by MJ Summers
“I take it Dickhead just came by?”
Laughing a little at her dad’s foul language, she nodded.
“Come on,” he said, taking one hand from behind her back and grabbing his cane. Turning them both toward the kitchen, he kept his other arm wrapped around her shoulder as he started walking. “I bought you some ice cream at the store. Mint chocolate chip—your favourite when you were a little girl. You looked like you could use some today.”
“Thanks, Dad,” she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment.
That night, as she finally drifted off to sleep, she thought of how her dad had taken care of her. He knew what it was like to have your heart stomped on, and he had genuinely seemed content to help her through it. Tonight, through her tears and some ice cream, Harper realized that even if Evan didn’t love her, at least she’d always have the love and support of her father. That alone was reason enough for her to have come home.
Thirty-Four
Manhattan, New York
“Harper, you’re finally here!” Blaire stood up behind the enormous glass desk in her office. “Did you get settled in at your apartment?”
Harper nodded, pasting a smile onto her face, hoping it would eventually cause her to actually feel happy. Or, at the very least, no longer devastated.
“Oh, it’s so wonderful to have you back!” Blaire swept across the room and gave her a big hug. “Did you see your new office?”
“I did,” Harper answered. “It’s terrific.”
“Well, it’s important that you like it. You’ll be spending the next decade or so in it.” Blaire’s enthusiasm was overflowing. “I made sure Jasmine set things up for you just the way you like. Go ahead and take an hour to get your bearings, then come find me so we can have a planning session, okay?”
“Actually, I’d like to get started. I’m ready.”
“Even better!” Blaire said, grinning.
* * *
That evening, Harper and Blaire were the last two people in the building. Harper arched her back and rolled her neck, trying to work out some kinks. Her eyes hurt from staring at a screen for so long, but she and Blaire weren’t going to be finished for a few more hours.
Blaire glanced over at her. “Tired?”
“A little, yeah,” Harper answered.
“You’ve gotten out of pace since you left. You’ll get back into it soon enough, though. It just takes a while to get used to.”
“I’m sure you’re right.” Harper rubbed her eyes with her fingertips. “Blaire, do you ever think it might not be worth it? Working like this?”
Blaire gave her a blank look.
“I mean, this pace. This lifestyle. Two weeks of every month are really quite insane, when you think about it. We’re here almost fourteen hours a day.”
“Yes, but we’re at the top, Harper. We’re leading the fashion industry. Isn’t having that kind of power worth putting in some long hours?” Her eyes glowed with enthusiasm.
Harper glanced to the ceiling, trying to decide. “I don’t know anymore. I used to think that, but now I’m not so sure. Now I can’t help wondering if someday I’ll look back and regret giving my life to a magazine.”
“Uh-oh, don’t tell me you’re hearing the ticking of your biological clock, because I don’t think I could handle that right now.”
“No. It’s not that. It’s just that when I was in Boulder, I did creative work that felt important too, but I still had time for a life outside my job. You don’t ever feel like you’re missing out?”
“Not for a minute. You know what all those bored housewives wish they were doing? Jet-setting around the world for photo shoots, dining with celebrities and living the life of glamour that you and I have. I bet there isn’t one of them out there scrubbing macaroni and cheese off the bottom of a pot who doesn’t wish she were here doing exactly what we’re doing right now.”
Harper nodded. “Maybe you’re right.”
Blaire put down her pen. “I know I am. You’re just missing that ex of yours, that’s all. Wait until Fashion Week. Once you surround yourself with all the glamour and delicious men again, you’ll forget all about your house builder from Boulder.”
* * *
Boulder, Colorado
The sun was setting, giving way to cold winter air as Evan shut off the heater and put the last of his tools into his tote. The house he had been working on that day had just reached lock-up stage and he was pleased with how it was coming along. The windows and doors had been installed earlier that week, which was always a relief to him as well as to the homeowners. The sound of a car door slamming caught his attention and he peered around the corner and out the front room window. His heart skipped a beat as his ex-wife made her way gingerly over the snow-covered yard, smoothing her hair with one hand. In the other was a large yellow envelope. After the shock of seeing her wore off, it was the envelope that held his attention. What could she possibly want after all this time? The divorce had been final for over two years already. Swearing under his breath, he made his way over to the front door.
“Hello, Avery.” He kept his tone flat, doing his best to make his face expressionless.
She stared at him a moment before answering. “Hi, Evan. You look good.”
“Thanks.” He knew she’d be expecting a compliment in return, but he was in no mood to offer one.
She waited a moment, looking very uncomfortable, before speaking again. “I guess you’re wondering what I’m doing here.”
He gave a nod. “I’m especially curious about that envelope in your hand.”
A look of understanding crossed Avery’s face as she glanced down at it. “Oh, right. Of course. I imagine seeing your ex-wife with one of these could make a guy break out in a cold sweat. Nothing legal, I promise. I was going through a box of old things, and somehow I still had the original copy of your birth certificate and a few old photos.”
