“First of all – I’ve only ever been around your son at the community center, so if you have an issue, address that with Kyle. It doesn’t have shit to do with me. And second – I want you to understand that the only reason I’m giving your ass any grace right now is because the dick is so good I’d probably be acting stupid if I couldn’t have it anymore too,” I told her, returning the smirk that had slipped off her face with my words. “Oh, and… I guess if I’m dating Kyle, we’ll need to have some peace, so I won’t do your silly ass like I really could.” I looked her up and down, then shook my head as I turned away. “Come on Zion, we need to get home,” I called, then glanced back at Audrey, who was still standing here looking dumbfounded. “Oh, and… your leave out, in your weave… no. I work at Studio G. You should come by, I’ll hook you up.”
By that time, Zion had made it to where I was, so I left her alone. I grabbed my stuff and we headed out, with that little incident replaying in my head as we left the park.
Before, something like that would have left me fuming with anger, and I may have gone upside her head for that comment about a new daddy for Zion. But, maybe because Kyle had been open with me about the way their relationship had gone, and maybe because I had a sometimes-contentious relationship with my son’s father as well… I didn’t feel a need to be angry with her.
I wasn’t going to let her walk over me, but I wasn’t mad.
She was figuring her shit out, and sometimes there were casualties with that. Lord knows I’d cursed out my fair share of women behind a man, and very few of them actually deserved it. Being easy with her was me redistributing my karma for the times I’d been able to walk away from an encounter with an unkicked ass.
Besides… Sex with Kyle was amazing. I couldn’t blame that girl for being a little crazy, hell I was too. But hopefully, this was the only time she’d ever come at me like that.
I couldn’t promise I’d be as nice next time.
&
Kyle
“NIGGA. You told KJ I was your girlfriend?! – B.”
I frowned at the text I’d just gotten from Brandi, trying to figure out what could have possibly sparked it. Audrey knew I was seeing somebody, but I hadn’t given her a name, and even if KJ had said something to her, she had no idea who Brandi was.
What could be the problem?
“Yeah. To ease him into the idea of you being around as more than “Zion’s mom”. Why, what’s up?”
“You’ve got a problem headed your way is what’s up. Ran into Audrey and KJ together at the park earlier, and he told her who I was. She thinks you’ve “had him around me” and she ain’t happy bruh. - B”
Shit.
“How much earlier?”
After something like that, I would have expected at least an angry phone call, but I hadn’t heard from Audrey at all. Maybe it wasn’t that bad… nah. I shook my head at that. The likelihood that, with us being on shaky terms, Audrey had responded well to randomly happening upon a woman I hadn’t warned her I was dating was pretty low. And the chances that Brandi had responded well to that were even lower.
Somebody would have called me if there had been a physical fight though, right?
“About an hour ago. Meant to text you earlier and got distracted with Zion, packing for this little weekend trip with his dad. – B”
“Let me warn you though – honey is likely to be very, very mad. – B”
“What did you say to her?” I typed back, imagining the very worst.
“Why do you think *I* did anything?! – B”
“I was nice to her silly ass, tbh. – B”
“I have therapy tomorrow, can’t be cursing people out today. – B”
“I hope she knows how lucky she is. – B”
Lord.
“You make me sick,” I heard, and looked up from Brandi’s texts to see Audrey standing in the doorway of my studio.
“Hello to you too,” I said, then put down the phone, giving her my attention. “What did I do this time?”
She scoffed, then stepped fully into the room. “You know what you did,” she muttered, shaking her head. She stopped, propping her hands on her hips. “Why did it have to be you first?” she asked, and lifted her gaze to the ceiling. “You’re the one who destroyed us – why do you get to be “over it” first?”
Instead of immediately responding, I took a second to really consider her words. I crossed my arms, wishing I had an answer that would make her happy, but I didn’t. The only thing I could come up with – while probably accurate as hell – would only further piss her off.
“Where is KJ?”
She blew out a sigh. “With your parents. I dropped him off over there so we could talk. As I was kissing my baby goodbye, he asked me, “Are you and Daddy going to yell again? Why do you and Daddy yell at each other so much?”” She let out a huff of laughter, and shook her head. “Kyle, that broke my heart. Is that all he thinks we do?”
“Lately, Audrey… it is,” I answered honestly. “And it upsets him.”
“I know. I know,” she repeated, cupping her hand over her forehead. “I… I dropped him off with every intention of coming over here and cursing you out, for anything I could think of. Just for the hell of it. But then he said that to me, and I’ve just been thinking about it the whole ride over, and I just… I don’t know why. I don’t know why I can’t seem to either let the anger go, or let you go. It pisses me off that you get to just skip along like you weren’t the one who ruined what we could have had.”
I frowned. “When did I do that, huh? Cause as I recall, I groveled, and begged, and got my ass handed to me in therapy until I realized exactly where I’d gone wrong, and committed myself to doing shit differently from then on. I get that you have your own narrative about this, but let’s take a second to tell the truth – I never acted like my shit didn’t stink. Whether or not you want to forgive is your business, but I’m not going to keep atoning for shit that happened in 2007.”
