me within arm’s reach of the Ark, and as I stood there, I felt power. It was like the power I’d felt at the Door to Hell, only way, way stronger. If that power had been a candle, this was a nuclear blast.
Tears began to stream from my eyes, and I forgot how to breathe as I stared at the wooden box. It was so beautiful, so perfect I couldn’t imagine ever removing it. Yet, something about it beckoned me, drew me toward it. Before I knew what I was doing, I’d reached out, my fingers running along the sleek wood of the surface.
That touch was like a bolt of lightning to the brain, zipping through my thoughts and setting them aflame. My knees shook, and I saw. For that one instant, I knew everything and nothing.
And, in that instant, I knew one thing.
The Darkness could never have the Ark. No matter what it cost, what it took, they could never get it because within the Ark was the key to defeating them.
My fingers closed around the lid, and as I moved to open the Ark, a voice resounded in my ears.
“Whatever you need shall be provided. No more, no less, and nothing in between.”
I sucked in a breath, reeling under the force of it. My skin was on fire. My breath burned like acid. My blood surged through my veins. All that and more hit me in a rush, and as I stood there, holding the lid, I nearly collapsed.
Then the lid was off the Ark, and I found myself staring at two objects inside. A spear and a dagger.
As I pulled the impossibly long spear from the tiny box, I didn’t even want to think about how the space-time of the thing worked because there was no way it could possibly fit if things were normal. Instead, I focused on the spear itself, bringing up its stats.
Rhongomyniad
Type: Spear
Durability: 76,000/76,000
Damage: 4D10 (Conditional)
Enchantments: Immortal Blow
Ability: Fusillade
Taking a moment to examine it further, I opened the enchantment up to take a closer look.
Immortal Blow: This enchantment allows the user of Rhongomyniad to kill those who would not normally die, provided a mortal blow is struck.
I stared at the ability in awe. I wasn’t one hundred percent certain, but if I was reading it correctly, this meant the weapon could kill the Darkness Generals and maybe even the Empress herself.
I’ll be honest, as I held it in my hands, I imagined driving the damned thing through the other Generals’ hearts. The main issue I had was that I couldn’t kill them with Caliburn, but this spear could do the job. Better still, it had one more ability, and I wasted no time seeing what it was.
Fusillade: This ability allows the user to launch magically imbued spears that seek out enemies. These spears deal 200% weapon damage and have a fifty percent chance to pierce through the enemy and strike them again.
“Jesus, that’s pretty amazing,” I murmured to myself. That ability combined with the enchantment could allow for some pretty devastating possibilities. Better still, it meant the user would have both long-range and close-range attacks. That said, the conditional tag next to the damage was bugging me. I brought up the damage and then opened the conditional tag to f
ind out what it meant.
Damage: 4D10 (Conditional) – This weapon will only deal damage when used by the Leader of Heaven. Secondary Requirement: Archangel
I smirked. So, this wasn’t a weapon for me at all. Rather, it was a weapon for Michelle since she was both the leader of Heaven and an Archangel. It made me smirk. Part of the problem as that all of the Archangels were weak, but with a weapon like this, Michelle would definitely be a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield, and it helped since her whip-sword had been broken.
Still, that made me pretty sure I knew what I was going to find when I got the dagger. Throwing the spear over my shoulder by the strap, I grabbed it and brought up its stats.
Carnwennan
Type: Dagger
Durability: 22,000/22,000
Damage: 1D20 (Conditional)
Enchantments: Immortal Blow
Ability: Dagger Dance
A quick glance at the conditional tag let me know I was correct. This weapon could only be used by the Archangel who led Hell, and since I already knew what Immortal Blow did, I brought up the ability listed on Carnwennan.
Dagger Dance: When the dagger leaves the user’s hand it can still be mentally controlled and will move according to the user’s thoughts. While used in this way, Carnwennan will deal 250% weapon damage.
“That’s almost better than the spear,” I said with a gulp. That meant Lucifer could still wield other weapons while having a flying dagger that did her bidding, which was pretty insane to think about.
Sliding the dagger into my belt, I replaced the lid on the now empty Ark and picked it up. The moment I did, I felt a surge of strength rush through me. Time seemed to slow down around me as the light from above bathed me.
The box in my hand grew hot, and as I turned my eyes to it, the light in the room went out.
“What’s going on?” I whispered right before the Ark exploded into a million cinders that whipped around me before weaving themselves around my neck like a pendant. I looked down at it, my hand going to touch it, and as I did, I felt the pulse of strength within the object.
“Well, that makes it easy to carry,” Dred called, approaching now that the light had gone out.
“Yeah.” I looked down at it. “Now let’s get the fuck out of here.” I reached down and touched the Mark of Wrath, only as I did, I realized we had a problem. Something was blocking my ability to contact not only her but the other Archangels as well.
“What’s wrong?” Jophiel asked, coming over and putting a hand on my arm. “Can Sathanus not come?”
“It’s not that.” I swallowed. “I can’t reach her. None of the others either.”
“Damn,” Dred swore, his eye settling on Jophiel as he touched the spot where they were marked. “Double damn.”
“What?” I asked as Jophiel’s face turned worried.
“I cannot speak to Dred through our mark either.” She swallowed hard. “That means only one thing. One is on his way here.”
34
When we exited the cave hours later, I was surprised to see a guy sitting in a green lawn chair with his feet kicked up on a cooler. He was drinking a margarita and reading a magazine with a musclebound dude on the cover and barely bothered to glance up as we exited. He had short tousled hair, skin like charcoal, and wore a white suit with gold buttons and a red tie.
“Finally,” he said, smiling as he tipped his white top hat. “It took forever for you to show up.” He stretched. “I’ve been waiting out here forever.”
“One,” Dred said, looking at the guy. “Where are your lackeys?”
