by SC Daiko
“They’re only five-years old. They’ll make new friends.” I give him a convincing look, even though, deep in my heart, I’m not entirely convinced.
“Won’t you at least let me explain why I have to leave the country?”
I shake my head again. “I won’t listen to any more lies, Daniel.”
I choke on a sob.
My trust in him is gone.
Vanished into the ether of his deception.
He pushes back his chair and gets to his feet.
With a guttural roar, he punches his fist into the wall.
I flinch.
Blood splashes from his knuckles onto the tiled granite floor.
I release a gasp.
He spins on his heel and strides out of the room, leaving me sobbing into my hands.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Daniel
Six Months Later
I wake with a wet patch in my sleep shorts. I’d been dreaming about Catrin. Dreaming we were playing. She was here in the Colorado mountains with me. I tied her up then took a flogger to her, and she’d begged me for more. I told her no, that she was attempting to top from the bottom. She was my submissive pain-slut then, giving herself up to me in divine surrender.
God, how I’d loved her for it.
We lay in each other’s arms for what seemed like hours. It had felt so right… even though I was half-aware it was only a dream.
I knuckle the sleep from my eyes and reach for my phone on the bedside table to scroll through the pictures I took of her, staring at them from under my hot gummy lashes.
God, she’s beautiful.
So sexy and sweet.
I focus on the photo of her making dinner for us; she’s stirring a pot of something, probably one of her delicious stews, and has turned toward me, a smile shaping her lovely mouth.
My dick misses Cat so fucking much, but it’s more than that… I miss her company, our daily lunches, doing things as a family.
I miss her beautiful soul.
I close my eyes as misery makes my heart lurch; I haven’t seen her since the day I stormed out of the Aldridge House kitchen.
Six months have now gone by. I should delete the pictures, we are definitely over, but I can’t bring myself to fucking do it.
With heavy steps I make my way to the bathroom. I stand under the shower and soap myself, the warm water running through my long, unkempt hair. I towel myself dry, and my bloodshot eyes stare back at me in the mirror… too much Vodka last night after Ben had fallen asleep. I don’t habitually get drunk, but I’m never close to being sober most evenings either.
I drag my fingers through my beard and bare my teeth at my reflection, snarling at myself.
Brute.
Back in the bedroom, I shuffle into a pair of jeans and pull on a sweater. The dream is still with me, however, and I think back to what happened six months ago.
Pride stopped me from pleading with Catrin further; she’d made it clear where she stood. It hurt like a bitch, but I accepted her decision. There’s a hollow sensation in my chest as I think about it.
She wanted nothing more to do with me.
Gleb helped me move out of the cottage within twenty-four hours. I didn’t have much stuff, so it was easy to pack. He arranged for my unsold paintings to be shipped here. We left the furniture, and just took Ben’s toys and my personal effects. Luke said he would notify the school for me and assured us that if anyone came asking he and Gabe would tell them they didn’t know where we’d gone.
Before we left, Ben snuck next door to say goodbye to Becca. I have no clue what went on between them; he clammed up on me afterwards. We had an all-out argument; he begged me not to make him leave his home. He kicked off big-time, yelling and screaming that I was about to ruin his life by taking him away from Catrin and Becca. I put it down to post-traumatic stress from the kidnapping and tried to comfort him as best I could.
I turned around as Gleb had driven us down the road, staring at Catrin’s cottage, at the garden we’d worked so hard on together. That mutt of hers set off a plaintive howling, as if he knew what was going on. I had to hide from both my son and my brother the fact I was crying silent tears.
I fulfilled my promise to Diana and took Ben to visit her in London before we got on the plane. He was excited to see his granny, even if he had no memory of her, and it distracted him slightly from the ordeal of leaving Northamptonshire. She passed away three months later, peacefully in a hospice, and I’m glad I was able to fulfill her last wish.
When we arrived in Denver, at first Ben had been enthusiastic. The drive north, then west into the mountains, had thrilled him; he’d loved the small lake in front of our log cabin style house, the aspen covered hills and the freedom. Gleb had already handed the property over to me, and I owned everything we could see.
I knew we’d be safe here… and I’d hoped we’d be happy here as well. As happy as we could be in the circumstances.
But that was not to be.
I make my way slowly down to the kitchen. I didn’t sleep well last night… nothing different there, I don’t sleep well most nights… and I’m exhausted even before the day has begun.
Ben is still in his pajamas and gives me a surly glance. “Don’t wanna go to school today,” he mutters. “I hate it there.”
I force a smile. “Come on, buddy. You’ve got to get an education. School can’t be as bad as you make out.”
“Don’t call me buddy.” He scowls. “You’ve only called me that since we came to America. You used to call me son.”
I lift my hands defensively. “Sorry. But you know I’m right.”
“You could home-school me.” He sticks out his lower lip. “There was a girl in my class who left to be home-schooled.”
Ben has a point; except that wouldn’t be good for him. I’ve reverted to being a reclusive artist. My default mode. If he didn’t go to school, he’d become a complete savage, never socializing with anyone, never experiencing life outside the confines of this place.
