She twisted her watch around her wrist. “I wish I could wave a magic wand and make myself different...”
“I don’t want to change a thing about you, Meera. I love you just as you are. Your beliefs, even the ones I don’t understand, make you who you are.”
She looked away from him, gazing out the window at something far away. Her voice was so soft, he almost missed what she said. “I’m sorry, Jake. Everything I have is in London. I can’t give it all up.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
MEERA STARTED AT the screen. This could be it! This could be what saves the ranch. She was sitting in the kitchen with her laptop on the table. Did she want to save the ranch? If her idea worked, it would mean a permanent life for Jake in Hell’s Bells. But it was clear he would never leave the ranch, anyway. She didn’t agree with his claim that he couldn’t take up a new profession, but she understood his reluctance. Although she’d been glib about not being a doctor, the truth was she would never do something different. She couldn’t imagine giving up her research, which was based in London.
Jake had spent the past week trying everything he could to save the ranch. He’d talked to every bank in the state and had looked for private loans. More cattle were sick and things seemed grim. Jake would have to sell a large portion of land...unless her idea worked. With the crisis consuming him, they hadn’t talked any more about her plans, and she was just as happy as he was to ignore it.
“Hi!” Meera looked up to see Jake walk in. She gave him a smile as he went to the sink and poured himself a glass of water. He had been in the field, and Meera savored the smell of Jake and the outdoors.
“You ready to tell me what you’ve been working on?” He gestured at the laptop.
She nodded excitedly. She had spent the week researching her idea. She hadn’t told him about it because she wanted to make sure she had all the pieces lined up, but now that she’d figured out most of it, she couldn’t wait to tell him everything.
She patted the seat next to her, and he pulled out the chair and sat down.
“Is it a Hail Mary?”
“What?”
“It’s a football long pass, made only when the team’s desperate.”
“You mean American football, the one played with one’s hands?”
He smirked. “Yeah, you know, the one where we’ve lost three games now thanks to you not clearing Derek to play. You’re lucky you saved Kelly’s life, otherwise the town would never forgive you.”
Meera ignored him. She was seeing Derek once a week, way more than necessary, because it was the only way to keep him from playing. She had been skeptical of Rose’s suggestion to keep giving Derek false hope that it would just be a few more days, but even though it didn’t make logical sense, the plan was working.
“Yes, it’s a Hail Mary, then.” She pulled up one of the websites she’d been using for her research. “I’ve been reading up on dude ranches. It’s an interesting concept where you use the ranch for agritourism. I’ve seen several of these in the Western part of the country, but there aren’t very many on the East Coast.”
“A dude ranch?”
Meera frowned at the skepticism in his voice. She clicked through various websites to show him what she meant and explained her research. He listened to her without commenting. “You can use this house as a fancy guesthouse, even market it as a historic inn. You already have the cottage—you could live there. It won’t take much for you to open this house up as a bed-and-breakfast, sort of like the days when your grandfather used it to entertain dignitaries.”
Jake’s face was pinched. Meera stomped on her disappointment. He just needed to understand the concept, then he would see what was obvious to her.
“I know this seems overwhelming, but think about it—you already have stables, you can make money boarding horses then charge guests to ride them. You can make a deal with the town restaurant to do dinner for your guests—I’m sure they would welcome the business—and you can organize day trips to other towns as activities. The main attractions here would be visiting a working ranch, horseback riding and staying in a historic house.” She stopped to catch her breath.
Why is Jake staring at me so strangely?
“A dude ranch?” His voice had an edge to it. She took a calming breath. Why was he being so obstinate?
“This could be the answer to everything, Jake. You already have most of the infrastructure—you wouldn’t need a lot of money to get started.” She pulled up a spreadsheet on her computer. “I ran the numbers. It wouldn’t cost much to make the improvements needed, and the really good news is that I could probably give you a loan, so you wouldn’t need to get one from the bank.”
That got his attention. Jake pushed his chair back and stood. “What exactly would this be the answer to? You think this town is fond of welcoming strangers? You think I want a bunch of yuppies traipsing through here? And how would I take care of my staff? They’ve poured their life into this ranch. You want me to get rid of them...”
“They could work on the dude ranch.”
“Doing what? You really see Billy John showing some uppity city folks to their bedrooms or laying out a white tablecloth for breakfast?”
“There would be other work for him to do...”
“And what about the other eleven hands?”
“You might not be able to keep everybody, but let me show you this staffing plan I put together...”
“You put together a staffing plan for my ranch hands without talking to me?”
A fire burned in her stomach. She had devoted every free minute to making a comprehensive plan for him, and he wasn’t even giving her the opportunity to explain. Meera stood. “I’m trying to help. If you’d let me get a word in edgewise—’
“I have been listening, Meera. You want me to turn my home into a public spectacle, put most of my hands—who, by the way, will poke their eyes out before they accept a job at a dude ranch—out of work. And to drive the final nail in my coffin, you don’t think I can convince a bank to loan me money, so you’re gonna give it to me. That sum it up?”
