by Lindsey Iler
We sit in perfect silence as we watch two people fall in love on the screen. I wish life could be like the movies. A beautiful beginning with a tortured middle, and if you’re one of the lucky ones, a life altering end, all sealed with a polished, love-stitched bow.
As the end credits roll, I dry the tears as they fall down my cheeks. When I peek through my eyelashes, Graham’s eyes glowed with a hopefulness, and I swallow back the lump lodged in my throat.
“Do you think people are capable of loving that deep?” Graham asks, his finger ghosting toward the TV, where the credits roll.
“I think anyone is capable of anything if they want it bad enough. I’d like to believe we were capable of an unforgettable love.”
“Life’s no fairytale, but if it were, you and I would be an epic one.”
Suddenly, the weight of his words land on me, and every emotion I’ve bottled up in my heart explodes in my chest. Graham forces a smile and wraps an arm around my back.
“Close your eyes, Ken, and relax. I’ll stay until you fall asleep,” Graham whispers into my hair. His lips graze my crown just as my eyes flutter shut.
My chest heaves in a lung full of air, and I find myself surrounded by his scent. Wiggling into his side, my eyes stay locked shut as I find the comfort I’m desperate for. My body relaxes as sleep nearly takes me into its arms.
“Maybe our epic story is still being told, Ken.”
I wake in the morning, and before opening my eyes, I stretch the stress from my limbs. My mind in a fog, I question the dream I had last night.
Graham.
In my bed.
I roll over and clutch my pillow, burying my face into the cotton case. Sandalwood and citrus. I flail until my back straightens. I rummage around the side table and the bed for my phone, but a folded piece of paper catches my attention.
I sleep better when you’re near is written in a familiar, sloppy handwriting. My lips curl into an infectious smile.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Graham
My mom watches me carry my luggage down the stairs.
“Do you have your passport? And please, be safe. It’s Mexico, not Florida, Graham.”
“This isn’t my first rodeo, Mom.” Rolling my eyes, I throw my bag on the bottom step.
“If you get sold into the sex trade, don’t come whining to me.” She throws her arms in the air in exaggeration. “I love you, honey.” She hugs me and walks up the stairs, leaving me alone in the entryway.
“I love you too, Mom,” I call up to her.
Even though I know it’s there, I double check to make sure my passport is in the front pocket of my carry-on. Dan’s horn blares in the driveway as I swing the front door open and grab my bags from the ground. I stare back at the open garage door to see my father’s SUV missing. It’s been gone for a week now. We don’t know where he went or when he plans to be back, and I’m okay with that.
“A real gentleman would’ve come to the door,” I bellow as I throw my bags in the bed of his truck.
“I don’t see a real gentleman anywhere,” Violet hurls her insult out the window. Her eyes scan between the two of us. “Hi, Graham.”
“Hey, sweetheart.” I wink as I slide into the backseat.
“Who’s ready for some booze and debauchery?” I shout as I slam my hands down on the back of Dan’s headrest.
Violet twists around and shoots daggers with her eyes. “You need to be on your best behavior,” Violet demands.
“It’s senior year spring break. I think I’m allowed to run a little crazy,” I argue in defense of my plans.
“That’s not what I’m talking about, Graham.” Violet’s eyebrows draw together. “Mark and Kennedy are flying in tomorrow, which means you need to keep your distance. I’m not blind, and neither is he. The guy is two hand brushes away from kicking your ass.”
“She’s right,” Dan chimes in with his own opinion.
If pressed to name my and Kennedy’s friendship the past several weeks, I would categorize it under interesting. The playful banter shouldn’t be happening. I push it farther than I should because I’m me. I’m waiting for her to draw the line in the sand, and until that day comes, I find sick pleasure in tormenting Mark.
“He’s your best friend, man. At some point, you’ve got to give him a break,” Dan advises, his eyes focused on me in the rearview mirror.
