“Oh, we’ll find you something sweetheart,” she told me at our first meeting. “It’s not going to be easy, but nothing worth having ever is.” She’d looked at my budget, patted my arm excitedly, and sent me back to my hotel room with homework.
A few days later, Kate and I met her at the first property she’d lined up for me to visit. We’d met at a local coffee shop to game plan the tours, and when Jolene laid eyes on Kate and learned she was my girlfriend, she’d thrown out the entire plan and swore she knew exactly where to start.
“Damn!” Kate said as we drove up in her little Honda SUV. I could tell she really meant it because she let her accent turn it into a multisyllable word: ‘day-um’. I couldn’t disagree with her assessment.
The three-story home in a fancy downtown neighborhood was buried behind a tall wrought iron gate that required a code before swinging open. Up the long drive, a stately red brick house looked more like something that would perch atop a hillside in New England than in Austin, Texas.
“Hey y’all!” Jolene said from the door, waving cheerfully as we walked up the manicured lawn. “I’m glad you two found it. Quite the place isn’t it?”
We both nodded in silent shock. The place was positively enormous. This was not what I wanted at all, or had ever expressed an interest in. What would I do with a house this big?
“This house is five bedrooms, five bathrooms, four and a half thousand square feet. There’s an attached garage apartment for a mother-in-law or nanny. It’s got a lovely pool area too. It’s been fully redone by the current owners and I think you’ll be very pleased with the finish out. It would be a perfect home to raise a family. There are great schools in this neighborhood.” She looked at Kate significantly. When neither of us could manage a word, she continued, “Well, go take a look around and I’ll be down here if you have any questions.” Her confident footfalls echoed off the marble as she went to go sit on the porch.
Kate and I stared at each other in the formal, extremely fancy entryway after Jolene disappeared. Kate laughed first, and I was quick to join her. This was just too ridiculous and too awkward not to laugh over it.
“Do I look pregnant with quadruplets in this dress or something?” she asked me, rubbing her flat stomach area and turning sideways to look at herself in a huge gilded mirror that hung on the wall.
“You do not look pregnant,” I reassured her, kissing her on the forehead before grabbing her hand and pulling her away from the mirror. “Come on, let’s at least look at this place. Obviously, I’m not going to buy a damn mansion, but we’re already here. It’ll be fun.”
She smiled back at me. “Ok. It’ll be like House Hunters.”
“Is that a game?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Not a game. It’s a reality tv show. Picky couples look at houses and bitch about dumb, rich person things. Then they pick one.”
I didn’t understand. That sounded no more enjoyable than watching someone shop for groceries. Then again, football had occupied so much of my time in the past few years that I’d missed a number of popular culture developments. My perspective was off. Still… “People just watch other people looking at houses for fun?” Kate nodded enthusiastically. I shrugged, still confused, but happy to play along.
Kate grinned and dragged me into the formal living room. “This is where you would serve the Queen tea when she comes by.”
“Yeah I do that a lot.” This was wasted space as far as I could tell. The room was empty because the house was vacant, but formal living rooms were meant to be full of uncomfortable, stuffy-looking furniture. “Me and Lizzie are best friends you know. She even named a corgi after me.”
The first floor spread on and on. There was even a butler’s pantry and a dumbwaiter to the second floor. What the hell even is a butler’s pantry?
“Obviously you were kidding about the Queen, but who’s the most famous person you ever met while playing football?” Kate asked as we strolled through room after unnecessary room.
I didn’t have to think about it long. “I met Prince on an airplane once. And yes, he was wearing purple.” From head to toe, no less. He pulled it off, too.
Kate looked appropriately impressed. “Prince? No way!”
“It’s true. He had no idea who I was—I’m not sure he was a big football fan—but it was still really cool. He’s so tiny though! I mean, he never looked huge in pictures or anything, but he was literally about Emma’s size.” I gestured to about waist height.
Kate looked wistful. “Prince was a national treasure. And living proof that it isn’t all about size.”
