His barrage of questions made her head spin. His nearness made her long to put her arms around his neck, cling to his strength, and forget about every one of her doubts. “Because that’s what ultimately happens! I’ve been through it personally, and I’ve seen my brothers do it to each of their wives—”
He scoffed, a harsh sound that cut through her protests. “Oh, you’d be surprised, Teddy. If I learned anything last night, it’s that your sisters-in-law are hardly the submissive types. They let your brothers think they have the upper hand and put on a good show for your mother and father, but every one of them is an independent, self-sufficient woman who seems to have found an equal balance with her husband.”
His insightful view astounded her, and left her speechless.
He took advantage of her wide-eyed stare. “You have nothing to prove to me, Teddy,” he said. “Nothing at all. I love you just the way you are, stubborn, independent and determined to grasp that promotion you want so badly. And I’d never do anything to change the person you are, or interfere with what’s important to you.”
She heard his words, and really wanted to believe them, but couldn’t stem the rise of panic that flooded her…a deep-rooted fear that his understanding would wane in time.
She thought into the future, to where a committed relationship with Austin would lead, and her doubts were confirmed. “But you want a wife, and babies.”
“Yeah, I do,” he admitted. “Eventually.”
“I don’t want that,” she said, issuing the denial out of self-preservation.
“Don’t you?” His deep voice was calm and soothing, but his eyes pierced her with a perception that shook her to the depths of her soul.
She paced away from him, the intensity of her feelings for Austin deluging her with more unsettling thoughts. Her deep longing for him seemed to eclipse her lifelong need for independence and made her wonder what her life would be like if she eventually married Austin and gave him the babies he wanted.
And that’s where everything became a jumbled, conflicting mess in her mind. She’d been taught that women were supposed to be complacent, dutiful wives, and when babies came along, women stayed at home, falling into a maternal role that didn’t include the career Teddy had spent years working toward.
Dread balled in her stomach, overriding sense or reason. “No, I don’t want that,” she forced herself to say, and tried her best to believe those words. Sinking into the cushions of the couch, she beseeched Austin with her gaze. “All this has taken me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting to fall for you. And I don’t think I can be what you ultimately need in your life.” The statement came out as a tight, aching whisper.
His mouth stretched into a grim line. “You’re not even willing to try.”
“I’m willing to give you what I can.” She hated the uncertain quiver in her voice. Hated even more the fear that ruled her emotions.
“A no-strings affair,” he said, his tone flat.
Right now, it was all she could offer him. “Yes.”
“No way. It’s not enough.” His expression turned angry. “I’ve been used like that before, and I won’t be anyone’s part-time plaything again.”
Hearing the heated condemnation in his voice, and suspecting he, too, had been played for a fool in the past, she regarded him cautiously. “What are you talking about?”
“The last relationship I was in, if you could even call it that, was with a woman who was out for a good time, and I was it. Her name was Diane, and she was a Fantasy for Hire customer. Just like you, she was looking for a personal fantasy.”
Teddy’s heart sank as she realized the correlation between her own behavior and this other woman’s. Beyond Austin’s anger, she also heard the hurt in his deep voice, and realized that this other woman had trampled on his emotions and had given him a few insecurities of his own.
“She used me, Teddy, and when the affair came down to something more serious for me, she blew me off.” Tension bunched the muscles across his chest and in his arms as he stood on the other side of the coffee table. “Bottom line, I wasn’t good enough for her, and the life she led. Not on a permanent basis anyway.”
She winced at the lash of his words, and the bitterness seeping into his tone. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice tight and aching.
“Yeah, me too.” His cold gaze held hers relentlessly. “So no, I don’t do convenient affairs, Teddy. I need some kind of commitment when I’m serious about a woman. No matter how old-fashioned it may seem, when I fall in love, I’m an all-or-nothing kind of guy. And I expect the same from the woman I’m involved with.”
Her throat closed up, making speech impossible. His rare declaration of fidelity and devotion was what women dreamed of, and Teddy’s heart swelled with so many regrets, so many fears…and the overwhelming need to believe him, and accept his precious offering. The upheaval of emotions swamped her, pulling her in two different directions.
Letting out a low sigh of defeat, he headed for the hallway that led to her bedroom—to gather up his things, she suspected—then stopped before disappearing. “And just for the record, Teddy, I’ve never told another woman that I was in love with her. You’re the first, and I didn’t make the declaration lightly.”
She closed her eyes, listening to the rustling sounds drifting from down the hall, and tried to convince herself that it was best that things ended now, instead of when the relationship became more complicated. More demanding.
Her heart twisted unmercifully, rejecting the convenient excuse she desperately tried to cling to. Emotionally, she was already over her head—and the realization was alarming.
He returned to the living room minutes later, changed into his damp clothes, duffel bag in hand. “You’re still hanging on to the fantasy, Teddy,” he said, his gaze uncompromising as it held hers. “I’m offering you the real thing, and I won’t accept anything less from you, either.”
