A.J. turned as she stripped off her panties, his ears going adorably red when he saw her naked flesh. But he said nothing, simply handed her into the tub and helped her lay back against a towel rolled against the rim. Then he knelt on the rug next to her, ready for her next command.
Lyss heaved a decadent sigh and let the hot water soak away her aches. A.J. had been the one to suggest these bubble baths. He’d told her they would help with the muscle aches that came from being on her feet for so many hours at a time. The first time she took one at his behest, she’d been utterly shocked by the difference it made the next day. Now, she wouldn’t even dream of saying no.
A.J. let her soak in silence for a time, letting the quiet soothe both of them. But when she peeked at him through slit eyelids, she noticed his pensive frown.
“Something on your mind?” she asked him.
A.J. looked down for a moment, then met her gaze. “May I…ask you something, Lady?”
“Of course.”
He bit his lower lip, then said, “You told me, before, that you ended up in Houston because you didn’t want to be in Georgia anymore. You said it was because you wanted to go to Baylor, and I don’t doubt that’s true. But…I also felt like you were leaving something out. And, with your permission, I would like to ask what that something was. My Lady.”
Lyss let out a deep breath. He had the right to know. He’d bared his soul to them, after all. He had the right to know her secrets, just as she and Ryder had the right to know his. Steeling herself, Lyss finally looked at him.
“You’re right, I did leave something out. It’s kind of funny, actually. You and I have more in common than you might think.”
“How’s that?” he asked, openly curious.
She forced herself to relax against the rolled towel, closing her eyes so she could speak into darkness instead of facing him. “Lots of reasons. But, let me start at the beginning. I told you my family comes from a small town. Really small. Everybody-knew-everybody kind of place. My family was pretty well-known. Dad was the pastor of the biggest church, and Mom ran all the local charity functions. Got four sisters, did I tell you that? And all of us big-time talkers. I grew up thinking I owned the world, and that my place in it would always be assured, no matter how many people I pissed off. Never had a problem expressing an opinion, or sticking my nose into other people’s business.”
She paused for a laugh, looking up at him. “Hell, that’s pretty common for Southern women. We’re all busybodies.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” A.J. said, grinning.
She splashed bubbles toward him. “Yeah, well. Anyway, after I hit high school, things started getting interesting. Guys were hitting on me left and right, but I didn’t want to date anyone. I had this maddening desire for something, and I didn’t even know what it was. I started wondering if there was something wrong with me. I mean, all these hot guys wanting me, and I had no interest whatsoever. I thought I was flawed.
“Then, some of my girlfriends came up with this idea to go clubbing in Atlanta. There’s a big night life there, if you didn’t know already. Lots of clubs. Lots of underground fetish clubs, too. And lots of BDSM clubs…though I didn’t know that term at the time.”
A.J. nodded slowly, but didn’t comment.
She continued. “We went to several different clubs the first night, just having a good time. Things changed on the second night, though. My friend got us invites to this really exclusive place. We had no idea it was a BDSM club. We thought it was just some super-secret nightclub, meant for the uber-rich. So, we got all dolled up and presented ourselves at the door.”
She waited until A.J. looked at her before saying, “That night changed my life. The things we saw in the club…well, my girlfriends were horrified. They wanted nothing to do with the place. I, of course, was immediately intrigued. I had no idea what it all meant, but I knew it turned me on. We left, but I made note of the place. The next time I got a chance to go to Atlanta, I went back. Alone, that time.”
A.J. was staring at her, obviously seeing the same connections she had. She nodded. “Yeah, A.J. Just like you, I became an addict. Every chance I got, I snuck off to visit that club. Even when I was enrolled at Berry, I made a point to go to Atlanta every weekend, just so I could get my fix. Got to a point where I was skipping classes, finding reasons to stay in the city for longer and longer periods. It was like a drug. I lived for Dominating men. I wanted to do nothing else.”
“I can understand that,” A.J. whispered, his blue eyes filled with empathy.
