“And I need you to let it go! After that night, do you honestly think I would let anything happen to you?”
I shake my head. “We’ve went so long without fighting. Let’s not do this, not now.”
He agrees. Sitting back on the bed, his shoulders relax. He looks up at me, trying to smile, but I know that look; I’d hurt him. We have the ability to make one another feel the way no one else can, and yet we use that to hurt each other.
“Tell me what’s bothering you,” he begs.
“What’s bothering me right now?” I ask, sitting up.
“No. Something’s been on your mind.”
“I’m not ready to talk about it,” I sigh.
“Do you regret getting back with me?”
Looking straight in his eyes, “I would never regret my time with you. It’ll get better. I just wanna sleep. Let’s get an early start?”
“I would love to get to my mom’s house early.”
Smiling at his sarcasm, I walk to my duffle bag. “Goodnight.”
I grab a shirt and tug it over my head. Crawling in the bed, I pull the covers back, climbing underneath.
“Taylor?”
“Yeah?”
“You’ll tell me soon? I know I haven’t always been honest, but I’m trying now. I need you to trust me,” he says, pulling the covers back.
“It’s nothing really.”
He sighs and rolls over, facing away from me. There is a wedge between us, shoving us further apart every day. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe it was a combination of things, and it would get better once the stress is out of my life. Whatever this was, it needs to end soon.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Hayze
"One of the detectives came by my dorm," Lea says as soon as I answered the phone.
I look to my right before answering. Taylor is leaned back in the passenger chair. Her shades were covering her eyes, but her even breathing told me she is still asleep.
"What did he want?"
"He asked a few questions about you guys. He mainly just wanted to know about the people Joel brought over and if I ever saw anything weird."
"What did you say?" I ask, panicking.
"I told him I thought you did it."
"Lea..." I warn her. I am in no mood for games.
"What the fuck do you think I said? I was honest about Joel, I told him he was shady. He didn't really ask questions about you though."
"Tell me if anything else happens. I'll be at Mom’s soon," I say then hang up.
The sign welcoming me to Nacogdoches comes into view. I turn off the main highway, driving to my childhood home. My mother used it as a time to get away; a time to be around family, but it was a fantasy. Every time I pull into that driveway, I am pretending.
I know she has a motive for bringing us together. I turn on the narrow lane, then turned left at the familiar, unwelcoming brick home. I grab Taylor’s hand, not wanting to wake her, but I have to. When she wakes, we will pretend. I wanted nothing more than to drive home and not leave until we’ve talked everything out.
Last year, I played it safe. I only kept girls around for a night, nothing more. But there was something about knowing this girl could rip my heart out that made her even more attractive.
“We’re here,” I say.
She sits up, covering her mouth as she yawns. I walk over to her side to help her out. Before she could climb out, my mother is walking toward us.
When we woke up this morning, I packed our things and put them in the car while she told Shea bye. She fell asleep as soon as we’d got on the road, without saying a word to me. Now, here we are, in front of my family all day long, pretending.
My mom pulls Taylor to her, and she looks at me with wide eyes. “I missed this sweet girl. Hayze, why don’t you bring her around more often?”
I slam the door shut and walked to the house. “That’s a damn good question. Can't imagine why I wouldn't want to bring her to the happiest place on earth"
"Is he grouchy with you, too?" My mom ask Taylor.
"Pretty much,” she says, smiling at me.
I open the door, narrowing my eyes at them as they pass. Smiling, Taylor kisses the air.
"You're the first one here," she says.
"Of course we are," I say.
"It'll give us time to catch up. When's graduation?" She asks, walking up to me.
"Couple months away."
"And you're starting back in the fall?" She asks, making small talk. She already knows the answer to this.
"That's the plan."
"Have you been accepted yet?"
"Yeah, I found the letter a couple nights ago." Taylor looks at me, her eyes are wide. "I was gonna tell you. I just found it and with everything going on..."
"It's not like you're moving. You're staying on the same campus," Taylor says.
I nod, impressed. "Understanding looks nice on you."
She shrugs, "Sometimes we forget to tell each other things. It happens."
“Do you need to tell me something?” I ask, confused.
I look at her as if she's grown two heads. At some point during our conversation, my mom has walked to the door. She now stands with her hand on Lea's arm, smiling at us. Anna, Chance, and Casey stand beside them. She clears her throat, taking the tension from the room.
"Look who's here!" My mom announces.
Lea steps from her reach and walks to Taylor. “How was the trip?” She asks, but I don’t hear their conversation.
Anna walks up, my brothers are in tow. She pulls me in a hug then pushes my brothers to me. “We’re still waiting on that visit,” she says, smiling.
“Yeah, uh, I guess we need to do that,” I say.
She pats my arm and walks to my mom. She tries to be like a mother to me, but I push her away. All of these people in this room, aside from Taylor, are a sick reminder of the past. Every time I look at them, I see him. Just to be around them is a slap in the face.
Pushing my feelings aside, I look at Casey. He is short and stalky, and dorky as ever, but he’ll be the one to make everyone proud. “How’s it going?” I ask him.
