by Lindsey Iler
I narrow my eyes and throw my arm up in irritation. “What does that even mean?”
Violet stays silent. She doesn’t do or say things without a reason behind them. She may seem like a girl without a care in the world, but at the end of the day, she has everyone’s, especially my interest at heart.
You’ll figure it out at some point.
“You ready for this?” Mark’s arm slips around my back.
My head falls to his shoulder, and all’s forgiven, apparently, just like that.
“You’ll have fun.” He smiles down at me.
*****
And fun we have. I don’t expect it to be as big of a rush as it ends up being. The only downfall is the uncomfortable harness manages to wedge itself into places I didn’t know exist. The wind in my hair and the uncontrollable laughter as Violet zips down the line every time is enough to make for a good afternoon.
“Holy crap.” Dan hoots and hollers. “That was awesome.”
“You screamed like a little girl the whole time,” Mark mocks under his breath.
Violet slaps him on the back of the head. “Be nice to him. He can’t help it. He got over his fear of heights.” Violet kisses Dan’s blushing cheek. “I’m very proud of you, baby.”
“You’re scared of heights?” My mouth drops open in shock. “But you’re like the biggest guy I know, Dan.”
“Our size has nothing to do with our fears.” Dan feigns insult by pressing his hands to his heart.
“Touché.” I wink and nod my head in understanding.
Back outside the small hut where we turn in our gear, we wait for the shuttle. As it pulls up, Mark’s hand settles on my lower back, nearly absent, but strong enough to have a presence.
Violet leans her head on Dan’s shoulder, and he gazes at her with awe and love in his eyes as his lips drop to the crown of her head.
“Have you ever been in love?” I gesture to the two lovebirds in front of us.
“Have I ever been in love?” Mark murmurs my question before turning to face me. His eyes bore into me with an intensity I didn’t expect. “Ken, I don’t know. I thought I loved Skylar when I was in third grade. Does that count?” His breath grows shallow as he answers. He’s nervous.
I thought, if what Violet said is true, Mark would take this moment to say something. The way I feel about him is complicated. He’s become special to me, and the thought of losing him is unimaginable. I’m just not sure it qualifies as love, but it is something.
“I’d ask you the same question, but we both know the answer,” Mark whispers as he looks out the window. He nods several times and crosses his arms over his chest. I watch as his jaw ticks under the weight of his grimace.
The truth behind his words sting. My eyes drift close and my chest tightens at the reminder of my love for his best friend. The remainder of the short drive to the resort is quiet.
As we walk into the lobby, Violet and Dan go one way and we go the other. The silence is deafening on the slow ride to our floor. My fingernails provide a good distraction, but his eyes stay on me the entire time. When I glance up at him, an intense fire brews in his blue pools.
I gather up a change of clothes and my make-up bag, growing more uncomfortable each second he doesn’t speak. On my way to the bathroom, Mark wraps his hand around my wrist and pulls me against his chest.
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me back there.” His breath feathers over my hair.
“It’s okay.” My eyes close at the comfort of his body against mine. When his warmth disappears, they pop open.
Mark is on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, and head in his hands. “No, it’s not. I can’t play that card against you every time I feel insecure.”
“It’s not a competition.” I move to him and burrow my way between his knees.
His eyes skim between my eyes and lips.
“Then why does it always feel like I’m fighting against him for your attention? If he walks in the room, I immediately feel invisible.”
I gasp and my eyebrows furrow. “That’s how you feel?”
“You can’t tell me there isn’t a hint of truth in that.”
My head falls back and I stare at the ceiling. His words sink in and a feeling of shame rolls through me.
“You’re not invisible,” I whisper. “You’re sometimes all I see and that scares me.”
“Why would that scare you?” He tugs me onto his lap.
