“Hmm,” I answer, not sure why she’d even give that guy the time of day.
“So am I forgiven?” she asks meekly, and I can’t help but smile.
“I could never stay mad at you for long, Lil. You’re my best friend.” I pause for a second, toying with the idea of telling her about Josh and Caleb, but memories of her outburst at the bar play over in my mind.
“So you stayed at Caleb’s apartment, huh?”
“I had no choice really, did I?” I fire back.
“I guess not,” she says weakly. I hear her yawn loudly down the receiver. “I gotta go sleep,” she mutters. “Call you tomorrow, k?”
“Sure. Night, Lil.”
“Night, doll.” When she disconnects, I drop the phone down, plugging it back into the charger. I catch a glimpse of the cake box. That’s when I decide to do something stupid. Something really fucking stupid, but I can’t help myself. Grabbing the box, I head out of my apartment, keys in hand. I take the few steps needed until I reach the door next to mine. I knock, three solid knocks on the wooden door and step back a little. Suddenly panic washes over me. I hadn’t showered. I still had my work clothes on. I lift my arm, positioning my nose in just the right place to check how badly I smell. Just as I get in the right position, the door opens.
Shit.
“What?” he grumbles. “It’s late.”
“Oh, hi,” I say nervously, placing my arm back in its downward position. “Well, the thing is,” I stutter, “I heard your door slam, and I was still awake after a really shitty shift at the café, and well, the thing is…” I hold out the box in front of me nervously, the heat rising to my cheeks as I try to compose myself. Maybe then I’ll actually make some sort of sense. “I have leftover cake. They need to be eaten today, so I thought, well, uh, maybe. I thought we could share.”
“Why? Why would you want to do that?”
I lift my head, finally looking up at him. I’d been too busy in my nervous ramble to actually look at him before then.
I pause, gazing at him momentarily, trying to work out what the hell I’m going to say. I stand rigidly at the door, but his frame is bent, his head down. His stand-offish body language is like its own repellant. But it doesn’t work. I step closer to the handsome man whose face is barely visible and I maneuver until mine is in line with his. I follow his eyes as they adjust to meet my own, and instantly, I feel my body cover in goosebumps. His eyes look darker, greyer than I remember. They are so solid, the bright small swirls of black somehow making them look like they are glittering.
“Please,” I whisper, my voice barely audible. He swallows down the lump in his throat before shaking his head and stepping back. I’m sure he’s going to slam the door in my face. But he doesn’t. He steps back, turns on his heel, and heads back into his apartment, the door left ajar. Surprised, I quickly follow him in, taking a deep breath as I close the door, feeling proud of myself. I rush over to where he is slumped on the chair. I stop just in front of him, pointing to the empty space at his side. “May I?” I ask, eagerly waiting on his response.
He slowly nods, no verbal answer given. I slide in beside him, placing the cake box on the table.
“Okay,” I say in my most upbeat voice. “I have a slice of red velvet, a good old chocolate, and a slice of lemon. Your choice,” I say, before jumping up. “Coffee, we need coffee with our cake.” I couldn’t dampen the nerves I feel by just being here, in this apartment, with this man that is such a mystery to me. I wasn’t about to blow my one chance. He’d opened the door and let me in. I see this as a huge step. Movement in the right direction. I scurry across to the kitchen to make our coffee.
“I doubt you’ll have any reason to complain about my coffee. I’m a pro, you know.” I glance at him. Caleb’s head is resting on his hand, his arm propped up on his knee. I blink, taking in his more relaxed appearance. “So how do you like yours?” I ask, thinking of all the ways I can get him to talk to me. I smile widely, waiting for him to answer. I can’t help but notice the corner of his mouth twitch as though he’s dying to smile.
He shrugs lazily. “Anyway.”
I narrow my eyes, resting my hands on my hips. “So if I put in twenty spoonfuls of sugar, you’re good with that, yeah?” I watch as that twitch widens to something that resembles a smile.
