He smiled. “I still have a tough time believing that your mom is an alpaca farmer.”
“She’s an alpaca rancher,” I corrected. “But yeah. It’s totally bizarre.”
“Do you like the alpacas?” he asked me curiously. “Are they friendly?”
“Hell no.” My answer was emphatic. “They’re the worst. My mom will say that they’re so cute and so sweet, but don’t listen. They’re a bunch of long-necked, snaggle-toothed stink demons.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I sense a story here.”
Oh, there was a story. Stories. Plural. I shifted in my bed. “Maybe some other time. I’m not ready to tell you all my humiliating secrets tonight.” I picked at the buttons on my top unhappily. “I’ve embarrassed myself enough today.”
“Impossible.”
“For me to ever embarrass myself enough?” I smirked. “Yeah, you might be right. My capacity for embarrassment is a deep well.”
“For you to ever tell me anything that would make me think less of you.”
My mouth fell open in shock and then closed into a smile. Who says things like that? Cole had the uncanny ability to knock me off my game, but in the best way possible. He made me feel like I was more than I was, and it ratcheted up my confidence in a way that filled me with lightness and joy. And also, desire.
“Does that mean you wouldn’t mind if I fixed this little buttoning issue?” I purred, sliding one hand up my top from beneath and pushing my assets together around it. I was cross-legged on my bed in front of the camera.
His breath caught, and his permission was the look he was wearing. It was a heavy, heated stare.
“Kate, there’s nothing little going on there,” he said. His eyes were locked on my chest.
I flicked the little pearl buttons open, one by one. The light silk fabric was soft, but stiff, and my nipples hardened against it as much from Cole’s riveted gaze as the cool air coming in my open windows as I slowly pulled it apart just an inch at a time.
“When did you get that piercing?” Cole asked, staring at the bar in my navel.
“About a month after the last time you saw me freshman year.” I measured everything that happened that year around his bombshell. “Do you like it?”
He nodded. “I like it. It’s sexy. Like your tattoos.” His voice was soft and appreciative. I wanted to show him everything. All my tattoos. I pulled the shirt off and halfway down my shoulders, baring my chest—and my under bust lace tattoo that extended up to my sternum—to him.
“Fuck,” Cole whispered, transfixed. “You’re gorgeous.”
“Do you really think so?”
Cole tilted the camera in answer. Beneath the loose, pale blue fabric of his pants, his erection strained, long, hard, and thick. Fuck. My breathing had become shallow and quick, and my hands felt empty. My whole body felt empty. I’d never wanted anything as much as I wanted Cole.
“Do you want to come over?” I asked, cupping myself for him to display myself better. “We could celebrate your new business?” The invitation was almost a plea.
He ripped his eyes up higher, to my face. Cole’s cheeks were flushed, and his voice was a breathy, wicked whisper. “You’re gorgeous, but you’re trouble,” he told me. “If you let me come over right now, I’m going to make you mine in every way possible. If you’re not ready for the whole world to know it—including your brother—don’t invite me. Because he’s going to hear you screaming my name from clear across town.”
I hesitated, and then shrugged my top back on. My body felt alight, and I wanted him so badly I was almost ready to, but I was scared. I shook my head at him.
Cole’s smile was disappointed. “That’s what I thought.” Now that I was covered again, his voice sounded more normal. “We’ve got time, Kate. It’s ok. Besides, you’ve given me plenty to dream about tonight. See you soon.”
I knew what I’d be dreaming about, that was for sure. I smiled a sad little smile at him, feeling like a coward. This wasn’t what I wanted. I thought I could spare my feelings, but now it felt like Cole wanted everything, or nothing from me. I’d worked myself into a corner and now I didn’t know how to fix it. I wasn’t typically a commitment-phobe, but the look on his face a moment ago had been intense and the last time I’d felt something this strong for Cole, it had been intense disappointment. That disappointment had been so deep I’d almost drowned in it. “Sweet dreams, Cole,” I whispered.
20
Cole
I’d now said no to sex with Kate twice and I felt like I deserved a fucking medal for my forbearance. Self-discipline was something I’d developed for football, and I’d slowly gotten used to the grueling workout, diet, and practice requirements over the years, but this was on another level. This was torture. By the next day, I was ready to trade eating carbs forever for just one more glimpse at Kate’s perfect rack.
Pretending that things were normal with Ward was also torture, although of a totally different and non-sexual type. I’d all but started avoiding him over the secret. An invitation to celebrate my acquisition the following evening at the bar made me feel guilty and jumpy. It showed.
“Why are you being so weird tonight?” Ward asked, looking at me with obvious worry. “Are you having buyer’s remorse or something?”
I shook my head. The only remorse I was feeling was over not fucking his sister six ways from Sunday the night before. “I think I’m just having a small case of life whiplash.”
That at least was true. Ward nodded understandingly. “It feels weird not to go to practice, doesn’t it?” His voice was earnest.
“God yes,” I replied. My voice sounded as stunned as I felt. My nutritionist and doctor had helped me figure out how to go from playing sports professionally to a less active life without gaining three hundred pounds and getting sick, but it was still bizarre not to depend on my body’s physical performance for my livelihood daily. “It’s like I can feel myself losing muscle tone just sitting here. Like I’m just wasting away.” It was three in the afternoon, and I was sitting on my butt in a bar with my buddies instead of sweating in a field. It was just bizarre.
