by Lee Strauss
Sage allowed me to walk her back to her dorm. The rain had abated, and streams of sunlight poked through the thinning cloud cover. The air smelled spring fresh. Water ran along the curb, around wet bits of paper trash, and down the drain.
“Are you sure you’re going to be all right?” I asked when we reached the front entrance of her three-story brick building. “Maybe you shouldn’t be alone.”
She smiled softly. “Nora will be back soon. Thanks for walking and listening, Marlow. I appreciate it.”
“My pleasure.”
I stuffed my fists into my front jeans pockets, ducked my head against the wind, and headed back to my dorm. I had a physics class in an hour, and there were notes I needed to review first.
My roommate Arnold Zabinski, commonly known as Zed, was there when I entered the small room we shared. He sat on his bed, propped up by a thin pillow. His skinny legs bent sharply at the knees, reminding me of a grasshopper.
“I thought you had a class,” I said.
Zed glanced up from the book he was reading. “Cancelled. Prof is sick or something.”
I sat at my desk and awakened my laptop. The news of the dead girl was all over the campus news feeds. Questions were raised about why the girl was at the canal at dawn. Was it an accident? Did she fall off the dock? Or was it suicide? There was no mention of a note. Either way, the canal was cold this time of year. It wouldn’t have taken long for hypothermia to set in.
“What do you think of that Eliza chick?” Zed asked.
“What?”
“She’s in my English lit class. The one with the really curly blond hair and a nose ring.”
I stared at Zed. “I don’t know her. Why?”
He shrugged subtly, his cheeks growing crimson under the scruff he called a beard. “I think she’s kind of cute.”
I grinned. Zed had a crush. Awesome. “Have you talked to her?”
“No! Are you crazy?”
I stifled the laugh bubbling in my chest. “She may be cute but she’s not a mind reader.”
Zed sat up straight and scrubbed his face. His eyes crinkled like he had indigestion. “It’s just, what if she doesn’t like me? What if I say something stupid?”
“Saying something stupid is a given, dude. But that doesn’t mean she won’t like you. Start by being her friend.”
He huffed. “You make it sound so easy. I don’t see you being a ‘friend’ to a member of the opposite sex.”
“I’ll have you know that I just had coffee with a girl and walked her back to her dorm.”
“No way! Henry, you’re my hero!”
This time I laughed. “Take baby steps, dude. Say hi one day. Ask her a question about the assignment the next day. On day three, ask her for coffee.”
“Ah man. You make it sound so easy.” Zed flopped back on his bed.
“Did you hear about the drowning?” I asked him.
“Yeah. Crazy. What’s that all about?”
I thought about Sage’s dreams. “I wish I knew.” I continued to read as the news updated. “She was a senior,” I said. “English major.”
“Man,” Zed said. “Why would she kill herself so close to graduation?”
“Who said she killed herself?” I scrolled for news of a confirmed suicide, but didn’t see anything.
“That’s just what people are saying.”
“It could’ve been an accident,” I said. Or murder? Maybe someone pushed her in?
And what was the deal with Sage’s dreams. The one about the girl drowning could just be a coincidence. Drowning dreams aren’t that uncommon, especially if the dreamer had experienced a real-life trauma.
But the other dream, the one about me, an event that this Sage Farrell couldn’t possibly know. An experience of mine that happened in another realm…
I stood quickly and grabbed my coat. “Food run,” I said to Zed. “Want anything?”
“Turkey sub, no tomatoes.”
I reached out a hand. Zed dug a couple bills out of his pocket and slapped them onto my palm.
The sandwich shop was a five-minute jaunt away. I had to hurry if I wanted to make it to my next class on time. The line moved quickly and I ate my sub on the walk back. I tossed Zed his sandwich. He hadn’t moved from his spot on the bed.
“Do you ever go to class?” I asked.
“I’m taking a mental health day.”
Tempting.
