by John Ringo
“Cease exercise,” the human linguist said in perfect Cheerick. “Colonel, that was very nearly flawless.”
“Very nearly flawless and flawless are two entirely different things,” Colonel Che-chee said to squeaks of dismay over the open frequency. “Attend me, males! You dishonor your family names by your male whining. We will do this until we are perfect or I will return you to your families branded as failures! Miss Moon, please set the exercise up again. We continue…”
The Dreen fighter was banking back and forth for all it was worth but Colonel Cheerick almost had it locked. Finally, it crossed her firing path and she willed the laser to flash out and destroy it, unthinkingly pressing the firing button at the same time.
The seedlike fighter belched air and water and lost power then erupted in flame.
“Team One come to one-one-four mark neg nineteen,” a robotic voice chimed. “Bandits at one-one-three mark neg seventeen.”
“Ka-che, you will stay on my tail this time,” the colonel snarled. “If I look back and you are not in position again, you will… You will clean the head for a week.” Normally, she’d have had him shovel out the stables. Coming up with an alternative was tough. There was nothing like shoveling the stables to center a cavalryman’s attention.
“Yes, Colonel,” the wingman replied.
The colonel had automatically followed the icon while delivering her threat and even anticipated it, the vector coming unthinking to her after having spent so many hours in these “simulators” her quarters had almost become a distant memory. But she was coming to enjoy the game, especially now that the linguist had thrown in enemies to fight. The Cheerick were not natural predators, but the instinct of battle came easily to them. Males battled over females, females battled for territory. Battle was battle.
“Dreen fighter at two-two-seven mark nine,” Ka-che said. “Closing on my tail.”
“Flight nine,” Colonel Che-chee said. “Bandit seven.”
“On it,” the other flight called, closing the Dreen fighter which had locked onto her wingman. “Target destroyed.”
“Well done, Nine,” Colonel Che-chee said. “Target locked… firing…”
“Okay,” Captain Prael said, leaning back in his chair and interlacing his fingers behind his head. “Let’s try this again. But unless we just sit in place for a week and train these guys, I don’t see where those dragonflies are going to be any use except strapped to the hull to give us a shield.”
“We can always hope, sir,” the TACO said.
“Colonel Che-chee,” the CO said, pressing the comm button. “Let’s take this slow. Entering maneuver Delta-One. Engage.”
“Holy maulk,” White said as the ten dragonflies followed the projected path as if they were drawing it. At the completion of the maneuver, though, they broke up, seemingly randomly. Then, as the tracks of the dragonflies scrolled across the screen it was apparent they were performing a complex maneuver, first forming a diamond then a square then a circle and finally a snowflake pattern.
“Is that a bit better, Captain?” Colonel Che-chee said.
“Much,” Captain Prael said. “I’d say you’d been practicing, but I know you haven’t been EVA since our last stop.”
“There are things called simulators, you know, Captain,” the colonel replied, sweetly.
Prael blinked in surprise for a moment, first locking onto the fact that there were, as far as he knew, no simulators for dragonfly combat on the ship and then on the fact that the Cheerick knew what a simulator was.
“We can’t simulate the mental process,” the CO said, frowning. “The interface…”
“If you use a joystick, you are thinking where you want to go, Captain,” Colonel Che-chee interjected. “It wasn’t even that hard to create. The suits work perfectly well as simulators with some minor modifications.”
“And who did the… ?”
“Miss Moon was kind enough to do it for us, Captain,” Colonel Che-chee said. “As well as set up the… network and simulations. She is a most remarkable human. But, of course, she is female.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, Colonel,” the CO said, his face tight. “Now, since you’ve clearly been practicing, let’s work up to some harder maneuvers…”
The dragonflies shifted through complex patterns, overlapping their shields against simulated Dreen fire. As each shield became weakened, a recharged dragonfly would interpose, moving the weakened one back in a pattern the Roman Legions would recognize. From time to time they would open up like a flower as the side of the ship burst out in simulated chaos fire, then close to cover the vulnerable side of the ship. All the while they stayed inside the small space that separated the hull and the edge of the warp field, even maintaining position when the ship exited warp to fire.
