by Hyapatia Lee
It’s funny when you have friends, like Megan, Porsche, and Fred, whom you rarely see, but talk to once or twice a week at least. Somehow, the phone lets you tell secrets you might be embarrassed to share if you were in person. Megan and I were very close. She was engaged to a man named Robert. He was a gentleman, a special kind of man, with class, brains, and a heart.
She loved my sons and treated them as her own. One Christmas, she bought them a drum set, teeter-totter, coloring books and a HUGE crayon box with every shade imaginable. When she took her mother to Europe, she returned with lederhosen and tin soldiers from London for them.
During her stay with us after Keith’s birth, she spent as much time sleeping as I did, which was quite a bit. I was worn out from labor and she was tired from dancing on the road almost every week. She had swollen lymph glands that were bothering her so much she went to the doctor here and got a prescription for antibiotics. I was worried about her but she brushed it off saying she was fine. A week after she came to help, we were sad to see her go. It was so sweet of her to be here for me and Kevin loved her dearly. There were many pictures taken of our good time together. One in particular stole Megan’s heart, a photo of her and Kevin in his playhouse with him on her lap.
One of my first gigs after Keith was born was in a club in Providence, Rhode Island. The Saturday night DJ, Peter, wanted to get involved in the business of making movies and he was asking us all about it. We had become friends during the week. After work, when we were packed and were ready to go back to the hotel, Bud and Peter escorted me to our truck. Peter had worked with Megan when she was there and I thought nothing of it at first when Bud started talking about her. Once in the truck, Bud explained to me that she had committed suicide with that picture of Kevin in her arms. She had written a six-page suicide note.
I couldn’t believe it was true. I thought it was a sick joke. Once I started to believe them, I couldn’t understand why Budtold me in front of Peter, whom I wasn’t that close to. I was embarrassed for him to see my emotions and it made me feel like a spectacle, a side shows.
The next day, I called Megan’s mom, half-expecting Megan to answer the phone. It was true. Megan had committed suicide. The note mentioned Bud and me and our kids. She wrote of how she loved the children and would miss us. I didn’t know how to explain it to Kevin.
As a result of Megan’s death, Porsche Lynn, Nina Hartley and Angel Kelly who had founded The Pink Ladies Social Club, revitalized it in order to help actresses and other women involved in the business. After Shauna Grant, and now Megan Leigh, they didn’t want any more suicides. It was obvious that women in our profession were ostracized by society, shunned by our neighbors and often disowned by our families (if we had any to begin with). We needed a support group. Many producers and companies donated money to help our organization. Every Consumer Electronics Show and Video Software Dealers Association convention in Las Vegas we would get together for meetings. It was a great idea and it was a wonderful group, but so many of us traveled across the world for dancing gigs and European shoots, that we were not able to have enough meetings where everyone could attend. I wasn’t the only actress who did not live in Los Angeles. Eventually, it fell apart.
There were a few movies done about the Pink Ladies, like “Sorority Pink” parts one and two. Unfortunately, the ladies had very little say regarding the movies, especially part two. Someone who knew about the actual club decided it would make a good fantasy, all these X-rated movie actresses together in one place for a social gathering. The actual club was not a sex orgy, but a physical testament to the fact that most, not all, but most of these women came from homes that were less than ideal and supportive. They were proof that the sexual and/or physical abuse that a lot of these women survived is what drove them to embrace their sexuality so fiercely, to use it and shove it in the world’s face. They were not nymphomaniacs who couldn’t concentrate on anything but sex. They were smart, normal women, striving to be the best and strongest they could be.
Many were not even orgasmic. For them, this industry gave them power, attention, control, a voice, and money, in that order. For years many of them had felt their sexuality was a weakness, something that was used against them. In this business they were in control because of their strong sexuality. It was a delightful newly found power and they enjoyed watching the doors it could open for them. All of a sudden, they were not the abused and abandoned ugly duckling. Cinderella had grown up and gone to the ball. People finally listened to what they had to say. The magic didn’t end at midnight. They now had money to live the life they had only dreamed of. The way I saw it, we were abused children trying to get used to the womanly bodies we possessed and the chaos and power that such bodies had control of. When a child is forced to grow up, either by having early sex or by being forced to worry about survival, their childhood is stunted and it is not so easy to feel like an adult, even though age says adulthood was reached long ago.
DIVORCE
Now that we had two children, I did not feel the need to be involved in the adult entertainment business anymore. In fact, I frankly wanted out. I felt it was now Bud’s turn to finally get a job and support his family. Bud had been directing movies for years now, but there was never any salary involved. It was always a part of a package deal that included me in the starring role. No one really wanted to hire Bud as a director, they just took him in order to get the star that they thought would sell their product.
A regular job in the Midwest was out of the question in Bud’s mind. He could never settle for such a boring existence. He loved the entertainment business, knowing celebrities and life in the fast lane. Finally, he decided he would try his hand at booking dancers on the road. He specialized in the adult film actresses, as these were the women he knew best.