“No sugar,” he adds, lifting the lid on the cake box, peering in. I make the drinks as fast as my hands will allow, rushing to get back over to Caleb. Searching the cupboards, I find the plates, before making my way over to him. I place down his drink and he shoots me a sideways smile, mouthing his thanks. Taking a spot beside him, our legs practically touch. I hold on to my coffee before reaching for the cake box.
“Your choice.” I place the box with the selection of cakes under his nose. “I mean, if I was you I would totally go for the chocolate cake. It’s to die for,” I advise, leaning into him, bumping our arms. I’m pleasantly surprised with just how toned he is.
“Okay.” He smiles shyly, reaching in for the chocolate slice. This one is our best seller and I can’t deny just how good it is. It’s a gooey chocolate, completely covered in frosting. My favorite.
“Hmm,” I hum as I grab the red velvet, reaching for the empty plate. As I do, I accidently catch Caleb’s arm mid bite. Looking at him, I see his nose and mouth are covered in chocolate frosting.
“Oh shit.” I giggle. “I’m so sorry.” I try to hide my amusement but seeing him with a face full of chocolate is too funny. “Let me get a napkin or a tissue,” I offer, jumping to my feet and speeding back over to the kitchen. I quickly scan the small area, a box of tissues located on the counter top, almost hidden by the rest of the stuff on there. I race back over to him, tissue in hand. As I make my way toward the couch, my foot gets caught on the leg of the coffee table, causing me to tumble forward. Straight into Caleb’s lap.
“Shit,” I gasp.
“Are you okay?”
“I am now.” I laugh a little. The feeling of him holding me in his arms sends a shiver running through my whole body. “Thanks for catching me,” I mumble, unable to remove myself from the comfort of his hold. I stay there longer than necessary, but not as long as I’d like. His strong arms gently move me off his lap, back into the seat beside him. Tissue in hand, I reach to clear the frosting from his face. Stretching my hand forward, I remove the small amount from his left cheek. I wipe gently, but the sudden contact of his hand over mine sends me spinning. My heart beats hard. It thuds in such a way that I can feel the vibration throughout my whole body. His eyes are tightly shut and every part of me wants to close the gap. My eyes drift down to his perfect lips. I can’t help myself. I lean into him, my lips lightly touching his. At first he doesn’t react, and I’m pretty sure I’ve made a huge mistake. Yet, I lean in again and kiss his lips one more time, the sweet taste of frosting is an overload to my senses.
Then comes the biggest shock. His hand tangles behind my head, and his mouth begins moving against mine. Like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, the kiss deepens, fast. It’s messy. Frosting covers my face, but I don’t care. I’ve never felt anything like this before in my life. It’s raw and chaotic, but undoubtedly the best kiss of my life. He deepens it, his tongue meeting with mine. Holding nothing back, he presses into me, his weight against mine as he leans me back into the chair. His breathing erratic and his hands everywhere. I’m totally swept away in the moment.
“I knew you were trouble,” he mutters. I can’t believe this is happening. My attraction to him is undeniable, but I had no idea he would reciprocate.
We break apart, but his hand remains on the back of my head as he lifts his head slightly. He closes his eyes tight, his face is a grimace, almost as if he’s in pain.
“You need to go,” he says in a low growl. His eyes remain closed, his hair falling down over his face.
“What? Why?” I stutter, confused at what’s happening.
He pushes himself away from me until he’s sitting upright. He pauses jus
t for a second before shoving himself up from the couch. He rushes over to the sink and I can’t help but feel frozen in that moment, watching his every move. He switches on the tap, water gushing from the faucet. He places his cupped hands under the stream, before splashing his face, trying to remove the frosting, or at least that’s what I think he’s doing. He cuts the water with his head down. He says something, but I don’t quite catch what. I sit upright, feeling helpless and really fucking shitty. This isn’t the reaction any girl wants after a heated kiss with a guy, and right now, I don’t know how to react. I take a deep breath, before standing up and moving closer to him. Nervously, I play with the hem of my top as I make my way over to him, wracking my brain, trying to find the right words. He remains in the same position. His hands gripping the side of the counter, his head downturned.