And then he was gone. As the silence and solitude she’d always cherished surrounded her, hot tears scalded her eyes. Seconds ticked into minutes, which turned into hours as she sat on the couch and stared at the Christmas tree Austin had bought for her, to share with her. Yet she’d pushed him out of her life, so determined to preserve her independence…so afraid to trust him with her heart.
“ARE YOU SURE I can’t convince you to join Brenda and me for a drink at the Frisco Bay?” Laura asked, her concerned voice attempting to cajole Teddy into accepting the invitation.
“I’m sure.” Teddy appreciated her friend’s attempt to cheer her up, but there were too many memories of Austin at the Frisco Bay, and she just wasn’t up to making polite conversation when her heart ached like nothing she’d ever experienced before.
It had been a week and a half since Christmas morning, when Austin had walked out of her life. She hadn’t heard from him, not that she’d expected to after the angry way they’d parted. She’d spent the holiday weekend by herself, alone and lonely and wallowing in misery. The tree in her living room had remained undecorated, yet she couldn’t bring herself to remove it from the condo, either.
She’d refused the New Year’s Eve parties Laura and Brenda had invited her to, feeling as though she had little to celebrate. Her parents had invited her and Austin over for New Year’s Day brunch at the house, hoping to “get to know Austin better,” since it seemed the two of them were serious about each other. Teddy declined that gracious offer with a convenient fib that she had other plans. She didn’t have the heart to tell her mother that Austin was no longer a part of her life.
And after she’d hung up the phone, Teddy recognized the irony of her parents accepting Austin, even if it was on a tentative level, when she’d been the one to judge him so harshly.
Pushing that awful thought aside, she reached for a file on her desk and resumed her conversation with Laura. “I’ve got a proposal to finish up here at work,” she said, pulling out the first draft copy of a resort brochure. “So I’ll be here late tonight. You and Brenda go
and have a good time.”
“All right,” Laura reluctantly agreed. “Hey, isn’t tomorrow the day you find out if you get the senior graphic design promotion?”
Teddy found she couldn’t even summon a small bout of enthusiasm over what once had been her sole ambition. “Yeah. There’s a board meeting first thing in the morning. I should know by noon.”
“Well, good luck, and keep me and Brenda posted.”
Teddy managed a small smile, grateful for her friends’ support. “Thanks, I will.”
Hanging up the phone, she continued working on the brochure, making notes for narrative, and jotting down ideas for what she thought would make for an attractive, trifold advertisement. She welcomed the diversion—it kept thoughts of Austin at bay.
It was a little after 6:00 p.m., and outside her office she could hear other employees leaving for the evening. The building grew quiet, except for the occasional hum of the copier being used by an ambitious employee working late like herself, or the ring of the outer telephone that someone else picked up. Another hour, she decided, and she’d pack up her work and head home, though the thought of entering her condo made her dread the lonely, solitary night ahead. It no longer seemed to matter that she’d once cherished the privacy and freedom that came with being an unattached woman.
“Trying to make a last-minute impression on me?”
Louden’s sly voice slithered down Teddy’s spine, and she glanced up to find her boss standing in the doorway to her office. “No, I’m trying to do my job and meet my current deadline. I’m sure you’ve made up your mind by now who will get the promotion.”
Very casually, he entered the room, closing the door behind him. Her heart gave a distinct thump in her chest, and uneasiness congealed in her belly.
His pale gaze flickered over her silk blouse, then rose to her eyes again as he moved closer to her desk. “I submit my final choice tomorrow morning, before the board meeting begins. It’s still not too late for me to put you at the top of the list.” His insinuation rang clear—as of this moment, she wasn’t his top candidate for the position. “How about dinner tonight?”
Feeling very uncomfortable being alone with Louden in her office, she stood and reached for her briefcase, deciding it was time to pack up and leave. “I don’t think so. Austin is expecting me home shortly.”
“Cut the pretense, Teddy,” he said in a light, mocking tone that was at odds with the ominous glint in his eyes.
Her pulse leaped in apprehension. Trying to keep calm, she gathered important files and stacked them in her briefcase. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Bracing his hands on the desk across from her, he leaned in close. “He’s a stripper,” he said, his gaze sparkling with the trump card he’d just played.
A cold chill tingled along the surface of her skin, and her belly tightened with tension. She let none of her anxiety show. “Excuse me?” she asked, infusing her voice with a credible amount of bewilderment.
A slow, insidious smile curved his thin lips as he straightened. “Austin McBride is a stripper, a fantasy for hire, or in your case, an escort for hire who received a higher price than I’d ever demand for services rendered.”
He knew too much, and she had no idea how Louden had discovered the truth about Austin. She watched him circle her desk, like a predatory animal closing in for the final victory, and snapped the locks closed on her briefcase.
“Aren’t you the least bit curious how I know about Austin?” he asked. “Janet mentioned to me that she thought your boyfriend looked familiar at the Christmas party, and then it dawned on her where she’d seen him before…dressed as a cop, one who stripped for a living. Needless to say, I found that extremely interesting, and while you were at lunch today I found a business card and a receipt for a thousand dollars for ‘services rendered’ in your desk drawer.”
