“Why…” he asked. His voice breaking and filled with emotion.
“Truth?” I asked. “You were driving me up the fucking wall with your attitude.”
He sighed, and the disappointment was back. I took the dog from his arms, and he immediately frowned. “I’m just putting him down, so I can talk to you ok?”
He nodded. “Tank…” he began.
I held up my hand. “Nope. I’m going to talk first.” He waved for me to continue. “I know I could’ve been a little less broodish earlier. You can’t just storm off and avoid me or refuse to talk to me just because I don’t agree on something. How are we gonna work shit out if you do that? I get it, you can get mad as can I…, but that’s not the right reaction.” I shook my head and bought up the part that fucked with me the most. “Then you refused to kiss me.”
He blushed. “It was just, that it was important to me. I only ever tried to bring it up when you were in a good mood… not to manipulate you but to not annoy you. But I can’t ever seem to get it right. You seem so annoyed and put out with me it kind of hurts. Then, sometimes you say things. I don’t know if you’re aware and they don’t help either. What you said today cut me, and I’m not sure that you really want me. Maybe you pity me? But if that’s the case you don’t have to keep me.”
I frowned. “I got a little annoyed because it was first thing in the morning… but what’d I say to hurt you that you reacted that way?”
He looked away. “You accused me of trying to manipulate you. The fact you think I would was the first thing. Then you accused me of acting like a child when I was just trying to get my emotions under control. I didn’t want to come off being babyish even though it happened anyway. Then you said you wished you were single, Tank.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Shit. I didn’t mean it like that.” I reached for him and waited to see if he accepted my offer. When he walked into my arms, I let out a breath I hadn’t known I been holding. I held him against me. “I’ll say shit when I’m mad, but you have to know that I love you no matter what. You talk your shit too when you get pissed I just don’t think about my fucking words. They just slip out.” I lifted his face. “I ain’t used to watching my words… you gotta remember that. I’m only human baby, I ain’t perfect, and I’m gonna fuck up too.” I shrugged. “Why was the damn mutt so important to you?”
He buried his face into my neck and squeezed me. “I wanted a dog because I want to be needed. To have a purpose.”
What the fuck? “Fuck is that supposed to mean? Angie needs you, Danny. I fucking need you.”
He shook his head. “It’s not the same. You two don’t need me. If anything, I need you more than you need me. But I wanted something of my own that I can take care of, love it, teach it…”
Something dawned on me and I never even thought about it before. “Do you want kids Danny?”
He blushed and shrugged, that was a yes. “I don’t know… I don’t think after everything I would be any good with that. A dog isn’t as much as a kid. Plus, I know you don’t want any – “
I cut him off. “We never talked about it, so you don’t know what I want. I’m not even sure.” I rubbed his back. “Let’s just take this one step at a time starting with this mutt.”
He looked up at me. “I can keep him?” he asked hopefully.
I scoffed. “You damn well better after I went ahead and got the fucker anyway.”
He punched my chest. “Don’t talk about him like that.” He scolded me.
I grinned and kissed his temple. “So, am I forgiven?” I asked.
He gave me a bashful look and pretended to consider it. “I don’t know…”
I gripped the back of his neck. “If you don’t give me that mouth right the fuck now, we’re going to have real fucking issues. You already denied me once today.”
He closed the distance and covered my mouth. God, I missed his taste, and it’s only been hours that he’s been denying me. The fact he thought I didn’t need him? Proved he was out of his ever-loving fucking mind.
*****
Danny
I couldn’t believe that Tank actually got me a dog. And he was absolutely adorable! I loved him already. As soon as I cleared the entrance to the main room, Addie was on me. She practically snatched the dog from my arms and ran off to Siarra. I kind of wanted to snatch him back and glue him to my side, but there would be time for that. He was mine after all. Besides, I really missed Tank, and I felt really needy at the moment. I just wanted to be close to him, to touch him, to be touched by him.
I moved over to Tank’s side and brushed my arm against his to let him know I was there. He didn’t break his conversation with Psycho, but his hand reached out and grabbed mine tangling our fingers together. I sighed and leaned into him letting him carry my weight and laid my head on his shoulders. I closed my eyes briefly content and felt his lips brush against my temple.
I have no idea what they were talking about, but I was snapped back to reality when Psycho had an outburst. “Fuck you Tank! You know what… fuck this shit.”
I watched as he stomped off in the direction of Siarra and Addie. When he was halfway there, he let out a whistle. Siarra looked over at him, then stuck her nose in the air and turned around. He groaned and rubbed his face.
“Siarra, come here.”
She looked back at him. “No.”
The tips of Psycho’s ears went red. “Swear to fuck… get your ass over here you brat headed little shit.”
She turned to face him fully and crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. “I’m still not talking to you, you know.”
He sighed and put his hands on his waist. “Fucking hell woman, just come here…” he gulped and looked like he was in pain. “Please.”
She looked worried, I guess that wasn’t a word you heard often from the man. She walked over to him, maintaining her attitude, and he took notice. He looked as though he didn’t know whether to be amused or annoyed. When she was close enough to him, he reached out and grabbed her dragging him to her. He bit her lip and then released her.