“Go and get dressed, son,” I say, in a no-argument tone of voice. I tap my watch. “Be down here in ten minutes.”
I grab a cup of coffee, too tired to even think about making myself any breakfast. If it wasn’t for Ben, I’d probably stay in bed all day. Although whether I’d get any sleep is debatable…
I take Ben to school then go into my studio. The past six months have been successful for me as far as my painting career is concerned. Art has kept me semi-sane and, despite my constant exhaustion, my style has developed from the violent phase following Victoria’s murder, past the sweet phase of my love affair with Catrin, to a combination of the two. Bitter-sweet, critics are describing it. At least I don’t need to hide my creations from Ben anymore. And I don’t need a fucking agent… Gleb handles my marketing for me now.
I work in fits and starts through the morning until midday. I’m about to force myself to make a sandwich lunch when the ringtone on my phone chimes.
Fuck, it’s the elementary school.
My pulse catches in my throat.
“Mr. Collins,” I hear the principal’s voice. “Please come and pick up Ben. He’s been fighting again.”
Jesus.
I grab my keys and get into the truck. Is my son doing this deliberately to get himself kicked out? I tug at my tangled hair.
Ben is not responding to my parenting methods.
Not by any stretch of the imagination.
And it all started when we left Catrin and Becca.
Half an hour later, I’m sitting in Mr. Ward’s office. Ben is positioned on the chair next to me.
“We’d like you to take your boy home, Mr. Collins, so that he can reflect on his behaviour.”
I ask for details of the incident and learn that Ben had been calling another boy ‘a plonker’… in retaliation for being teased about his British accent. When the ‘plonker’, in turn, retaliated by calling Ben an asshole, he threw a punch at him which culminated in a fistf
ight. They’d had to be separated by two teachers.
There’s nothing I can do except comply. “Come on, son. Let’s go home.”
Ben smirks, and I can see he’s repressing an air punch.
Jesus Christ.
“Your uncle won’t be pleased about this,” I say to him as I drive towards the cabin. Ben hero-worships Gleb. “Don’t forget he’s coming to visit this weekend.”
“Aw, do you have to tell him?”
I focus on the winding mountain road and ignore his question.
My son is turning into a mini-Gleb, badass personified. Who’d have thought it? Except, maybe I’m more like my brother than I realized. Neither of us suffer fools gladly, and Ben is the same.
“I’m worried about you, bro’.” Gleb’s lightning eyes bore into me. We’re sitting out on the deck by the fire pit on Saturday evening, beers in our hands. “Looks like you’ve lost weight. And, judging by the empty bottles of vodka in your trash can, you’re drinking too much.” His stare intensifies. “To be honest, you look like shit.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I say between gritted teeth. “You’d probably look even worse than me if you’d been through what I’ve been through.”
He reaches across and clasps my shoulder. “Isn’t it time you moved on?”
I shake my head. “Can’t. I keep thinking about her. I miss her so damned much.”
“Have you tried contacting her?” he asks, staring across the deck towards the lake. Moonlight shimmers across the still waters. The ice of winter has melted, and there’s a whisper of spring in the air.
“Catrin wouldn’t want that. I deceived her and she’ll never forgive me.” I rub the back of my neck.
“She made the decision to start a relationship with you, even though she knew you were hiding something.” Gleb’s gaze darts back to me.
“That’s part of the problem, I think.”
“Problem?” He tilts his head.
“Yeah. She’s drowning in guilt for putting her feelings for me before her daughter.”
“Hmm. I don’t get women. Never have and probably never will.” His smirk is so like Ben’s it pangs in my gut.
“Still the Beast from the East?” I smirk back at him.
He lifts a brow. “Konechno…”
Of course.
“Ben worships you,” I say, changing the subject. “I can’t get through to him about what’s been going on at school.” I clear my throat. “Could you talk to him tomorrow, find out if there’s anything I need to be worried about?”
Gleb’s smile is warm. “It would be an honour.” He digs me in the ribs. “He’s already told me that the dickhead who got him excluded is a plonker.” He laughs. “Gotta love Ben. He’s one in a million.”
So are you, Gleb Sokolov, I want to say.
But I don’t.
Smartass Gleb’s head is already big enough.
I’m just fucking glad he’s back in my life. It helps, in a small way, to fill a part of the hole in my existence that opened up when the shit hit the fan in England.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Catrin
The pictures I took of Daniel are still on my phone; I scroll through them all the time. I’m looking at them now as I sit in the garden at my parents’ house on an unseasonably warm April day at the start of the Easter holidays.
My eyes prickle with tears and my breathing slows as I stare at the image of him standing next to his easel, paintbrush in his hand.
It’s been incredibly hard trying to make some sort of life without him. Becca and I couldn’t bear to stay on in the cottage. We couldn’t bear to look over the hedge into next door’s garden and not see Ben kicking his soccer ball or Daniel leaning one of his paintings against the outside wall.
Within a month I told Eleri we wanted to go home to Wales. She tried to persuade me otherwise… only without much conviction. I’d come clean to her about how deep my feelings for Daniel had been, how passionate our relationship was.
