by Roan Parrish
I’d brought a change of clothes to work with me and gotten ready in the bathroom, but I still felt self-conscious about showing up smelling like coffee and everything bagels. I said as much to Dane, and at the next stoplight he leaned over and sniffed me.
“Mmm,” he said, nuzzling my neck.
“I’m just nervous to meet them,” I said.
“You already met Theo.”
“Yeah, under false pretenses, when I lied and used him to get my sister an audition!”
He snorted with amusement.
“What’s Caleb like?”
“He’s solid,” Dane said, nodding.
“What does that mean?! That means nothing! Ugh, never mind—I’m putting on my audiobook.”
He chuckled, then slid a hand onto my thigh and squeezed gently. He left it there, a comforting weight as he wound toward the highway.
“His cooking’s a bit iffy, so proceed with caution.”
* * *
—
It was dusk when we turned onto a dusty dirt road and Dane parked in front of a faded wooden farmhouse with a screened-in side porch and huge garden sprawling from the house to the road. Lights gleamed warmly from the windows, and the air was still and quiet. It seemed unbelievable that one of the biggest rock stars in New York lived here. But then the door opened and Theo called, “Hey!” Then immediately, “God dammit, no, Solo!” as a blur of fur ran straight toward us.
Dane reached for the dog, but it streaked past him and jumped directly onto my chest, knocking me backward into the dirt. It nuzzled at my neck and whined, wagging tail thwapping against my knees.
Dane crouched beside me. “You okay?”
“God dammit, I told you I still smelled like bagels!” I said from flat on my back.
“I’m so sorry, Felix,” said Theo, suddenly at my side, pulling the dog off. “No, Solo! Sit!”
The dog dropped into a sitting position and looked up at Theo sincerely. Theo shook his head.
“Damn dog. He’s an angel with me and then he pulls shit like this. I’m really sorry. You okay?”
It took a moment to sink in that I was lying in Theo Decker’s vegetable garden, with Theo Decker looming over me, having rescued me from a dog.
“Um, yeah, fine. No harm done.”
Dane took my arm and plucked me from the ground easily. I brushed the dirt off my jeans and then offered my hand for Solo to sniff.
“Hi, buddy. Wanna be friends while standing?”
Solo licked my fingers and nuzzled my thighs. I took that as a yes.
Theo gave Dane a hug and then stood awkwardly, like he couldn’t decide whether to hug me or offer his hand.
“We can hug if you want,” I said. “Since I already hugged your dog, it seems only fair.”
Theo smiled and gave me a squeeze. He was a few inches taller than me and leanly muscled. His black hair framed his face like feathers, and his bluish-silver eyes seemed to glow in the dim light. He was intimidating even though he was being nice to me, and I decided to address the elephant in the room so I could stop thinking about it.
“Are we over the whole super-embarrassing I-lied-to-you-to-get-my-sister-an-opportunity thing, or is that still in play?”
Theo grinned.
“Nah, we’re cool. It all worked out, right?”
Relief flooded me. I didn’t want Dane’s friends to think of me as a shady liar. Even if I had lied in a generally shady manner.
“Great, thanks.”
Dane’s hand landed on the back of my neck and squeezed. Theo was undeniably gorgeous, but one touch from Dane made my whole body yearn toward his.
Inside, the farmhouse was simple and clean, with a big gray sectional in the living room and a bunch of instruments in the corner. A dining table was set in the alcove next to the kitchen. The whole place looked homey and lived-in. There were flowers on every flat surface—vases with larger arrangements, makeshift vessels with a few flowers in them: a water glass, a candleholder, a teapot, and something that looked like a gourd.
“Hey!” called a voice from the kitchen. Caleb was tall and broad, though not as tall and broad as Dane. He had brown hair and a short, neat beard with a little red in it. His eyes were an intense, moody green, and tattoos peeked from the collar and sleeves of his shirt.
He gave Dane a bear hug, complete with backslapping, and I had a moment to hope I wouldn’t receive similar treatment before he turned to me.
“Felix, it’s great to meet you. I’m Caleb.”
He gave me a much gentler hug and back pat.
“Hi,” I managed. He smelled kind of amazing.
“Garden looks good,” Dane said, and Caleb and Theo launched into a long dialogue about what they’d planted and what they’d harvested and mulch and water and the weather and the acidity of the soil that I didn’t really understand.
We sat down to eat, and Caleb brought a steaming casserole dish to the table. There was a bowl of roasted brussels sprouts with bacon, a loaf of seedy bread and butter, and a salad already on the table.
“You’ve improved, kid,” Dane said, eyeing the food.
Caleb flipped him off. Theo’s eyes got bright. “I know, right?” He put his hand on Caleb’s back and Caleb’s expression immediately softened. “He can make such great stuff now! Not,” he added quickly to Caleb, “that I didn’t love your hash. I just…you know. Caleb used to only be able to make hash and eggs,” Theo explained to me. “Which was great, but also…” He shot me a gagging expression. “Got old.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Caleb took the lid off the casserole dish. “It’s basically lasagna, but with spaghetti instead of lasagna noodles because I didn’t have any and Theo forgot to go to the store.”