“That might be true,” I agreed, drawing Kate closer as we climbed up the first set of stairs to look at the bedrooms. We paused in front of the gilded double doors leading to a truly opulent, and enormous master bedroom. “But I think we can both agree that size is still very important.”
Kate smirked at me and ‘accidentally’ bumped her round ass against my crotch when she paused to admire the bedroom’s trayed ceilings. I was hard in an instant. God, the ass on her. It was obscenely perfect.
“You know it isn’t polite to brag about your, um, generous endowment,” she said.
I blinked innocently and gestured to the room. “What’s that? I was referring to the bedroom.”
Her little smirk grew into a full-blown, knowing smile. “So was I.”
“You’re a very naughty girl to talk like that,” I whispered in her ear, enjoying her subsequent shiver far too much. We wandered into the master bathroom to find an enormous, couples-sized whirlpool tub. Kate proved me right by arching an eyebrow at me and pouting her full, pink lips.
“Do you think Jolene would be mad if we tested this thing out?” she asked. Her voice was a dirty whisper and I couldn’t resist pulling her closer. Her soft, teasing lips were sweet torture. I could think of a thousand things that I would like to do to her in that tub. None of them would result in her getting any cleaner—my ideas were universally filthy. Downstairs, I heard a door open and close with a slam. Kate pulled away from me in surprise, breaking the spell. Jolene must have gotten tired of waiting for us on the porch.
Damn. I wish we were alone.
“She probably wouldn’t like it very much at all,” I admitted in disappointment, thinking I must have some kind of curse when it came to timing, “and while this house is clearly not for me, a hot tub is definitely going on my must-have list.”
Kate smiled, but the awful, persistent doubt was back in her eyes. No matter what I said or did, no matter how serious I was about wanting a future with her, I couldn’t seem to banish her fear that I was leading her on. I could only pray that she would still be around by the time I got that hot tub.
27
Kate
After Cole’s lukewarm response to the gigantic, fancy mansion, poor Jolene reverted to her original plan. Her dream of an easy sale was visibly crushed, although her professional smile never wavered an inch. She assured Cole that there were loads of other options in his budget. The next property was in a modern condo tower downtown that looked much more like some place I could imagine Cole living. The lobby was incredibly sleek and futuristic looking.
“This is a really nice building,” I told him as we ascended up (and up and up) to the fiftieth floor. My voice sounded high and scared in my own ears. Cole looked over at me with a concerned look on his face.
“Oh, it’s a wonderful building,” Jolene immediately added, producing a brochure from her big, pink, Prada tote bag and reading, “absolutely brand new, too. There are all the ordinary amenities here of course: gym, pool, laundry, business center, rooftop deck. But they have some exceptional ones as well, including a full-service concierge, spa, and onsite massage therapist.”
I’m sure I looked properly impressed under my newfound vertigo. My condo definitely didn’t have any of those, not even the ‘ordinary ones’. Cole merely shrugged. I supposed this sort of luxury was normal to him. I wasn’t just out of my comfort zone because the build
ing was fancy, though. The height—and the tiny elevator—were making me feel somewhat dizzy. I tried not to look out the window. It was a long way down.
The elevator door dinged when we finally arrived on the fiftieth floor, and I thought it sounded relieved. I knew I was relieved to be out of the small space. It was making me feel claustrophobic.
“You hate this already, don’t you?” Cole whispered in my ear as we walked down the corridor. He looked worried. “Are you ok? You look pale.”
I shook my head. “No, no, it’s fine,” I lied. “I’m fine. I think I’m just hungry or something.” I smiled reassuringly at him and grabbed his hand to pull him forward.
He frowned, clearly unconvinced by my act. But then Jolene was talking at us again about the unit we were about to see and unlocking the door. We stepped inside to reveal a beautiful, furnished loft. It had tall ceilings, lovely wide-plank hardwood floors, and the most beautiful, open kitchen I’d ever seen in real life. Unfortunately, it also had an enormous wrap around balcony.
