by Lee Strauss
We fell into a comfortable stride and I took a long, deep breath of the spring air. It had grown cooler and I pulled my sweater tighter across my chest.
“What’s new?” I asked. I wanted him to do the talking. “I heard your team won state.”
“We did. It was incredible, but really hard work. All I did was eat, sleep and crap swimming for months. Almost no time for studies, much less a social life.”
Ah, his explanation for ignoring me. I let it pass. “Sounds like it was worth it though.”
“Then rowing started.”
“You row?” I hadn’t heard about this passion before.
“On the team for the first time.”
We reached the canal. It looked like a slow-moving river cutting through the northeast corner of campus. It wasn’t designed for swimming and only small, non-motorized crafts were allowed.
There was a wooden dock nearby. My heart slowed as we approached it. The wood was weather-and-water-worn, rough and gray. Two pilings spiked from either side of the end, with metal bands like shiny cummerbunds around the middle. Cracked cement stairs led into the water along one side.
I grabbed Tristan’s shirt.
“Sage, are you okay? You look pale.”
I’d never been to this part of the canal in person before, but I recognized the dock. It was the same one from my dreams.
9

Water equalled life. The human body was 98% water. Fasting food, a person could go weeks, even months, before dying. A mere three days without drinking water was all it took to kill a human being.
Too much water in the system, known as water intoxication, was also lethal. The human body was a machine that demanded a fine balance.
Water saved, but it also destroyed.
Hurricanes, floods.
Drowning.
It was past midnight as the rowboat moved silently along the shore. In the distance the sounds of the city—sirens and diesel engines and such—could be heard, and toward the dorms the odd hoot from a straggling student who’d had one too many beers.
The rower scanned the boardwalk leading to the dock and smiled. The redheaded girl had arrived. She took one tentative step down the cement stairs into the canal and then another until the soft waves lapped up to her breasts.
Paddles slid through the surface until the low-riding boat was almost close enough to touch the girl. Close, but not quite. She stared back with a glazed over look, then stepped further into the water, not at all bothered by the chill. Step, step, step, until everything but her black eyes was submerged. A subtle chin nod from the rower gave her permission and she slipped away.
10

Sage
@mathmatters to @averagegeek99: I dreamed about you last night.
@averagegeek99: :) Please. Do tell.
I grinned and shook my head. Guys!
@mathmatters: Not that kind of dream!
@averagegeek99: What? What kind of dream do you think I’m thinking of???
@mathmatters: The in-the-gutter kind.
@averagegeek99: Busted!
@averagegeek99: Now seriously, what was your dream?
@mathmatters: We were part of the rowing team. You and I were partners in a race. We were way behind in the beginning, the last boat, but then we started passing everyone.
I remembered the feeling of exhilaration so clearly, I was almost convinced the race had actually happened. My arms even felt sore. It had to be a subconscious throwback from my time with Tristan yesterday. I was surprised it was Marlow and not Tristan with me in the dream.
@mathmatters: We passed the boat in the lead, winning by a nose. It was very exciting.
I didn’t recognize any of the other rowers in my dream except that last boat. It had been manned by Jake Wentworth and Jamil Pershan from my support group.
I waited for a response from Marlow. When nothing came, I wondered if he’d left. Was I boring him?
Finally, he responded.
@averagegeek99: This is going to sound really weird, and I promise I’m not kidding, but I had the exact same dream last night.
He had to be joking. Or lying. I didn’t know Marlow Henry that well, but I didn’t think he’d play with me like this. My face flushed with apprehension and a wash of foreboding.
@mathmatters: Are you serious? Because, I’m not in the mood to be messed with.
@averagegeek99: Cross my heart and hope to die, it’s true.
@mathmatters: Really?
@averagegeek99: I don’t know. As strange as this might sound, you and I have a connection. We’re speaking to each other subconsciously in our dreams.
We had a connection? It sounded like a line. I had to test him
@mathmatters: Who were the rowers in the other boat?
@averagegeek99: Jake Wentworth and a guy with corn rows.
My heart stammered. That couldn’t just be a lucky guess.
@mathmatters: How is this possible?
@averagegeek99: I don’t know. Hey, are you going to hear Dr. Bridges speak tonight? He’s a leading mathematician from MIT.
Of course I knew who he was. I’d been waiting all year to hear Dr. Bridges speak.
@mathmatters: Hello? Mathmatters here. Yes, I’m going.
I had a support group meeting just before it, but I’d head over to the lecture hall right afterward.
@averagegeek99: Ha, Ha. I’ll meet you there. Maybe we can talk when it’s over.
What had been happening to me lately was mind-bending and frightening, but having Marlow to talk to about it brought me a certain level of comfort. Now that Teagan was gone, I didn’t have a confidant. I glanced up at Nora who was busy braiding her hair. I liked her. She was fun, but she wasn’t the kind of friend I could go deep with.
@mathmatters: Okay. Meet at the front door at 7:00.
I walked with Nora to our calculus class. The brooding gray clouds chose that moment to spit out rain. Nora quickly pulled out her umbrella from her bag.
“Damn rain,” she said. “Makes my hair go frizzy.”
I’d forgotten mine, so Nora leaned in, allowing me to gain a sliver of shelter. Fortunately the math complex was close.
The day went by quickly and I was grateful that my mind was preoccupied with derivatives and integrals. Finals were coming up soon.
I ate a bagel with tomato and cream cheese for supper before heading to the admin building basement.
I’d been to the support group only a few times, so I still felt like a newbie. Eliza was already there which made my anxiety level shift down one gear. She was stirring creamer into her coffee.
“Hey,” she said when she saw me.
“Hi.” I grabbed a Styrofoam cup and poured.
“How are you?” she asked.
“Fine, and you?” I asked politely in return, but my eyes were busy scanning the dim, dank-smelling room. Dr. Parker had yet to arrive. Mike and Jamil sat despondently in the chairs in the small circle. My heart skipped on seeing Jamil. In my dream his face was stern and full of determination. His frown had turned into a sinister scowl when he and Jake lost to Marlow and me, and I remember feeling afraid of him.
I took the chair farthest away from him and stared at the floor. Eliza sat beside me. When Dr. Parker finally arrived, his expression was dire.
He tented long skinny fingers over his cardigan. “I’m afraid I have bad news.”
The tension in the room instantly jumped. Backs straightened. Shoulders stiffened.
“It’s Lindsey. They pulled her body out of the canal today.”
“Another drowning?” Mike spat out. The doctor nodded solemnly.
Eliza let out a mournful wail.
I felt an earthquake shake the room, but it was just the blood surging through my head.
My dream about the redheaded boy.
I thought it was a boy, but it was actually a twiggy, short-haired girl. I’d dreamed about Lindsey’s death!
First the brunette and now Lin
dsey. Oh, God. What was happening to me? Was I somehow causing their deaths?
11