“And I’m not asking you to,” she said. “I’m just… thinking out loud, trying to figure out how I let this turn me into something I don’t wanna be. Do you know how stupid I felt today, when KJ told me that woman was your girlfriend? Like… who else does something like that happen to, huh? But… anyway, I’m standing there, looking at this tall, curvy, gorgeous woman who makes perfect sense for you, and I just felt this rage. So I tried to take it out on her, which backfired, and I couldn’t even respond because I wasn’t mad at her. And I want – badly- to take it out on you, but after what KJ said to me… I can’t. Cause… I’m really not mad at you either. I don’t know who I’m mad at, I’m just… mad. But I don’t want to be. Not when it has my baby looking at me like all I know how to do is yell at his Daddy.”
When she finished speaking, I nodded, then pushed out a hard sigh. “It’s not easy to move forward, is it?”
“No, not at all. Not when we have a kid together, who deserves for us to give him our best. This isn’t our best, Kyle. We messed it up.”
I shrugged. “Us not being together doesn’t mean we failed him. You’re a great mother – I’ve never questioned that. And I like to think I’m a damn good father.”
“You are,” she nodded, with a little smile. “Even when I hated you, I couldn’t deny that.”
“See?” I asked. “That’s not something to take lightly.”
“And if you add up all the time we’ve actually been together since he was born, you might get a year. Even at our worst, we managed to do right by our son. Think about how much better it could be if we weren’t at each other’s throats,” she offered, perking up some.
“Exactly. It doesn’t have to be hard. We’ve just gotta stop playing.”
She sucked in a deep breath, then pushed it out, mirroring the way I felt too. I knew this one conversation didn’t cure everything, but it definitely helped loosen some of the tension.
“I still don’t appreciate you having our son around a woman I don’t know. And I don
’t want to hear about Matt, because we both knew him.”
I shook my head. “Brandi hasn’t even been around KJ as my girlfriend. I mentioned it to him, since he already knew her as Zion’s mother. I was just trying to place another building block for him.”
“Zion… is the kid who took up for KJ when that big kid was picking on him, right?”
“That’s right. He’s a good kid… his mother did a great job. She’s pretty dope when you get to know her.”
She sucked her teeth. “I don’t want to hear about her, ugh.”
“Audrey, bye. You brought another nigga to my parent’s house for dinner.”
“It’s not the same thing,” she argued.
“How is it not?”
“Because, you… ugh. You weren’t supposed to move on with a girl who looks like her. The first real girlfriend was supposed to be some ugly, misshapen chick I could roast in a grouptext with my friends. That woman- this Brandi? Kyle, she insulted my hair and offered to fix it, and I… kinda wanted to take her up on it, for like two seconds. That shit isn’t right, and you know it!”
I laughed. “How is that any different from you and the good doctor?”
“Matt was handsome, and a doctor, but he was also…”
“Swagless?”
“Yea—I mean, no. I mean… that doesn’t matter anyway. What matters is that we’re the best coparents we can be for KJ.”
“Right,” I agreed. “So… this means you aren’t mad at me anymore, right?’
She chuckled. “No, no, I’m definitely still mad. Maybe one day I’ll be able to wish you and your new boo well, but… today ain’t that day.”
“Fair enough.”
“We switch tomorrow, right?” she asked, and I nodded to confirm, and then she was gone, leaving me feeling an odd combination of hope and confusion.
The confusion was because we’d gotten through a conversation that could have been bad, without even raising our voices. The hope was that after this, we’d actually have some forward progress. I really wanted to see that happen, not just for us, but for also for KJ.
Time would tell.
{ten} her lies
What in the world…?
The loud, incessant buzzing from my cell phone drew me from my sleep, and I groaned.
“This better be a damn emergency,” I muttered as I felt blindly for it – my face was still buried in my pillow.
Once my hand closed around it, I pulled it off the charger, then lifted my head to see the screen. I rolled my eyes when I saw the time – two in the morning. I rolled them harder when I saw who was calling.
Scott.
What the hell did he want from me at two in the morning?
“Hello?” I growled, not bothering to keep the annoyance out of my tone. “I hope somebody is bleeding.”
He grunted. “No… but maybe after this conversation.”
Hmm.
That made me sit up on the edge of the bed. “Scott… it’s the wrong time of night to be bullshitting. Just tell me what’s going on.”
“I can’t come and get Zion.”
Immediately, my nostrils flared. “Excuse me?!” I hissed. “You begged me for this weekend, and I gave it to you, even though you had him over Spring Break. He’s been looking forward to this four-day weekend for months, wanting to take this trip with you. What the hell do you mean you can’t get him?”
“I mean, I can’t. I just got a call from work, I have to get on this flight—”
“Scott,” I interrupted. “A call from work? Really? It’s two in the morning!”
“Not in Dubai,” he sighed. “It’s bright and early there, and right on time for one of my clients to have put himself right in the middle of a financial disaster, and I need to see what I can do.”
I scoffed. “That’s what phones, computers, and internet access are for.”
“None of which replace the human component. He’s one of my largest international clients, has sent me a ton of referrals. I need to make sure he feels taken care of.”
