by MJ Summers
Evan glanced over at her. “You seem a little quiet tonight. You okay?”
“I’m good.” She gave him a tight smile.
He stopped and leaned his shoulder against the door jamb. “You sure? If something’s bugging you, I’d like to fix it if I can.”
“Unless you have a time machine, there’s no fixing this.”
Wiping bits of leftover shaving cream off his face, he tossed the washcloth into the hamper and crossed the room to Harper. Crouching in front of her, he put his hands on her bare knees. “What happened?”
Harper bit her lip and shook her head a little. “Just a conversation my dad and I had today about my . . . You know what? It’s nothing.” She lowered her eyelids seductively. “Come here. My lips miss your lips,” she purred, pressing a finger to his mouth.
Evan’s brows lowered as he pulled back onto his heels. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Why do you try to distract me with sex anytime I attempt to have a real conversation with you?”
“We have real conversations all the time. But not this. This would make things . . . awkward.”
“I can handle awkward.”
“Well, it would also make things less casual,” she spat out, feeling a sense of desperation overtaking her. “You promised you’d keep things casual.”
“That’s not what I promised. I promised not to ask for more than you could give,” Evan answered evenly.
“Having that conversation would be more than I can give. So let’s just forget about it, okay?” Harper ran her finger down his chest. “I could use a good distraction, though.” She lowered her mouth over his, but he pulled back.
“As tempting as that is, Harper, I don’t love the notion that I’m just here to distract you from the things you don’t want to think about. I’m more than that.” He got up, turning away from her to pick up his jeans and slide them on.
“What are you talking about? I don’t do that to you.” Harper’s tone was defensive.
He glanced down at her as he zipped up his jeans. “Of course you do. You did it at the restaurant that time, but I decided to let it go.”
“And if you’ll recall, that turned out to be a very wise decision.”
“Yes, and I enjoyed it, Harper, but at some point, you’re going to have to deal with this stuff. It’s not healthy to just hold it all in like this.”
“Actually, I really don’t have to deal with any of it. It’s ancient history, and none of it bothers me in the least when someone’s not bringing it up,” Harper answered. “Besides, you’re not exactly a Zen master yourself, Donovan. If I’m not mistaken, you’re also lugging around a fair bit of baggage.”
“You’re doing it again. Trying to distract yourself from whatever’s bothering you. But since sex didn’t work, now you’re trying to pick a fight. I don’t want to fight. And I don’t want to fuck. Not when neither of those things has anything to do with me in the first place. What I’m interested in is something real.” Evan grabbed his T-shirt off the chair and walked out of the room, leaving Harper alone with her thoughts.
“Shit,” she said, flopping back onto the bed.
She found him a few minutes later in the backyard, sitting on the steps of the deck, sipping a beer and throwing a ball for Boots to retrieve. In spite of the fact that it was almost dark, the dog never seemed to lose sight of the ball.
“Can I join you?” she asked, her voice small. She pulled her sweater tight around her in an attempt to keep out the cool air.
“Sure.” His voice was devoid of emotion.
“There may be some grain of truth to what you were saying.” Her tone was reluctant.
Evan stared at her from under his brows.
“Okay, you’re mostly right,” she admitted. “But I think it’s okay if I don’t want to talk about my mom. Or my past. And I don’t think anyone, especially you, should try to push me into doing that.”
“I’m not trying to push you. But I want whatever we’ve got to be a hell of a lot more than just sex. I want you to let me in. To lean on me when you need a shoulder. Why can’t I be that for you, even for a while?” he asked, his voice gentle.
“I can’t rely on you, Evan. When people rely on each other, it never works out. You, of all people, should know that.”
Evan took a pull on his beer and threw the ball again. “I feel sad for you, Harper. Not just because of what happened when we were teenagers, but because of how you still let it control you. You deserve better than what you let yourself have. You deserve to have everything. You’re just too damn stubborn to admit that you’re scared.”
“You say it as though you’re not scared, Evan, but you are too. You try to pass it off as logic, with your whole ‘marriage is for morons’ speech, but that’s just fear and you know it!” Harper scoffed.
“I may not want to get married again, but I’m not the one who’s spent an entire adult life running. At least I stay and face down my demons.” Evan set his eyes on hers, seeming unmovable in his resolve.
“You want to see me run? I’ll show you running.” Harper got up and walked back into the house, letting the screen door slam shut behind her.
Twenty-Seven
The next morning, Harper woke in her bed at her dad’s house. Alone and tired. She’d barely slept, thinking about her conversation with her dad and her fight with Evan. Maybe they were both right. Maybe she was going to have to face her demons. It’s not like she could get away from them anytime soon. She dragged herself out of bed and into the shower.
Her dad was in the kitchen playing solitaire with a deck of cards when she made her way in for some coffee.
“Morning,” he said. She was grateful that he didn’t ask why she’d spent the night there. She didn’t want to talk about it.
“Morning, Dad,” she answered. “What’s on the agenda today?”
“Thought I’d go to physical therapy. You know, for a change of pace.”