Marlow
I fidgeted near the door of the math auditorium, hands deep in my front pockets, right knee jiggling as I waited for Sage to arrive. I checked my phone for the time again. Ten minutes late. We’d already missed the introduction and I wondered if she’d stood me up. I double-checked my texts for a message, but nothing. I was almost ready to go inside without her when I saw her lithe form step off the next bus.
Her head was bent forward, chin to chest, with sheaths of dark hair draping over her face. Good thing she was walking slowly because I couldn’t guess how she could see. Her shoulders were stooped, and as she drew closer, I could see her shudder.
“Sage?”
Her chin lifted and she drew her hair off her face with one hand. She removed her purple specs to wipe red-rimmed eyes glossy with tears.
“What’s wrong?” I took long strides until I stood in front of her. “Did something happen?”
“It wasn’t a boy in my dream, Marlow. It was Lindsey from my support group. They pulled her out of the canal today.”
My blood wooshed from my head to my toes. Sage looked so fragile and vulnerable. I wanted to pull her into a hug, but our friendship was in its beginning stages and I didn’t want her to think I was trying to take advantage of an emotional moment.
“Would you like to walk?” I asked. She sniffed and nodded.
She kept her arms crossed against her chest, like she was trying to hold in her heart. Her face was splotchy red and she reached up to swipe at a runaway tear. She was broken and beautiful. I had to glance away.
“Was Lindsey depressed?”
Sage shot me a look. “Everyone in the group is depressed. That’s what it’s all about.”
“Right. So maybe Lindsey couldn’t deal with the pain anymore.”
“Suicide. Just like the other girl. Doesn’t that seem… I don’t know, too much like a coincidence?”
“Lindsey could’ve gotten inspired by the other girl.”
“I suppose. But why am I dreaming about their deaths? Before they happen?”
I pushed up on my glasses. “I don’t know. Have you always been a dreamer?”
“I guess. Not like this. It’s definitely amped up since Teagan died.”
We walked without a plan, and I think we were both shocked to see that we ended up at the canal. Mature trees lined the walkway, thick with leaves that shimmered in the light breeze. Ahead of us, canal water slapped against an old wooden dock, grayed out by weather and time.
Sage’s voice came out in a whisper. “That’s the dock in my dreams.”
She picked up her pace until we reached the foot of the old wooden structure. She hesitated a moment before walking on it. I followed. We stood at the edge and peered out over the water. Everything looked benign enough. Sunrays poked through thin clouds. Birds chirped overhead. The murky brown water of the canal flowed gently downstream. Light chatter from other folk walking along the adjacent walkway carried on the breeze. Certainly not the ominous site of two recent deaths.
Suicides.
Or murders?
Two rowers in a long, narrow boat paddled upstream in our direction. Sage and I watched as they drew nearer and the faces of the two men became clear.
Sage’s eyes flashed with something close to fear. “It’s Jake and Jamil. Just like…”
Our dreams.
Her knees buckled, and I caught her just before she toppled into the canal. I pulled her against me.
I brushed her hair off her face and whispered into her ear. “It’s okay, Sage. It was just a dream.”
Her eyes locked with mine. “Do you really believe that?”
12