“Talk to me. Please,” I plead, my voice meek and wavering. Clearly the attempt at controlling my emotions isn’t going well.
“You need to leave,” he snarls.
“But why? I don’t understand.” My words come out in a jumble, my mind trying to figure out what is happening here. I can think of a million things to say, after all, I’m the girl that always has a lot to say for herself. But it didn’t feel right. Nothing I had to say to him was going to work in this moment. His body language, his stance, the memory of the pained look on his face from the night before plays over in my mind. I can’t help if I don’t know or understand what is wrong. I stand there, hoping he will answer.
“Now!” he yells so loud I jump, my whole body shaking in reaction to his outburst.
“Why?” I yell back, frustration eating away at me. “Why do you need me to leave, Caleb? Was it so bad that we kissed? That we have a connection? I don’t get it.”
He turns to look at me. “Well you wouldn’t.” He pushes back his thick brown locks. “You don’t know a damn thing about me, and if you did, then you’d know exactly why you shouldn’t be here.”
“What does that mean? Why can’t you give me an answer that makes sense?” I blow out an exasperated breath. “I would love to know more about you, learn the real Caleb, but you’re dead set on pushing me away.” I take a step closer, only the counter top between us. “Let your guard down, Caleb,” I whisper “Let me in.”
“I can’t,” he snaps.
“Why?” I ask, walking around the island and into the small kitchen. I slowly place the flat of my hand against his back. His body tenses, and he turns so fast, grabbing my wrist in a tight grip. I glance down at his hand.
“You can’t touch me there,” he warns, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since the kiss. “You just can’t,” he repeats, his glare widening. I’m frozen. I think back to when I saw him on his knees, the scars on his back.
“Because of the scars?” I quiz, looking deep into his dark eyes. In fact, it was like they had darkened to an almost charcoal color. I can’t help but shudder as I stand there looking at him, waiting for an answer. But he doesn’t. His grip remains tight around my arm. I glance down and back to meet his eyes. “You can let go now.” I smile a little, trying to lighten the darkness, trying to lift the mood.
“What if I don’t want to?” he breathes, his voice low and full of emotion.
“Wha…what?” Before I can continue, I’m whisked off my feet and pinned against the refrigerator, his mouth on mine again.
I hardly have a moment to react before he presses his tongue to the seam of my lips. As I open my mouth, granting him access, his warm tongue slides inside mine. My heart thuds and I inhale sharply, feeling myself melt into him as he deepens the kiss. Our breaths mingle as one in the moment. It’s frantic, a little chaotic, but I can’t help but feel turned on by it. The heat, the force he uses. It’s like he’s pouring every ounce of emotion he has into me. His hand is still tightly wrapped around my wrist, pinned above my head. His other hand his tightly behind my head, his fingers grasping a handful of my hair. I can’t help but let out a moan at the contact. This was like nothing I’d ever felt before. It was rough, sexual, but not aggressive. No, there was no aggression, all emotion. I work my full lips against his, my free hand wandering, pushing his hair away from his face. My hand comes to an eventual stop as I gently cup the back of his head. The taste of him, the contact of his lips against mine is intoxicating. I can’t help but press my aching body against him, the need growing and pooling between my legs, his erection touching my torso. I’d honestly never felt so turned on in my entire life. As we continue to kiss, I free my hand from his hair, gently running my fingers over his arm until I reach his waistband. I arch away from his body, allowing my hand access to his obviously erect cock. Tentatively, I start to rub my hand over the bulge. Yet, within a split second I’m separated from the warmth of him, as he thrusts himself away from me.
“No,” he hisses, his teeth clenched together. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry,” he continues, his voice now somewhat softer, apologetic even. I cringe, realizing what a dick move that was. Literally.
“It should be me apologizing. I’m sorry. I pushed you too far.”
“Just go,” he snaps, his hand flying out as he gestures toward the apartment door.
“Maybe we could finish those coffees,” I offer, trying to salvage something from the mess I’d caused.