Bud has the “gift of gab” and could easily talk his way into just about anything. Clubs and actresses were eager to work for him, in theory. When it came down to getting schedules to match, the job was harder than it seemed. There are many agents out there and the actresses use them all. The agent that calls first gets the booking. Bud’s forte was not initiative. After a few months it became apparent that the cost of being in business outweighed the profit. Postage to mail promo packs and contracts always had to be by Fed Ex because he put everything off until the last minute and there were phone bills of close to two thousand dollars a month. Expenses were far more than the gross income. Bud’s business was costing us money. I would have to go back to dancing and Bud sold “The Lee Network” to a Canadian to pay off what he had lost us. The company did have a reputation and it allowed the Canadian to move to the U.S. no questions asked.
I was still under contract with Vivid to do a few more movies. PT always directed the Vivid movies. At first, he was fun to work with. He was easy going but professional. He tried to put out a good movie with the limits he was given. With the passing of the years, his interest had waned. Each movie I made with him was worse than the one before. He often left the set for hours at a time while his crew was left to shoot without him. Very rarely would he block, or choreograph, the dialogue scenes anymore.
Bud and I had moved in with Porsche in Los Angeles as a second home in order to be closer to the movie part of my work. Porsche had picked up where Megan had left off with the boys. She was their “Aunt Porsche” and they loved her. She always had crayons and coloring books for them, gifts for the holidays, or no particular occasion at all. They loved spending time with her and she made herself available for them.
Television shows like Current Affair, Entertainment Tonight and daytime talk shows were always coming up with segments about the adult film industry on the spur of the moment. If I were in Los Angeles, I would get a chance to be involved and get more publicity. If I was going to have to go back on the road to pay off more of Bud’s debts, I might as well get top dollar.
Bud and I had a nanny named Marta to watch Kevin when we were on the road. Bud always sold photos of me to fans and never sta
yed at the hotel when I worked, so we needed someone take care of him while we were away doing a show. We always came back to the hotel between shows if there was time. This usually left our days open for sight seeing at the local attraction or zoo. I think we have been to just about every Chuck E. Cheese there is. This arrangement worked fine until Keith was born. Two children were more than Marta could handle. We had to let her go and find someone else. We were especially blessed to find Tiffany.
Tiffany was a wonderful person who did a great job of taking care of our boys. She helped Kevin to learn to write and I never had to worry while at work knowing she was there. Kevin loved her dearly.
One time, I got booked to dance at a club in New York City. Tiffany came with us as she usually did. Many times I was asked to do the local morning radio show to promote my appearance. This gig was no different but the show I was to be on was The Howard Stern Show. He has quite a he reputation and I was a bit nervous. I was pleasantly surprised to find thatwas very nice and professional. Robin Quivers was wonderful, as was Stuttering John and everyone else. Howard invited me on his cable television show to do part of my dance and be a Snapple Juice Spokes-model. I eagerly accepted.
On the way back to the hotel we were stopped in traffic by a riot in front of the United Nations. People were setting flags on fire, rocking cars and police in riot gear were pushing back demonstrators. I was scared. When we finally got out of there, I thought I would have quite a story to tell Tiffany. I had no idea she would out-do me.
It seems they had gone to the local Burger King for breakfast when some scruffy looking characters two tables over suddenly stood up, drew guns and yelled “Freeze”! They were undercover police officers involved in a drug bust. Tiffany and the kids ran out. The boys were crying because they had just gotten their meals and were too young to understand. They just wanted their food. I felt so bad for Tiffany and my boys. They would never have been in such a situation if it weren’t for me.
We (all the personalities inside of me) loved living with Porsche, but with all the people, it was getting crowded. There was Bud, our two kids, our nanny, Porsche and her boyfriend and me. That’s seven people in a three-bedroom house. We had to move.
Rent is much more expensive in LA than it is in Indiana. By the time we found a place big enough for us that was in a decent neighborhood we were way out of our budget. We decided to rent out the house as a location for shooting movies in for extra income. As part of the deal, I would cook a bit for the cast and crew for breakfast and lunch. We shot many movies in that house and Savannah, one of the other actresses signed to work exclusively with Vivid, became quite fond of my deviled eggs. She said I made them like her mother did. That made me feel good inside.
Savannah was a Vivid Girl, along with Tori Wells, Christy Canon and many others. At the conventions in Las Vegas every year, Stan, the owner, would take us all out to a company dinner and tell us how well we were doing in sales compared to the rest of the companies. He would stress how we were a family and we would always stick together. It was a support group, he’d say, and we were there for each other. I believed him; it did seem like a family, as far as I knew about families. Everyone got along and it was fun to be at work with your friends, giggling in the other room between takes. When I was eight months pregnant with my second child Stan asked me if I wanted to renew my contract. I was happy to know I would have a job after the birth. Stan and Vivid saw to it that I got work all over the world while I was pregnant.