Theo rolled his eyes. “Whatever; it’s the exact same thing, just in a different shape.”
“Looks great,” I told them.
Despite Dane’s warning, the food was good. Theo said “I told you so” about the noodles and Caleb rolled his eyes, then smiled at him sweetly when he thought no one was looking.
“So, um,” I said. “How’d you guys meet?” I pointed between Dane and Caleb.
“You didn’t tell him?” Caleb said, sounding surprised.
“Not my place,” Dane said casually.
Caleb said, “He was my sponsor. In NA. Best fucking sponsor in the world. I wouldn’t have made it without him.”
“You would have.” Dane sounded certain and Caleb waved him off.
“I’m the only sponsee Huey deigned to be friends with,” Caleb teased, but he sounded a little proud. Dane smirked at him and toasted him with his water glass.
“That’s cool,” I said. “That you guys liked each other so much, I mean.”
“It wasn’t random, though,” Theo added.
“Nah,” Caleb confirmed. “My sponsor before was like—I dunno how to say it without being a dick, but he was kind of a star-fucker. Not that I’m a star,” Caleb quickly added. “But it’s tight circles, you know, and we all talk to each other. And there’s no shortage of addicts in music, so it can be kind of awkward. This one lady purposely offered to be a sponsor to people in the biz because she hoped to meet famous people. It was a pain.”
Dane took another serving of spaghetti lasagna and stared at his plate while Caleb talked.
“Anyway, when one of us gets a good sponsor we tell each other. So when my friend said she had the best sponsor, I wanted to know who. She said he came over when she had some recognizable folks over and he didn’t mention it. Didn’t seem to care at all. And Levy’s like—”
“Whitman!” Dane said sternly.
“Wait,” I said. “Levy like…Levy Price?” I nudged Dane. “You know Levy Price?”
“It’s called Narcotics Anonymous, Whi
tman,” Dane snapped.
“She’s totally open about it, Huey, you know that!” Caleb insisted. He relented when Dane just fixed him with a long-suffering look. “You’re right, fine—it’s not my place, sorry.”
“I won’t say anything,” I assured them. Dane patted my leg.
“Anyway, once Huey proved impervious to famous people, a bunch of us wanted him for a sponsor. Sucks to have to censor yourself about talking about your friends to your own sponsor.”
Theo nodded sagely. I could only imagine how often he had to deal with invasions of his privacy.
“Yeah well, none of you are very impressive or star-like when you’re calling me in the middle of the night from some shitty backstage toilet, so I don’t know what the big deal is,” Dane said.
Caleb snorted and Theo laughed, and I felt supremely out of my depth. I stabbed at an errant tomato with my fork and it shot across the table and hit Caleb’s plate.
“Oops, sorry,” I muttered.
Theo quickly changed the subject, voice cheery as he turned to Dane. “So, happy belated birthday, man. What’d you end up doing?”
Dane froze, carefully avoiding looking at any of us.
A twinge of sadness that he hadn’t wanted to spend his birthday with me twisted my stomach, and I tried to tell myself that we hadn’t been dating that long.
“Birthday?” I said, trying to make my voice casual. “When was your birthday?”
Dane cleared his throat. “Saturday.”
“But…Wait, but we…Saturday we went…”
Dane’s shoulders were tight and he turned to me and bit his lip.
“You spent your whole birthday with me at Coney Island and you never said a goddamn word?” He cringed. “What is wrong with you?!” I shoved his shoulder. “I ate half your hot dogs and fell asleep on you, drooling!” I said in horror.
That resulted in the tiny, one-side-of-his-mouth twitch that I was learning was Dane’s tender smile.
Caleb and Theo exchanged speaking looks as Dane sat silently.
“Dane Hughes! What the hell? Seriously. I would have gotten you a present, and—and—and cake, and done birthday things. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Dane?” Caleb said. Theo clapped a hand over Caleb’s mouth.
Dane sighed and turned to me. Caleb and Theo began eating furiously, as if they weren’t listening.
“Wanted to spend the day with you,” he said simply. “And I did. So it was a perfect birthday.”
I gaped at him. Theo made a small, tender noise. Caleb choked on a mouthful of spaghetti lasagna.
“I— It was?”
He nodded.
“But—but—but…I didn’t even get you a birthday present,” I repeated, running out of steam.
“Yeah, you did.”
“No, I— That purple monster does not count.”
Dane shrugged and went back to eating.
After a beat, Caleb leaned in. “Sorry, can we circle back to Dane?”
“It’s my name,” Dane said.
“But everyone calls you Huey. Obviously I always thought Huey was your first name,” Caleb said.
“You never asked,” Dane said.
Now it was Caleb’s turn to gape at him.
“Wow, you think you know a guy,” he said.
Theo rolled his eyes. “Dramatic much?”
“Do you want us to call you Dane?” Caleb asked.
“No.”
“Just Felix, huh?” Caleb smirked.
Dane leaned forward and glared. “Yes.”
Heat gathered in my stomach. Caleb raised conciliatory hands.
“So, uh, how’s your sister doing?” Theo asked me, blatantly changing the subject again.