“And what about your son, Scott? You came waltzing into his life with all these big promises, but let me make one to you – you will not start a habit of disappointing him. I refuse to let that happen.”
He huffed. “Do you really think that’s what I’m trying to do?”
“I have no idea what you’re trying to do, only what you’re doing. And what you’re doing is canceling a trip he’s been excited about, so you can babysit some grown ass man’s money.”
“You mean so I can work,” Scott shot back. “So that I can do things like pay for expensive ass summer camps, and help keep his little ass in Jordan’s and shit.”
My eyes went wide in the dark. “I know you aren’t trying to throw anything in my face right now. I know that’s not what’s happening.”
“And you’re right, Brandi, it’s not. This is just me talking to you, trying to get you to understand that I don’t want to have to do this. I need to. I don’t want to disappoint our son anymore than you want to see him disappointed. But haven’t I done over the last few years to get a reprieve this one time?”
I shook my head. “Scott, Zion is old enough that it’s really not up to me. I don’t even know why you called me, instead of calling him.”
“Because it’s two in the morning, and I’m packing a bag as we speak. I’ll be in the air by the time it’s morning there. I… need you to tell him for me.”
“Ohhh, so you want me to be the bearer of bad news for you?”
He pushed out a hard sigh. “Brandi… please.”
Ugh.
“Fine, Scott. I will do what I can and try to smooth it over, but I’m telling you now – I will not sit by kindly and watch this turn into a “thing” with you. I have had plenty of love and support with Zion. He has an uncle, and a grandfather, and family friends, and teachers, and plenty of male role models that have helped shape him. Your absence in his life was no catastrophe for him – he was good. But now you’re here. And he loves you. You’d better not break my baby’s heart the way you broke mine. You understand?”
“I do,” he answered, quietly. “And I promise you… this isn’t that.”
“Okay,” I nodded, though he couldn’t see me. “I’ll tell him when he wakes up.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
After we hung up, I sat there for a few seconds, trying to will myself not to be upset. As silly as it was, I felt like I was on a little kick of good vibes, after the positive interaction with Marshall, and not roasting Audrey as badly as she deserved. I hated to ruin that with Scott.
“Well that was pretty intense.”
I glanced over my shoulder to where Kyle was. I could feel him moving to sit up in the bed, and a moment later, he’d wrapped his arms around me from behind.
“You okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I am. I was just thinking though… I get Audrey more than I want to. I can’t seem to let the anger I’m holding against Scott go, even though I really don’t have a reason anymore. I just jumped down this man’s throat because he has to go to work. As if I’ve never had to disappoint him for the very same reason.”
Kyle pressed a kiss to my temple. “First step to overcoming something is acknowledging it, right? Maybe it’s something to mention to your therapist.”
“Oh I’m sure I’ve got tons to unpack about that particular subject,” I chuckled, turning my face toward his in the dark. His lips found mine for a kiss, and I moaned as he gripped me a little tighter. “Hey… what if she tells me you’re bad for me?”
His lips, and hands, stopped moving. “She gotta go then. She play too much.”
I laughed. “I’m serious though. You know how Iris did that whole “dating herself” thing? I was supposed to be doing that, but I just… I don’t know. I never could find the rhythm. Couldn’t figure it out. And then you came along and just ruined it. What if I can’t heal because I’m just using this new relationship as a crutch
or something?”
He moved away from me, and then a moment later, the bedside lamp was on. His eyelids were low from his sleepy state, but he was focused on me. “Is that how you feel?” he asked, keeping his voice even. He hadn’t said it, and his expression was neutral, but I could tell he was bothered. “Like this isn’t good for you?”
Instead of answering immediately, I stopped, and actually considered it before I shook my head. “No, not at all. I mean, yes, I’m thinking about it, and I’m wondering, but… you’ve been pretty amazing. I always feel good when I’m around you, even when I’m in one of those moods. You make it hard to stay there. And you’re the one who encouraged me to go in the first place, so… I’d say you’ve been pretty beneficial to my health.”
“Don’t forget, I put this dick in your life,” he said as he laid back, pulling me with him.
“How could I?” I asked, rolling so that I was on top of him. I took a moment to just look at him, then reached up, tracing his neatly groomed hairline with my fingertips. “I like you,” I said, meeting his gaze. “A lot. Like, a whole lot.”
He grinned. “I like you too. Where did that come from?”
“I don’t know. Just felt like telling you.”
His hands came up to grip my ass, and squeeze. “What else you feel like doing?”
“Exactly what you feel like doing, if your dick stabbing me in the stomach is any indication.”
“It is.”
“I thought so,” I smiled, leaning in to kiss him again. I pressed my lips together to keep from shrieking and waking Zion when he flipped us over, pinning me down to the bed.
“Then what are we waiting on?”
&
“So do you always expect flowers for simply doing what you should?”
My mouth dropped open in surprise at - as she’d insisted I call her – Dr. Layla’s response to my relaying of the three different encounters I’d had in the last 24 hours. I’d been in her office for nearly an hour, answering questions. I wasn’t sure what had made me tell her those stories, but now… I felt a little silly about it.
The Lies: The Lies We Tell About Love, Life, and Everything in Between Page 20
