Making my way inside, I grab a can of soda, offering one to Josh.
“So how was today?” he asks, dropping onto the couch before lifting his feet and resting them on the coffee table.
“So good,” I answer, fighting back the start of a smile.
“Oh my god,” he bellows. “You totally have it bad, don’t you?”
“I fought it, more than you could ever imagine.” I sigh deeply. “But, I’m in too deep.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he says. He narrows his eyes and his nose scrunches up in response.
“You know it is.” I close my eyes, allowing my head to drop back as I slump on the bar stool.
“You’ve got to stop thinking like this, bro. You’re a good guy. You deserve this. You really do. For once in your life, you’re really alive. Before Amber came along, you would barely speak, barely leave the house. And look at you now,” he says with conviction. “You’re a changed man.”
“I’m still the same fucked up Caleb I was before,” I growl at him, knowing he understands what I mean. “What happens when she finds out? It’s all going to come crashing down around me. I’m going to lose her and break her fucking heart in the process,” I yell, my voice quivering as I try to get him to understand how things are for me.
“You need to tell her, Caleb. Be honest. It’s the only way,” he says, taking a sip of his soda.
“What? And lose her before we’ve barely begun?”
“She’ll understand.” He tries to reassure me, walking over and resting his hand on my shoulder.
“How can she possibly understand?” I snap, shrugging his hand off me.
“You have to accept what happened to you and what you did. This is more about your self-loathing than anything else.” Josh stands in front of me, eyes glued to mine.
“Since when did you decide to become a counselor,” I snip. “I’ll never be able to live with what I did, or what was done to me. You’re fucked up if you ever think I could just get over something like that.” I glare at him, venom in my voice.
“I get that, I really do. But you can’t be dictated by something that happened to you, something you had no control over.” He tilts his head a little, smiling sadly at me. “It’s obvious that Amber likes you for who you are. You just have to trust her and let her in. I know what happened, and I’m still here, aren’t I?”
I look up at him. Josh is such a good guy with a huge heart.
“You’re just a dick,” I tease, pushing him on the chest. He stumbles back, crashing down on the wooden coffee table. I can’t help but laugh as his soda falls on him, soaking his shirt.
We both laugh loudly, and I have to admit, I’m lucky to have a good guy like Josh as a friend.
Amber
As soon as I arrive, Rose comes over and embraces me tightly, followed by Corrine.
“Oh, girl. We’re so glad to have you back,” says Corrine, releasing me from her embrace. “This one over here has been driving me up the wall,” she states with a laugh.
“I can imagine,” I say raising my eyebrows.
“So not fair.” Rose wipes my arm, hitting me teasingly. “So please tell me you’re coming back. Like, soon.” Rose’s eyes are wide and her voice as dramatic as ever.
“I’ll give it a go,” I say with a sad smile. I turn to see Lily sitting at a table. I raise my eyebrows at her as she smiles sympathetically. “Okay, I’m gonna have a coffee and catch up with my girl. I’ll grab you for a chat as soon as we’re done, yeah?”
“Sure thing,” Corrine assures, gently rubbing her hand on my arm, before turning and walking back to the counter.
“Well, what can I get for you?” asks Rose, pulling out a notepad from her apron pocket.
“A large latte for me and whatever my friend would like.” I take a seat beside Lily, nudging her arm in an attempt to get her attention.
“Oh sorry,” she mumbles, adjusting her posture. “I’ll have a large Americano.” She smiles to Rose, her eyebrows drawing in a little. I watch as Lily’s gaze moves back and forth between us, confusion dressing her face.
“Okay,” Rose shouts loudly, turning on her heel and making her way behind the counter. “Coming right up,” she bellows, smiling her goofiest smile.
I turn to Lily, kissing her lightly on the cheek. She sets her hand on my arm, leaning into me, almost resting her head on my shoulder.
“I’ve missed you.” She sighs.
“Me too,” I reply.
“Well I was expecting that to be more awkward than it was,” she whispers, nodding her head toward Rose.
“I’ve been dreading coming back. This must be so hard for her, too. I just need her to know I don’t bear a grudge. I want to forget this and move on.” I let out a shaky breath.
“But working with her? Surely that’s like a constant reminder. Of him. Of what he did.”
“It’s not her fault,” I say, taking a deep breath. “I can’t hold this against her.”
She tightens her hold on my arm. “I know, I just don’t think this is going to be easy for you.”
“I don’t think this is easy for either of us.” I look over to Rose and back to Lily. “I have to get back to some version of reality. I’ll never forget what he did, the fear of that night, but I’ll be damned if I let it ruin my life,” I say, fighting back the onslaught of tears. I don’t want to admit to her how afraid I really am. How daunting it is just to sit here. How my heart beats violently in my chest with fear.
“I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I shouldn’t have. I guess I let my heart rule my head.” She adjusts her body, turning to me, taking both of my hands in hers. “I guess I didn’t want to believe the guy I’d been seeing for such a long time could ever do such a thing.”
Her tears break the seal, falling over her face. Her head falls forward as she tries to shield her tears from me.
“I get it, Lily,” I reassure her, squeezing her hands gently.