“And… complete simulation,” Captain Prael said. “Whew, even I’m sweating after that one. Good job, Dragonflight. Simulation says barely three percent of the Dreen fire got through. You just saved a bunch of lives on the ship.”
“But we’re barely shedding, Captain,” Colonel Che-chee said. “Is that all you’ve got?”
“Unfortunately, we’re done chilling, Colonel,” the CO said, trying not to grin. He had to constantly remind himself that the Cheerick Mother had first gone to war before he was born. “Time to come back to the barn.”
“Well, I suppose we can always go back to the simulators,” Colonel Che-chee replied. “Back to the barn it is.”
“Colonel,” Prael said, nodding. “I intend to keep drilling with your people but you’ve done one hell of a job. I’m truly impressed.”
“We would not have been able to do as well if it had not been for the simulators,” the colonel said, sipping a fruit drink. “Captain, I do not want to interfere in the running of your ship, but…”
“But,” the CO said, grinning in a rictus. “You’re going to.”
“No, I’m going to simply tell you a story,” the Colonel said. “Once upon a time there was a young officer who was very sure of herself and her place in the world. She had been an officer for some time and knew the ways of battle. That was true. But she still did not understand the ways of males. That would be the ways of troops to you. She considered them sub-chee, things to be used as pawns in battle and for the use of Breeders. Servants and such. Not real people.”
“I don’t think I’m that much of a misogynist,” the CO said, nodding, “but please continue.”
“Then she received a batman from an older officer who was retiring,” Lady Che-chee said, reminiscently. “He was an old male for a fighter, much scarred. She considered him much like any batman, a person to be bidden and which had to be constantly ridden on even the simplest task. Oh, he could brush fur well enough and was useful for carrying armor, but not really chee. Do you understand me?”
“I’m with you,” the CO said, taking a sip of coffee. “So what happened?”
“Then the officer was put in charge of one segment of a large battle, separated from her superiors. And the enemy was simply better. More motivated, more elan as the French put it. The officer’s troops, caring little which overlord dominated them, were breaking. And the young officer was confused and unsure, not being used to losing. She froze in the midst of battle, with lower ranked Mothers asking her what she should do. And she did not know. And then the batman said something very simple and seemingly pointless. And he touched her. Kicked her, actually, in the back of the leg and said: ‘If you can’t punch them in the snout, step on their foot.’ ”
“And you realized that men had brains,” the CO said. “Miss Moon has brains aplenty. What she doesn’t have is a lick of common sense. And she drives me nuts. Then there’s the fact that it’s proven that males have reduced logic in the presence of sexual cues. Miss Moon, quite consistently, wears clothing that is one huge sexual cue. It throws off the psychology of the ship and interferes with the working of the crew. Sorry, but I won’t have it. What happened to the batman? Retired with great seniority and a f
arm, I hope.”
“Oh, I had to kill him for the offense of striking me,” the colonel said. “But I did so sadly. He really was quite good at brushing fur. But he also made me realize that, yes, males were not sub-chee. They saw what was going on around them and responded on the basis of it. From then on I paid much more attention to my males and I was rewarded for it with performance. I’m not talking about Miss Moon at all, you see, Captain. At least, not directly. The problem is not Miss Moon, exactly. But you might want to have a quiet talk about her with one of your junior males. You would find something surprising.”
He was just about the most junior seaman on the ship, a sensor tech straight out of A school. He never would have been considered for the mission if it wasn’t for the fact that the Blade’s sensor systems were so new, nobody senior had any experience on them. Half the crew was like that, guys straight out of A school who were the only people with a clue how their systems worked and not much of one.
“Sit down,” Prael said. “You’re not in any trouble and you’re not going to get in any trouble for anything that’s said in this compartment. I’ll add that I’d like you to keep quiet about what we talk about, but I figure that will last three days and then you’ll let something slip. And you won’t get in trouble for that, either.”