“I don’t know what you two are talking about.” A snicker escapes my mouth. “You act like I slept in her bed or something.” I turn my nose up to them, pull out my phone, and shift it from one hand to the other.
“If you won’t say it, then I will, Dan.” Violet unbuckles and turns fully around to face me. “I’m calling bullshit. You know exactly what you’re doing. All the flirting and looks you two throw at each other all the time. You going to tell me it’s all in our imagination?”
Kennedy and I haven’t talked about that night. I think we both know it’s a secret best hidden under a rock. No good will come from Mark learning the truth. Hell, no good will come from anyone knowing the truth. It’s worth all the secrets. I’ve never slept so well in all of my life like when she’s tucked under my arm.
Since I snuck into Kennedy’s window, a whole month has passed with the two of us coping. Yes, we’ve turned up the flirty banter, but I think it’s difficult not to when you have a history with someone. Kennedy keeps her distance when Mark’s around, but I still see her smile when I make a joke or hear her stifle a laugh when she doesn’t want Mark to know she’s paying much attention to me.
I know it’s not fair, but I’ve needed her without needing her. Just knowing she’s there is enough. With how hostile my father’s been, I’ve been spending most of my time with Coach’ or at Dan’s place. I’ve contemplated running to her, hiding out in her house, but it’s not a good idea. Holding strong to keep our friendship purely platonic isn’t easy when all I want to do is wrap her in my arms and kiss her as if no time has passed between us.
“Amanda’s coming,” I announce after my phone vibrates with the incoming text.
“No one fucking cares, and don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” Violet moans as she turns back around in her seat and buckles in.
“Do me a favor and cut her some slack. She hasn’t had the easiest time with everything. She deserves to have a break like the rest of us,” I plead.
I’m happy to hear she decided to come on Spring Break. I don’t think Kennedy blames anyone for what happened to her. For Amanda and me, it’s sort of like survivor’s guilt. We played a part in the attack, but didn’t receive any of the punishment. I don’t blame Amanda for her retreat from everyone. It’s hard to know your actions resulted in someone’s world falling apart.
“If she wouldn’t have been so eager to spread her legs for you, then maybe Kennedy wouldn’t have stormed off into the night,” Violet shouts with pure rage.
Dan shakes his head. “Violet, enough,” he demands. “Craig would’ve been lurking elsewhere and we all know it.”
“Maybe,” Violet whispers.
“Can we all just agree that it’s senior year, and in a few short months, we’ll all be going our separate ways, so maybe we should try to make the best of it?” Dan suggests. He turns towards Violet with a raised eyebrow, then directs his dark stare at me.
Violet and I shake our heads in agreement.
I lean forward and wrap my arm around Violet’s shoulders. Her hands rest on my forearms and I squeeze her gently.
“I’m sorry for bringing it all up,” Violet apologizes.
“It’s our history. We can’t exactly hide from it,” I offer, trying to lighten the situation.
Dan groans as he pushes my arms off Violet. “Okay. Okay, get your hands off my girl.”
“Afraid she’ll realize she wants a real man?” I joke, flicking him across the ear, knowing he can’t fight back as he drives.
“Trust me, if I was going to leave Dan for anyone, it would be Mark,” Violet barks, but tur
ns to me with a shit-eating grin.
My mouth falls open as I relax into the headrest. “That’s cold, Vi.”
*****
I hear my name when I get out of the car at the airport, and when I turn, I see Amanda’s familiar smile.
“Hey, Violet, Dan.” She offers them both a quick smile. “I switched seats with Skylar. I hope you don’t mind. I just didn’t want to sit back there with all of them.” Her eyes beg me, for what, I’m not sure.
I nod and smile. “It’s all good. Let me grab your bags for you.”
Violet upgrades her and Dan’s ticket to first class, but when she offers to do the same for me, I glance Amanda and can’t do it. I feel a kinship to her, so abandoning her isn’t an option. As we board the plane and take our seats, I see Amanda’s wheels turn in her head. Her eyes dart around the cabin in search of something she needs.