“I’m sorry,” she repeats, lifting her head and swiping away the tears.
“I know you are.” I give her a sympathetic smile. “And I can’t say it didn’t hurt to not have you there, but we can move past this. You’re my best friend, Lily. I need you now, more than ever.”
She smiles. Sitting upright, she holds her hand up, making the scout’s sign. “I promise from this day forward I will be the best, bestest friend you could ever wish for.” Her eyes are wide as she stares at me, her mouth twisting at the corner. I laugh at her, swatting her hands away and throwing my arms around her neck.
“Good to have you back, Lily.” I kiss her lightly on the cheek before parting and resting back in my seat. I see Rose approaching us, drinks in hand. She places them down, a smile stretching from ear to ear.
“There you go, girls,” she says, wiping her hands down her apron. “Enjoy your drinks,” she sings, before turning on her heel and walking over to one of the other tables.
“So you and Caleb?” Lily asks, drawing my attention back to her. I sigh heavily, reaching one hand and holding it over my heart.
“I don’t know what I would have done without him,” I say, allowing my eyes to flutter shut for a second. The image of him in my head makes my heart skip a beat.
“You really like him, don’t you?” she asks, reaching for her drink and taking a sip.
I nod slowly. “I really do. There’s this fire between us that I can’t even begin to describe. It’s like he needs me as much as I need him right now.” I can’t help the smile that spreads, my mind flashing back to him today at the lake, the way his lips felt against mine.
“I don’t want you to think that I’m raining on your parade, but you don’t know anything about this guy.”
“He has slowly but surely started to open up,” I cut in. “I know there are things I don’t know yet, but we’ll get there. I know we will.”
“You need to know what you’re getting yourself in to.” She sighs.
“What? Just like you did?” I snap back
defensively and immediately regret it. I watch as her mouth opens a little, her eyes widening.
“That’s out of order,” she seethes, crossing her arms.
“I’m not making a dig, Lily. I’m simply saying you never really know what someone is like, and I’m not going to judge Caleb on what I don’t know about him.”
Lily hums, taking another sip of her coffee. “Time to try and find out some info on Caleb, I think.” She taps her long manicured finger against her lip.
“There’s really no need,” I rush out. “It’s his past. They’re his secrets to keep. He’ll tell me when he’s good and ready.” I’m not sure why, but I feel annoyed by Lily’s need to snoop into Caleb’s background.
“I just want you to know what you’re dealing with. I’m afraid you’re going to get in too deep and get hurt.”
“I already am.” I sigh heavily. “Anyway, how’s school?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
We sit and talk for the next hour or so. Lily mentions that the girls at school have asked about me. I know that I have to go back soon. The thought is daunting to say the least. School is where he worked, where everyone is going to judge me for what happened. But I also know that I have to finish this course load. Failure isn’t an option. Lily offers to pick me up for school, but I tell her it’s not necessary.
“I just had the craziest idea,” she sputters. “You should totally move in with me. That way you’ll never be on your own.” I smile at her, her genuine excitement at her suggestion is touching. But I can’t. I can’t leave Caleb. He’s the whole reason I feel safe. The whole reason I can sleep at night, despite what happened to me.
“Although I know being out of that apartment complex would help, I just can’t, Lil. I’m sorry.”
“Why?” she whines, clinging on to my arm. “This would be so good for both of us.” She pouts and I can’t help but let out a quiet laugh.
“You’d drive me crazy,” I chortle. “Plus, I can’t leave him,” I admit, pursing my lips together.
“Oh my, you got it bad, girl.” She throws her hands in the air. “I mean seriously, do you have genuine feelings for him?”
“I can’t help the way I feel about him.”
“No shit, girl. Well I think I need to know more about this guy you’re so in to,” she says, tugging on my arm. Her movement causes me to fall into her a little.
“Soon,” I acknowledge. “Hey, wait here,” I say, pushing myself up from my seat. “I want to go get my shifts from Corrine.” Lily nods and I make my way up to the main counter.
Corrine acknowledges me as I approach. She summons me with a wave. “Come into the back,” she suggests and I don’t hesitate to follow her. She walks into the small office, pointing to the chair, indicating I should take a seat. I pull out the chair sitting opposite her.
“I want you to know that we have still been paying your basic wage for the time you haven’t been here.” She pushes a small brown envelope toward me. “And this is your share of the tips. There isn’t as much as you would normally get, but it should help you out.” Her face lights up and she starts tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Oh, Corrine. I don’t know how to thank you. I never expected this. Thank you so much.” I fight back the happy tears, my emotion forcing its way to the surface.
“I know this won’t be easy for you, especially since Amy works here, too. So, please, take as long as you need,” she offers and I’m touched by her generosity.
“I’m ready to come back,” I say, pushing back my shoulders. “I have to do this. I have to get some kind of normalcy back.”
Corrine nods, turning and reaching for something on the shelf just behind her. “I was hoping you’d say that,” she says with a chuckle and a kink of her eyebrow. “Here’s the schedule for the next few weeks. Tell me if it’s too much,” she says, handing me the sheet of paper. I look through the shifts and notice it’s not as much as I’d been doing before. “It’s not your normal hours, but let’s ease you back in, okay?”