White-hot fury filled her, and she turned to face Louden—who stood way too close for her comfort. “You went through my things?”
He shrugged, as if invading her privacy didn’t violate a serious code of ethics.
Months of enduring Louden’s tactics finally got the best of her. Fists clenching at her sides, she met his gaze challengingly, and let her temper boil over. “You had no right!”
He merely smiled, looking pleased with himself. “It proved what I already suspected. Austin is a fraud, so now that the truth is out in the open, there’s no longer a reason for you to play coy and pretend that you’re unavailable.” He slid his fingers down her bare arm. “Now, about your promotion…”
She jerked away from him, gaping incredulously at his nerve. She was tired of battling this man for something she knew she deserved, and she refused to compromise her morals to get it.
And in that moment, she came to a startling realization. This promotion was important to her, yes, but not as much as it once had been. She’d thought she needed to prove to her family that she was self-sufficient, determined and confident, and had put too much emphasis on the senior graphic design position being the direct link to her happiness. Her priorities shifted, and the one topping the list was ultimately pleasing herself—and that meant standing up to this man who believed he wielded so much control over her.
“You know what, Louden? You can take the promotion and shove it,” she said matter-of-factly, feeling more unencumbered than she had in years. “And I’m sure the board of directors will find it interesting tomorrow morning to find out exactly how you choose your candidates.”
An incensed shade of red traveled up his neck and suffused his face. “It’s your word against mine,” he said, his tone low and dark with menace.
Grabbing her purse and briefcase, she met his gaze evenly, telling him without words that she wasn’t intimidated by him. “I’m willing to take that chance. The last thing I knew, sexual harassment was against the law.”
With that parting remark, she started around the opposite side of the desk, her eye on the closed door and her thoughts on quickly escaping this man’s hostility. She’d only managed two steps when strong fingers manacled her wrist in a painful grip.
She glared back at Louden, refusing to cower. “Let me go.”
A malicious sneer curved his lips. “If you’re going to file a complaint, we might as well legitimize it.”
And with that, he jerked her around and shoved her against the wall, hard enough that she smacked her head, causing her to lose her grasp on her briefcase and purse, and momentarily paralyzing her entire body. A picture crashed to the floor from the jarring impact, the sound of shattering glass sharp in Teddy’s mind.
Stunned and dazed, and trying desperately to gulp air into her lungs, she felt his hands grope at her blouse, then viciously rip it open. Her lips parted to scream, but he clamped a hand over her mouth, nearly smothering her. Refusing to be a victim, she struggled against him as his other hand tugged at the hem of her skirt, then his hand touched her thigh. Swallowing the bile rising in her throat, she shoved against his shoulders, adrenaline lending her a strength she never knew she possessed.
“Oh my God!”
Teddy heard her co-worker’s exclamation from somewhere in the office, and it was enough to alarm Louden. He didn’t let her go, but instead looked over his shoulder at the intruder. Taking advantage of the distraction, Teddy brought her knee up against his groin, hard. Louden’s hands fell away from her to grab himself, and he gaped at her in wide-eyed astonishment. His shock turned to outrage, and though he was in obvious pain, he growled low in his throat and made a last attempt to lunge at her. Her hand shot out to protect herself, and the base of her hand slammed into his nose.
She heard something crack, watched as Louden fell to his knees, clutching both his groin and now-bloody nose. An anguished moan ripped from his chest, and Teddy didn’t spare another second to put some distance between them.
On shaking, trembling legs, Teddy managed to round her desk and reach Anna, one of the secretaries in the firm. The woman appeared as sh
ocked as Teddy felt.
“Are you all right?” Anna asked just as two other employees entered her office, obviously having heard the commotion.
“I’m…fine,” she assured them all, and with less than steady hands pulled the ends of her blouse back together over her chest. “Someone, call the police, please. I want this man arrested for sexual assault.”
12
IT WAS A COLD, cloudy, overcast Saturday afternoon, and neither McBride brother was home, much to Teddy’s disappointment. She hadn’t called beforehand, afraid that Austin might refuse to see her, and she didn’t want to discuss this private matter over the phone.
Sitting on the porch steps leading to the charming old Victorian house that Austin shared with his brother, she waited for over an hour for him to come home, knowing she’d sit there forever if that’s how long it took to convince Austin that he was the single-most important thing in her life.
Him, and his love and belief in her.
Coming to that conclusion had been a soul-searching event, but her realization had put so many things into perspective for her. After Louden’s attack, she’d spent a few days prioritizing her life, putting her own happiness first on that list, her love for Austin second, and her career third. She no longer felt the need to validate her self-worth to her family, or anyone else, by climbing the corporate ladder. No longer believed that sole independence was the means to ultimate happiness and emotional gratification. She’d put way too much stock in her ambitious goals, when the key to her contentment lay in her heart.
And Austin was in her heart and certainly a part of her soul. She hadn’t expected to fall in love with him, never believed a man could make her feel so whole, so emotionally complete. She’d never imagined that the thought of living without him would make her heart ache so unbearably.
12 Stocking Stuffers Page 84
