Jake was sitting on the bed when she emerged from the bathroom. His eyes traveled the length of her body, his brows creasing.
“What?” She was still annoyed at him for spoiling a good conversation last night.
“Nothing.” He went into the bathroom and slammed the door. He opened it again a second later and stuck his head out. “I was going to say you’re really dressed up to go sightseeing.”
Bollocks!
She should have found a way to tell him earlier. He closed the door, and she heard the shower running.
She slipped on gold leather lace sandals. She had to look the part; she couldn’t very well show up wearing a T-shirt and jeans. She called room service and ordered coffee, a pot of tea, cereal for herself, and eggs and bacon for Jake.
Room service knocked on the door just as Jake came out of the shower. He smelled like clean soap and aftershave, a heady scent. She took a deep whiff when he wasn’t looking.
“Hey, thanks for ordering breakfast.” The waiter laid the tray on the bed. Jake poured coffee for himself and tea for Meera. He put milk and sugar in the tea and handed her the cup.
“So where is this fancy appointment of yours?”
Meera took a sip and picked up her toast. “I need to go see Sienna Simone.”
“Is she someone I should know?”
Meera brushed nonexistent crumbs off her dress. “She’s a famous designer. My mother had her design a special wedding dress for me, an East-meets-West design, and I have to go try it on. She’s only here today.”
“So you came to New York to get fitted for a wedding dress.”
“I did.” She swallowed, the tea burning her throat.
“Well, good luck with that.”
They ate breakfast in uncomfortable silence.
Finally, Jake put down his fork with a clank. “What I meant to say last night was that I have some experience with women who settle down. Jolene thought she wanted me ’cause it made sense—we were high school sweethearts, too. But when it came down to it, she didn’t want a life on the ranch. If you want to marry that Raj fella, I’ll come dance at your wedding—” she gave him an incredulous look “—okay, maybe not, but I’ll be happy for you. You say you’re here to do a medical rotation, but I think you’re really here to figure out what you really want.”
“I know what I want,” she said with feigned confidence.
He swallowed and went back to eating.
What if Jake was right? What if she was here to figure out what she really wanted? And if the answer was that she didn’t want Raj, how would she face her parents?
Jake wiped his mouth and excused himself. He had to drive to New Jersey to see his mother. They agreed to meet at the Empire State Building later in the day.
Meera walked the few short blocks to Fifth Avenue and looked in the windows of the high-end designer stores. It was too early for the shops to be open, but she enjoyed looking at the beautiful dresses, perfectly lit to showcase their finery. She was never meant to wear any of the dresses here. She was like Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady. She had watched the movie in the small room at the orphanage and dreamed of what it would feel like to be rescued. Her father had made that happen. Her mother had taken a street urchin and turned her into a princess. Meera had gone from scrapping for a few rupees to buy food to having an unlimited allowance to spend on clothes and accessories. Not once in her life had her father raised an eyebrow at what she charged to the credit card he gave her. She thought about Derek’s father forgoing a much-needed CT scan for his son because he couldn’t afford it. Did she deserve the life that had been handed to her?
She moved away from the stores, choosing to walk down a side street lined with cafés now filling up with office workers eager to get their morning caffeine.
People often asked if she would track down her biological parents. There was no way to do so, but even if she could trace them, she had no inclination. Her parents had given her everything she could ask for: an education, a home, a life of luxury and fine things. Why would she seek out the people who had willingly given her up? A familiar pain pulsed through her head. Jake had brought up choices; well, her parents had chosen her. And marrying or not marrying Raj was still her choice. Her parents didn’t have a gun to her head.
She checked her watch—it was almost time for her appointment. She pulled out her phone to call Lily and check on her and find out why she hadn’t made it to the Bull Blazin’ Festival. Meera wondered if Lily had heard from Joe. She doubted it. She was pretty sure Lily had been taken advantage of; she only hoped the girl came to her senses and didn’t spend the rest of her life waiting for him. Lily didn’t answer the phone. Meera sighed and hailed a cab to take her uptown to the Sienna Simone Bridal House on Madison Avenue.
When she got to the door, she called the number she’d been given and was shown in by an assistant who said Sienna was running late. Great! The assistant came back a few minutes later, reverently holding a dress. “This dress has created quite a stir in Sienna’s fashion house. She’s never designed anything like it.”
Meera’s mother had insisted on working with Sienna because she was hoping the wedding would be featured in one of the prominent English magazines. Meera studied the pale pink dress with delicate, deep maroon embroidery that highlighted volumes of diagonal cut ruffles. A heavily beaded bodice topped it off. The shape was supposed to mimic a traditional Indian lehngah. It was a beautiful dress. Meera rubbed her temples.
“This gown will look so good with your skin tone. I bet you can’t wait to try it on. Sienna should be here any minute, so why don’t you step into this dressing room?”
Meera stared at the dress. She hated it. It was big and bold, flashy and ostentatious; it was not what she wanted, not what she would have chosen. She had been hoping for something simple and elegant. Maybe even a traditional Indian sari, but her mother kept insisting she would love this dress.