Is that what this is about? Me loaning him money?
“I told you I’m dyslexic, not incompetent. I’ll find a way to take care of my ranch and my people.”
Meera stepped back. “That’s not fair! You know I didn’t mean it that way. I was trying to find a solution that would let you keep the ranch and maybe...let us be together.”
He clenched his jaw. His eyes held so much anger that she took another step back. What’s going on here?
“So you’re trying to make me into someone more acceptable to you? A businessman? Someone you can take home to your parents? If I’m not a real rancher anymore, you won’t be as embarrassed to be with me? You won’t have to worry about me ruining your karma?”
Meera slammed her laptop shut. She wasn’t going to be his punching bag. She knew he was under a lot of stress, but he had taken everything she’d said the wrong way.
“I don’t have to stand here and take this.”
“That’s right, you don’t. You already have plane tickets back to London.”
“Is that what this is about?” She stepped closer to him. “Then let’s talk about it, Jake, air it out. What do you expect me to do? Call my parents, send them a text saying I’m thinking of calling off the wedding? I’m not going to throw away everything I’ve worked for my entire life—my research study, my relationship with Raj—for someone I’ve known for three weeks. Think I can fit all that in a hundred and forty characters and Tweet it to them? I have to go back. I thought you understood that.”
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he pulled out a chair for her. She glared at him but took a seat. She was angry, but they needed to talk this through. He sat down beside her and took her hand. “Are you cancelin
g the wedding?”
She looked at his hand, feeling the roughness of his skin. “When I came here, my life was cleanly mapped out. I was sure that marrying Raj was the right path for me. Love has always been a logical decision. But now...”
“Now?”
“I don’t see how I can ever marry Raj knowing how I feel about you.”
He gazed at her with eyes full of hope. She took a shaky breath, stifling the sob that was stuck in her throat. “But that doesn’t mean I can drop everything and move here. My research lab is still in London. My father has been dreaming of the day I take over his practice—I can’t let him down.”
His hand tightened on hers. “Have you ever wondered why they make you feel like you owe them so much? They adopted you, Meera. They didn’t buy you.”
* * *
HE KNEW IT was the wrong thing to say as soon as the words left his mouth.
She was out of the room in a flash. He followed, catching up with her as she reached the front door.
“Meera, I didn’t mean to offend you.”
She whipped around. Her eyes were hard, her hands on her hips. “Jake, I know there are a lot of things we need to work out, but you need to get it through your head—my parents are a nonnegotiable. They mean more to me than anything else in the world, and I will not allow you to drive a wedge between me and them.”
She stepped out the front door, then whirled back. “You don’t have a right to get upset at me, Jake, not when you’re just as unwilling to give up your life as I am.”
She ran to the cottage. He thought about running after her, but what would be the point? She was shaking with anger, and talking to her now would just ignite her. Part of him admired her for calling him on his bull. She wasn’t wrong; he had no right to be upset at her for leaving. If he really wanted to, he could give up the ranch, go to London and fight for her, make himself a “nonnegotiable” in her life.
He soaked in the vista of his ranch and took a calming breath of fresh air.
He went back to the kitchen. Her laptop beeped, and he opened it up to see that she had an outstanding command so the computer hadn’t shut down. His eyes fell on the spreadsheet she had tried to show him earlier. He clicked through the tabs. She must’ve spent hours working up all these scenarios. He knew her heart was in the right place, but she just didn’t understand what being a rancher meant to him. It defined him as a man. Looking at her spreadsheets, it was clear she saw the ranch as a business, something that could be neatly planned and put on a clipboard. It was so much more than that.
He closed the document, and her desktop background caught his eye. It was a picture of her with her parents. They were standing on the London Bridge with the Tower Bridge behind them. Meera had one arm around each of her parents, her smile dazzling. He thought about the other picture he had seen with the same background, the one on his mother’s mantel...the photo of her with the family she had chosen.
Maybe I’m the one who doesn’t get it.
He walked outside and knocked on the cottage door. When she didn’t answer, he turned the handle and walked inside. She was sitting on the couch, knees pulled up to her chest, her face buried in her arms. Her sobs seared through him.
“Meera.” He dropped to his knees before her. She kept her head buried.
“Meera, I’m so sorry.” He reached out to touch her, but she shrugged him off. He sat in front of her, willing her to listen to him. “I didn’t have the best parental role models. My mom told me I was too much to handle, and my dad loved me but it was clear he didn’t think I could run this ranch. The first woman I loved left me ’cause I couldn’t give her the life she wanted. I’m hardwired to be a cynic—maybe that’s why I don’t get your relationship with your parents. But that’s wrong of me. I don’t have a right to judge you.”
The sight of her tearstained face sent a knife through his heart. Her expression softened and she loosened her arms.
“I guess I’m a little protective of my parents.”
He stood up and sat on the couch beside her. She uncurled and let him put his arm around her.