Ward got it, but Lucas, who was seated at our table with us, rolled his eyes dismissively. “Oh, for god’s sake, just go to the gym and lift some weights. That’s what I do.” His voice was skeptical. Lucas had initially gone to UT to play football as well, but a heart murmur had eliminated him early in our freshman year. It had ended up being entirely harmless to him, but by the time he got the definitive diagnosis a few years later it was too late. Luckily for Lucas, he was smarter than he had been talented at football in the first place (although I wouldn’t say that to his face, either).
“It’s just not the same without the team,” Ward replied, looking sad. I knew it still bothered Ward that his career had been cut short, and it was hard not to wonder where he’d be now if he hadn’t been injured. Of the three of us, he was the most talented. The fact that I’d end up being the most successful at the sport was pure luck.
“At least Cole can go cry into his piles of new BMWs now,” Lucas replied, smirking at me. “Have you decided what you want to drive yet? I assume you get a discount or something?”
“Yes, an i8 coupe,” I replied instantly. I’d thought about this more than I probably should have, mostly because it distracted me from thinking about Kate. “With a one-point-five-liter Twin Power Turbo 3-cylinder engine. Fully charged in three hours and zero to sixty in four-point-two seconds. Three hundred and sixty-nine horse power and four-hundred-twenty torque.” An affection for fine automobiles was a longstanding thing for me, so it worked out that I was now in the business. Plus, the fact the car was electric was just cool.
Both men sat back appreciatively in their seats. Lucas whistled low before saying, “Nice choice!”
“What color?” Ward asked.
“I haven’t decided yet, but maybe silver?” I shrugged. I hadn’t thought about the color yet, although that was a very important decision.
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nbsp; “A nice burnt orange or white would look nice,” Ward suggested. Of course, he’d suggest that. The University of Texas’ colors were white and burnt orange. I had plenty of pride for my alma mater, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to drive an orange car. It was a bit flashy for my taste.
“White would look nice,” I admitted. “Especially with the black interior.”
“Don’t get a white car,” Emma said, coming up from behind us with a second pitcher of beer. “They look like rentals.” She kissed her future husband on the cheek and he pulled her half into his lap. Their easy affection made me feel lonely. Kate was nowhere around, but even if she had been, I couldn’t touch her in front of Ward.
“I’d like to know what Enterprise rent-a-car has a fully tricked out i8 coupe in their lot,” Lucas joked.
“Oh? Is that a very nice car?” Emma asked, adding a quiet, “I don’t know about cars.”
Ward hugged her closer, obviously charmed by her automotive innocence. “It’s a very nice car,” he explained to his fiancée. “A very expensive, very fast electric sports car.”
“Well then never mind,” Emma said seriously. “In that case, you should get a white car. I read a study once that said white and silver cars were the least likely to be involved in an accident or pulled over for speeding.”
I was about to reply to Emma when I noticed that she was waving over my shoulder. I turned to see Kate approaching.
“Hello. Working hard I see,” she teased, looking around at Ward, who was supposed to be behind the bar, and Lucas, who’s laptop had gone dark on the table in front of us.
“We’re talking about what kind of car Cole is going to get now that he owns the BMW empire,” Emma said. She smirked. “What work could be more important than that?”
“He should get an i8 roadster,” Kate answered instantly. Lucas and I probably looked stunned, but Ward grinned. His influence on his sister was clear, and he was proud of it.
“He wants the coupe,” Ward said.
“He’s too tall for the coupe,” she replied, frowning at me while she talked to him. “The roadster is much sexier anyway.”
“A roadster usually pays a weight penalty against a coupe for its flashier looks,” I challenged.
“Usually, yeah. But the i8 did away with that weird, tiny back seat no one could use,” she replied with a grin, “so it’s almost the same. Plus, the range is longer on the roadster, and let’s face it, no one drives an i8 because of its understated looks. That thing looks like a spaceship.”
“She makes a good point,” Lucas said.
“I do like the Roadster,” Ward mused.
Poor Emma looked completely lost. We might as well all have been speaking Greek. Her gaze pinged from face to face in confusion.
For once in my life, I was not confused. I’d never been more certain of anything. The only thing I was thinking at that moment was how sexy Kate was, and how much I wanted her. A woman that looked like Kate and who knew as much about futuristic, electric sports cars as she did about beer and football? It was like god designed her special for me. Especially her tits…
Ward slapped me companionably on the shoulder. “You look stunned, man. Are you sure you’re doing ok?”
I ripped my eyes away from Kate’s face and shook my head at him in frustration. He totally misinterpreted my expression.
“Don’t worry,” he told me in a low, sympathetic voice, “you will get used to doing something else. It’ll just take some time.”
I’m sure my answering smile was thin. Keeping a secret from Ward when he was trying so hard to help me didn’t make me feel any better. Ward was a good friend; he always had been. Yes, he was fiercely protective of his sister, but he was also fiercely protective of his friends. I knew that he’d do just about anything for me if I asked him. The promise that I’d made to Kate was beginning to eat at me.