She gave him a sour smile. “Wait, it gets worse. So, anyway, I was just going along, thinking nobody knew about my nightlife. I got to my senior year at Berry, almost ready to graduate. I had planned to move to Atlanta afterward, to be closer to my club. But…things went to hell in a handbasket between one breath and the next.”
“What happened?”
She chewed the inside of her cheek, wrapping her arms around herself. This was hard. So damn hard. She’d never told anyone but Tatum, Sidri, and Ryder. A.J. seemed to sense her reluctance, because he didn’t push her to answer him. Instead, he rose to his feet and retrieved the shampoo from the shelf near the showerhead. He knelt again, and picked up a small cup that was sitting on the edge of the tub.
“May I wash your hair, Lady? A scalp massage would probably feel good right now.”
She sighed, giving him a nod. A.J. started using the cup to pour water over her head, careful to keep it from dripping into her eyes. He wetted every strand before pouring a generous amount of shampoo into his hand. As he started massaging the soothing cream into her hair, Lyss started to speak.
“It was a couple months before graduation. I was barely passing my classes, falling further and further behind. I got called into the Dean’s office. I thought it was because of my grades, because I was so close to failing.” She squeezed her eyes shut, wrapping her arms even tighter over her breasts. “It wasn’t.”
A.J. made soothing sounds, gently massaging her scalp, but didn’t prompt her. And because he was just listening, not demanding information, she could tell him about the most humiliating experience of her life.
“The Dean didn’t want to talk about my grades. He wanted to talk about my antics in Atlanta. Seems a group of other students had gone club-hopping, and they stumbled on my club, same as me and my friends did. Only instead of leaving, they decided to check it out. And…they saw me. I was doing a public performance that night. The whole Dominatrix getup, complete with leather harnesses and a whip wrapped around my waist. It was for a teaching scene, actually. Meant to show some of the newer members what not to do. But the students didn’t know that. All they saw was the costume…and what I was doing to the poor man kneeling in front of me.”
She shuddered, remember the look of horror on the Dean’s face. “They…took pictures. Gave them to the Dean. And he told me…” She took a deep breath. “He told me how disgusting I was. How sick. He said I should get professional help, that I was a deviant, and I ought to be institutionalized. I tried to reason with him, explaining the BDSM lifestyle, but he had his mind set. He told me that Berry College had no room for people like me. He kicked me out, just like that. No degree, no certificate, and no refund.”
“I’m sorry,” A.J. whispered.
Lyss suppressed another shudder. “Yeah, well. That was bad, but it still wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was when I got home. The Dean had called my mother, first. To tell her why I was being expelled. She was…horrified, to say the least. She said she’d already called a psychologist, and she said I would start getting therapy or leave her household for good.”
“Oh, Lady,” A.J. said, voice dripping with sympathy. “God, that must have hurt.”
“It did,” Lyss agreed, her tone carefully bland. “It hurt a lot. I told my mom she was the crazy one, that what I was doing wasn’t wrong, but she wouldn’t hear it. Wouldn’t listen. That was bad enough. But then my father came home, and she told h
im everything. Right there in front of me, she told him I was a sexual deviant. My father blew a gasket. Completely flipped his lid.”
She swallowed, swallowed again, and croaked, “He disowned me. Kicked me out on my ass, just like that. Said I had no part of that family anymore. Said he never wanted to see me again.”
A.J. crooned soothingly as he started rinsing the suds from her hair. Lyss ignored the water on her cheeks, pretending it came from A.J.’s gentle ministrations, and went on. “I didn’t know what to do. I lost everything, just like that. So, you see, A.J., we have more in common than you thought. Both of us, at one time, thought BDSM ruined our lives. How’s that for serendipity?”
A.J. chuckled, but his words were sober. “I had no idea, Lyss. No idea you’d been through so much. But, at least you had Tatum, right? You were able to get out of there and back on your feet. You didn’t let that horrible incident ruin you.”
Lyss sat up, turning to face him while the bubbles swirled around her breasts. “You didn’t let your incident ruin you, either, you know. You came out of it stronger than before, right? And besides, it led you back to Ryder.”