Harper grinned. “It’s nice to try something new, isn’t it?” She grabbed a yogurt out of the fridge and stood against the counter as she stirred it with a spoon. “Well, maybe I’ll give you a ride. You know, for a change of pace.”
* * *
That evening, Harper knocked quietly on Evan’s front door. When he opened it, he gave her a terse nod.
“I think you’re right. So are my dad and Megan. I probably do need to sort through what happened. Apparently, it’s turning me into a total bitch when it comes to the men I date.”
“You’re not in any way a bitch. More like exceptionally adept at denial, which makes it kind of hard to be with you.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry about what I said last night. And I’m sorry for making you feel like I’m using you. I love what we have together and I want to be able to be in a healthy relationship. I honestly don’t know how to do this, though. This whole relationship thing.” She sighed, looking up at him.
“Let’s figure it out together.” Evan stepped forward and took her hands.
* * *
Three weeks later, Harper went straight to Evan’s house from her first major client meeting with Megan. Craig had come back and was staying with Roy, and Harper had been spending most of her time at Megan’s house, learning the business. She and Megan had decided that they would work together until Harper went back to New York. It was the perfect scenario for both friends, allowing Harper to exercise her creative genius and giving Megan the help she needed to keep her business thriving. Harper quickly set to work, blogging on Meg’s website about how to choose the right wedding dress for your body type, the best dresses for mothers-of-the-bride, how to style groomsmen, and updos versus hair down, among other topics. Things were going very well, but it left her with less time to spend with Evan.
Anticipation came over her as she turned the key to Evan’s front door. Hanging up her wool coat, she made her way down the hall to his bedroom and crouched down to pet Boots. “I had a very good day today, buddy. Yes, I
did! Those rich people are very interested in hiring Meg and me.”
The door to the bathroom swung open and Evan peered around the corner. “You’re here? This is a nice surprise! I feel like we hardly see each other lately.” He grinned, rubbing his wet hair with a towel.
“I know. I feel like I practically live with Megan and Luc these days. How was work?” Harper smiled appreciatively at the sight of Evan in nothing but a towel. She took off her earrings and deposited them in the travel jewellery case she had left at Evan’s weeks ago.
“Everything’s on schedule, which is like a miracle.” Evan walked up behind her, running his lips along the nape of her neck. “Too bad you weren’t here a few minutes ago. You could have joined me in the shower.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed into her back.
Harper leaned into him. “Mmm, this feels so good. I’ve been missing you lately. We’re both working so much.”
“I know. I was thinking about those rainy days we spent in bed in July. I could use another week like that with you.”
“Well, we’ll have to make the most of Thanksgiving next week. But for now, we could pretend that it’s raining, couldn’t we?” Reaching behind her, Harper let her hands wander to the front of his towel. Hooking her thumbs under the fabric, she gave it a little tug, letting it fall to the floor.
Evan glided his hands down her legs, bunching the silk of her dress up to give himself access to what was underneath. Reaching for her panties, he slid one hand into them and rubbed her already wet sex. In their time together, he had paid careful attention, discovering what she liked, what she needed and what made her weak in the knees. It had been the most pleasurable form of education he’d ever had. He felt like an explorer charting new territory, staking his claim all over her body, each time discovering some new cove, a new secret that he could enjoy. The gratification of seeing and hearing her pleasure in what he was doing to her was like nothing he’d ever known. Harper was full of passion for him, always ready, always willing, as if she couldn’t help herself.
Turning her head, she searched for his mouth with hers. Their kisses were urgent, hungry. It had been days since they’d been together and it felt like far too long for both of them. His fingers moved inside her, indulgently, carefully, possessively. His other hand reached over her dress and up to her full breasts, squeezing them firmly. Harper tugged at her panties, letting them drop out of the way as Evan pulled her dress up above her waist and pinned her against the wall. Gripping his cock with one hand, he guided himself inside her, just an inch at first, circling her sex, feeling the wet heat that was his for the taking. Rocking his hips forward, he thrust himself in all the way as she arched back, bringing him in deeper, causing them both to moan. He could feel the silk of her dress on his chest and her soft skin around him as he fucked her. Slow, hard thrusts, feeling each inch, each squeeze of her core, the hard wall giving them both the intensity of each tiny movement.
“Yes! Evan! Yes. Like that!” she cried out, ready to come. Waves of ecstasy washed over her, leaving her boneless as he held her up, pressing her body against the wall as he emptied himself into her.
They stayed like this, bodies intertwined for a long time afterward, feeling the bliss of connecting again after so many busy days. This was the sweet relief they had both needed.
“Wow. What a nice way to say hello.” Her voice had a dreamy quality.
“Agreed.” Evan released her from his hold, turning her toward him so that he could kiss her again. “I’ve been missing you.”
“Me too.”
“You hungry?”
“Starving. We didn’t have time for lunch, so Megan and I split a package of almonds.”
“Grilled cheese?”
“Perfect. You cook, I shower?” Harper asked.
“Be fast. I want to hear about how the consult went today.”