For her part, Kate was doing a much better job of keeping it together than me. She rolled her eyes at her brother but turned businesslike a moment later.
“Say, did you see the contract for that corporate Christmas party come back?” Kate asked Ward. “I wanted to make sure they accepted the changes we needed to make on their decorations. I don’t want them bringing in anything.”
Ward looked confused and shrugged, but Emma perked up.
“It came back,” Emma replied. “I talked to the client on the phone and confirmed that they won’t take anything off the walls or put anything permanent up. I figured the Christmas lights they want to put up won’t be a huge issue, so I okayed it. I’m just waiting for them to email the final copy back.”
“We already have white strings of Christmas lights we can put up,” Kate said. “I usually don’t allow people to bring their own, because it can look super tacky.” The frustration in her voice was veiled, but I could hear it. Lucas and Ward carried on a conversation about another topic, oblivious to the drama playing out right next to them.
But Emma was clearly fully aware that Kate was annoyed. “I’m sorry,” she said with a shrug. “I figured it wouldn’t do any harm to let them bring their own lights. You aren’t mad, are you?”
Kate paused, shook her head, and her eyes slid back and forth between Emma and Ward a few times. Now that I knew Kate better, I could almost read her mind. She loved Emma, but this was Kate’s job. Emma was encroaching on her territory and making decisions. Design decisions no less.
I could nearly guarantee that anyone except Emma would get a stern talking to if she stepped on Kate’s authority in the bar. But what could Kate do? This was going to be Emma’s bar as well as Ward’s in the near future. All Kate could do was smile politely and pretend like it didn’t bother her.
Poor innocent Ward bore the brunt of her frustration instead. She glared at her brother, pointed at the bar, and barked, “Get back to work!” Ward reluctantly obeyed. The afternoon was wearing off and soon the happy hour crowd would be in.
“Slave driver,” he grumbled with a bemused smile.
“Someone has to make sure the lights stay on around here,” Kate snapped back.
“What’s got your panties in a twist?” he asked her.
Kate stomped away without answering. She made the rounds to refill water glasses with a frown on her face. Patrons thanked her meekly. Emma stared guiltily at her beer. A moment later, Emma followed Kate off toward the office with her metaphorical tail between her legs.
“Are you sure you want to mess around with that temper?” Lucas asked me, low enough that Ward couldn’t hear. He arched an eyebrow at me. He hadn’t been as oblivious as I thought.
My answering grin must have been all the answer he needed.
“You really do have a death wish, don’t you?” he asked. “If Ward doesn’t do you in, Kate will.”
But as I watched Kate’s flawless hourglass figure stomp back to the office and thought about our video call from the night before, all I could do was think that it’d be a hell of a way to go.
21
Kate
I wanted to sulk in the office for a few minutes, but Emma wasn’t going to let me. She knocked almost instantly after I shut the door and swung it open before I could even answer. She walked in like she owned the place, which of course she nearly did. I blinked at her, feeling both conflicted and cornered.
“You’re mad at me,” she asserted, flopping down in the chair in front of me and not giving me a chance to cool off. “Why are you mad at me? Is it really because I said ok to the Christmas lights for that party?”
Her voice was concerned and frightened, and I frowned more in annoyance than anger. I sighed as my irritation drained out me at the sight of her expression. I couldn’t stay mad at her. “I’m not really mad at you,” I replied after a moment of playing uselessly with the papers in front of me. I shoved them away across the desk and met Emma’s big, green eyes. “Not really. I’m just being an insecure jerk.”
She cocked her head to the side like confused, blonde puppy. “Insecure?”
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sp; I nodded in defeat. “Yeah. Insecure. I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels. My whole life is just stuck on repeat. I’m not going anywhere. Especially compared to Cole, Ward, Lucas, and you. All of you have your careers figured out, except me. I’m afraid I’m going to get left behind while you all become real adults. I’ll probably be managing this bar for the rest of my life.”
Emma’s wide eyes got even wider. “I can only speak for myself, but I definitely don’t have my career figured out! Teaching is much harder than I expected it to be. I like it, but it’s hard. I’m not sure I’m cut out for it long term. Every day in the classroom is still really, really challenging.”
I sighed. “That’s not what I meant. I… I know it’s not all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows for anyone. But at least you have a trajectory. An end goal. You may not have a perfect plan, but you have a plan. You at least sort-of know what you want. I’m just drifting aimlessly through my twenties like plankton.”
“You know what you want. You have a goal. You have a plan. You’ve been talking about opening a boutique since we were in college. Doesn’t that count for something?”
I swallowed uncomfortably. “But I’m not any closer to doing it than I was back then.” My voice was small, and I felt vulnerable and weak. It wasn’t something I was used to feeling, and I didn’t like it at all. Seeing Cole, just seeing him sitting in the bar next to Ward, made my stress level go up to level one billion. I wanted him more than I wanted anything in my life, and it was amplifying all my other worries.
“That’s not even true. You’ve been diligently saving up money for years,” Emma argued.
Kiss Me Like You Missed Me Page 11