He nods, “Fine.”
And that was always the extent of our conversation. He walks to the table and sits at the furthest end. Chance is standing awkwardly next to me. Looking at him is like glancing into a time machine. He looks like me. What’s worse, he acts like me.
I shove my fist in my jeans, already terrified to talk to him. I have failed him in more ways than one. I would never bring it up, but I always wondered if he blames me for what happened.
“Are you ready to graduate?” He speak first.
“Gettin’ that way.”
“Is she going with you?” He asks, nodding toward Taylor.
“I’m not leavin’, I’ll start back in the fall.”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.”
“I wouldn’t leave anyway,” I say, watching her talk to my family.
“You’re staying here forever?” He ask, clearly surprised.
I shrug, “We probably won’t, but I’m not leaving ‘til she’s ready.”
He shakes his head, laughing. “I wouldn’t date a girl in college.
“Look at your scrawny ass, no one would date you anyway,” I laugh.
He snorts. “I’m the hottest guy at my school.”
“Must not be any competition.”
He scowls; I’d hurt his frail teenage ego. “I look like you, dick.”
“Chance, language,” Anna says.
Walking to the table, he sighs, and sits by Casey. I sit by Taylor and across from Chance, who is still scowling at me.
“Chance is thinking about coming to college here, Hayze. Maybe you can show him around while he’s here?” Anna asks.
I looked at Taylor. She masks her worry with a smile. “That would be fun,” she says.
Now would be a good time to let everyone know just months ago, I sold drugs and now I am bein
g questioned about a murder. With everyone’s eyes on me, I back out.
“Yeah, sure,” I say.
“Appropriate places,” Anna adds.
“I’ll show him around the campus…Maybe the bar I work at, introduce him to some girls.”
Everyone at the table, aside from Anna, laughs. “Very funny.”
“He needs to know what he’s in for,” I shrug.
“That’s true,” Chance pipes in.
“How about I come with you two,” she says.
“Negative,” he replies.
“I have a confession to make. I had a reason for asking everyone to come,” my mom says, nervously.
“Didn’t see that coming,” I say, sarcastically. Taylor swats at me under the table.
“You all know the condition Richard is in,” she says, and I cringe. Just hearing my dad’s name is a slap in the face. “I want everyone to have the chance to see him and make peace. I thought it would be a good idea if you all went to together; it would be easier that way.”
“I’m not going to see him,” I say.
No one says anything. No one even looks in my direction. They look everywhere except me.
“You all need closure,” my mom says.
“I have closure. I wrote him off a long time ago,” I say. I’m not letting her, or anyone else, talk me into seeing him.
“Hayze,” she pleads with me.
My palms are sweating as I wipe the length of my jeans. I exhale a long, shaky breath, attempting to calm down.
“You want us to just walk in there like nothing happened? Remember us? I’m the one you got hooked one drugs, here’s my little brother you stabbed,” I say.
“I’ll go with you, Hayze. I’d really like to go,” Lea says, looking at me with sad eyes.
I shake my head. “I’m not, and I don’t think you of all people need to go. You fall for anything he tells you. It’ll just make it worse on you.”
“I can make my own decisions,” she says, her nostrils flare with anger.
“Me too, and mine’s made. Is this all you wanted, Mom?” I ask, gripping the table.
“Well, Anna wanted to visit anyway, but yeah, that’s what this was about. We wanted you guys to see him one last time together,” she says her eyes are pleading with me.
All restraint is melting from me. I leave the table and walk to the door, surprised I didn’t slam it on my way out. As I approach my car, I heard someone coming after me.
“Hayze! Wait!”
I turn, finding Taylor running to me. “I wasn’t leaving you.”
“I know.”
“That was bullshit,” I say.
I rip my car door open, seething. I slide in and slam it as Taylor sits on the opposite side. She takes my hands in hers, instantly taming my temper, but I am still seeing red.
“She could’ve told me alone,” I say.
Taylor watches as I continue my rant. I hit the dash and occasionally mouth off.
“I can’t go back in there,” I finally say.
“So we’ll leave,” Taylor says, shrugging her shoulders.
I start my car. With my hand resting on the gear shift, I looked at her. “Sorry I keep putting you through this.”
She jerks her thumb to the side, pointing to the house. “That’s a normal family dinner at my house,” she says, smiling.
I chuckle, shaking my head. I can’t believe she is understanding now, but something has changed.
I throw the car in reverse, slinging my arm across the back of the seat, I eased from the narrow driveway and into the street. Against my better judgement, I look back at the house. Lea is standing in the yard, watching as I drive away.
“I don’t like hurting her,” I say.
She grabs my hand from the gear shifter, pulling it to her lap. “She understands.”
“She shouldn’t have to,” I say.
She doesn’t have an answer for that. The truth is, Lea has probably been through more than all of us. At least I had a mom that cared, Lea didn’t even have that. She stayed with me a lot growing up. Sometimes she’d show up in the middle of the night. I would never ask questions, but I knew there was more than she told us.
