“You are wise beyond your years, but let an old monster tell you something, Avery. When you find the person whose demons can dance with your monster, your black hole heart will know it, because there will be no room for anything else. If you can live without them for even a minute then you haven’t found the one.”
“I can live without anyone. I always have.” He smiles and shakes his head at me again, I am not sure why but I like this man more than I should. Our families are sworn enemies for generations yet here he sits with me in an office and there is not an ounce of that hostility between us.
“I hope we can stay friends, Avery, I like you. Perhaps more than my own kids.” He puts more coffee in his cup and looks at me like I am a person not like I’m the killer.
“I’m not good with friends.” It’s the truth I have never had one before, not a real one at any rate.
“Me neither, but I’m willing to try. I think we could be good for each other.”
I made a lifelong friend in my office that day, a person that would change the course of my life and be the family I had missed all my life, Baldini was more of a father than my dad and Callum together. I still love my dad, don’t mistake this for me not loving him, but I needed more than he could give me and Baldini has plenty to give.
Can you actually remove love?
Can it ever be extinguished or forgotten?
WATCHING LUCA BLADINI dismember Callum’s empire has been poetic, he has sold the bits off to the highest bidders. Neither of us cared for who bought them, terrorists, criminal individuals, crime families, even governments. We did agree that certain things just weren’t worth trading in. People, diamonds and ammunitions are no longer commodities that we sell we have even scaled back the drug operations and the money that has changed hands in selling is enough to see Baldini and his family for generations into the future. He has relocated his family to the Cape, his youngest son is at university here. A few months ago we buried his eldest son after he lost his battle with cancer, I felt his loss as if it was my own because I care deeply for him. He has become my friend and we have even started some uncharacteristic traditions like sharing a weekly meal together at the estate, we drink my wine and eat his food, I did not inherit my mother’s cooking skills. With a little guidance from some unlikely heroes, my life has changed and I wake up each day knowing that I have become exactly who I was meant to be.
I used my corrupted political contacts to become part of the solution and not the cause. In a country where criminals are not caught, and when they are the justice system and overflowing prisons cannot make them pay for their crimes there is little hope of eradicating the rot in our society. The government is rich because of crime, but having violent murderers and rapists running free isn’t safe. The solution a government funded team that simply removes the problems as they present themselves, I have a purpose. I’m still a killer but now I do it to protect others. My father is probably turning in his grave and I’m sure I have caused Callum to die all over again, but culling the true disease in this place has given me a new life.
I’m setting the table today to have lunch with Luca and some other friends to share some news with them, I got engaged yesterday. Between the vines just outside the little cemetery, the love of my life, the one I cannot live one minute without asked me to share forever with him. We are not the same, but we know the best and worst of each other and still found love in that wreckage. I have suffered all the pain of being attached, and grieved enough to pay for this love a thousand times over and it has been worth it. I can see him walking up the gravel pathway as Jameson charges after his rubber pigeon, we found a bird for him to hunt at the pet store. Our eyes meet and we both smile, he’s the consequence of my actions and I’m not even a little sorry for what I have done to get here. My life seems almost normal. I have a dog, friends and a lover, I also have a home that is being renovated and driving me crazy. Strong arms wrap around me from behind as I am lost in my daydreams, soft kisses right in the crook of my neck set the butterflies off in my stomach. My skin prickles with goosebumps and I can feel the rush that his touch causes ripple right through me. “Hello, handsome.” I turn around so I can kiss him, he pulls me close his body is hot and sweaty from walking outside in the hot sun. I can smell the signature mix of him and his aftershave. “Are you going to shower before lunch?” I scrunch my nose up and ask him.
“That depends, are you?” I’m so tempted to say yes right there, but it’s so late we will definitely get caught by our guests. He grinds his crotch against me, letting me know his intentions weakening my will power a little. He kisses me hard tugging my hair and igniting the lust that I can’t ignore whenever he is close to me.
“No, you have got to wait. Owen and Luca will be here any minute.” He moans his disappointment into my ear and bites me sending a shiver through my body and making me wish we were not getting guests. There are days I want to kill him, right now I’d like to strangle him for telling them to come over so early!
“You are going to be sorry later, Angel.” He smacks my ass on his way into the house. Jameson snarls at him and bares his teeth, the dog really is my best friend. His voice carries as he sings in the shower, it’s like nails on a chalk board as it echoes through the empty house. I’m renovating the place. I have gutted the interior of the whole house and we are currently living upstairs in the gym, that and the patio are the only places that haven’t been ripped down to bare concrete. I needed to erase the images of my past from this place and make it our home, where the memories aren’t tainted and shadowed by the history of those that came before us. The lessons of my past will always be here, they are buried here, but I don’t want to live with them in my house forever. The doorbell ring sets the dog off, his cross between a bark and howl is deafening in the empty rooms as he charges for the door like the guard dog he isn’t. “Calm down, silly dog.” I try to get the door open without him knocking me on my ass. “Hello, beautiful.” Owen greets me with a kiss to the cheek and pets the canine as he has a speed wobble darting between us.
“Where’s Alex?” he asks as we step out of the mess onto the patio.
“Shower.” I answer taking a sip of my coffee that’s already cold.
“And you’re not in there with him? I’m impressed,” Owen says mocking me with his eye roll as the doorbell rings setting Jameson going again and I go to let Luca in. The bell rings again twice before I get there, he has no patience at all.
“Ciao Bella, how are you?” Luca air kisses me and we walk through the cavernous house towards the sunshine of the patio, Owen and him shake hands and greet each other before Luca asks too, “Where’s Alex, I thought he’s cooking me lunch today?” I giggle, my culinary skills are well known.
“I’m here, you didn’t think I’d let her feed you?” his hand on the small of my back reminds me that we are home and I stand on my toes to kiss his cheek.
I lost everything in this world that I had held onto, every small little piece of love was ripped away leaving me alone. When we buried Luca’s son something happened, standing in my family’s graveyard because Luca’s become family. I had let go of love, yet it stood there looking me in the eyes as I held my friend through the grief of losing his child. Mathew was back only he’s Not Mathew. He never was. The law has changed so he no longer has to hide who he is to do what is right, Dr. Alex Mathews came back into my life. He’s seen the worst of me and loves me still. My sweet angel of death.
I look around now at these men and I know I found a family, we are not blood but so much more than that because we have all chosen each other. The empty black hole that was my heart is finally full. We laugh and drink and eat the food that Alex and Owen cook on the grill, the vines are green and the sun is hot, this place is as close to heaven as I have found. Luca toasts us on our engagement with wine from my estate, wine that I named after him. I see Owen and Alex laughing and whispering, men will always be boys at heart, I lost my childhood and have only now found that joy again. Af
ter lunch Alex presents me with a box, he is blushing six shades of red as he gives it to me and Owen won’t look me in the eyes. I pull the red bow to untie the neatly wrapped gift, no way he did this himself. Lifting the lid I just about spit my wine out all over the table. There is a note and a pink vibrator in the box.
For those days you want to kill me.
XX
I love you
I close the box before Luca can see, I don’t want to be the cause of his death by heart attack. I smile so much my cheeks hurt, he really does know me inside and out. And I kiss him before I whisper, “You can try and kill me with it tonight.” I wink and we enjoy the rest of the day knowing that the night will be even better.
The End
XxX
My Black Hole Heart (Colour #3) Page 19