It had always been amazing to me that the X-rated movie business has no organized pay scale for its’ talent. This business puts out over a hundred new movies a month and supports millions of workers, from production to distribution to retail to the dance clubs, yet there are no standards for work conditions. I have had large expensive lights explode over my head. If I hadn’t moved at the right time, I would have been badly burned. The salaries and budgets are so low it is pitiful. I have seen actresses work sexually for as little as one hundred dollars a day. Often a shoot will start at six in the morning and not stop until six the next morning with no change of crew. There are no retirement plans, and yet, everyone knows it is almost impossible to find anyone in the legitimate world who will hire a former actress for fear of appearing to support such behavior. With budgets of $17,000 in the mid to late ‘90’s and steadily going down since, how much can be left over to pay the talent? Not enough for them to put back for retirement, that’s for sure. It’s by far harder on women than men. Men are expected to sow their wild oats in this society, while women are still somehow expected to remain virgins until their wedding night.
I was under contract to do six films a year, although the most I ever did in a year was four. More and more girls were added to the Vivid roster. They now had six girls under exclusive contract. Sometimes I would learn of a project and shoot date only a week or two before it happened.
I was not doing as many scenes in films as I once had. I wanted to use condoms. The first scene I did with a condom was in “The Red Garter” for Essex many years ago, before either of my sons were born. It was at the request of the actor I wasworking with. I had been thinking about this and thought it was a good idea. Not many actors had agreed, and I had limited myself by sticking to my condom request. Most of the movies I did were called wraparounds as I just did dialogue to put in before and after sex scenes that were already shot. It was very common to use sex scenes shot for one movie over and over again in others. That’s where they get their “Best Of…” collections. In all the scenes I had done with a condom we didn’t make a big deal out of it. We’d cut to put it on and then use angles that did not show it off. The idea was subtlety. Since I was doing less sex scenes as a result, I tended to get more dialogue, which was just the way I wanted it!
Gloria Leonard was asked to direct a movie called “Slow Dancin’” to get a woman’s point of view. I also suspect it had to do with the fact I wanted to make my condom use in scenes apparent and so did she. Instead of leading up to a scene, cutting and then putting on the rubber and cutting back to the scene of us in full action, I wanted to show the viewers the many erotic ways to put on a condom. PT really did not like the fact I would only work with protection, he felt it limited his creativity! Gloria was more socially responsible.
On the set of “Native Tongue”, Rebecca Wild and I had a three-way scene with Scott Irish. Rebecca and I both demanded condoms. PT was directing. All was going well, Scott was wearing his rubber and had finished me when he changed condoms and started to do Rebecca doggy-style. I was up by Rebecca’s face, interacting with her. After quite a bit of shooting, we cut for a new battery on the video camera. Rebecca turned and looked at Scott and found out he was not wearing his condom.
“What happened to the rubber?!” She demanded to know.
“Oh honey, that came off long ago.” Scott casually replied.
“WHAT!?”
She was furious. PT and everyone else on the set thought it was no big deal and couldn’t imagine why she was making such a big scene. I tried to explain the facts of life and death to them.
“OK. OK, he’ll put the condom back on. Now can we finish the scene?” PT asked in a condescending way.
I never really had much interest in directing in the past. Through the years I became frustrated with most directors lack of respect for their audience and their product, not to mention their cast and crew. I felt I could put together something that most people would enjoy because I had talked to so many fans in all my personal appearances. I heard their requests and understood their frustration at what was available. I knew what they wanted. So many times I had seen a script that had been near and dear to my heart butchered because someone didn’t do a very good job at estimating the budget. When it is obvious that the script is going to take more time and money than originally planned to finish, directors are left with no choice but to start cutting things out of it. Plots are often sacrificed along with pages and scenes when shooting is taking way too long on t
he set. After spending so much time on movie sets and helping Bud, I was confident in my ability. I just wasn’t sure if anyone would listen to me. After all, I don’t have a penis! Naturally, it would take time to get respect.
When I first mentioned the idea to Vivid Video, they were much more enthusiastic than I thought they would be. My first video was called “Taking It Off’ and was a series of interviews backstage with adult film stars before they went out to do a strip tease in a night club. I shot their show and then went backstage afterwards to talk a little more with the actress and wrap up the segment. We shot on a soundstage and recreated our bar and dressing rooms. It sold far better than I thought it would and even aired on the Playboy channel for a while.
As a result of directing a few projects, Current Affair wanted to interview me for a segment they were doing on women who directed erotica. I was in good company with Gloria Leonard, Candida Royale and a few others. This was the kind of thing I could only do if I were in Los Angeles.
Keith’s birth had been a deep emotionally healing experience. I had more self-esteem and confidence. I loved my children and was very comfortable in my roles as mother. I didn’t feel the complete separation from my other personalities. Hyapatia rarely came out anymore, just when I needed her for work. I had to force it and I didn’t like it. I only danced a fewdays every two or three month. Now I had to face the past and the present at the same time. My memories of my early adolescence were like yesterday to me. The years that had passed were a quick blur. I was starting to remember bits and pieces of it. Now I was living a life I barely knew.