“Look, you shit head. I’ve been putting this off tryna find the right time and place and all that bullshit… but fuck. There won’t be one. I know you’re mad about me not giving you an answer about that thing… but I wanted to do this first.”
Psycho pulled at the collar of his shirt and looked around the room anxiously. Siarra looked worried and touched his arm. “Are you ok?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Fuck no.” he reached into his pocket and yanked her hand forcefully towards him. “We’re getting married.” He stated.
He clumsily slipped a ring onto her finger. She was no doubt surprised. “I thought you were supposed to ask.”
He scoffed. “You think I’d be stupid enough to do that? So, you can run those fucking lips and make me crazy?”
She arched an eyebrow. “I do get a choice.” She pointed out.
“You really think that? Do you not realize I’m gonna drag your ass somewhere to get hitched one day whether you like or not?” she opened her mouth to respond and he shook his head. “Just fucking kiss, me you nut.” And he planted a deep kiss on her. Everyone began cheering and hooting, and I was a little teary-eyed.
Sure, it wasn’t the most romantic, but it was beautiful. I felt so happy for them. They deserved to be happy, and they were already a family, why not make it official. It was apparent to anybody that they really loved each other. They made each other crazy that was for sure, but they loved every second of it.
I watched as they all embraced each other. Siarra, Psycho, and Addie and I felt a pang of jealousy in my chest. I wanted that so badly. A family, people to love more than life and who love me the same. I sank further into Tank. I had that before, I really did.
I know I was unusually quiet for the rest of the night and I could tell that Tank noticed. He was watching me carefully with concern, and I knew there was a part of him that thought it was about the fight we had. It
wasn’t though. It still weighed on me, but it was at the back of my mind. I wanted to ease his worry, but I didn’t know how to put my thoughts into words.
When we got home, Tank tread carefully. He picked up Chinese on the way home, and we ate in silence. Afterwards, we went to his room and got into bed. He turned on the TV and pulled me close to him and just held me. I appreciated it because it was exactly what I needed. Tank always seemed to know what I needed, especially when I needed comfort. He stroked me gently and occasionally gave me a tender kiss and just let me drown in his arms.
Tank, however, wasn’t exactly one to just let things go. When he petted me into a puddle of goo and had me completely content he finally spoke up. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” he asked.
I sighed and snuggled closer to him. He let me. “Do I have to?”
He kissed my forehead. “I would say you do. I know there’s something wrong and I want to help.”
I nuzzled his neck, and he groaned. He loved when I did that, but he wasn’t letting me distract him. “uh un. You’re not going to use sex to get out of this. Tell me, baby.”
I shrugged. “It was just you know watching Siarra and Psycho today. When he proposed and how happy Addie was then them talking about adopting her.”
He sighed. “So, you want that then?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yea, but not right now… that’s not really it.” I rushed out, so he knew that I wasn’t trying to pressure him into anything. “It’s just that I want a family and I used to have one and now…”
“And now?” he asked when I didn’t continue.
“I don’t. I have Angie back, and you and that was just by chance. But what about Max, and Jenny? I don’t even know what happened to my parents you know. I was just thinking… I want to find them. I’ve been thinking about them since I came back and at first, I didn’t think it was possible. Then what’re the odds that I get Angie back? I just… I just wonder if I could get Max and Jenny too. At least in a small way. Or to at least know how they are and they’re okay.”
Tank let out a long breath. “Oh, baby. I was wondering when this was going to come up.”
I sat up. “Do you know something?” I asked and instantly felt betrayed.
He saw it in my eyes and shook his head. “No. I don’t know where they are. But I know you, and I knew that eventually, you’d want to find them. I didn’t want to push anything on you or give you more to worry about. But if this is what you want, I’ll help you.”
It felt like my chest expanded. I searched his eyes, and all I saw was sincerity. “You mean that?” I asked hopefully.
He nodded. “I can’t make any guarantees, but I’ll talk to Prez, and we can see if we can use our resources to find them.”
I grinned and threw myself at him, and he chuckled as I rained kisses all over his face. “Thank you, Tank! Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me.”
I smiled. “Yea, I think I do. Now come here so I can have my wicked way with you.” Tank said as he flipped us over and covered my body. I couldn’t wait for him to have me.
Chapter 14
Tank
I’d been going crazy trying to hunt down Danny’s family. He’d just started to be happy and then all of a sudden, he’s sent back into depression. I wanted to tell him to forget it and start all over just to see that mopey look leave his face forever, but I couldn’t. I knew deep down that no matter what I found, he would need to know. Need to see them if he could. He would never heal not knowing. It took me six agonizing weeks of pulling out every resource I could think of, but eventually, I got what I was looking for. At least something, and it wasn’t at all what I was expecting.
That was a week ago, and I’d been racking my mind on the best possible way to tell Danny. When it all boiled down to it, there was no good way, so I had to make an executive decision. I wasn’t sure if what I was deciding to do was the right choice, but it was the one I made, so I followed through with it. I’d made all the arrangements and got everything prepared without Danny having the slightest idea what I was up to. I didn’t know how he was going to react to the news, and I mentally prepared myself for any outcome.