A few minutes later, as Harper stood under the spray of water, she thought of the wedding consult she and Megan had finished that afternoon. They had spent two full days preparing. Megan had put together a new sample album to show the bride, groom and their parents. Harper had reorganized and redesigned Megan’s online portfolio to make it more attractive and easier to navigate.
Both families were prominent in Colorado. The father of the groom was a congressman; the parents of the bride, both surgeons. It was going to be a spectacular April wedding. The happy couple also wanted engagement shots taken within the next two weeks, followed by photos documenting a lavish engagement party to be hosted by the congressman and his wife. They were very interested in having Harper assist with the choosing of dresses and tuxedos for the entire bridal party, and were willing to pay a considerable fee for the privilege. Securing the contract would generate Megan and Harper a lot of business through word of mouth, as well as referrals if things went well. The bride and both mothers seemed particularly impressed with Harper’s background at Style, though the men seemed a little confused how that would translate into usefulness for wedding photos. Harper and Megan both had a good feeling when they left the meeting. They’d managed to balance the need to make personal connections with discussions of logistics and contracts.
Now, as Harper rinsed shampoo from her hair, her excitement at the possibilities ahead grew. The families were meeting with two other photographers, but there was just something about the look on the bride’s face that said she had made up her mind already.
Shutting off the water, she quickly patted herself dry and rubbed some lotion onto her legs. She could hear the radio playing in the kitchen and Evan’s voice singing along. Something about the whole situation felt very real to her. Too real.
She realized that it had been days since she had thought of New York or her life there. Between Evan, Megan, her dad and her new work, she had somehow fallen into a life she had never wanted in the last place she would have ever agreed to live. Glancing at the counter, she stared for a moment at her and Evan’s toothbrushes leaning against each other in a glass. Everything suddenly became clear. Without meaning to, she had created a life for herself. Complete with a man to spend it beside. She was letting herself fall in love. Fear gripped her as she pulled her shirt over her head. Her heart pounded as she stared at the radiant woman in the mirror, the one glowing from having just been so thoroughly satisfied. Resolving again to push through the fear, she flicked the light off and followed the smell coming from the kitchen. Evan smiled over at her before flipping a grilled-cheese sandwich in a pan. The table was set and at her place, a glass of wine was waiting.
He turned to her. “Hungry?”
“I am,” she said, walking up behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist.
“Then let’s eat. I think I may have perfected grilled cheese.”
They sat together, taking their first bites of food. “This is perfect. What type of bread did you use?”
“Whatever you put in the breadbox yesterday. I don’t know what kind it is, actually.” He stopped mid-bite. “Wait, are you mocking me?”
“Teasing, maybe. Mocking, no.”
“And what exactly is so funny about this gourmet meal I’ve made for you?”
“Nothing. I just love how you want to perfect cooking, one dish at a time. It’s really cute.”
“Cute,” he said, giving her an annoyed look. “I don’t know if you know this about men, but we don’t like being called cute. Same for adorable, sweet, little, or any other adjective used to describe babies or baby animals.”
Harper wore a wicked grin, knowing she had his number now. “Aww, but it is cute. How you get so excited about your little sandwiches. It’s adorable, really.” She gave him a patronizing smile.
“That’s it. When I’m done eating, I’m going to take you into that bedroom and show you how adorable I’m not.”
“Ooh, so it worked then.”
Shaking his head at her, he took another bite. “I’m serious. You won’t be calling me cute when I’m done with you. You’ll be calling me Mr. Donovan
from now on, out of respect.” His words were muffled by the gooey sandwich in his mouth.
Twenty-Eight
Christmas felt as though it was arriving only moments after Thanksgiving. For the first time in Harper’s adult life, she wasn’t dreading the holiday. What had always been something to avoid was now something she was actually looking forward to. Wes was coming home for two weeks from his deployment on December twenty-second, and Craig was already back for his month off, which meant that for the first time in years, they would all be together to celebrate. Roy, who normally spent winters in Cabo San Lucas, was in a surprisingly happy mood as he awaited the return of his eldest son. Having worked extremely hard to rebuild his strength, he had progressed to using only one cane now. Neither Craig nor Harper were staying at Roy’s house at night anymore, which was a relief to all three of them.
Standing in the airport arrivals area with Roy and Craig, Harper spotted her big brother first and ran to greet him. Throwing her arms around his neck, she exclaimed, “You’re here!” as he dropped his duffel bag and returned her hug.
“I am! And am I ever fucking glad!” he said as she let go of him. Craig and Roy moved in to give Wes hearty back pats and deep-voiced greetings. Harper laughed in excitement at seeing them all together, all four of them relieved that Wes had once again made it home safely. Tears brimmed in her eyes for a moment, but she fought them back with everything in her. She would not cry in front of these men.
Roy handed Wes a winter coat he’d brought for him and Craig picked up his brother’s bag as they started for the doors. “Hungry?” Harper asked.
“Starving.”
“Good,” she said. “I’ve been cooking up a storm. Roast beef and mashed potatoes are waiting for you.”
“Excellent. Glad you’re here for once, Harper. We won’t have to stop at the supermarket for Hungry-Man dinners for Christmas this year.”
