by Carlo Zen
While this may be a huge waste of time, it’s still part of the job description.
“I’ve never had to go on client visits before! How the hell does that count as training?!”
“It combats deteriorating work results by helping supervisors understand sales representatives and find ways to improve their managerial practices. With that in mind, we felt it was necessary for you to undergo this training.”
Even if it’s all in a day’s work, this is still tiring. It’s an utter pain to deal with this endless parade of weeping and wailing employees who try to cling to us. If you think crying will change things, go for it. In some parts of the business world, that’s a valid tactic, but if you think it’ll work after calling me things like a “heartless monster,” “boss’s pet,” or “cyborg,” you’ve got another think coming.
I’ve always known that I wasn’t the best. Unable to compete with the geniuses and unable to match the gifted through hard work and dedication, my personality has grown utterly warped. I’m a mess of convoluted complexes.
Truly benevolent people are awe-inspiring. As far as hypocrisy is concerned, I have what society as a whole deems to be a healthy level, but knowing I’m insincere makes me scoff all the more.
Despite being self-aware about this—how ghastly I am—I still harbor the arrogant belief that I’m superior to the inept fool wailing before me. At least as far as cost performance is concerned, I’ve maintained superior results. So even though restructuring departments assigned for consolidation through layoffs is a pain, I take it seriously. From here, I should shoot straight up the ladder and land in the chair for director of human resources.
My life should have been fairly smooth sailing.
…Should have been.
After reflecting to that point, a rather unpleasant event resurfaces.
It’s said that humans are political animals by nature, but apparently the type of humans who get pink slips are animals who prioritize primal emotions over logic or commonly accepted taboos. When you get down to it, aren’t there more people who, unlike the “good” academic elite, act out their impulses? The director specifically warned me to watch my back at the station, but I couldn’t see what he was getting at.
Wham! Something slams into me. I fall from the platform in bizarre slow motion. The moment I see the train, my consciousness cuts off.
When I wake up, I encounter an unspeakable injustice.
“Are you really living creatures of flesh and blood?”
“Sorry, who are you?”
An elderly man taken straight out of a cookie-cutter novel heaves a heavy sigh as he observes me. It has to be one of three possible explanations:
I miraculously survived, and a doctor is examining me, but I’m unable to perceive it correctly. In other words, it’s possible either my eyes or my brain have suffered serious trauma.
I’m dying, and this is either a delusion or a hallucination. Maybe my life is flashing before my eyes.
I’ve woken up in the real world after mistaking a dream for reality. I could still be half-asleep.
“…The whole lot of you have the most twisted personalities. What a bunch of nonsense in that head of yours!”
Did he just read my mind? If he did, that’s an extremely indecent and unwelcome violation of my privacy, as well as an intrusion on confidential matters.
“I certainly did. But it’s disgusting, reading the minds of uncompassionate disbelievers.”
“Well, what do you know…? I never dreamed the devil was real.”
“You come up with the craziest ideas!”
Only God or the devil is capable of defying universal laws. If God existed, he wouldn’t ignore all the injustice in the world. Thus, this world lacks a God. Therefore, Being X before me is the devil. I rest my case.
“…Are you disbelievers trying to work your Creator to death?”
“You disbelievers”? In the plural. Which means he’s referring to others along with me. Should I take comfort in the fact that I’m not alone? Hard to say. While I don’t specifically hate myself, I don’t particularly love me, either.
“I mean deranged souls like yours! They’re everywhere these days. Why aren’t you attaining enlightenment as humanity advances? Don’t you want deliverance from your earthly bondage?”
“I suspect this is simply the result of that social progress.”
Rawls’s theory of justice2 is absolutely wonderful, but actually applying it is unrealistic. Humans have already been divided into the haves and the have-nots. It might be interesting as a hypothetical proposal, but in reality, people can’t give up what they have for the sake of others. Isn’t it natural to pursue material gain in this life rather than worry about the future? Even so, what does it matter?
If I’m dead, what’s going to happen to my soul? Let’s discuss this constructively. What really matters is what comes next.
“I’ll just throw you back into the cycle of life and death—you’re getting reborn,” replies the self-proclaimed God, Being X. The answer the stranger gives is quite simple. Ah, I bet he’s fulfilling his duty to explain. Yes, work is not something to be taken lightly. I can appreciate the importance of assuming responsibility and acting in compliance with the law. Like it or not, as a member of society—of an organization—I should probably indicate that I understand how we’re to proceed.
“Very well. In that case, go ahead and do your thing.”
For starters, I plan on doing a better job of watching my back in my next life. I’ve learned that there are two types of people, rational and irrational, so I’ll undoubtedly need to revisit behavioral economics.
“…Ugh! I’ve had it.”
But the words he whispers under his breath leave me perplexed.
“Huh?”
“Can’t you guys get your acts together? Far be it from any of you to attain enlightenment and break free from the cycle when you lack so much as a shred of faith!” he complains, making this awkward for me.