I made love to Danny three times last night. Each time more tender than the other and while he seemed to appreciate it, there was apprehension visible in him. He was wary like he knew there was something I wasn’t telling him and thankfully he didn’t pry.
I woke up this morning and was moving on autopilot. I hopped in the shower as I usually do and got dressed. I went to the kitchen to find Danny dressed and ready for work, scooping food up onto two plates. My stomach turned at the thought of eating, but I did it anyway. I could’ve been eating cardboard for all I knew because I didn’t taste a thing. Anxiety was eating me up on the inside.
Danny eyed me but didn’t say anything. “You ready?” I asked as we cleared the dishes.
“Sure.” He said.
I grabbed his hand and led him to the door. I’d just unlocked it when I remembered, “grab Trapper.” I told him.
At the sound of his name, the pup came running towards the door. Danny grinned and scooped the dog up and nuzzled him. “As much as I’d love to take him to work, I don’t think I can.”
I smiled. He really did adore the hell out of that mutt. “Siarra’s going to babysit,” I told him.
He frowned. “Why? He’s been doing just fine in here while I'm working by himself. There’s going to be times when we have to leave him, and he has to be prepared for that.”
Alright then. Here goes… “Well, you’re not exactly going to work today. I called Mark and got you today off. I have a surprise for you.”
His eyes lit up like a child on Christmas. “A surprise?” he asked.
I nodded and kissed him because I just couldn’t help myself. “Yea baby. A surprise and we’re going to need a babysitter. We have a schedule though, so we need to get moving.” I said giving his ass a playful slap. He jumped then stopped and wiggled his butt at me again and grabbed his hips to grind my crotch against his perfect ass. “I said we need to get moving.” I groaned.
He pressed tighter against me. “I thought we were.”
He was going to kill me. “Danny…” I warned.
He sighed then grinned. “Fine. Remember that, I’ll just keep my ass to myself then.” He threatened and left the house.
“incorrigible brat,” I muttered following him out.
We dropped off Trapper and was on our way. One hour went by, then two, three… four, before Danny couldn’t help himself.
“Pennsylvania?"
I nodded. “It would appear so.”
“What are we doing here?” he asked.
I shrugged. “There’s but so many things we could be doing here.” He gave me a skeptical look. “I will say, as much as I want to have you, baby. I didn’t drag you out here just for sex.”
He laughed. “It did cross my mind…” he shrugged. “I could see you pulling me out of work to fulfill some kinky fantasy.”
I rolled my eyes. “So fucking funny Danny.”
He looked around anxiously. “Really, what are we doing here?”
“I’m kidnapping you.” I joked as I parked the car.
He leaned over and wrapped his arms around my neck. “That’s impossible.” He cooed as he kissed me.
I accepted his kiss and gave him one of my own. “And why is that?”
He kissed me again. “Because I’d follow you anywhere.”
Damn if my insides didn’t melt a bit. “You’re going to give me cavities with all that sugar.”
Danny blushed, and after one last kiss, he hopped out of the car. I rounded the back and grabbed our bags. When he saw them, he froze. “So, have bags… not picking up one of your friends.” Not a question.
I shrugged and led him into the hotel where I booked us a room. We checked in, and at my insistence, we called room service and had lunch. Knowing I couldn’t put it off any longer, I led him back out to the car. A
fter navigating the streets for thirty minutes, we pulled up to our destination. Danny looked at the building with a deep frown, extremely confused.
I turned off the car and turned in my seat, so I was facing him. I took his hand and waited until I had his complete attention. When he finally looked at me, I could see that nervousness begin to creep up.
“Why are we here Tank?” he asked.
I took a deep breath. “We’re here to see someone.”
He paled. “Who?” his question came out in a whisper.
I shook my head. “We can get through all of that when we get inside.” I ran a hand over the side of his face. “I love you, baby, ok. Are we’re here together. We’ve got each other.”
I could tell that my words did nothing but worry him more, but they needed to be said. I got out of the car and went around to his side to help him out. He held my hand in an iron grip, and I led him inside. I had already called ahead of time and got all of the information that we needed, so when we approached the front desk I gave my name and room number, and we were given visitor passes.
I felt Danny begin to shake more and more the closer we got to our destination. When we reached the front of the room, I pulled Danny into my arms and kissed him deeply hoping that he could feel every ounce of love I felt for him pour out of me. I knocked gently on the door and when a voice answered, “yea.” I twisted the knob, and we walked inside.
*****
Danny
When Tank told me, he had a surprise for me, I imagined something romantic maybe. Hell, even something sexy. He’s been acting weird the past few days. Not exactly distant or I would’ve been more worried but distracted. Something had been on his mind and he for once needed coddling more than I did. I knew it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about because otherwise, he would’ve. I didn’t think to push him either because I figured if it were something big he would tell me. I thought it was club bullshit… stuff that I didn’t need to know. In hindsight, maybe I should’ve pushed.
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