I brushed my teeth and headed out, jogging to the science complex. I didn’t want to get locked out of Garvin’s physics class, and he hadn’t changed his policy regarding tardiness over the year. I’d heard he was especially tough on freshmen. I’d managed to pull my grades up by several points since autumn and I didn’t want to miss anything.
I slowed briefly when I spotted Sage and Nora crossing the path in front of me. Sage gave me a slight nod of acknowledgement then returned her attention to whatever Nora was saying. I wanted to see Sage again, to build our friendship, but I didn’t know how to approach her without scaring her off. I had to watch what I said. I knew too much about her, enough to know that she wouldn’t like how much I knew.
I breezed into my physics class just in time. Professor Garvin closed the door behind me. “Always by the skin of your teeth, Henry, huh?”
4

Sage
I felt like I was made out of crepe paper. The slightest poke could puncture me. The faintest breeze could knock me over. A drizzle was damaging.
When had I become so weak? Sure, I lost a best friend to an indescribable violence, anyone would crumble for a while after something like that, but I should be better by now. At least a little.
Shouldn’t I?
I lay on my bed, covers pulled up to my chin. There were damp spots on my pillow near my temples where the tears streamed out. The sun had disappeared in the meantime and the room grew dark. I didn’t bother to turn on the light. I reached for my pill bottle on the night table beside me. There were only a few left. I pushed one to the back of my throat and swallowed.
I heard girls in the hall, giggling loudly as they talked about some guy one of them was crushing on. I remembered when Teagan and I used to laugh and talk about boys.
My solitude was broken by a soft knocking on the door. I blinked and wiped my eyes. Who could that be? Nora wouldn’t knock.
For the briefest moment I wondered if it was Marlow and found that I didn’t mind that idea.
Except that I probably looked like death warmed over.
I clicked on the lamp. “Who is it?”
“Ben.”
I shuffled to the door and let my brother in. “Hi. What’s up?”
His brown puppy-dog eyes took me in and squinted with concern. “Just checking in on you.”
I returned to my spot on my bed, propped up the pillows and worked hard to pull a serene countenance.
Ben slouched on my desk chair. He was a big guy with broad shoulders and an athletic build. He came to Detroit University on a football scholarship and was about to graduate with a degree in marketing. That meant I’d be on campus without him next fall. The thought made my chest collapse.
“I ran into Nora,” he said.
Great. My roomie was a tattletale. “That’s nice.”
“She’s worried about you, Sagey, and frankly, so am I.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said with a false cheeriness. I scratched at my forearms. “I’m just going through a rough patch.”
“You’ve been in this rough patch for a long time. Have you talked to Mom?”
“No. Ben, there’s no need to worry her. Besides, school’s out in a month. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you at least seeing someone yet?”
“By someone, do you mean a shrink?”
“Or a counselor, Sage. Any kind of doctor. It’s not a sign of weakness to get help.”
Angry red lines formed on my arms. “Yes. I’ve seen a few.” Not to talk, just to get drugs. I waved my near-empty pill container at him. “I’m medicated.”
“What about a support group?”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “For losers?”
“No. For people who are sad or depressed. Or both.”
I sighed. “Oh, Ben. I’m not crazy.”
“I never said you were.” He pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. I could tell it was some kind of flyer.
“You came prepared,” I said flatly.
“It’s a campus support group. They meet in the basement of the admin building, not far from here. There’s a meeting tonight. Just check it out, Sage. I’ll go with you if you want.”
As annoyed as I was at Ben’s interference in my life, I was touched by the fact that he cared enough to chaperone me. I took the flyer and glanced over the details.
“I’ll think about it,” I said. I didn’t plan on going, but I knew Ben wouldn’t leave until I conceded.
“Great,” he said, standing. “That’s all I ask. Text if you want me to go with you.”
“Okay.”
He paused at the door. “See you later, Sagey.”
“See you.”
