Austin was still going. “And now look what happens? She came here to talk to him, and found out that he’d been seeing you again. That’s why she went off the deep end, didn’t you know? She found out that he was here, having a relationship with you. With the man who was the cause of their failed marriage. It was all your fault back then, and all your fault this time, too!”
“Fuck, Austin,” Ryder snarled. “If you hate me so goddamn much, why did you help us get back together? Why go through the bullshit with the auction?”
“Because I thought you’d fuck it up again!” Austin cried. Tears streaked his cheeks, his sniffles echoing through the room. “This wasn’t supposed to happen this way! She wasn’t supposed to find out he was with you again. A.J. wasn’t supposed to…to start seeing you two. I thought…I thought he’d feel left out, because you were married…and because you didn’t love him anymore. A.J. wasn’t supposed to stay with you. He was supposed to realize you weren’t the god he remembered. He was supposed to realize that his memories of you were flawed. He was supposed to realize that he never loved you. He was…he was supposed to…come back to me.” The last was said in a heartbroken wail.
“Stop it!” Lyss yelled, ignoring the tears on her own cheeks. “God, Austin. Just stop. How could you be so heartless? A.J. nearly died today. His son died! This isn’t about you, or your…feelings for A.J. This has nothing to do with you! Shawn, get him out of here!”
“All right, buddy, let’s go,” Shawn rumbled, physically hauling Austin toward the door. “Let’s go get you sobered up.”
“Won’t matter,” Austin snapped, hiccupping again. “Won’t change how I feel. Won’t change how A.J. feels, either. He’ll hate you, now. He knows it was your fault. He knows…” The rest of his speech was lost as Shawn pushed the man out the door.
Lyss looked at Ryder. Her husband stood there, as still as a statue, his face so cold and dead, he might as well have been made of granite. She tightened her grip around his ice-cold fingers, moving in close to wrap her free hand around his upper arm.
“Don’t listen to him, Ryder. He was drunk…”
“He was right,” Ryder whispered. “This is all my fault. If I’d never known A.J. in college, if I’d never been with him…if I’d never left my gun at his place…”
“If, if, if!” Lyss cried, pulling him back down to sit next to her. She tried to get him to look at her, but he wouldn’t budge, just kept staring straight ahead. “We can’t live on ‘ifs’, Tex! You can’t change the past, remember? It happened. There’s nothing anyone can do about it. All we can do is help change A.J.’s future. Isn’t that what you always said? Isn’t that…”
“I was wrong,” Ryder said, voice flat. Then he clammed up, refusing to speak no matter what else she said. Lyss was crying again, on the verge of hysterics, when Genevieve came back into the waiting room.
“He’s out of surgery,” she told them. “Had a bit of a scare when the doc noticed a nick in the artery. He’s going to be fine, though. Had to do a skin graft and sew up a lot of damaged tissue. He’ll probably never have full range of motion in his shoulder or his neck, but he’ll live. That much we know for sure.”
“Oh, thank God,” Lyss said. “Can we see him?”
“He’s in recovery now. I’ll let you know when he’s available for visitors.”
Lyss started to speak, but the lobby doors banged open, and in walked all of their friends—Sidri, Tatum, Allen, Maddox, Riley, and Amber. Amber rushed over to Lyss and threw her arms around her, hugging her tightly before settling in the chair next to her. Allen sat beside Ryder and took hold of his other hand, heedless of any sideways looks from others in the room. Tatum sat on Allen’s opposite side and laid one long arm over the back of both their chairs, taking a grip on Ryder’s shoulder. Maddox took up a guard’s stance near the door, glaring at the room’s other occupants, while Riley used his intimidating size to make everyone else in the room back away from their group. And Sidri…
A queen surveying her territory, Lyss thought, watching those green eyes sweep the room and settle on Genevieve. The people who’d scattered for Riley literally cringed when Sidri’s gaze passed over them, almost as if they knew how terrifying she could be when she got riled. Sidri marched over to Genevieve and gave the woman an imperious look.