“How did you open your heart to me?” she asked. “After every person you’ve loved has betrayed you, how can you find it in you to love me, especially knowing I’ll do the same thing?”
He placed his head on her shoulder. “I’ve been asking myself that same question since I met you. I can’t explain it.” He took her hand and placed it on his chest. “Feel that pulse that runs between us every time we touch? I’ve never felt it before. There are times, Meera, when I feel like I can see into your soul.”
“And what do you see?” she whispered, her voice cracking.
“I see a girl who just wants to be loved. Without any strings attached.”
She dropped her face into her hands. He lifted his head from her shoulder and pulled her closer. He felt her sag against him as she began crying softly.
“Oh, Meera, I didn’t mean to upset you.” But that only made her sob harder. His stomach twisted painfully. “Meera, please tell me what I’ve done wrong now.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s not... Oh, Jake, how is it that you met me all of three weeks ago, and yet you seem to know me better than I know myself?”
He kissed the top of her head.
“What’re we going to do, Jake? I don’t see a path forward for us.”
He lifted her chin and looked into her teary eyes. “For the first time in my life, I have faith. I have faith in you, I have faith in us and, for some inexplicable reason, I have faith in the universe.” He smiled wistfully. “You have so much good karma in you, I’m hoping it’ll spill over to me.”
Her face crumpled. “You have too much faith, Jake.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
EVER SINCE THE incident with Kelly, Meera’s appointment calendar was full of patients. She had just finished talking to Marty, who still wanted to know when Derek could play. Meera was tempted to tell him it would be another four weeks, but she bit her tongue and offered to examine him again in a few days. Her father would tell her these “free checkups” were a bad business practice, but she was actually enjoying getting to know Derek and learning about American football. Like Lily, Derek had become a friend. Meera sighed at the thought of Lily; Joe still hadn’t returned, but she stubbornly believed he would arrive any day.
Meera made a note to herself to send Mr. Leeland some recipes for meat marinades. She couldn’t get him to eat tofu instead of red meat, but he had agreed to try homemade marinades that were lower in salt and sugar than store-bought steak sauce. And he had promised to try a side of grilled vegetables instead of mashed potatoes. Baby steps. Too bad there weren’t any baby steps she could take with Jake.
She sat at Dr. Harper’s desk and opened the first chart she had to complete. For the past week, he had been taking care of his wife and offered Meera his office so she wouldn’t have to endure the cramped closet. Meera felt bad for him; she knew he’d have to find somebody to take over his practice soon. A knot formed in her stomach.
Dr. Harper was offering to sell her his practice for next to nothing. He wanted to make sure there was a doctor in town for the people of Hell’s Bells. She hadn’t turned him down, but she had suggested he keep looking for another doctor. And she hadn’t told Jake about the offer.
Her phone buzzed, and she checked the screen. It was past midnight in London. She’d been playing purposeful phone tag with Raj all week, but she couldn’t put him off any longer. She hit the answer button.
“I can’t believe I’ve finally gotten hold of you.”
“Good timing. I just finished seeing patients.”
“That’s what I was counting on.”
“It’s late there.”
“I wanted to talk to you, Meera. You’ve been avoiding my calls all week.”
“I haven’t been avoiding your calls,” she said defensively, “I’ve been busy.”
“With what?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s a small-town practice. Surely, you can’t be busier than I am in London.”
She stayed silent. What was she supposed to say?
“Meera, are you okay?” He sounded worried.
“Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?” She hadn’t meant to sound edgy.
“I talked to your mother a few days ago, and she said you ran out on Sienna Simone—something you neglected to tell me the last time we spoke. Priya came back from visiting you and won’t talk to me.”
Meera blew out a breath. She’d known this was coming. Telling him she was busy was a poor excuse, and he’d seen right through it.
“I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
“Meera, talk to me.”
Raj had always been a good friend to her. She’d never made a major decision in her life without talking to her father or to Raj. So how could she keep such a big secret from him?
She sighed. “Raj, I have to tell you something, but I want to do it in person. It’s not a conversation we should have over the phone.”
She waited. “Raj, are you still there?”
“Meera, you’re scaring me.”
“I don’t mean to, Raj. You are first and foremost my friend, so I don’t want to deceive you by pretending everything is all right. But this is a conversation we must have in person, when I get back.”
Rose knocked on the door. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but Lily’s here and she’s in quite a state.” By the sympathetic look on her face, Meera was sure Rose had been listening at the door.
“I have to go, Raj.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“WHAT’S GOING ON?” Meera opened the car door. They had just pulled into Hell’s Bells after spending the day driving to Washington, DC, and back. The local bank had put Jake in touch with someone from the Department of Agriculture, and they had gone up together to see if there was any possibility of getting grant money. The meeting was a complete failure, and Jake was even more at a loss for how to keep the ranch going. Not that she was in better shape. It had been three days since her awkward conversation with Raj, and she couldn’t shake a funny feeling in her stomach.
First Comes Marriage Page 17