Quite honestly, I have no idea what this Being X (self-proclaimed God) is so mad about. I realize elderly folks can be quick-tempered, but when someone who appears to hold a fairly senior position flies into a blind rage, they can be hard to read. If this were an anime, you could write it off as a gag, but in the real world, you rarely get that luxury.
“Humans these days have strayed too far from the universal laws! They can’t tell right from wrong!”
Geez! Being X can preach all he wants about universal laws, but I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. And if these laws really do exist, it’s annoying that he didn’t give notice beforehand. He’s asking for too much if he expects people to adhere to laws they’ve never seen, let alone consented to. I can’t comprehend something that hasn’t been put into words. To my knowledge, I’ve yet to develop telepathic powers.
“I gave you the Ten Commandments, you know!!”
Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
Honor thy father and thy mother.
Thou shalt not kill.
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s property.
The commandments suddenly flow into my mind via telepathy or something, but…uh…well…damn. See, I was born in a polytheistic region of the world, where we’re used to letting things slide as “religious tolerance.” So I’m honestly not sure how to react to someone bringing up the commandments. For the record, I happen to honor my parents, and I’ve never killed anyone. But I am biologically male. Certain sexual instincts are programmed into me. I can’t do anything about those. It’d be another story if I had handled the programming, but I didn’t.
“I’ll regret that as long as I li
ve!”
Just how long does God live? I’m mildly intrigued, if only from a purely academic perspective. Unsurprising, given my inquisitiveness and curiosity.
I’ve never fought the desire or impulse to murder someone. Sure, it’s refreshing whenever I nail a head shot in an FPS, but that doesn’t make me any more bloodthirsty than the next guy. I’m pro–animal rights; I’m pretty sure that at the very least, I’ve taken posters to support a movement trying to decrease the catch-and-kill programs of various shelters.
“So you didn’t dirty your hands, but you still derived pleasure from the act of killing, didn’t you?!”
I’ve never stolen anything, borne false witness against another, or had the joy of winning a married woman’s heart. Above all else, I’ve gone through life as an upright, honest person. I fulfilled my duties at work and adhered to the law, and I can’t recall ever actively defying the prescribed conduct for a human being. If I had been sent to war, maybe I would have received a revelation from God while parachuting that I should dedicate my life to farming shrimp. Unfortunately, my experience serving in the military was limited to online games.
“Have it your way! If you won’t repent, I’ll have no choice but to impose a fitting punishment on you!”
I’d like to think these false accusations can only go so far. And why me? But as a rule of thumb, I know it’s never wise to let things pan out on their own.
“Wait a moment if you will.”
“Stuff it!”
…I wish you wouldn’t lose your temper. If you’re claiming to be the Supreme Being (even if you’re not doing a very good job at it), I wish you were a bit more mentally mature. I suppose you could even keep the disguise. This one lawyer acquaintance of mine comes across as two completely different people depending on whether he’s in court or online. The man even has a full social life! While I don’t expect you to reach his level of perfection, you could try a bit harder…
“I’m already overworked managing seven billion souls!”
The Bible says, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth.” Admittedly, my knowledge of the matter is limited, but I’m fairly certain mankind has been faithfully obeying this doctrine. I can just see Malthus turning in his grave. You might say that mankind has “multiplied” too much. If you’re going to work in administration, I wish you’d keep track of the orders you issue. Hopefully you won’t get fired after losing the respect of all your subordinates.
At any rate, seeing as you’re the administrator, you should take full responsibility for what you said.
“A-all I ever get are you skeptics without a speck of faith! You’re putting me in the red!”
Honestly, isn’t that a flaw in the business model?
“I won’t take this from someone who broke his contract! Aren’t you guys the ones who wanted a shot at enlightenment in the first place?”
You can’t expect me to know unless you notify me. That’s what I really think. It’s common sense to send important documents through certified mail, and really, a contract should be handed over in person. It would have been nice if you had left the contract on a permanent medium, too.
“You bowed before the laws of God, you know!”
Uh, the scientific advances these days are almost magical. Overdeveloped science is practically magic. Hooray for natural science! All is right in the world. In our society of abundance, neither a sense of crisis nor devotion will spread without an impending threat. That’s why we desperately cling to things. Unless driven into a corner, people won’t cling to religion.
“…So in other words, it’s like…that…uh…you know?”
You say I know, but I’m afraid I won’t until you tell me.
There’s nothing to be done for the increasingly flippant way I am treating Being X. But not being able to have a conversation is truly frustrating. What can we do about that? At this point, if there were some sort of interpreter service, I’d hire them without too much concern for the fee.
“You’re driven by lust, you lack faith, and you don’t fear your Creator. Furthermore, you can’t find a moral fiber in your entire body.”
Objection! I want to shout. I’m not that bad. Based on moral and social norms, I’m not nearly as horrible as you make me out to be!