“The surgeon who worked on A.J. should be finished cleaning up by now. I will speak with him. Now.”
Genevieve nodded, swallowing visibly as she quickly vacated the room, obviously glad to have an excuse to get away from that intimidating look. Then Sidri pinned Lyss in place with that icy green stare.
“You both need to do a better job of answering your phones. We heard it on the news. Had to find out from Shawn what happened. A.J. belongs to us now, too. Didn’t it occur to you that we’d care what’s happened to him?”
Lyss fought the urge to hang her head like a chastised child. “Sorry, Sid. Everything happened so fast…we didn’t think.”
“No, you didn’t,” she agreed with a snort. Sidri glanced toward the doorway. “Ah, there’s the surgeon. Excuse me.”
And she swept out of the lobby.
Lyss shivered. Sidri was scary when she got like this. Woe betide that surgeon if he said something the woman didn’t want to hear. Shaking herself, she focused on her cousin. “Sorry, Tatum. This has all been so…”
“Traumatizing,” he finished for her. “Don’t sweat it, ladybug. You know how Sid gets when someone she claims as hers gets hurt. She’ll forgive you for not informing us when she calms down. Right now, though…well, let’s just say the gloves are off, and that woman has a mean right hook.”
Just as Tatum had probably intended, his words drew a snort of laughter from Ryder. “Don’t she just?” he said, giving Tatum a sideways look. Then he sighed. “Thanks, for coming. I’m sure A.J. will be thrilled to know he has so much support.”
“We’re not just here for him, you know,” Allen said, speaking for the first time. Lyss saw him squeeze Ryder’s fingers. “We’re here for the two of you, too.”
“That means a lot,” Ryder whispered. Then he and everyone else fell silent, waiting to see what would happen next.
* * * *
The first gunshot took away his reason for living.
The second gunshot took away his reason for trying.
The third gunshot? That one was self-inflicted.
And it missed.
And that was, perhaps, his most tragic mistake of all.
A.J. lay in his hospital bed, staring out the window. Nurses came and went, looking at the various machines that were hooked up to his body, making inane comments about how well he was doing.
He wasn’t doing well. He was supposed to be dead.
Fucked that up, didn’t you, Johannes? Just like everything else in your life.
They never left him alone for long. Never long enough to do anything, anyway. Apparently, they knew his wounds hand been self-inflicted. They were determined to keep him here. Against his will. Against all reason. So A.J. pretended indifference. Pretended he didn’t care anymore, that he had no interest in ending his life. Soon enough, they would lose interest, too. They would release him from this prison of a hospital room, and he would find a way to finish the job.
God be willing.
It was full night when a nurse poked her head into A.J.’s room. “You have visitors, Mr. Johannes. Would you like to see them?”
A.J. didn’t respond. Just kept staring out the window. The nurse went away, but instead of taking the hint, she’d apparently decided his silence meant acquiescence. The door opened, and the very last people he ever wanted to see again walked into his room.
Ryder. And Lyss.
“Thank God, A.J.,” Lyss said, coming to his bedside and taking one of his limp hands, kissing his knuckles fervently. “How do you feel? Are you doing all right?”
A.J. said nothing.
Ryder came to stand on the other side of his bed, but he didn’t try to touch A.J. The
man waited in silence, until A.J. couldn’t stand the feel of those amber eyes on him. He finally looked up—and saw guilt, devastation, and pain in Ryder’s face.
“I’m so sorry,” Ryder grated, his voice harsh enough to rasp across A.J.’s skin. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. That I didn’t protect you. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that alone. So sorry.”
Tears trickled from the corners of his eyes despite A.J.’s best efforts to remain indifferent. He looked away, blinking furiously. “You couldn’t have changed anything,” he whispered.
“Maybe not,” Ryder agreed. “But…I could have helped.”
A.J. closed his eyes, pulling away from Lyss’s touch. He couldn’t stand to be in the same room with them. Couldn’t stand knowing they could see his pain. “You need to leave. Both of you. I can’t…Just…Go.”