“Yes, sir, Captain, sir,” the seaman said, sitting down at attention.
“I’d say calm down but I know you’re not going to,” Prael said, grinning. “Here’s the deal. I’ve been hearing some rumors about the crew and Miss Moon. I need to know the substance of the rumors. Again, no matter what you tell me, nothing will leave this compartment. No Captain’s Mast, no articles. That is guaranteed. Do you believe me?”
“You’re the CO, sir,” the seaman said, really sweating now.
“So, what’s going on with Miss Moon?” the CO asked then waited.
“Sir, I think I’m going to stand on my Article Thirty-Two rights,” the seaman said after clearly dredging the phrase out of buried memory.
“Look, seaman, nobody is going to get in trouble,” the CO said. “Unless I don’t get any answers. And I think you can give me those answers. So if I don’t get any answers, then there’s trouble. Simple as that. No trouble for answers, lots of trouble for no answers. Especially once I get to the bottom of what’s going on. So talk.”
“Sir,” the seaman squeaked. “It’s nothing… bad. Honest to God, sir!”
“So what is ‘it’?” Prael asked.
“Sir, I’m straight out of A school,” the seaman said, desperately. “I was distinguished graduate. I’ve got two years of college. I was getting a physics degree but my scholarship ran out. I figured, do a few years in the Navy, get the money to go back. When I took the tests they said I could pick anything and there was particle sensor tech! The description was like a dream! The transfer credits are going to wipe out my junior year! So I went for that and I did really good. I did, sir!”
“I’ve seen your evaluations,” Prael said sympathetically.
“But it’s not like I’ve got my masters, sir!” the seaman said. “And the damned petty officers don’t know chither, pardon my Adar, sir. They barely understand what the particles are, much less the physics of the interactions. So then the damned sensor starts giving me these really funky readings when we’re in deep space and I report them and they tell me to run a diagnostic and I’ve got faults that I don’t understand and they don’t understand…” He trailed off desperately, not wanting to admit that he’d violated a fully lawful order. Doing so, especially since the ship was in what was referred to as “combat condition” didn’t just mean Captain’s Mast, it could mean a full court-martial.
“So you took the problem to Miss Moon,” the CO said, nodding.
“And she pulled up the design of the system, told me what the problem was, a bad power module of all things, and I could fix it, sir!” the seaman said. “I’m sorry, sir. I know I violated orders by associating with her, sir, but I got the sensor system working again. And it’s not like I’m the first one to do it!” He clapped his mouth shut on that, a horrified expression on his face.
“So just how many visitors has Miss Moon had?” the CO asked dryly.
“Sir, at this point I’d really like to stand on my rights,” the seaman said. “If anybody finds out I told you… Sir, they can get brutal out there, you know that!”
Horrible practical jokes were endemic to the sub service. As one submariner put it, “If we don’t like somebody, we will drive them completely insane. And get away with it.” On the previous cruise a particularly disliked crewman had been found strapped to the hull. He’d been there for at least three days, effectively in sensory deprivation, and had to be kept sedated for the rest of the voyage.
Much like a prison, “squealers” were particular targets. The seaman was in for a psychological pounding applied by masters of the trade if the word got out he’d informed on anyone else.
“I’ll let you stand on that one,” the CO said, nodding. “If you let slip what this conversation was about, I officially know nothing. I don’t like it, but I know nothing. Out.”
The seaman seemed to break the speed of light out of office.
“Damn,” the CO said. He knew what was going to happen, eventually; the question was how to do it so that it didn’t make him look like an ass. Normally, he didn’t care about that sort of thing. But with a crew, they had to think their CO always knew what he was doing. In an emergency, in combat, they could not be questioning his judgment. And he was beginning to realize he’d made a monumental error in that area. Come to think on it, that was almost precisely the term that the XO had used. Damnit. “Conn, CO.”
“Conn,” the watch officer replied.
“Get me the COB.”
“So half the crew’s been visiting Miss Moon to get their technical problems resolved,” the CO said.