Sage
Marlow insisted on walking me home.
“That’s so sweet of you,” I said, “but it’s unnecessary.” I forced a smile. “I know the way.”
“It’s not about you getting lost, Alice,” he said with a grin. “I don’t want you to fall down the rabbit hole.”
“You do think I’m going crazy!”
“If you are, then I am too.” He patted his pockets. “Wait a minute! Where did I put my rabbit?”
I smiled for real, then threaded my arm through his and leaned my head against his shoulder. He walked me right to the front entrance of my building and I half-expected him to follow me inside. He held the glass door open, but went no further.
He started to say something, then stopped before the first word got out.
“Mars?”
He pushed on his glasses. “Nothing, just rest well, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks again for walking me back.”
Back in my room, I flopped on my bed, emotionally and physically exhausted. Despite my bone weary fatigue, sleep evaded me like a stone skipping over the water and landing on the shore on the other side. I reached to my night table for my pills, then stilled. It was too early to fall asleep for the night. Besides, I was scared. I didn’t want to dream again.
I roused myself out of bed, shuffled to the lounge and made myself a coffee. I wondered where Nora was. Now that she had Jake, I rarely saw her. She talked nonstop about him when she was around; I was surprised she hadn’t mentioned that he was on the rowing team.
Blackness pressed hard against my heart and I was afraid that if I succumbed to the heaviness I’d never break through again. I had to push back. I dug through my bag for my phone, then hesitated. Who should I call? My first thought went to Marlow, but I’d just spent the last couple hours with him, and not in my best form. I was beginning to depend on our friendship and I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.
Instead, I called Tristan. He sounded pleasantly surprised to hear from me and said he’d come by in half an hour, just enough time for me to shower all this melancholy off.
I’d dressed, dried my hair and applied a little makeup by the time Tristan knocked. I slipped on my glasses and opened the door.
“Hey,” I said. “Thanks for coming.”
“Hey,” he responded back with a smile. “I’m glad you called.” He rubbed his hands together. “Some of the guys are heading to Harvey’s Pub. I thought it would be fun to meet them there.”
Honestly, I was fine with anything. I just needed to get out of my room and not be alone. “Sure. Sounds great.”
I grabbed a coat and walked toward Tristan. He didn’t step out of the way. “Is something wrong?” I asked.
He reached over and carefully removed my glasses. “Why don’t you put your contacts in? I’m not used to you with glasses on. Besides, I want to see your beautiful eyes.”
I blinked at his blurry image. I’d always worn contacts when we used to go out. Since Teagan, I hardly ever bothered. “Oh, okay.”
I slipped into the bathroom and removed my contacts and solution from the cabinet. My hands were shaking. I inhaled and told myself to calm down. Tristan and I weren’t officially a couple, but I got the impression that Tristan might finally be interested in changing our status again. Was that why my hands shook?
Somehow I managed to get my contacts in without poking my eyes out. Tristan’s response when he saw me was worth the effort. His mouth pulled up into that sexy crooked grin I loved, and his eyes twinkled with appreciation.
“You look great,” he said.
“Thanks.”
We began the commute to Harvey’s Pub, which included a short bus ride south. Being friends with Tristan again was still awkward in its newness and I hadn’t gotten over the news of Lindsey’s death. I shuddered and crossed my arms to still my trembling.
Tristan didn’t seem to notice.
He glanced at me with another wavering grin. “You look great,” he said again. This time I just nodded.
“How’s the rowing team?” I asked.
Tristan pushed up his sleeve. “Good for the biceps.” He showed off an impressive bulge.
“Nice,” I said
.
“Thanks. I go to the gym every other day. I can bench press 225.”
I didn’t know what that meant, but it must be impressive, since Tristan’s expression was one of pride and satisfaction.
“Do you know Jake Wentworth?” I asked.
“Sure.” He frowned slightly. “Why?”
“He used to date Teagan, remember? Now he’s with my new roommate, Nora. I didn’t know he was on the rowing team.”
“Yup. He is.”
“What about a guy named Jamil?”
“Black guy? Cornrows?”
I nodded.
“Yeah. He rows with Wentworth. Why?”
“I dreamed about them. We were in a race on the canal. They were in one boat and I was in another.”
He nudged me with an elbow and smirked. “Did you win?”
“Actually, yeah.”
He laughed. “Obviously just a pizza dream. How do you know Jamil?”
I opened my mouth, then shut it. I didn’t want to tell him about the support group. Not yet. My weaknesses could scare him off. As much as I had once hated Tristan Coy, I still loved him a little too. I didn’t want to ruin this new thing before it had a chance to reroot. Plus, I had to keep Jamil’s confidentiality.
I stared out the window at the flat horizon line. “I’ve seen him around. That’s all.”
13

Marlow
Sage remained guarded. Even though she was sharing her pain with me, physically leaning against me, there was an invisible wall there. I wanted to bang it down, invite her to join me on my side. We could be a team. I’d love nothing more than to have her body pressed against mine anytime she wished. I almost told her as much, but stopped myself. I waited for her to disappear into her dorm building before turning on my heels and heading back to my own.