The basement of the admin building wasn’t exactly inspiring. The ceilings were low, the walls a dingy yellow and coffee stains spotted the gray industrial carpet. The room was lit with long fluorescent tubes, every third one burned out. A coffee machine sat on a table at the back. I filled a Styrofoam cup, added a cube of sugar and a creamer before stirring with a thin, brown stir stick. It was bitter and hot. I burned my tongue.
Wooden, stackable chairs were situated in a small circle in the middle of the room. I slid into the closest empty one. I wasn’t going to come, but I couldn’t face seeing Ben again without at least being able to tell him I gave it a shot. I’d give it ten minutes and then I’d leave.
A thin, middle-aged man wearing loose jeans, a shirt buttoned to the top and a brown cardigan sweater entered the room. He sat in one of the empty chairs.
“Welcome, everyone,” he said. “I’m Dr. Edward Parker. ” He crossed his legs and smiled at each person in turn. I squirmed a little when his crystal blue eyes landed on me.
Dr. Parker threaded his fingers together and rested them on his lap. “I’m happy to see some new faces.” His eyes darted to mine and I averted my gaze, suddenly finding my sneakers extra interesting. I couldn’t keep from casting furtive glances at the other attendees. A good-looking dark-skinned guy with black corn rows. A pale, scrawny guy with thick Coke-bottle glasses. A twiggy girl with short red hair. She was dressed in cotton slacks and wore round wire frames that made her look like a librarian. Or a redheaded Harry Potter. Beside her sat a girl with curly blond hair tied back in a thick ponytail resembling a fat pom pom and several facial piercings including a sparkling stud in her nose. She looked like she’d rather be on a hippie commune than in college.
“Let’s go around the circle and introduce ourselves,” Dr. Parker said, motioning to the good-looking guy slouching on the chair to his left.
“Jamil.”
The scrawny guy. “Mike.”
“Lindsey.” Timid librarian.
My turn. “Sage.”
Nose ring girl. “Eliza.”
Everyone’s lips were pulled down in a frown, shoulders stooped and brows furrowed with a general brooding sense of doom. I had a sudden urge to slit my wrists.
Dr. Parker shifted position and crossed his legs the other way. “Would anyone like to share?”
Silence. This group was a hoot. Couldn’t wait to tell Ben about the party-vibe.
More silence. I squirmed as Dr. Parker’s eyes landed on me.
“Sage. You’re new to the group. Why don’t you start? What is it that’s troubling you?”
My heart skittered across the room as the eyes of five virtual strangers cut to me. Why did I let Ben talk me into this?
“Um. Well. My best friend died four months ago. Violently.”
Lindsey’s mouth fell open. “Was she one of the girls who was raped and killed?”
I nodded.
“Are you finding it hard to move on?” Dr. Parker asked.
“I guess so. I mean, the day she was taken, I didn’t even notice she was missing. I should’ve…”
“Should’ve what?” Dr. Parker asked gently.
I glanced up into his light blue gaze and quickly looked away. His eyes freaked me out, like he could peer into my soul.
“I don’t know,” I muttered. “I should’ve done something.”
“Do you think you could’ve saved her?”
I shrugged. “Rationally, no. But I keep having these dreams.” I finally dared to stare back at Dr. Parker. “I just can’t let go.”
His careful smile never faltered. He nodded his head. “Thank you for sharing.” He scanned the faces of the others. “Anyone else?”
Lindsey raised her hand. “I can’t stop thinking about Olivia. What happened Dr. Parker?” She lifted a tissue to her watery eyes. “Why didn’t this group help her?”
Dr. Parker uncrossed his legs and leaned forward. “Sometimes people just don’t want help. Or they are beyond the help we can give them. All we can do is release her to find peace in the next life.”
“Who’s Olivia?” I asked.
Eliza spoke softly. “The girl who drowned in the canal last week.”
“Oh.” So it was suicide. “I’m sorry.”
Mike shared about his childhood experiences being bullied. Jamil didn’t say anything. He spent most of the evening with his arms crossed and eyes closed. I wondered why he bothered coming.
“If you think you need extra help getting through this week, see me before you leave.”