“Spit it out, baby girl,” I insist, as I buckle myself into the seat.
“Do you think you and I could have ever worked?” she murmurs.
“Honestly?” I ask. I turn away when I see the look on her face.
“No, Graham, please lie to me.” Sarcasm drips from every word. “Yes, please be honest.”
I face her again and grab her hand. “No, we couldn’t have ever been together. It wasn’t you. It was me. When we got together, or whatever we were, I wasn’t a good guy. I’m still not a good guy,” I explain.
“Then what was different about her?”
“Amanda, why are you asking me this?”
“I’m just wondering, if some day, someone will see the good in me like she does with you. I’ve done some pretty horrendous things in my life, and I’m afraid that I’m not worth taking a chance on.”
“Kennedy made me want to be better,” I admit.
“And now?” Amanda wipes away a stray tear from her lips.
“And I’m still trying to be better. It’s not working, but I’m trying.” I force a smile.
Amanda rests her head on my shoulder and links her arm through mine. I allow it because I know she needs me.
“It’s been hard,” she whispers. “I haven’t even talked to her. I’ve been playing it in my head, what it would be like, or what I would say if I ever built up enough courage to say something to her.”
“Maybe you should. It will make you feel better,” I suggest.
“I don’t deserve to feel better.” Amanda’s shoulder shrugs.
I know what she’s going through. “I felt the same way. You’d be surprised how forgiving and understanding Kennedy can be.”
I look down to see her eyes closed. For the entire trip, she sleeps with her head rested against me. As we descend into Mexico, I nudge Amanda’s shoulder.
“We’re landing,” I whisper.
When she stretches, her black t-shirt rides up, exposing her stomach. I used to look at her as a piece of meat, or a different way to distract me from the misery that is my life at home, but now when I look at her, I don’t see an easy lay. I see Amanda, the girl I’ve gone to school with all of my life, the girl who pushed me down on the playground in second grade.
“We should hang out more,” I blurt.
Amanda turns her gaze on me. “We have a week in Mexico. I’m sure we’ll find time,” she offers through a chuckle.
Dropping a soft kiss on the side of her head, I grab our bags.
“Carry mine?” Amanda smirks.
Our group boards a shuttle straight to the resort. The sun shines through the windows and all I see as we drive up the hill is the bluest of oceans. We’ve vacationed in Mexico since I was young.
Check-in doesn’t take much time and before we go to our separate rooms, we agree to meet downstairs for dinner.
My bags land on the oversized bed of the honeymoon suite Dan jokingly ordered for me. I throw myself down alongside them. The soft mattress sucks me in as I reach for the remote control on the nightstand.
I lean against the sea of pillows and flip through the channels until I find ESPN. As they preach about the upcoming baseball season, I can’t stop the thrill I feel with the realization they could be talking about me one day. With dreams in my head, slumber takes me until I hear a loud knock on my hotel room door.
I rub the sleep from my eyes. “Jesus, hold on,” I shout as I get up from the bed. The pounding grows louder and more frequent with every step I take.
On the other side of the door is a rather inebriated Dan. He tries to keep his balance on a sober Violet tucked under his arm.
“Someone found the bar, I take it?” I laugh.
Violet pushes him in my room, and I jump to catch him before he hits the floor.
“He’s your problem now,” Violet groans. “Good luck. I jump in the shower for like two minutes and come out to find him pounding back shots of tequila with Justin. How they found a whole bottle in a matter of moments is both impressive and frightening.”
I can’t stop the laugh that rumbles from my throat. Violet’s eyes squint at me.
“What?” I shrug. “He’s sort of adorable when he’s drunk,” I joke at her expense. She’s said the same sentiment before.
“Good, he can sleep in here tonight.” Violet points into my room.
I smirk at her. “I need someone to cuddle, anyway.” I carry Dan to the bed.