My stomach clenched.
“She’s great. She’s been staying with Coco a lot while they’ve all been working on the single and planning for the tour and everything.”
Theo looked wistful, and I wondered if he missed his place in the band.
“I’m glad they found someone who jells with them” was all he said. Caleb’s hand went to his neck.
“Is that why you left? Because you didn’t jell? Sorry, none of my business.”
“Nah, it’s fine. Kind of. I wanted to be friends with them when the band started, but they were already friends and I just didn’t fit in. Then later…we just wanted different things. They loved the fame and the fast pace and the glamour. And I…uh, didn’t.”
I shook my head. “Yeah, being famous seems horrible. I mean, Sofia will love being in the spotlight. She’s great under pressure and so adventurous. But I could never do it. I hope she likes it more than you did.”
Theo smiled kindly.
“What about you?” I asked Dane. “Would you ever want to be a rock star?”
He snorted. “No.”
Theo grinned. “You’d be the best rock star, Huey. You’d scowl and growl at everyone and they’d love you, because people love what they can’t have, and the more it seems like you don’t care about them, the more they seem to like it.”
Dane shook his head, like this logic was beyond him.
When we finished eating, Theo headed to the kitchen and I helped Caleb clear the table. Dane had gotten a text from a sponsee and stepped away.
Caleb caught my arm as I went past. His expression was serious.
“You…you really like Huey, right? I mean, you’re not just messing around with him?”
I wasn’t sure what he meant by “messing around,” but clearly he was just being protective.
“I really like him.”
“Okay. Okay, good. Just…He’s wicked strong and confident and all that, and he’ll turn himself inside out to help anyone who needs it. But he’s never had anyone to help look after him. Just don’t hurt him. Okay?”
I nodded. “You think he really likes me?”
Shit, I hadn’t meant to say that. Caleb’s eyes went wide.
“Uh, yeah. Hell yeah.” He shot a look behind him to make sure Dane was still out of earshot. “Look, in all the years I’ve known him, he’s never mentioned seeing anyone, liking anyone. So, yeah, I’d certainly say so.”
“Caleb.” Theo poked his head around the corner. “You promised!”
“I’m not grilling him, I’m being supportive!” Caleb said, with such conviction that I started laughing. Then Theo started laughing at Caleb’s very unintimidating scowl.
Dane came back into the room. “What’s so funny?”
“You,” we all said in unison.
Dane raised an eyebrow at us and walked behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I leaned back into his solid warmth.
Theo ducked back into the kitchen and emerged with the most misshapen cake I’d ever seen. It said Happy Birthday Huey in frosting—at least, I assumed that’s what it said; it wasn’t actually legible except in the context of a cake.
“Funfetti,” Theo announced. “Caleb said he’d never seen you eat anything sweet, so I just went with this. Figured you wouldn’t care either way. It got a little…” He frowned at the lopsided layers. “Tilted in the oven or something, but it should taste fine.”
We took slices of cake outside to the porch. The night was cool and peaceful, the rich smell of recently turned earth fresh and clean. The cake tasted exactly like I remembered Funfetti cake tasting as a kid. Dane took two polite bites and then put his plate on the table.
“Too bad Matty’s not here,” Theo said. “He’d hoover some Funfetti cake.”
I ran a finger along the frosting of Dane’s uneaten cake and licked it off, not because I wanted it but because it felt intimate to do so.
We chatted a while longer, until Caleb and Theo started to lean into each other sleepily. W
e left with promises to see them soon and a deliberate look from Caleb that I assumed was meant to communicate Remember what we talked about. I sketched a salute and hugged Theo, then they drifted inside and we went to the car, Dane declining to take the rest of the cake home with him.
“I seriously can’t believe we spent all day together and you didn’t tell me it was your birthday,” I said as we drove off into the night. I was full and tired and peaceful, so my rebuke came out milder than I’d intended.
Dane’s heavy hand landed on my leg.
“Sorry,” he said. He didn’t sound very sorry. He sounded amused.
“Well—well—well then, I won’t tell you when my birthday is either,” I threatened.
Dane smirked. “Okay. If that’s what you want.”
Note to self: Dane calls bluffs.
“It is,” I said, crossing my arms definitively.
But then I couldn’t stop imagining Dane waking me up on the morning of my birthday, his warm arms coming around me, holding me so tightly, telling me he was glad I was born, glad I was there, with him. Glad to celebrate me. I imagined him making me breakfast or dinner or a cake, or telling me we could do whatever I wanted that day. I imagined him giving me a present, inexpertly or perfectly wrapped, and it telling me something about how he thought of me. I imagined missing out on all that warmth and care, and I heard myself whimper.
“It’s April twenty-seventh!” I blurted out traitorously.
Dane pulled over to the side of the road, threw the car into park, and kissed me passionately. I threw my arms around his neck, surprised at the onslaught.
“I won’t forget, sweetheart,” he said. Then he put the car back in drive and sped down the road, leaving my heart racing. “Want to come back to my place tonight?”
It was late and I’d have to get up early for work, but I’d left a clean Buggy’s shirt in my bag so I wouldn’t have to go home first.