“Sure,” I agree with one small nod of my head. “Thank you for everything,” I say clutching the envelope and schedule in my hand. Making my way around the desk, I hug her before leaving her with a smile.
I head back over to Lily and she acknowledges me with a bright grin. “Ready?” she asks stepping up from her seat.
“Ready,” I repeat, sliding my arm through hers and head out to her car. I get in, quickly pulling my cell phone from my purse. I dial Caleb’s number and I can’t deny the butterflies I have deep in my stomach. The nervous excitement I feel at the mere thought of speaking to him.
“Amber,” he answers in a gruff, low voice.
“Hey.”
“You okay?” he asks.
“Just letting you know that Lily’s dropping me off. We just left the café.”
“Okay,” he says. I hear some rumbling in the background. “I’m on my way down now to meet you.”
“There’s no need. Really,” I reassure. Smiling to myself, I can’t get over how much he cares.
“I’ll be there,” he replies before I’m greeted with a dead line.
“Uh. He hung up.” I chuckle looking at the phone. I glance at Lily who is wearing a huge smirk.
“So, you’re checking in with him already. You two are like an old married couple.”
“Hardly.” I laugh. “He’s just very protective. He’ll be there to meet me, so be nice,” I say, pointing my finger at her.
“Me?” She clutches her chest. “I’m always nice.”
I give her a knowing sideways glance and she playfully pushes me on the top of the arm.
“So…” Lily exaggerates the word, her eyes looking between me and the road. “Have you two been, uh, intimate yet?” she asks cautiously.
“God no!” I blurt out. “But we have kissed. And let me tell you this, I’m pretty sure it’s the best kiss I’ve ever experienced.”
“Oh jeez pass me the damn sick bucket,” she jokes.
“I’m serious, Lil. I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s like he pours every ounce of emotion into his kiss. And today was no different.” I smile, remembering our trip to the lake. “He took me to the most amazing place. It was so romantic, but not in a cheesy kind of way,” I tell her.
Reaching over, she puts her hand on top of mine. “I’m glad to see you so happy. I’ve been worried about you. About what state of mind you would be in after what happened.” She looks over, her eyes sad and full of remorse.
“He’s been amazing, Lil. He’s held me every night. He’s rocked me when I’ve cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without him.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” She lets out a huge sigh.
“I know you are. You don’t have to keep apologizing. I’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad.”
“I know you’re not. But I do. I feel bad. I can’t help it.”
“Well believe me when I say there’s no need,” I reiterate, smiling widely to her.
Within minutes, we arrive at my apartment. As we turn into the parking lot, I see Caleb resting on the hood of his car. My excitement of seeing him grows with each passing moment.
My eyes are glued to him as he lifts his head, sweeping his hair out of his face. He looks over at us approaching and a small smile curls at the corner of his mouth.
“Damn, he’s hot,” gawps Lily as we pull into the space beside his car.
“Hands off, bitch. He’s mine.” I chuckle, reaching to unfasten my belt.
“So you guys are like official? A real couple?” she asks, her eyes bug wide as she waits for me to answer.
“I’m not sure we’re there yet,” I say, tilting my head and narrowing my eyes at her.
“Well then, lady. I say fair game.” She twists her mouth ruefully.
“No fucking way,” I say, holding up my hand jokingly as I turn, kissing her on the cheek. “I’ll text you,” I say before rushing out of the car.
“Hey,” he replies with a flash of a smirk. He holds his arm out and it’s like an open invitation. I lean into him as we make our way back inside.
“It went well?” he asks as he pushes the key in the lock, opening the apartment door. I smile, nodding a little.
“It did. But I couldn’t wait to get back to you,” I admit, letting my head drop a little. At my confession, I feel a sudden onslaught of shyness which causes my face to heat. I lift my eyes, looking for him. He walks closer and I can practically hear the pounding of my own heartbeat. Within seconds, his finger hooks under my chin, lifting my gaze to meet his. He traces his thumb with care across the skin on my jawline, his eyelids falling shut.
“What the fuck are you doing to me?” he growls, his voice low and full of emotion.
I reach my hand behind his back, resting it there while I press on to my tiptoes, sealing my lips against his. Suddenly, his body crashes into mine, pushing me back against the wall. A low groan escapes him as the kiss becomes wild. Intense. His hands work through my hair, our kiss deepening. The burn deep inside me intensifies with every touch, every taste. Caleb reaches to find my hands. He guides them around his neck and I interlock my fingers as he lifts my weight from the ground. Never breaking our connection, he leads us over to the bedroom. I feel the clenching between my legs. My need for him growing to the point where I think I might explode if he doesn’t touch me soon.
Crashing through the bedroom door, Caleb finally breaks the kiss, thrusting me onto the bed. I watch as he reaches back for the neck of his shirt, pulling it over his head in one swift movement. I take him in, every beautiful inch of his athletic stature. I quickly brush stray strands of hair away from my face before sitting up and resting on my bended knee. I close the space between us, trailing my finger over his defined stomach until my fingers rest on the button of his jeans.
Burn with me Page 19