“Spare me! You’re all the same, or we wouldn’t turn around and repeat this song and dance every time one of you is reborn!”
Uh, like I said before, the real problem here is overpopulation. Or, at the very least, it has to do with our lengthening life spans… There’s this thing called average life expectancy. Yes, of course there’s also Malthus’s “An Essay on the Principle of Population.”3 You haven’t read it? The way we multiply like rats, you must have your hands full. It’s not as though we’re doing anything in particular; I believe a simple analysis will show that your business model is flawed.
“If the number of believers increased along with the population, things would be fine!”
Yeah, so there’s the flaw in your business model. All I can say is that you did a sloppy job psychoanalyzing your consumer base. That’s a structural mistake from back in the planning stages.
“So in your case, you don’t believe it’s because you were a male, living in a world of science, ignorant of war, and unthreatened?”
…Huh? What? I, uh, think I might have screwed up.
Okay, let’s calm down. Right now, Being X is as dangerous as the director of human resources was during that mess when another company poached a bunch of our veteran engineers. I understand the situation. And I’ve already considered how to deal with it.
“So if I remedied that, even the likes of you would awaken to faith?”
Uh, aren’t you jumping to conclusions? Why don’t you calm down? I’ll admit, I said that overdeveloped science has clouded faith. But, God, please calm down! That’s right, relax. If we could feel the grace of the Lord, that would solve everything. Oh, but of course, I understand. I know all too well how graciously you watch over us, as you are guiding me right now. Yes, I fully understand, so would you be so kind as to lower your hand? And might I add, I’m afraid the part about how I’m ignorant of war was a misunderstanding.
“Groveling won’t get you anywhere now!”
Wait, my Lord! Please remember that neither magic nor miracles have been proven real in our world. Anyone who claims to have seen a miracle smells fishier than a fish market. Same with your existence! And for another thing, it doesn’t matter whether you’re male or female. It’s obvious that both genders have sexual desire!
“Enough already. You’ve made your case. Anyway, I’m gonna try this out.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m going to test this on you!!!!”
So, yeah… That about sums up the memory. I wish I could forget it.
[chapter] I The Sky over Norden
JUNE, UNIFIED YEAR 1923, THIRD PATROL LINE, NORDEN THEATER, NORTHERN MILITARY DISTRICT
Why am I out here fighting in a war? My conscious self, assigned the identity of Magic Second Lieutenant Tanya Degurechaff, poses the question again as I clasp an orb in tiny hands, leave the rifle that’s serving as my scepter on the ground, and soar into the sky.
How did I end up like this?
“Fairy 08 to Norden Control. Fairy 08 to Norden Control. Acknowledge.”
A single dot stands out over the gloomy, overcast skies of Norden. This miniscule speck blending into the clouds is none other than one of the Empire’s mighty aerial magic officers. Due to a sick twist of fate, if I take a look at myself, I’m cursed to see a little girl participating in a war. The uniform and computation orb are proof that I’m a soldier. Through scientific means, the sphere I carry controls the supernatural phenomenon known as “formulas,” which allow mages to influence the world with their will. As implied by the modern name of the ancient orbs, courtesy of science and magic, this fruit of magic engineering has unraveled the numeric values of the world.
My mission is to act as an arti
llery observer from a predesignated airspace while maintaining a comfortable ground speed at an altitude of six thousand feet.
“Fairy 08, this is Norden Control. We read you loud and clear. No problems tracking you.”
Talk about a piece of cake. This is just an air support mission at the border between the Empire and the Entente Alliance. But this vigilant spotter magician, maintaining her flight formula with the computation orb around her neck, must look surprisingly small.
And I am pint sized. It makes people wonder if my age has hit double digits yet. Moreover, I have a petite frame, even for a girl. Comparing Tanya’s height to the physically blessed body of my previous life is absolutely mortifying. It was miserable to hear that Tanya’s neck was too narrow to properly wear the aviation throat mic headset.
“Fairy 08, roger. I’ve reached the mission airspace. Reading you loud and clear,” I say. I’m already resigned to the voice spewing from my mouth, though the high-pitched tone makes me feel like something’s haunting me. No matter how accustomed to hearing it I become, I can’t stand it. Whenever my tongue can’t keep up with my mind and I end up nearly biting it or stuttering, I feel utterly humiliated.
“Norden Control, roger. Proceed to your assigned mission.”
Of course, the army is seriously something else for having no qualms even after hearing that girlish partial lisp. Perhaps it’s simply a matter of being pragmatic, but the military has adopted the position that a person’s aptitude for the magic arts can be a sufficient condition for military enlistment, since aerial mages focus on air combat. In the Empire, where that has been taken to its logical conclusion, age limits for mages are a thing of the past. Hence why the army has no problem deploying someone who looks young enough that they should still be with their guardian, if only as an artillery observer.