“Because I don’t want to forget him. Maybe I don’t think I can, and then you smile at me from across the room and a part of me feels like he’s slipping away.” Lost in my thoughts, I stare down at my feet but see nothing. “Then there’s everything that happened last year. Being with someone new should debilitate me, but somehow you’ve weaseled your way through my hard shell and softened me.”
“I need something from you.” With his fingers firm on my chin, he gives me no choice but to look at him.
“What?” My heart skips a beat.
Mark’s lips find mine with a shocking softness. “If it ever becomes too much, if at any point you know you won’t be able to let him go, I need you to be honest with me. I’ll always have a small sliver of hope, shouting that one day you’ll let me in and give me your all.”
“Mark...” I begin, but I don’t really know what to say.
How do I tell someone who has come to mean the world to me that I’m never going to be able to let Graham go? There’s a certain comfort you find for yourself only in another human being. It’s a comfort you can’t ignore. I feel it for Graham, but I know I need to let him go.
“You don’t need to say anything, Kennedy. I just need you to know where I’m coming from.”
I worry my lower lip. As I swing a leg over his lap, he grips my hips to steady me. My hands run over his taut shoulders, up through his hair, and wrap around the back of his neck. My thumbs trace his jaw line with slow, agonizing sweeps.
“You overwhelm me.” My lips fall to his, and once we connect, we become two separate beings who can’t resist each other.
His grip tightens around my waist, pressing his body against mine. His slow kiss along my neck create an ache in my lower belly. My back hits the mattress without me losing his soft lips.
Mark lifts his full weight off my eager body until he’s in the push-up position. His smile widens as he watches me fidget. He lowers himself until his lips graze the end of my nose and lifts himself up again.
“You’re beautiful.” Mark sighs.
His hands roam my body with an overwhelming urgency. His readiness buds up against my thigh. With a confidence I don’t know I possess, I caress him over his gym shorts. His soft moans through our tangled kiss only urge me on. Before I change my mind, my fingers attack the waistband of his shorts until he’s bare.
“Kennedy, you don’t have to–” He twitches and squirms.
I push against his chest until he’s flat on his back next to me.
“I know I don’t have to. That’s why I’m going to.” My breath comes out in shallow pants. “I want to do this.”
Mark’s eyes widen. He closes the unwanted gap between us. Hands wrapped in my hair to hold me in place, his tongue dances with mine, and our kiss deepens to unchartered depths—a place I’m willing to go to forget for a little while.
My hand moves with slow, unsure effort.
“Faster,” he orders against my lips.
I break the kiss and look to him for encouragement and instruction. “Like this?”
Mark’s eyes flutter shut. “Yes,” he whispers with a warm, disheveled delivery.
“Mark,” I utter as my hand moves quick to help him find release.
His eyes spring open and the perfect blue glazes over with satisfaction. He grows harder and the slight shift of his hips falls into place with my strokes.
“Kennedy,” Mark whispers between rapid breaths. “I’m about to–” His hand reaches behind my head and pulls me close. Our kiss deepens again as I alternate between fast
and slow. Mark’s stomach tightens beneath my touch as his cum slides down my hand and fingers.
Mark falls back onto the mattress and flashes a satisfied grin. His stare bores into the ceiling while he attempts to get his breath under control.
I can’t believe I just did that.
His facial expressions shift between sated and a distinct hint of confusion. “What was that for?” he asks, propping himself up on his elbows. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, babe. We can do that whenever and wherever you like, but I wasn’t expecting it.”
“Do you usually ask girls that?” I snap. I roll over to put some distance between us, but he pulls me back in by my waist. His hand rests on a sliver of bare skin where my shirt rides up. “I know I didn’t have to. I know you didn’t expect me to, but I wanted to. That’s all, so don’t ruin this for me, okay?” I laugh at how silly I sound.
“No ruining here, babe. I’m pleased and impressed with the spontaneity.” Mark’s smirk lights up the room and I shake my head at how ridiculous this situation is. “You should probably clean that up.” His chin nods towards the mess on my hand.