When we get back to the apartment, I grab our bags from the trunk and throw them inside. Taylor takes everything to the closet in the hallway to wash, when I notice my door is shut. I scan the living room, finding a cup on the bar, and dirt from shoes on the kitchen floor.
Most would write that off as forgetting to clean up, but I know I didn’t leave like this. I walk to the kitchen and find a shirt wadded up on the floor. I bend down, and grab the shirt, holding it out to get a better look at it.
The color drains from my face. It’s Joel’s. I know they are fucking with me now. I walk in my room, searching for anything. No one has been in here. Nothing is out of place. I find Taylor, tossing our clothes into the washer. She smiles when I walk up to her.
“Someone was in here,” I say, looking around the hallway.
Her mouth flies open. “Who?”
“Who do you think?” I snap, and instantly regret it.
“Should we leave?”
“No, he’s not gonna do anything to me. He just doesn’t want me to talk,” I say.
She walks to her old room and I follow. “This is too much.”
“I shouldn’t tell you shit.”
“I want you to tell me everything! Of course I’m freaked out, but I want to know,” she says.
She sits on her bed and rests her hands in her face. I crouch in front of her, taking her hands in mine, I pull them from her face. Biting her lip, she looks down.
“Look at me,” I say, and her green eyes find mine. “Don’t over think this. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.”
“I’m worried about you,” she says. She leans over, opening the drawer beside her bed, she pulls out a stack of papers and hands them to me.
My brows pull in, confused. “What is this?”
“I applied to other colleges.”
I stand, throwing the papers on the bed. “You’re leaving me?”
Standing up, she shakes her head. “No, I did this awhile back.”
I look at the papers on the bed, nodding to them. “Then why do you still have those?”
“I think it would be a good idea if I went to one…” She starts, but I cut her off.
“Are you fucking kidding me? If you were gonna leave…”
“Hayze,” she says, but I won’t let her finish. I hold up my hand, and she stops.
I look at her standing in front of me. She looks upset, but I was suspicious. Is this my punishment for that night? Did she give me an ounce of hope only to pull it from me and leave as my payback?
“If you’re gonna leave, don’t let me stop you!”
“If you would let me explain,” she says.
I chuckle. I grab her purse and toss it to her. I hold her door open, motioning for her to pass. She isn’t going to get the satisfaction of leaving me. I walk to the kitchen, pull out a bottle I had hidden and twisted the lid open.
“Hayze!”
“Leave,” I say, stressing the word. I take a drink, she watches me before she walked to the door.
“I kept the letters in case we needed to leave. I thought it would be good for us to get out of town. I didn’t want to leave you, Hayze. I thought you were different,” she says as she opens the door. “But you’re not, you’ll never changed.”
She slams the door as the bottle slips from my hands. I run out of the door as the glass shatters on the tile.
She is stalking to her car as I run outside. “Wait!” I yell, but she didn’t turn around.
She got in her car and I catch the door before she could close it. “Why didn’t you just tell me that?” I ask.
She looks at me and laughs without humor. “When was I supposed to do that? When you were yelling at me or when you were kicking me out?”
“I’m an asshole, I get it.”
“We agree on one thin
g,” she says, rolling her eyes. She tries to close her door again, but I catch it.
“Come back inside, we’ll talk,” I say, crouching on the ground. I am eye level with her, pleading for her to look at me as she tries to close the door again.
“I’m leaving,” she says, looking straight ahead.
“I didn’t mean that, c’mon,” I say, grabbing her hand,
She jerks away from my touch and grips the gear shift. “I think you did, Hayze. Seriously I’m not staying here.”
“I’m so, so sorry. Today was shitty…I didn’t mean to snap like that.”
“I know you had a bad day, but I’m not doing this again. I thought you’d changed, you didn’t, I’m going,” she says, shaking her head. God, she is stubborn.
I run my hands across my face, frustrated. “Fuck! You stay here, I’ll stay at my mom’s tonight. We can talk tomorrow.”
“I don’t think you’re getting this. Go back inside. I’m leaving,” she sats, stressing each word.
I step away from the car, and she shuts the door. I wait for her to leave, but she never does. She points to the apartment, throwing my hands up, I leave her.
I walked back in the apartment, glancing out the window, I find her car parked in the same spot. I can’t see her face, but the way her shoulders move up and down, I know she’s crying.
Grabbing the broom, I sweep up the broken shards of glass and throw them away. I wipe the spilled whiskey from the tile, and check outside. She is still sitting in the same spot. I sit on the couch, waiting. I never heard her car crank, I never saw lights, or heard her walk to the door. I doze off, waiting for her.
I checked my phone, finding two hours have passed. I looked outside, finding her car still outside. I shuffle to her car. She is laying back in her front seat, curled in a ball, asleep. I check the door, and curse when it is unlocked. I scoop her up, she stirs, but never wakes.
I lay her in my bed. I know she wouldn’t want to be here, but I don’t care. I want her safe. And if she’s still mad at me in the morning, I want her near me tonight. I know I was an asshole, and I keep proving that to her. Her leaving is my biggest fear, and I may have turned that into a reality.
CHAPTER TWENTY
The Hazed Series (New Edition) Page 34