“You could have mailed them,” he said, hoping to draw out her real reason for being there.
She shifted uncomfortably in her high-heeled boots. “I’m getting remarried. I didn’t want you to hear it from someone else.”
“Oh.” His head jerked back a little in surprise. “Congratulations,” he said, his voice quiet. He reached for the envelope.
“You remember Trent?”
“Trent Baxter? Your divorce attorney?”
Avery gave him a sheepish look. “I know. But we’re really good together.”
“Well, that’s important,” he said, wishing she’d leave so this awkward moment would be over.
“That it is.” There was a sadness in her eyes. It was a very familiar look; it was the expression she had worn during the last several months of their marriage.
“I know you blame me,” Avery said suddenly. “You think I left you because the money was running out, but that’s not true. I keep thinking of what you said to me, about how I had my fingers crossed behind my back when I said the ‘for poorer’ part. And it really kills me that you think that.”
Evan’s eyes hardened on her. “That’s exactly why you left, Avery.”
“Not it wasn’t, and it hurts that you think that about me.” Avery’s eyes glistened.
“Should it really matter what I think?”
“It shouldn’t, but somehow it does. I left because you kept pushing me away. You never let me in, Evan. When things started falling apart, you just wouldn’t talk about it. You refused to lean on me. And that’s all I needed. For you to lean on me sometimes.”
“So now it’s my fault that you were so angry about losing everything?” Evan scoffed.
“I wasn’t angry about the house. I was angry that you wouldn’t let me help. You shut me out, month after month, leaving me to wonder what was happening, telling me you’d figure it out. You’d go into your office when you got home from work every night and shut the door, and I sat there worrying and waiting for you to just come out and tell me the truth. That things weren’t going well and we wer
e in trouble. That’s what married people do. They talk to each other and they fight and they figure it out together when a crisis hits. But you just started making decisions for both of us without even consulting me. And it hurt, Evan, it really hurt. I wanted to be your partner, not just some arm candy you married.”
“Is that what you thought?” Evan’s eyes softened a little. “I never thought of you as arm candy. I didn’t talk to you about it because I didn’t want you to be as stressed as I was. I was trying to protect you from all of it. I knew I could handle it on my own, but you didn’t give me time. If you had just trusted me, we would have been fine.”
“It had nothing to do with trust.” Avery shook her head and stared down at the wooden floor for a moment. “I married you because of you. You were confident and fun and easygoing and thoughtful, and I fell in love with you. Not your bank account. But then you stopped being you and you stopped loving me. You kept pushing me away, no matter what I tried.”
“That’s not true. You were furious that we were going to lose everything and you know it, so don’t try to rewrite history just because the truth makes you look bad. You were so desperate to keep the house you got your father involved, even knowing how I’d feel about that.”
“You know I asked for his help because we were drowning! It would have killed my parents if we had gone bankrupt without even asking for a hand. You didn’t cause the recession. They knew that.”
“How could you possibly think—You know what? It doesn’t matter. We’ve had this fight a thousand times. Nothing’s going to change the past now.”
Avery looked up at the ceiling, rubbing her hands from her neck to her cheeks in frustration. Swallowing hard, she looked back at him. “I didn’t come here to fight, Evan. I just wanted you to know it wasn’t about the money. I hate that you think I’m just some spoiled brat who couldn’t handle the fall when, really, what I couldn’t handle was the loneliness.”
“Well, thanks for sharing that. I feel much better knowing that you blame it all on me,” Evan answered, his words laced with sarcasm.
“I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, Evan. I’m telling you so you don’t make the same mistake again if you ever find the right woman. I hope you’ll be able to pull her in to you when you feel like pushing her away. I want you to be happy.”
“I can tell.” He folded his arms across his chest and set his jaw.
Avery reached up and placed her delicate fingers on his forearm. “I really do want you to be happy.”
Evan let his body relax a little. “Okay, Avery. Okay. I know, in your own way, you’re trying to help. I hope you and Trent do better than you and I did.”
“Thanks.” Taking a step forward, she stood on her tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I hope you find happiness.”
Avery walked down the front steps of the house before turning back to him. “Congratulations on making it back to the top. I knew you would.”
* * *
That night, as Evan sat watching sports highlights, he couldn’t get the conversation with Avery off his mind. Why the hell was it bothering him so much? Shutting off the TV, he made his way to the pool table and racked up the balls. He selected his favourite cue, lined up the white ball and starting taking shots. The sounds and the sight of the balls rolling over the smooth felt were somehow soothing to his ragged nerves. Then it hit him. Avery’s words upset him because he’d already blown it. He’d already pushed Harper away when he should have pulled her toward him. And now that she was gone, it was too late.
Thirty-Five
Manhattan, New York
“Next!” Harper called as she finished dressing the second model for the shoot. The young man who appeared was so confident he was almost sneering. Harper looked at him for a moment before recognizing him. “Dustin. I haven’t seen you since that first shoot you did for us. How are you?”