I leaned toward Eliza. “What does he mean?”
She spoke into my ear. “He has a new antianxiety drug, just approved by the FDA. Valitasipam.”
“And he just hands them out?”
“Just samples. He knows most of us can’t afford to pay for expensive prescriptions.”
“I see.”
I also couldn’t afford to pay for any more prescription drugs. Something nagged the back of my mind. This couldn’t be right, but that didn’t keep me from getting in line for my free sample.
5

Marlow
Steve and Paul, fellow nerds who Zed and I met at the beginning of the year, sat on either end of the dilapidated couch facing an old widescreen TV in the corner of the dorm lounge. From behind they looked like silhouettes of Simon and Garfunkel. Paul’s shorter stature and dark hair contrasted Steve’s longer back and globe of wild curls. Muted engine noises with exaggerated gearshift grinding, and intermittent cheers from a pixelated crowd made the throbbing in my head notch up.
The place smelled like bad breath and stale coffee. I started a new pot.
Steve’s moppy head flung back. “Oh, man!”
“Dude,” Paul said. “I wiped the road with your face.”
“Hey,” Steve returned. “It’s only the fifth lap. I’m just giving you false hope.”
I swiped the coffee pot before it was finished dripping and filled my mug. Coffee drops hissed as they landed on the hot pad before I could return the pot to its position. There was no cream or sugar left, but I was fine with black.
“Do you guys ever study?” I asked.
Steve and Paul were focused so intently on the screen, thumbs and fingers flying, they didn’t even bother to grunt in reply.
I retreated to the quiet of my dorm room. Zed had left earlier, suspiciously cleaned up, and I suspected that he was off stalking that Eliza chick he liked.
I popped an over-the-counter painkiller to counter my headache, then flicked open my laptop and nearly dropped my coffee. A chat window had opened up.
@mathmatters to @averagegeek99: Marlow Henry, is this you? This is Sage Farrell.
I deposited my coffee safely out of knocking-over distance and let my fingers fly. I hadn’t seen her since our fortuitous meeting at The Literary Café a couple days ago. Not that I hadn’t thought about her almost inc
essantly.
@averagegeek99: Yes it is. How’d you know?
Not that I cared. My entire body tingled with the knowledge that Sage had sought me out. And that I now knew her chat handle.
@mathmatters: You won’t believe it.
@averagegeek99: Try me.
@mathmatters: I dreamed it.
She dreamed it? Which meant she dreamed about me again. I couldn’t stop the flush of pleasure that information caused. Sage was a pretty girl, and any guy privileged enough to qualify as dream material would be stoked about it.
@averagegeek99: Go on.
@mathmatters: It’s weird, so take it for what it is. A crazy dream.
I waited for more information, but none came. I worried she was changing her mind, and my curiosity wouldn’t take being left hanging like this. I didn’t want to scare her off. I had to proceed cautiously.
@averagegeek99: It’s okay. I also dream on occasion. I get how nonsensical dreams can be.
@mathmatters: Don’t take this the wrong way, but you were sleeping in my dorm. In Teagan’s bed. You were helping me look for her. In the dream, Teagan was kind of infatuated with you. I know that’s nuts, since you never even knew Teagan, but she and you had this thing online. @averagegeek99 was the handle Teagan used to chat with you.
I pushed away from the desk and jumped to my feet. What the hell was going on? I paced small circles and tugged on my hair. How was this possible? This Sage didn’t know about our time searching for Teagan. She didn’t know about the chat forums. She didn’t know that I actually did sleep in Teagan’s bed.
How could she dream so accurately about something she had no knowledge of?
@mathmatters: Marlow?
I tossed my glasses onto my bed and rubbed my face. My nerves fired off and I felt short of breath. Something weird was going on, all right. I just couldn’t figure out exactly what.
@averagegeek99: Yeah, that is weird. I’m glad you found me though. I think it would be worth talking about this more. In person.
@mathmatters: Is that your way of asking me on a date? :)