During those first several weeks, I’d nursed the secret hope he’d try and thrust himself back into my life.
It was also my worst fear.
I knew it would be impossible to reject him a second time, but I needed to put my daughter first.
I sigh to myself; I’ve changed my phone number and email address, so he wouldn’t have been able to contact me… even if he has tried.
What we had between us is over.
Unequivocally over.
My soul is empty without him, but I know it’s for the best.
Best for Becca.
I’ve carried on trying to be a good mum to her, aiming to reduce the trauma from being kidnapped by talking it over, and reassuring her that nothing like that will ever happen to her again.
Not if I can help it.
She misses Ben, I know she does; she asks me questions about him all the time. Questions to which I have no answer like, is he okay, where has he gone, will she ever see him again. I gave her a condensed version of why he and his dad had to leave, an explanation she seems to have accepted.
I live my life on auto-pilot now… getting her up, giving her breakfast, taking her to the same school I attended when I was a kid. She’s settled in fine, thankfully; she has Josh’s easy-going nature and not even being parted from Ben shortly after being kidnapped has affected her equilibrium. Maybe being surrounded by close-knit family has helped, and the fact that Josh’s parents spoil her rotten.
They finally told me they’ve decided to move on, though, and are upping stakes to relocate to their dream home in Florida. The cost of flights has come down, they said, and they’ll help us pay the fare to visit as often as we can. Becca can’t wait; she’s attracted by the prospect of visits to Orlando, of course…
In the meantime, I need to find somewhere to rent. Staying at Mum and Dad’s is only an interim measure. I’ve been looking for a small house in Wyemouth but haven’t found anywhere suitable yet.
Sighing, I bend down to rub Toby’s ears. He gives my hand a lick.
Suddenly, his body goes rigid.
He jumps up and unleashes a volley of loud barking fit to wake the dead.
“Catrin?” I hear the deep voice before I see the man.
The hair stands up on the back of my neck.
Can it be…?
My fingers touch my parted lips and I leap to my feet.
A tall, broad-shouldered figure advances across the lawn.
I screw up my eyes to get a better look.
Shock wheels through me and I grab hold of Toby’s collar.
What the hell is Gleb doing here?
“Nice to see you, Catrin.” His voice purrs.
“Well, this is a surprise.”
My knees are in danger of giving way, so I sit back down. “How did you find me?”
“I went to Aldridge first. They wouldn’t tell me where you’d gone.” He lifts a brow. “But I remembered my brother saying you were from here.” He laughs and plops down in the chair next to mine. “I stopped off at a pub in the town and asked if anyone knew you. It was as easy as that…”
I can imagine a bar girl falling for his cocky charm.
Not this girl, though…
“Why are you here?” I come straight out with it.
His electrifying blue eyes suddenly assume an anxious look. “I came to ask for your help. It’s to do with Alexei…”
“Oh, my God. What’s happened?” I gasp.
“He’s not coping. And Ben is going off the rails.”
Gleb’s voice is filled with so much raw emotion it fills me with dread.
“Where is he? Are he and Ben safe?” My lips tremble around the words.
Gleb leans back in his chair. He tells me they’re in Colorado, assures me the place is off the beaten track, and that those perusing him have no connections with the area. Then he goes on to describe what Daniel’s life is like now. How he’s drinking. How his parenting skills have gone down the tube.
I’
m so shocked I can’t even begin to formulate a response.
“He loves you, Catrin,” Gleb adds. “And so does his son. I’m telling you this for a reason. I’d like you to come back with me. Bring Becca. Ben told me about her, how she’s his best friend.” Gleb fixes his extraordinary eyes on my face. “I’m worried how they’re gonna end up.”
“What… what do you mean?” I splutter.
“Alexei might drink himself into oblivion and Ben might be expelled from school.”
I can’t think straight. All I can say is, “How can I afford the air fares?”
“That’s all taken care of.” He spreads his hands apart. “You’re both booked to travel with me on tomorrow’s British Airways flight. All I need is your passport details.”
I’m being railroaded into this.
I clench and unclench my fists. “You presume too much.” My heart is still fragile... it could easily be broken again. “I won’t put myself and Becca in a position where we could get hurt like before.”
His eyes squint. “What about Alexei? Don’t you care about him?”
I huff out a breath. “I don’t know the man you’re referring to. Alexei is a stranger to me.”
Gleb sucks his cheeks in. “But you know Daniel. I guess I should stop referring to him as Alexei. He told me how close you were. How you helped heal his brokenness.”
Gleb’s words pierce me, but I need to resist.
For Becca’s sake.
“I don’t think it would be fair on our kids to show up and then leave again. Which I’ll need to do as my life is here.”
“You’ve heard of long-distance relationships?” Gleb leans forward. “If you two reconnect, and Ben and Becca do likewise, you can be in touch on a daily basis via the internet.” He smirks. “You could also visit as often as you liked.”
I’m still not convinced.
“Daniel broke my trust,” I say to Gleb. “He deceived me.”
His eyes lock with mine. “Let me explain what really happened.”