“I doubt you’ll have trouble down here finding a girl to cuddle. Clothes are scarce and inhibition is low.” Violet smacks me on the shoulder. Dan plays with the ends of her hair and pulls himself closer to inspect her locks. She swats his hand away playfully as she turns her attention back to me. “Can we grab dinner? I’m starving.”
“What are we gonna do about him?”
Dan is damn near inches from falling off the side of the bed.
“Let’s just leave him to sober up. We’ll swing by before we go out,” Violet suggests. She grabs his shoulders and looks deep into his eyes. “You stay here. Sleep off your stupidity and we’ll be back soon. Okay, Pumpkin?” Her voice is condescending.
Dan cuddles up to my pillows. Violet and I laugh as I quietly shut the door behind us.
“Hey,” I shout at Amanda, standing at the elevator. “Hold the door.”
Violet and I step in and Amanda presses the button for the lobby. The silence is deafening as Violet sends fire-filled glares at Amanda. I sense how uncomfortable Amanda is.
“You should grab dinner with us,” I offer.
“I think I’m going to meet up with Rachel and all of them. They’re going to some restaurant, but you guys are more than welcome to come,” Amanda states, a soft smile on her lips.
Violet groans at the suggestion. Amanda attempts to melt into the floor with how uncomfortable this ride has become.
“We’d love to,” I blurt as I turn to Violet.
“We would?” Violet questions.
“Yes, we would.” My eyes widen in Violet’s direction. She mutters a few curse words under her breath as the elevator doors slide open. I throw my arm around Violet’s shoulders and pull her in close. “Be nice. You don’t understand what she’s going through,” I whisper in her ear.
Violet looks as if she’s going to protest, but presses her lips together when she sees the severity in my eyes.
After an awkward dinner, Violet and I head back to the hotel room. I slide my key card into the slot, and when it lights up green, I turn the knob. Laughter echoes throughout the room.
Dan barrels around the corner with a bottle of clear tequila in his hand. “It’s about damn time you got back,” he shouts.
I snatch the bottle from his hand and take a long swallow. “I needed this after the little dinner we just had,” I confess as I glance around the room to see Caleb and Becky cuddled up on the couch.
Violet steals the bottle from me to take a small sip. “It wasn’t that bad,” Violet protests.
“You looked like you wanted to kill Amanda, and whenever she said anything to any of the girls, you were practically plotting how you were going to dump her body in the ocea
n,” I argue.
Violet’s arms flail up in the air. “I have every right to hate that girl,” she defends herself.
“You couldn’t possibly hate her more than she hates herself. Jesus, think about it. I know that guilt. I live with that guilt. So, fucking back off her,” I shout.
The room falls silent.
Violet’s eyes soften as she watches me. “Graham...”
“Just don’t, okay?” I beg as I storm out.
I end up by the bar near the pool. Young people crowd around the tables and laughter fills the air. Hidden behind the bar, but not hidden enough, two girls make out in front of a group of guys.
“Enjoying the show?” A soft voice startles me.
A few feet away is a beautiful brunette, a smirk on her lips. “Well, are you?” Her slender hands grip her trim waist.
“If you’re into that sort of thing.” I wink.
Flirting has always come easy. When she sits down across from me and crosses her legs, I know I’ve reeled her in.
“So, guy-who-likes-to-watch-strange-girls-make-out, what brings you to Cancun?”
“An escape,” I answer the stranger.
“Look around, sweetheart. We’re all down here to escape. Take those two girls, for instance. Twenty bucks says the one on the right is a preacher’s daughter, and the other one is secretly in love with her best friend, but is too afraid to admit she likes pussy.”
“You do this often? Try to guess someone’s story without actually knowing them?” I taunt as my arms cross over my chest.
She stares at me for a minute or maybe it’s longer, but I don’t look anywhere else but in her eyes. I have a feeling a girl like her is used to having all eyes on her body. I’m not blind. She has a great rack, paired with toned legs that are on full display. If I scan my eyes below her neck, she’ll make an assumption about me that isn’t true. Okay, sort of not true.