“Great. I’ve hit my stride this year. I told my agent I’d fit you in because you helped me out last spring.” He gave her an approving nod.
Harper bit back a laugh. “Well, thank you for remembering.” Her cell buzzed in her pocket. She took it out and saw that it was her dad calling. Turning to Jasmine, she said, “I have to take this. Can you finish getting the models prepped?”
Harper strode to the hall as she answered. “Dad, what’s up? Everything okay?”
“Fine, Harper. I’m good. Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“I always have a few minutes for you.”
“You let me know if I’m interrupting. I just wanted to tell you that some of those plants are starting to come up. The ones at the front of the flower bed. I’m just outside looking at them now.”
“Really? That must be the daffodils. I wish I was there to see them.”
“Me too. They’re really nice. It’s like you brought spring to the yard early.”
Harper smiled even though her dad couldn’t see her. “Thanks for letting me know.”
“Of course. Well, I don’t want to keep you. I just wanted to say hi. And thank you for everything you did when you were here.”
“You can stop thanking me. But don’t stop calling to say hi.”
“Deal. You doing okay? You happy there?”
“Um, it’s taking me a bit to settle in but I’ll get there.”
“I’m sure you will. Listen, don’t be afraid to come home if you get sick of it.”
“I’m not a quitter, Dad.”
“It’s only quitting if you leave because it’s too hard. If you leave because you belong somewhere else, it’s called living the life you’re meant to.”
Harper chuckled. “Have you been watching reruns of Oprah, by any chance?”
“No, I’m just growing very wise in my old age. I should let you go. Call me in a couple of days.”
“Count on it.”
Boulder, Colorado
Evan lay in bed that night, staring out the window at the moon and wondering if Harper might be doing the same at that moment. When he’d left work he forced himself to go to the gym to do some climbing. It seemed like the best way to work off some of the frustration and pain he was feeling. Now, as he lay there, he could feel every fibre of every muscle in his body aching along with his heart. She was gone. His Harper. The woman he’d been hoping to grow old with was really gone. And he’d done nothing to stop her. He hadn’t even had the guts to tell her the truth—that he needed her to stay. That he loved her and he always would. What kind of man did that make him? A shit-poor excuse for one, in his book. But he would have to live with that. And he would have to do his level best to forget she’d ever existed. It wouldn’t have mattered even if he had told her. She’d have gone anyway.
Manhattan, New York
Harper got home after nine for the fourth evening in a row. So much for the fun and excitement of New York. She’d done nothing but work since she got here, and from the looks of things, there was no end in sight. She stood in the entrance to her tiny apartment, suddenly feeling very confined. She’d gone from one box to another. The rain pattered at the window, calling Harper to open it and let in the air. The fresh smell was accompanied by the jarring sound of the traffic below. Harper longed for the quiet stillness of Maplewood Drive. She thought of how hectic the week had been, barely giving her time to breathe. Instead of the thrill she had expected to feel at being back, she felt hemmed in and irritated by it all. She had a sinking feeling that she’d made the wrong choice. Maybe this life wasn’t meant for her after all.
Her stomach growled, reminding her that she’d missed dinner. Too tired to cook and too hungry to wait, she poured herself a bowl of cereal and plunked herself down at the table to eat. An old ritual, but not one that she relished.
She’d spent the weekend putting everything back in its place. It was all so familiar to her. And yet, different. She was different. She had tried on a completely new life and it had started to fit her. But she couldn’t go back. Not after the way she’d left things with Evan. She couldn�
�t live in a place where she’d run the risk of seeing him everywhere she went. Maybe what she was really feeling was the sense of having lost the man she loved.
Her mind wandered back to the moment the previous June when she had stood in this kitchen hearing about her dad’s accident for the first time. That had been the moment that changed everything, setting her life on a new path. And it had changed her in ways she had never expected. Her priorities just weren’t the same anymore.
Her cellphone rang, interrupting her thoughts.
“Hey, Megs,” she answered.
“Hello, my friend. I’m calling to check on you.”
“Oh, thanks. I’m fine. I’m all settled in. Crazy busy.” Harper’s voice was flat. “Do you mind if I crunch granola in your ear? I’m starving.”
“Go for it. No time to eat?”
“None.” Her mouth was full as she spoke. Chewing quickly, she swallowed. “Sorry.”
“You okay?”
“You mean because of Evan?”
“Yes.”
“Not so much.” Harper’s voice broke. The lump in her throat made swallowing impossible. Dropping her spoon into the bowl, she pushed her dinner away. “Stupid. Why the fuck did I think I could be with him for months without falling for him?”
“Humans are incredibly good at denial. I know you hate to admit it, but you are one of us.”
“God. Don’t say that. I need you tell me that I’ll get over him soon. That I’ll start to enjoy my life again, because right now I have a sinking feeling that I’ve just fucked everything up and I’ll never be happy again.” Harper’s voice broke again. “And I’m just so tired, Megan. So tired that I don’t know what to think or do.”