I slide down the bed and walk to the bathroom to wash my hands. When I come out, Mark’s changed into a pair of tailored, khaki shorts and a light teal, collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He’s every girl’s fantasy.
“Get dressed, beautiful. Violet wants to grab a drink before we meet everyone for dinner,” Mark explains and points to my bags. “You should wear the white dress.” Mark pulls the eyelet fabric from my suitcase. I grab it and display it against my body. “I won’t be able to keep my eyes off you.” His eyes glaze over with lust. “Never mind, maybe you should wear the sweatpants.”
“Very funny. I’ll be out in a minute.” I stand on my tiptoes and drop a kiss on his cheek, then grab underwear and my strapless bra from my luggage.
“That’s what you plan on wearing underneath?” Mark groans.
“Yeah, pretty much. Is that a problem?” A lacy white bra and matching thong hang from my fingers.
“No problem here.” Mark covers his face with his hands, but peeks through his fingers. “Don’t let me hold you up from sliding into those.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Graham
“Where’s Savannah?” a sweet, soft voice startles me.
My eyes are slow to open, but when they do, Kennedy stands over me, a familiar, friendly smile gracing her face. I lay there, stunned by her gorgeous brown hair with wavy beach curls seen only on underwear models.
“Earth to Graham.” She chuckles as her hand waves in front of my face.
I shake away the daydream of her in lingerie. “Sorry, must have dozed off.” I sit up and search the pool area. “She was here just a little bit ago.”
“You guys have been spending a lot of time together.”
Is that a hint of jealousy I hear?
Kennedy stretches out in the chaise beside me. I force my eyes to the clear blue sky above us. If I look anywhere else, they will take on a life of their own and search her out.
“She finds sick pleasure in ruining my fun,” I joke.
“Someone has to keep you in line.” Kennedy’s head falls back in laughter.
“You mean now that you don’t?”
I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. Kennedy diverts her attention to the bar near the pool. In Mexico, time holds no meaning. People drink from sunup to sundown.
“Where’s Mark?” I ask. My eyes roll behind my aviators.
“I let him sleep. He had one too many shots with Dan last night.” Kennedy rolls her eyes now, for a different reason than myself.
“Been there. Done that,” I admit.
“I’m shocked you weren’t right beside them, egging them on.”
“This trip, I’m taking a less is more approach with drinking,” I explain. “Savannah, the Alcohol Police, keeps reminding me how big of a jackass I am when I drink too much.”
“You told her the story, didn’t you?” Kennedy sighs.
“What story is that?” I shift to see her face.
“Our story.” Kennedy whispers as she slides on her sunglasses to hide the sadness looming behind the blue of her irises.
“The first night, before you and Mark got here, she found me alone by the pool. She sort of guessed our story, and I helped fill in the blanks.” I lie back in my chair. “It just felt nice to talk to someone who isn’t directly involved, you know? Everyone has rallied around...”
“Me. They’ve all rallied around me.” Kennedy finishes my thought, guilt clear in her voice. Her eyes cast down at her feet. Even when I build up the nerve to glance over at her, she doesn’t give me anything.
“As they should,” I whisper. To distract myself, I look around the pool. My eyes catch Amanda alone as I scan the bar. She waves and I wave back.
“How’s she doing?” Kennedy motions to Amanda.
“She’s had a rough go with it,” I explain. “You know, it would help if you talked to her.”
“Why should I?” Kennedy’s sharp voice slices into me.
“Because I know you. It’s killing you to sit here while she’s over there, wallowing in self-hate over something we all know was out of her control.”
“You always knew me so well, like reading a familiar book, huh?” Kennedy shakes her head a few times, then turns to me. Sliding her sunglasses to her crown, she motions with her chin. “Call her over here.”
I jerk upright and plant my feet on the cement. “Are you serious?”
“I can’t let her hate herself. You’re right,” Kennedy explains.