“Obviously the view is the big selling point,” Jolene explained, pulling open the enormous glass doors to let the mid-morning breeze in. “It has beautiful north-eastern exposure, which means no hot afternoon sun.”
Cole started toward the balcony while holding my hand, and I froze. There was no way I was going out on that flimsy little ledge. Rationally I could see that it was six-feet wide and made of concrete and steel, but the frightened reptile me that lived in my brainstem wasn’t buying it. Lizard-Kate didn’t want to see the view. Lizard-Kate wanted to crawl down under a rock somewhere nice and safe. Somewhere at ground level or below.
“Oh, and you have to see the incredible double shower,” Jolene was telling Cole excitedly. “It has unbelievable views.”
“I’m sorry,” Cole interrupted. He shot another look at me and shook his head. “This place just isn’t going to work for me.”
She froze mid sales pitch. “Really? You don’t like it?”
I could feel panic rising in my throat. I’d never had a panic attack before, but I would bet that it felt something like this. Just exactly like this. My breathing had sped up like I was running a 5k, I was starting to sweat but somehow also freezing cold, and my vision was fading into a dark, narrow tunnel. If I didn’t get out of there soon, I was going to fall on the ground and then melt down. I had maybe sixty seconds of coherence left.
“The unit itself is fine,” Cole said, rushing through his words as he saw me deteriorating before his eyes. “I actually like it quite a bit, and the building seems great. But I don’t want to live somewhere up this high. Are there any units on the second or third floor available?”
My condo was on the third floor. I could handle the third floor. I missed the third floor. I shifted uncomfortably on the polished wood floors I stood on and thought about how the many identical floors below me must look. All forty-nine of them probably had the same ash colored flooring. It was just layers and layers of ash colored flooring all the way down. The thought made me feel even more ill.
“I think I want to go sit down in the lobby,” I heard myself saying. My feet were already carrying me toward the door. Jolene caught onto my distress at last. Her blue eyes widened, and she gasped, literally clutching at her pearls when she realized how uncomfortable I was.
“Oh, dear! The height is bothering you isn’t it sweetheart?” Jolene said comfortingly, pulling the doors to the patio shut and covering them with the electric window coverings. I felt instantly better. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.” She grabbed my elbow and maneuvered me out of the unit efficiently. Cole grabbed my other elbow and they urgently propelled me toward the elevator. Cole looked terrified for me. Jolene probably just didn’t want me throwing up. The look on her face gave me the distinct impression she’d seen clients have similar reactions before.
As we descended down the long elevator ride, I heard myself apologizing uselessly. “I’m really, really sorry, I’ve never had any issue with heights before.” In fact, I’d flown on airplanes just fine. They didn’t even scare me. But I’d never been up in a building this tall before, and apparently it had a completely different effect.
“Don’t feel badly for one second Kate,” Jolene told me. Her constant talking was surprisingly comforting. “It can and does happen to anyone. Sometimes vertigo can come out of nowhere, you just never know. And if it is the height, you definitely aren’t the first person to dislike high places. I’ve seen it many times with my clients. At least you aren’t the type that gets nose bleeds or nausea.”
“I guess bungee jumping is probably out for you too, huh?” Cole said, hugging my back to his front so I couldn’t turn and see the city growing larger out the elevator’s wide glass window. He kissed the back of my neck and held me the whole way. I shut my eyes tight and happily sank into his warmth and strength. We’d be down on the ground soon.
“Yeah I don’t think I want to do that,” I agreed, still squeezing my eyes shut. “I think I’ll just keep my feet on terra firma from now on.”
I hated being the damsel in distress, but if anyone was cut out to play my heroic prince charming, it was Cole. Once we made it to the lobby, he scooped me up and carried me over to the adjacent Starbucks, bought me some tea and a cookie, and cuddled me until I felt better.