Lyss gasped, but A.J. refused to look at her. “What are you saying, A.J.? Of course we’re not going to leave. We love you…”
“Don’t!” A.J. yelled, turning to glare at her. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that again, understand me? We’re done, don’t you get it? We never should have been together in the first place. We’re done. I’m done. Both of you need to leave. Now.”
“Stop talking crazy,” Ryder said. “A.J., we love…”
“Stop!” A.J. roared. He turned his glare on Ryder, putting as much accusation in his voice as he could muster. “You ruined my life, don’t you understand? Marian hated me because of you! Because of my having been with you! I never would have lost her if I never would have loved you first. Don’t you get it? You ruined my life! I never want to see you again!”
“A.J., baby, you’re hurt…” Lyss said, trying to touch him again.
He pulled away, ignoring the stab of pain in his neck. He refused to look at her. “Both of you need to leave. Now. Get out. Get out!”
A.J.’s nurse, responding to the commotion, bustled into the room. “I’m sorry, but I have to ask you to leave. He needs rest right now. Whatever this is, you can work it out later. You have to go now.”
Ryder walked around A.J.’s bed and took hold of Lyss’s arm, guiding her out the door. A.J. pretended he couldn’t see their despair, their heartbreak. They’d be better off without him. He ruined everything he touched. Their relationship would be stronger, better, longer-lasting without A.J.’s ruinous influence. They might hate him now, but they’d thank him later.
He could turn his eyes away, but he couldn’t turn off his ears. Despite his efforts to ignore them, he heard the nurse say, “He’s distraught, and in a lot of pain. The meds are helping, but his mental state is…well. He’s on suicide watch, rest assured. And he won’t be released until the psychiatrist is convinced he’s out of danger.”
Son of a bitch.
“I’m sorry, but I have to ask you to leave. You can come back after the watch has been lifted…or if he happens to ask for you.” The nurse’s tone held a lot of doubt.
That makes two of us, sister. Hell will freeze over before I ask to see them again.
A.J. turned his attention toward the window, tuning everything out. He couldn’t watch his former lovers walk away. Couldn’t stand to see the hurt on their faces, or in their eyes. They would understand, eventually. They’d forgive him, eventually.
At least someone will forgive me…eventually. Lord knows I can never forgive myself.
With that thought in mind, A.J. focused on the window and ignored everything.
Even the tears wetting his cheeks.
Interlude
Over the next few weeks, Ryder watched his entire world fall apart.
And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
The murder-suicide became front page news across the nation. Apparently, a mother going off the deep end and murdering her kid before killing herself was a hot topic. At first, they treated it like a divorce gone wrong, making it out like Marian had wanted A.J. back, and snapped when she found out he wouldn’t consider it. They said she’d been so heartbroken, she took her son’s life to spite her ex, then killed herself so she wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences.
Then more details surfaced. Marian wasn’t just visiting A.J. on a whim. Apparently, there was a lot more to the story.
After A.J. moved away from them, Marian’s mental state deteriorated rapidly. Several domestic disturbance calls had been filed against her, after neighbors reported hearing violent crashes, breaking glass, and high-pitched wails coming from the house. A social service worker had been called to the house to investigate claims of child abuse after Tyler showed up at school with two black eyes. She’d been written up for disorderly conduct at work after getting into a fistfight with a co-worker. She became erratic, screaming at people for the least little things, driving friends and family away, until she was completely isolated.
That was only the beginning. She stopped paying her bills, until the power company cut off her electricity. Her landlord evicted her the same day, claiming she was six months behind on rent and he had no choice but to reclaim his rental property. When the bank came to repo her car, she threatened the tow-truck driver with her gun, and consequently spent the night in jail.
The shit hit the fan rapidly after that. The same day that she was arrested, social services took Tyler and informed her that her parental rights were being revoked. She tried to go to work, and found out she’d been fired from the FBI training center. She lost her car, her home, her son, and her job, all in the same week.