“How’d that taste coming out?” I wiggle an eyebrow in her direction.
She grabs her throat and mimes choking.
I laugh as I motion for Amanda to come over. Short, slow steps lead her to where Kennedy and I sit. Apprehension radiates off her and the light dims in her eyes.
“Hey guys.” She fidgets as if a colony of fire ants has taken up residency in her bathing suit bottoms.
“I’ll just be right over here if you girls need me.” I move to a lounge chair a couple spots down where I’m far enough away, hopefully close enough to hear their conversation.
I know it’s wrong of me, but I’m no saint.
Kennedy pats the space beside her and Amanda joins her on the lounge chair.
All night parties mean early morning hangovers, leaving the deck clear of most co-eds. The few guys hanging around are so hungover and congratulating each other on the epic night they each had. I stretch my muscles in solidarity for their pain.
“Let’s just cut to the chase. I don’t blame you for anything,” Kennedy says.
“How can you not?” Amanda hides her face in her hands.
“It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with what happened. I don’t think I fully have, but one thing I’ve learned is what he did has nothing to do with what you two did that night.” Kennedy points her thumb over her shoulder in my direction. “Something tells me you didn’t know what Craig had planned. I doubt he even knew.” Kennedy’s shoulders tighten and she shudders. “It was an unfortunate series of events.”
“He loved you and things got really messed up, and I feel like I played a big part in that.”
“Graham made his own choices. You had no loyalty to me. He did.”
Ouch! That stings.
“But...”
Kennedy cuts her off. “You need to forgive yourself because I don’t hold any ill will toward you.” Kennedy lifts a finger in the air to halt the conversation. “I take that back. I blame you for seducing Graham. But Amanda, you didn’t do anything any one of these bitches wouldn’t have, and you’ve clearly changed since last year.”
“I’ve never been a good person.”
I lean over and see Amanda wipe a tear from her cheek and Kennedy wrap her arm around her to comfort her.
There’s my girl.
“The only thing that matters, Amanda, is that you learned from it. I’
ve learned more about myself than I ever imagined possible,” Kennedy explains as she rubs Amanda’s arm.
Just as Amanda says something else, a group of girls run through the gate and jump in the empty pool. Their screams of excitement, make it impossible for me to hear. As they calm down, the deck goes quiet again.
“I’m coping.” Kennedy’s words drift over to me. She stares in my direction, her eyes soft and understanding. She winks at me and I laugh.
She knows me well enough to know I’d be eavesdropping.
They wander off to the bar, and I soak in the comfort. The last year could’ve destroyed quite a few of us, but for once, it appears everyone will be okay.
*****
“What’s up with them?”
The voice startles me awake. I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep, but the sun is high above us and the pool crowded with scantily clad bodies.
Mark and Dan loom above me. Violet sneers as she takes a seat on the end of my lounge chair. When I see Kennedy and Amanda perched on barstools, their heads thrown back in laughter, a smile forms on my lips. I haven’t seen either of them this carefree in a long time.
“It’s been a big morning for the two of them,” I explain in admiration.
“God dammit,” Violet utters under her breath.
“What’s wrong, babe?” Dan fails to hide his snort of amusement.
“It’s a perfect day to eat crow,” Violet shouts, dramatically. She stands and throws a wave over her shoulder. “Why does your girl have to be so forgiving?” Violet looks right at me and when my eyes widen at her mistake, she shifts her stare to Mark.
Dan and Mark stand on the pool’s edge, eyes focusing on the bar. I come shoulder to shoulder with them, watching something that seems like a mirage.
The three girls talk for a couple of minutes while we watch in anticipation. Violet turns to the bartender as we approach them. They cheer and throw back a shot of tequila. The next round waits on the edge of the bar.
“This should be interesting,” Dan mutters under his breath.
“What should be interesting?” Violet shouts, smirking at him.
Again, they hold up their shot glasses, clink them together, and swallow the clear liquid.