“Half would be an exaggeration, sir,” the COB said. “The missile techs understand their systems just fine. And laundry and mess aren’t having any issues. Well, Mess is, but the XO’s on that and I doubt Miss Moon can cook.”
“I’d say that’s half the crew,” the CO said sarcastically.
“Well, all the rest haven’t been to see her, sir,” the COB pointed out. “Just the ones that have hit a brick wall with something.”
“They couldn’t ask the XO?” the CO said. “He’s a whiz-kid.”
“With all due respect to both you and the XO, sir,” the COB said, “the XO’s usually really busy and is generally one grouchy son-of-a-bitch on this cruise. The crew steers clear of him if they can. And, frankly, I think Miss Moon has a better technical understanding of a bunch of the systems, sir. She’s also a lot easier to talk to and pleasant on the eyes. I mean, seriously, sir, if you had the choice of asking Commander Weaver a question or Miss Moon, which would you choose?”
“And you don’t have an issue with that, COB?” the CO asked angrily. “Direct disobedience of orders? Private time with a female on a submarine?”
“As to the first, sir,” the COB answered, his face hard, “Officially, I don’t know maulk and will say so in front of any court you care to send me up before, sir. And unofficially, which I was thinking we were talking, the stuff’s getting fixed, sir. We’d have turned around two weeks ago when Fusion Two was acting funky if it weren’t for Miss Moon. And you and the XO barely heard about that one, sir. You responded to the SCRAM then went back to your regular work and got a report it was fixed. All done. Not how it got fixed, which was people who shall remain nameless trooping in and out of the science quarters the whole time and an hour run on the fabricator to fix a busted injector and some magnets that nobody but Miss Moon could figure out. And didn’t the Eng hear nothing nor wonder about the engineering guys running in and out of the compartment every five minutes! For that matter, it all started because we wanted to be able to breathe, sir. You’ll recall when the recyclers went down, sir? And nobody knew how to fix them?”
“Except
Miss Moon?” the CO asked.
“She at least could figure it out, sir,” the COB said “As to the second, sir, I’ve been keeping an eye on it really close. The whole crew considers her something between a mascot and a good-luck charm. More than half the crew worships the ground she occasionally trods. If anybody thought about raising a hand to her, the rest of the crew would space him and you’d have one guy permanently AWOL.”
“Christ, COB,” the CO said, shaking his head. “This has got to get under control. The problem is I gave that order and maybe it was stupid but the Navy’s got to have orders.”
“Beyond my paygrade, sir,” the COB said, letting his CO dangle.
“Thanks so very much,” the CO said. “I am now off my Captain high horse. I would entertain suggestions how to get out of this predicament. Because, yeah, we need Miss Moon on-board. I give. Uncle.”
“Let it slide for now,” the COB said. “Ignore it. I’ll keep it to a dull roar. I’ve had to handle Miss Moon before and she’s got more horse sense about people than you know, sir, pardon me. She sees what’s going on and she’s not going to make waves. First chance you get, let her off the hook and she’ll let you off. If she backs you with the crew and I back you with the crew, well, sir, then you’re golden.”
“And are you backing me with the crew?” the CO asked.
“That hurt, sir,” the COB said angrily. “You’re the CO, sir. When I heard about the guys going to Miss Moon, I checked into it and realized there weren’t no choice. When some maulk-for-brains complains about having to sneak around I dress him down right proper, sir. The chiefs are on it, sir, all of them. But, yes, you’re going to need to climb down sometime, sir. This ship isn’t going to make it to Rigel much less Taurus if we don’t have Miss Moon’s assistance. She’s the only person that understands half the systems. We should have shipped with a full load of Hexosehr tech-reps filling the science quarters or at least a dozen human and Adar eggheads. Hell, even Tchar’s gone! What we’ve got is Miss Moon and an XO that’s new to his job and scrambling to figure it out. Do you know how to fix a busted particle sensor, sir? I don’t. Or a covalent shearer? The nearest guy who’s sure to be able to is about a hundred and twenty light-years off. So, yes, you’re gonna have to climb down. It’s just…”