“And to you,” A.J. said, his face suffused with fervent sincerity. “God, Lyss. You’re so damn strong. I can’t believe you went through something so horrible. I admire you for that.”
“For what?” she said, wishing the damn blush would go away. “I ran away like some pussy little girl. What’s to admire about that?”
A.J. held her gaze, eyes shining. “You didn’t let it destroy your inner self, Lyss. You didn’t let it drive you away from what you truly needed. You didn’t break. So yes, Lady, I sincerely do admire you. You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. No wonder Ryder fell in love with you. I…”
He trailed off, blushing furiously, and looked down suddenly as if it was too hard to keep meeting her eyes. “Would my Lady like a massage after her bath?” he asked, switching back into formal mode.
“Yes,” Lyss said softly. “I would like that very much.”
A.J. nodded and rose to his feet, his little cup in hand. Lyss hid a smile as she stood, allowing him to rinse the bubbles from her body. This was another ritual they had developed over the last couple of weeks. Every time she got a bubble bath, he would carefully, reverently wash the bubbles away, making sure no residue would stay on her skin. It was such a loving gesture, such a sweet expression of devotion, she found herself tearing up every time he did it. God in Heaven, this man was perfect.
Good thing she and Ryder were already making plans to keep him. She had a feeling that, after tonight, there would be no going back.
Keeping that disconcerting thought to herself, Lyss allowed A.J. to help her towel off and slip a silk robe around her shoulders, then let him brush out her hair until it nearly glowed. When he finally finished, she led the way into the bedroom. Normally, he would help her into bed, then kneel on the carpet beside her until she fell asleep. Once Ryder got home, if he got home before she had to get up again, A.J. would join them in the bed. He never slept with her without Ryder there, almost as if he feared her husband would take offense to finding A.J. in bed with his wife. Well, tonight she was going to dispel that illusion, once and for all.
A.J. turned down the sheets for her, then stepped back, ready to tuck her in.
“Lie down with me,” she said in a hot, sexy purr. She slipped the knot on her robe’s tie, letting it fall open to reveal her nakedness underneath.
A.J.’s eyes widened and he swallowed visibly. He glanced at the bed, biting his lip, and cleared his throat. “My Lady…” he began, sounding horrified at himself for daring to disobey her. “My Lady, is this…okay? For us to…be together…without Ryder?”
Lyss tried to calm her racing heart, to no avail. She knelt on the edge of the bed, turned A.J. to face her, and threaded her fingers together behind his neck while resting her forearms on his muscular shoulders. She made sure his collar was between her palms and his neck, reminding him of his submission, and looked deep into his eyes.
“A.J., I need to ask you a question. And, I need you to answer me honestly.”
He frowned. “Of course, my Lady. Anything.”
She gathered her courage and asked, “Are you only here…for Ryder? I mean, are you only submitting to me because he wants you to? Am I only a…perk, for lack of a better word, in your relationship with Ryder?”
A.J.’s eyes widened, his mouth dropping open. Immediately, he dropped to his knees, wrapping both hands around her thighs as he bowed his head. “No! No, my Lady, no. Of course not. God, how could you ever think that?”
He looked up at her then, blue eyes shining with unshed tears. “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. The moment I saw you, it took everything I had not to drop to my knees in worship. You’re incredible. I love that you’re so strong, so amazingly in control of yourself. I love how sassy you are, yet you don’t go out of your way to use your wit against people. You make people happy just by being in the room with them. You’re so goddamn smart, and sexy, and funny, and sweet…” He trailed off, obviously overcome by emotion.
She ran her fingers through his hair, keeping her voice calm, bland, even though her heart was soaring. “Then why won’t you sleep with me alone, A.J.?”
Fear tinged the earnestness in his eyes. “I…I’m afraid…” He coughed, swallowed hard. Then he croaked, “What if Ryder…what if he thinks we’re…cheating behind his back? What if…what if he thinks we…”
“Love each other?” she whispered.