The day before she showed up at A.J.’s apartment, Marian went AWOL. Somehow, she found out the name of the group home where Tyler was being kept, and kidnapped him in the dead of night. Somehow, she’d managed to get plane tickets—the police still didn’t know how she’d done it—and headed for Houston. Apparently, she’d been so insane by that point, she honestly thought that if she could get A.J. to take her back, then everything would go back the way it was before. She’d actually believed that every mistake she’d made would be erased if she could just get her ex-husband to love her again.
The bitch was a lunatic. A raving lunatic. But, even knowing all the details of her spiral into insanity, no one could have predicted her actions the day she murdered herself and her son.
The story ran day and night for a couple of days, but then people started losing interest. Ryder thought it would end there.
It didn’t.
His meeting with IAB was pure hell. The reaming he got for leaving his gun where a civilian could find it—and use it—was nothing compared to the glares he got when he was asked about his involvement with A.J. The entire department seemed convinced he’d been cheating on his wife, and with a man, no less. They thought he was a closeted gay man, living a double life. Nothing he said convinced them otherwise. It wasn’t until they brought Lyss in that they started to accept—grudgingly—that Ryder’s relationship with A.J. hadn’t been an affair, that the three of them had been in it together. It still didn’t go down well. He was suspended without pay, pending a review by IAB and his superiors.
Ryder didn’t expect to get his badge back.
Things got exponentially worse, though, when someone dug into A.J.’s background. Some backwoods reporter, looking to make a name for himself, decided to look into why A.J. and Marian got divorced—and found the records of their custody battle. Ryder woke up one morning to breaking news reports, every one of them calling A.J. a sexual deviant. The photos that had been used against him in the custody battles, the ones showing him submitting to a Dom at the BDSM club, were all over the place. The original story was twisted around, claiming A.J. was the reason Marian shot her son and herself. They now said she’d gone to confront A.J. over his sexual proclivities. Some even claimed she’d accused A.J. of molesting his son—a man willing to do those disgusting things in a club was probably going to want to do the same thing to his kid, right? They said A.J. was a criminal, a sick bastard, and that he was the reason his son had died that day.
And it ju
st kept coming.
A.J.’s collar and cuffs had been logged as evidence during the original crime scene investigation, but no one really knew what they were. They’d been forgotten in the wake of everything else that happened. But, after the story came out about his sexual escapades, someone in the department leaked news about the collar that was recovered at the scene. The news had a field day, claiming that was proof that A.J. had indeed done something to deserve what happened. It was a nightmare.
Then Ryder and Lyss got dragged into it. Some homophobic asshole in the department told a reporter about their triad relationship, and all hell broke loose. Ryder and Lyss started getting stalked by reporters, all of them wanting to know how long the two of them had been in the lifestyle, and how much influence they’d had over A.J. The news painted the two of them as monsters, responsible for destroying a loving father and turning him into a sexual deviant. Didn’t matter to them that their timeline was skewed, that A.J. hadn’t been involved with them until after his divorce. They ran with the story, claiming all sorts of terrible things, until there was no chance whatsoever that Ryder would ever work for HPD ever again.
Lyss didn’t fare any better. SLMC let her go the moment they got wind of her relationship with A.J. They told her they couldn’t afford to have such a twisted individual on their staff, interacting with their patients. She lost her nursing license, and all her credibility. She would never work in healthcare again.
But that wasn’t even the hardest part. Losing their jobs, their credibility within the community, was bad enough, but it wasn’t the worst thing that happened. No, that was the phone call they got from Sidri one afternoon, right after the shit storm hit its peak.
“He’s gone,” she told them, sorrow heavy in her voice. “A.J.’s gone.”
Ryder and Lyss were sitting at the kitchen table, the phone between them, on speaker. They shared a look before Ryder said, “What do you mean, Sid? I thought the hospital was holding him until they felt he was stable enough to leave.”
Saints United [For Love of Authority 3] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 30