Her throat closed. The boutique was getting too hot. Her mouth was completely dry. She needed air and water, and...something else. The overeager assistant was setting up a spacious dressing room, chattering away. Meera gazed at the front door and the world right outside it. There was nothing stopping her; she had choices, she could do what she wanted. She didn’t have to wear that gown.
She turned and fled.
* * *
JAKE PULLED UP to the house. It was the quintessential, middle-class suburban house, a brick front with a small front yard. He stared at it for a while, trying to understand the life that his mother led in this place. How long had she lived here? It seemed so small compared to the ranch. Was she happy?
The front door opened and his mother stepped out. From afar, she was as he remembered, but as he walked closer, he saw the differences. Her long blond hair was much shorter now, with hints of gray. Her eyes were still blue, but there were pronounced lines around them. She seemed much smaller—shorter than he was—and thinner.
“Jake! I’m so glad you came.”
She sounded different. She’d lost her Southern drawl, and her voice was deep and rough, not sweet and high-pitched like he remembered. He stood there awkwardly—how did one greet a mother who’d left a couple of decades ago? Was there a Miss Manners guide to this? She gave him a small smile and held out her hand. It felt fragile in his, and he gave her a limp handshake.
She led him inside to a living room, and he scanned the comfortable space.
He stepped toward the mantelpiece, drawn by the morbid fascination that makes drivers stare at a car crash. He looked at the framed pictures of his mother marrying another man, her and two girls at Disney World, hiking in the Grand Canyon, in front of the Eiffel Tower, on the London Bridge with the iconic Tower Bridge in the background, at the girls’ college graduations. An entire lifetime. A whole new family. He picked up the London photo; it shook in his hands. He
set it back.
“Those are my stepdaughters,” she explained.
“So you raised another man’s children but didn’t want to see your own?”
Her expression was pleading. “It wasn’t like that, Jake. Things were complicated, and I just needed to get away.”
“And what did I do to make me unworthy of a second look back?”
She came closer, and he stepped back. “You didn’t do anything. I was selfish—I wanted a fresh start, and I thought having you in my life would remind me too much of your father. You look so much like him.”
A cold hand squeezed his heart. His father was a good man; he had been a good husband to her.
“Why did you wanna see me now?”
She stilled. “Could we maybe sit down and talk? I made some apple pie. I remember you used to like them a lot.”
He shook his head. He didn’t want apple pie. He wanted his mother to go back in time and never leave them. “Just tell me why you wanted to see me.”
She sighed. “I’ve been diagnosed with cancer.”
Tears stung his eyes, but he blinked them back. She was a stranger, a mere shadow of the woman he remembered. “Is there something you need from me? A kidney? Bone marrow?”
She shook her head. “It’s lung cancer—all those years of smoking, I guess. It’s still early and I’m getting treatment, but I’ve been taking stock of my life, and I...” Tears came down her face. “I regret leaving you, Jake, I always have. It was the easy thing to do—like I said, I was selfish. But now, I want to know you. I want to be part of your life. Are you married? Do you have children?”
He shook his head. She was sick. The news should shock him, or at least make him feel sorry for her, but it didn’t. He was numb. The woman standing before him was a stranger. She lived an entirely different life, one that didn’t include him.
“You think you can just walk back into my life because you’re finally ready?”
She looked down. “I know I hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
“Hurt me? You nearly destroyed me. I’ve spent my whole life wondering what I did to drive you away.”
She closed her eyes, her face strained. “It was just too much for me, Jake—the ranch, your father and his obsession with it. The town hated me, I had no friends and your dad and I never had any privacy with the ranch hands constantly in the house. And then you...you were a sweet boy, but the ups and downs, the sheer energy you required to do basic things... Your dad was so busy with the ranch, he could never help me. I just couldn’t handle it all.” Tears were still streaming down her face. “I’m not proud of who I was back then. I was young...”
Jake’s ears burned. He had suspected it for years. He was the reason she’d left. His problems, his deficiencies.
“So I wasn’t perfect enough for you.”
She moved toward him, her arms reaching out. He stepped back, knocking down a couple of pictures as he swung to avoid her outstretched hand. One of the frames crashed behind him. Neither of them went to pick it up. “That’s not it. It wasn’t just you, it was the whole life out there in Hell’s Bells. Your father never wanted to leave, and I didn’t want to stay.”
They were the same words that Jolene had once spoken to him. “Well, Mom, I turned out no different than Dad. I have the same life he did, so there’s not much you don’t know about me. And I love that life—the ranch has given me purpose, a sense of accomplishment. Dad took care of me, and he didn’t have trouble dealing with my problems. The townspeople you hate so much? The ranch hands? They all gave me the love you never could.” And that’s what I really came here to tell you—that I turned out okay.
He picked up the fallen picture frame. “This is the family you wanted. Enjoy them.” He stormed past her, ignoring her as she called out his name. He went straight to the car and pulled into the nearest gas station. He hit his head on the steering wheel and let out a stream of curses. He’d come here because he wanted his mother to say out loud what he already knew. And yet he didn’t feel any better.