A.J. sucked in a breath, staring at her.
She caressed the line of his jaw, the side of his neck. “Tell me the truth. Do you really, truly want to be with me? Are you really here for me? Or just Ryder?”
He licked his lips. “You’re perfect, Lyss. I’ve never met a woman like you. Of course I’m here for you. How could I not be? I love the way you talk, the way you laugh, the way you light up a room when you smile. I love the way you think, the way you always try to see the best in people, and the way you take so much pride in being a nurse. I love everything about you. I think…I think I’m…”
“Say it,” she urged softly. “Say the words, A.J.”
Silence.
A heartbeat. Two.
Then he whispered, “I think…I think I’m…falling in love with you.”
Lyss smiled, urging him back to his feet, and brought her lips to within an inch of his. “I’m falling in love with you, too. I think I fell in love with you the moment Ryder first told me about you. Meeting you just sealed the deal. This was meant to be, don’t you understand?”
“What about Ryder?” he said in the barest whisper.
She cocked her head. “A.J., do you still love Ryder?”
He stared at her, then nodded slowly. “I don’t think I ever stopped. I loved him back then…and I still love him now.”
Lyss gave him a soft kiss. “If you can be in love with two people,” she said, “why can’t I, huh? If you can love both of us, why can’t I love both of you?”
“Because…because if you did…” He winced, then pressed his forehead to hers and whispered, “Then this would all be too good to be true.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” she said with a soft laugh, “we’ve both had worse things happen to us. Too good to be true? How about dream come true?”
She pulled back enough to look into his eyes, balancing her forearms on his shoulders. “This is what we were looking for, A.J. A true third. A triad relationship, with love connecting all three of us. My heart is big enough to hold the both of you. Just like yours is big enough to hold me and Ryder. And Ryder’s heart has always had room for you. He never stopped loving you either, sweetie. He told me that a million times. And you want to know what else? Want to know what else he always said?”
He nodded.
She squeezed his shoulders, putting as much honesty, sincerity, and passion as she possessed into her voice. “He always said that if he ever found you again, then he wan
ted me to fall in love with you, too. And he said he wanted you to fall in love with me. Over and over again, he said that in his perfect universe, the three of us would love each other. Not just when we’re all in the same room.
“So no, A.J., he won’t think we’re cheating on him. Actually, I know for a fact that if he finds us in bed together when he gets home, he’ll be doing a victory dance around the block.” She gave him a wicked smile. “Right after fucking us both senseless, of course.”
A.J. just stared at her. She could see hope warring with fear in those incredible blue eyes. His shoulders were trembling beneath her forearms, as were the hands that gripped her waist. He was searching her face, her eyes. Searching for a way to believe her words.
“I’m not just falling in love with you, A.J.,” she confessed in a soft, velvety whisper. “I’m already in love with you. And as much as I love having you as a slave, I don’t just want your submission. I want your soul as well. And your heart. I want all of you, A.J.
“Ryder told me how he laid claim to you that night so many years ago. I’m doing the same now. I want you to belong to me, just as much as you belong to him. My heart is big enough to hold the both of you. So, my question to you is, will your heart hold both of us?”
He didn’t move. Didn’t speak. He stared into her eyes for a long, breathless moment. And then, when she was just starting to wonder if she’d misread him, he leaned down and whispered, “I love you, Alyssana St. Claire.”
And he kissed her.
Lyss drowned in that kiss. His touch was so gentle, so reverent, as if he couldn’t believe he had the right to touch her. He still trembled, his lips so achingly sweet against hers in brought tears to her eyes. Lyss kissed him back hungrily, claiming him, owning his mouth like the Domme she was. She couldn’t help herself, couldn’t stop herself from taking over that kiss. Thankfully, though, he seemed to revel in it, groaning with pleasure as she explored everywhere she could reach with her tongue. When they were both on the edge of passing out for lack of air, she drew back and gave him her best imperious look.
Saints United [For Love of Authority 3] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 24