He shakes his head. “I’m turning in. You should do the same.” He pushes his hands in his pockets before slowly sloping off down the hall. I don’t want to leave, but what choice do I have? I grab my things and head out the door, slamming it a little more than I want on the way out. I race to my apartment and straight into the bedroom, crashing on my bed. I cup my hands over my face, the mixture of disappointment and embarrassment causes my heart to thud loudly against my chest. How could I be so stupid? I thrash my feet against the bed in temper, a quiet growl escapes me. I’ve made such a mess of the whole damn thing.
Caleb
I must have lost my mind. What the hell have I gotten myself in to? I lie in bed, memories of Amber playing over and over in my mind, like some kind of fucking torture. How could I have been so irresponsible? I gave in to the need, my desires, and inadvertently got myself into a situation I’d vowed I would never allow.
I don’t want her to get hurt, but how can I stay away? After one taste of her and I’m caught. Hook, line, and fucking sinker.
I have to avoid her at all costs. As difficult as that may be, I have to stay away.
I toss and turn all night, sleep not my friend. Rolling over, I check the digital clock. I blink to clear the haze in my eyes, finally making out the time. 4:56 am. I sigh deeply, rolling back the sheets so I can climb out of bed and make my way into the bathroom. I throw on some running gear, deciding this is the only way to burn off the tension and frustration I’m feeling. I head out, the morning not yet light, but I make my way out on to one of my usual routes. As I pick up the pace, I breathe steady, my strong heart beats rhythmically in my chest. The exhilaration of my organs working on overtime is a huge release. My feet pound against the path, my hair whipping back and forth as the adrenaline courses through my veins.
I don’t stop. I just keep running, pushing myself hard and fast. I need this. I need to feel alive in this moment where I despise myself, where my own mind tortures me as it runs on overdrive. With that kiss brought years of memories I try to hide from. That I force to the back of my mind, desperately trying to forget. The image of the beautiful girl I hurt. The terrifying images and memories, the one’s where I become a monster, no longer an innocent teenager. But an abuser. And I hate myself, more than anyone could ever imagine. I’m riddled with hate, the pain I’ve caused cuts deep, like the sharpest possible knife. I suddenly stop running. My breathing becomes labored as I bend over, my hands clutching my bended knee.
It’s useless.
I can’t run from this.
That’s why I hide.
It’s the only thing I can do. Hide my evil from the world.
Amber
I have no clue what I am
going to do, or what I should do. All I know is I messed up. Big time. And now I have to fix it. I’m going to have to face Caleb at some point; I just have to figure out when. I stretch out my weary body before getting up and heading into the shower. Today I’m heading down to the dance studio, my perfect distraction. The studio doesn’t have any classes running so I know I can go and work on a few routines. Lose myself in the music for a while with no interferences.
I shower, tie up my long hair, and throw on my workout gear. After grabbing some breakfast, I head out, making my way to the studio. The drive is short but exceptionally warm. By the time I arrive I’m already starting to sweat.
I pull into the parking lot, grab my gym bag, and head the short distance to the studio. My mind is a whirl with all things Caleb. From the feeling of his kiss, to his damn back and forth emotions. He’s complicated, mysterious, and I can’t help but need more. My body jolts as I am forced to stop. I break my mind from the cycle of thoughts to see Ryan standing in front of me. I meet his eye, the cocksure look on his face fueling my annoyance. It’s not unknown that I dislike this jerk. I mean A LOT. But what makes this whole fucking thing worse is the fact that he’s screwing my best friend.
“Look who we have here,” he says with a sardonic grin. I can’t help but want to punch him in the face. It wasn’t just his unpleasant come-ons, but his whole demeanor, the way he carries himself.
“Can’t stop. They’re waiting for me at the dance studio,” I rush out, taking a step to the side, quickly trying to pass him.
“Hey,” he bellows. “Not so damn fast.” Holding out his arm, he blocks me from passing by. I draw in my eyebrows, giving him the side eye.
“What about I can’t stop do you not understand?” I ask, my teeth clenched and my annoyance obvious.
“You know,” he pauses for a second before continuing, “I love how much of a firecracker you are. It makes me wonder if you’re as feisty when you fuck.”
Burn with me Page 10