He had made the same choices as his father, including the type of woman he’d asked to marry him. He sat up and turned the ignition. He looked at his hands; they weren’t shaking anymore.
He was done making the same choices over and over again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.” Jake leaned over the side of the railing and let the breeze cool his skin. He watched the boat slice through the water, its salty smell wafting up. He was looking out at the symbol that defined the United States, the Statue of Liberty. She seemed to rise out of the water ahead of them, her teal form certain and strong. The sun was low on the horizon, and the orange sky made a stunning backdrop to the statue.
“I know, it’s quite a sight.” Meera stood beside him, her arm linked with his as they looked over the bow of the ferry that would take them to Ellis Island. It was an extraordinary experience, one he had never craved but now inexplicably felt he’d wanted all his life.
What’s happening here? He liked spending time with Meera and felt it was important to figure out his feelings for her, but the more he was around her, the more confused he became. Meera hadn’t asked about his visit with his mother, and he hadn’t mentioned her appointment. He was just as happy as she was to put their issues on hold to enjoy their time together. They’d spent the day wandering the city, taking in Times Square, going to the top of the Empire State Building, eating pizza on the side of the road. The only flaw in the otherwise great afternoon was Meera’s insistence on paying for everything. He fought her for the bill every chance he got but stepped back because she seemed adamant and he didn’t want to create a scene. But that stops now. I don’t want her thinking I’m some poor rancher who can’t afford things. He had his pride.
He turned to see Meera’s ponytail flapping in the breeze. He studied her delicate features: her perfectly straight nose, finely boned cheeks, almond-shaped eyes framed with blankets of dark lashes, her smooth, milk-chocolate skin. And beneath it all, she had a heart of gold and the spirit of a fighter. He thought about his mother, how she couldn’t handle the pressures of parenthood and Hell’s Bells; about Jolene, who had fled when she didn’t get what she wanted. Meera would never do that. She had the strength to face whatever came her way.
He stepped behind her and put his hands on her upper arms. She stiffened, then relaxed against him, and he held on to her as the ferry pulled up to the dock. The Statue of Liberty now looked enormous. He felt like a little kid at a birthday party with the biggest piece of cake. Meera in his arms, the fresh air, a beautiful evening...what more could he ask for?
“Oh, Meera...I just love...” He felt her tense in his arms. What was he doing? “I just love this city.” She let out a breath. The boat docked with a clank and workers moored it to the wharf with ropes.
“Me, too, Jake. Me, too.”
Her voice was so soft, he almost missed it. He pulled her closer, and she didn’t resist.
They disembarked and made their way to the statue. “So why haven’t you been here before?” Meera twined her fingers with his as they stood in line to get their tickets. Her touch sent bolts of excitement through him.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. After my mom left, Dad and I closed ranks. We stayed close to home—I think we needed the ranch, and each other. And then it just became habit until...”
She clasped his hand tightly, and he squeezed back. It felt good to be so close to her. Somehow, she made him feel as if everything was okay. He hadn’t talked about this stuff with anyone...not that all the gossip mongers in town hadn’t tried. He’d kept his mouth firmly shut, sent a clear message that Jake Taylor didn’t talk about his mother. But he wanted to spill his soul to Meera. It just felt right, as if they were tangled at some deeper level. Sharing himself with her lightened him up, made him feel as though he was letting go o
f a lifelong burden.
“Until what?” Meera prompted him.
“Till Dad got Alzheimer’s. It came on strong, and suddenly, neither of us knew what hit him. One day he was running the ranch, and the next he was driving into town with no pants and talking nonsense.” He stared stonily ahead. “I tried to keep him at the ranch as long as I could, but it was just too dangerous with the animals and equipment. Unless I got round-the-clock nursing, I couldn’t keep him from wandering off. The doctor recommended putting him in a home.”
Meera nodded. “It’s a tough disease. You did the right thing.”
He looked down, shuffling his feet. “In a way, it’s good that my mom left when she did. I don’t think she would’ve taken care of him the way he became, and then I really wouldn’t be able to forgive her.”
She gazed up at him with big brown eyes.
“You know, the ranch is the only thing that kept me and Dad going. It’s our strength, the one place where we’ve never failed. No matter what’s happened, it’s been there for us, the only place I’ve been good enough.”
“Good enough for what?” she asked softly.
“Good enough as a man, as a provider. I’ve always been able to feed myself and take care of a good number of the townsfolk by employing them. That’s the mark of a man—someone who can take care of people other than himself. It’s how my father raised me, but I wasn’t good enough for my mom and I wasn’t good enough for Jolene.”
Meera gasped. “Jake, you can’t think like that. Jolene left because you weren’t right for each other. Just because two people want different things out of life doesn’t mean you’re wrong or in any way inadequate. Better you found out before you were married that she didn’t want the same things.”
Jake shook his head, a lead weight descending on him. “Nah, Jolene’s a smart girl. She has big ambition. Me? I’m content to be a simpleton, live my life the way I’ve always lived it. That doesn’t make me worthy of Jolene or women like her.” He stared at Meera, wondering why he was going on the way he was. What did he want her to say?
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