Ordinarily I would have fought tooth and nail not be coddled, but I liked being doted on by Cole, and it was obvious that he wanted to take care of me. No man had ever wanted to do that before, at least, not sincerely. Not because they just cared. It frightened me how much I craved his comfort and affection, because the thought of somehow losing it—losing him—was a million times scarier than the fiftieth floor had been.
28
Kate
We sat in the Starbucks for a long time. Long enough for my tea to go cold. I didn’t notice the passage of time until I looked around and realized it was now midafternoon instead of midmorning. I blinked in shock at my surroundings, only noticing most of the details for the first time.
“What happened to Jolene?” I asked Cole when I was nibbling on my second cookie and starting to feel normal again. “Did she leave or something?”
He’d been petting my neck and shoulders with his fingertips and paused in surprise. “Didn’t you hear us talking in the elevator? We rescheduled the other showings for next weekend.” His voice was very gentle, like he was trying to avoid frightening me more.
I shook my head. “Oh. Sorry. I was really pretty out of it.” For hours.
Cole kissed my forehead. His amber colored eyes were huge and frightened. “I was so worried about you. I really, really didn’t like that.” He gripped my shoulders in his hands and stared into my eyes. “Are you alright now?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I’ve never experienced anything like that before.” I was really embarrassed by the whole thing, honestly. “I guess I’ve learned something new about myself today. I don’t like tall buildings. I am officially not a fan of skyscrapers.” Not liking them was an understatement, but I didn’t know what else to say.
Cole seemed incredibly relieved that I was returning to my regular personality and humor. His exhale sounded like a weight had been lifted and his smile was bright.
“You know,” he mused, “Lucas told me that phobias are the result of traumatic experiences in childhood. Did you ever have something scary happen to you that involved heights?”
“You mean like Ward dropping me when I was little?” I smirked.
He flashed his white teeth at me. “I wasn’t going to go straight to that, but sure. That seems like something he might do.”
I searched my memory for anything that might qualify but didn’t remember anything particularly scary happening to me when I was up high. I grew up in Plano, one of the flattest, most horizontally spread out places on Earth. It wasn’t exactly an urban environment. “I don’t think anything like that happened. Although maybe it was so terrifying that I’ve repressed it? We would probably need a real psycho
logist to help us with this. Not Lucas.”
Cole’s smirk became a bittersweet smile. “He enjoys psychoanalyzing people a bit too much. It’s ironic really, because he doesn’t really talk about his own feelings, or seem to be terribly in touch with them. Last night was proof of that.”
“Oh no. Did he run into Victoria last night?” I asked curiously. I figured he’d gone home well before she showed up.
Cole nodded. “Yeah, and it was brutal. The poor guy is still half-crazy over her.”
“Hey, I took Psychology 101. Maybe we just need to condition him,” I suggested. “Like we show him a picture of Victoria and then shock him with a cattle prod or something over and over. That way he learns to associate her with something unpleasant and negative. In class I saw this one super messed up experiment with a baby and a rat, and it totally worked. Every time the kid saw the rat, the scientists would make a big, scary noise. The kid went from liking rats to being terrified of rats. It was really horrible actually.”
“I think she did something unpleasant and negative to him already,” Cole replied. His voice was dry, and I could tell he had no love for Victoria.
I’d heard the story from Ward and couldn’t disagree. She had been pretty heartless. “That man needs a rebound. Or maybe a shrink. Maybe both.”
“I’ll suggest your cattle prod idea to him,” Cole told me with a wry smile. “He might go for it.”
“It would probably just result in a fear of cattle prods.”
“Or pictures.”
“You know, I think my DNA actually said I would be afraid of heights,” I remembered.
Cole’s surprise was obvious. “Wait, what?”
I giggled. It did sound a bit insane. “I did one of those DNA kits they advertise on TV. You know the ones that tell you where you’re from?”
“Oh sure,” he said. “They tell you what you’re likely to fear? That’s in your DNA?”
Kiss Me Like You Missed Me Page 14