“Around.” One shrugged as he downed the rest of his drink and then waggled the empty glass. “Man, who does a guy hafta blow to get a drink around here?” He looked between us. “I’m guessing it’s not you, Dred. We both know you’re more the catcher type, eh?”
“Well, as fun as this is, I have to be going,” I said, glancing from Dred to One and back again, I began to wonder if perhaps Dred was gay. Then I dismissed it because I didn’t give two fucks.
“Bro, can I call you bro?” he paused for a second, and when I didn’t say anything, continued, “Bro, you’re not going anywhere at all.” He set his drink in the dirt beside his chair. “At least not until I decide what I want to do with you.” He stood and stretched, the movement causing his shirt to untuck from his belt just enough to give me a look at the rippling muscle beneath. “It’s cool, you can look.”
“I wasn’t looking,” I said, but he waved off my comment.
“I wasn’t talking to you.” He nodded toward Jophiel who was just behind me. She stood transfixed in place, her mouth hanging open a bit slack-jawed as she stared off into space.
“What’d you do to her?” I snarled, turning my eyes back to the guy. Anger flooded through me. I wasn’t quite sure what he’d done to Jophiel, but this was un-fucking-acceptable.
“Nothing.” He wiped some dust off his shoulder. “She is simply not powerful enough to function in my presence.” He smiled at me. “You, on the other hand, must be quite strong.” His eyes raked over me. “It will make breaking you so much the better. It is always more pleasurable when giants fall.”
“I like how you think you’re gonna win when you’re a jobber and I’m the Builder of Legend.” I reached toward Caliburn, and while he followed the movement with his eyes, he didn’t much seem to care.
“I am the second most powerful person in this entire realm,” he spread his hands wide, “and the most powerful General in the Empress’s army. I have transcended strength.” He nodded to me. “You are so below my level that even fighting you would be a waste of my time.” He looked around, eyes scanning the horizon. “Please, do not give yourself more credit. I have smashed many a Builder and many a Destroyer’s skulls.” He tapped his chin lightly with one slender finger. “And even more still I have charred, fricasseed, boiled, and stewed. An untold multitude of Builders and Destroyers.”
“Yeah, okay, so you’re the number one jobber.” I drew Caliburn. “Let’s dance.” I cracked my neck.
“Arthur,” Dred said, but before he could say another word, One began to laugh.
“What makes you think I’d fight you?” He snorted and slapped his thighs with his hands as great guffaws exploded from his throat. “As I said before, you’re not worth my time.”
“Then we’ll be leaving.” I saluted him with one hand. “Later.” Only as I began to walk away, One appeared in front of me. I hadn’t seen him move. This wasn’t even like before where I knew they were just moving too fast for me to follow. Hell, this wasn’t even like Sathanus’s ability to teleport. No, this was different because as far as I could tell, he was quite simply standing in both places at once.
I could still see his form doubled over to my left, trapped in mid-motion, only I knew he wasn’t there, and as I turned my head back toward where he now stood in front of me, the image only then started to vanish.
“Do not test me, Builder.” One smiled up at me. “I will kill you if I must. I simply do not wish to do so.” He clapped his hands together, and the sound nearly shattered my eardrums. “My orders were simply to keep you here until the others arrived. No more and no less.” His eyes narrowed. “Do not make me do more.”
“How did you do that?” I asked, pointing to where he’d been a moment before. “Leave your image behind. Was that some kind of displacement power?”
“Bro,” he said, throwing his arm around my shoulder, which was weird because he was almost a foot and a half shorter than me. “I’m fast.”
“No one is that fast,” I said, and as I tried to throw off his arm, I realized I couldn’t.
“I am.” He nodded to me. “Strong, fast, beautiful, smart. The total package.” He let me go and sauntered amiably toward his lawn chair. “Now, would you care for a drink?”
“A drink?” I asked, suddenly confused. I could still feel my neck where he’d touched me. It had been like an iron vice.
“Yes.” He popped the li
d on his cooler and fished around inside. “I have Zima.” He waved the blue bottle at me. “I just love the stuff.”
“How the fuck do you have Zima?” I asked, shaking my head. “And no one likes Zima.”
“I like Zima. It’s a refreshing lemon-lime blast of pure deliciousness, you fuck.” He glared at me, and my ethereal armor shattered a split second before my skin began to smolder. “But fine. No Zima. We can’t all have good taste.”
“Arthur,” Dred said, swallowing hard. “Don’t piss One off.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.” I glanced at him and realized Dred was scared. Not like a little scared either. Like shit-his-pants scared. That was no good. If Dred was this terrified, it made me worried. And I didn’t want to be worried because I was going for the whole power of positive thinking thing.
“Yeah, no one said you could talk, Dred.” And although it looked like One was still rummaging around in his cooler, Dred suddenly buckled over, his eyes nearly bugging out of his skull as blood sprayed out his back from a fist-sized hole.
As Dred collapsed to his knees, gripping his stomach like he could somehow stuff his insides back inside, One stood and held a foam cup out to me.
“The only other thing I have are margaritas.” He frowned. “They’re the kind you get in the bucket and just add tequila though.” He frowned a bit more. “I know it’s not ideal.”
“What the fuck did you do?” I said, gesturing at Dred.
“I ripped out his spleen.” He pointed to a small lumpy organ beside the cooler. “It’s right there.” He smacked his fingers and thumb together while he continued. “Dred is so yappy. Like an annoying little dog. Always making noise for no reason. Not smart enough to know his place.” One cupped his mouth with his hand. “So, when he’s annoying, I tear out his spleen. It’s almost more fun because it heals.” He kicked the spleen into the distance like a football before coming over with the cup.
“That’s not cool,” I said, staring at the man as he offered me the cup and he frowned.
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