by Jessie Evans
She sighed as her fingertips trailed down his muscled back. “I’m so glad you’re my first.”
“I wish you’d been mine,” he said, staring deep into her eyes. “Promise me we’ll make this work. I don’t want to lose you when I go on the road.”
“You won’t, I promise,” she said, tears of happiness filling her eyes. “All I want is you, Pike. All I’ve ever wanted is you.”
He captured her lips, kissing her until she was breathless as he continued to move inside her, binding her heart closer to his with every sensual shift of his hips. Within a few minutes, the last of Tulsi’s discomfort faded and things low in her body pulled tight, tighter, until she was lifting desperately into his thrusts.
“Come, baby,” he said, sounding as breathless as she felt. “I want to hear you call my name before I come. I want to feel you—”
She cut him off, crying his name loud enough to send the birds nesting in the nearby trees fluttering into the night sky. The bliss coursing through her body was so much more powerful than when Pike had brought her over with his hands or his mouth. She felt like she was drowning in pleasure, suffocating on euphoria, dying and being reborn as Pike joined her for the long fall, his body jerking inside of her as he found release.
She was so happy, so dizzy with joy, that when Pike pulled out with a curse and began to talk in a low, urgent tone, she couldn’t make sense of what he was saying until he’d repeated himself.
“The condom, Tuls,” he said, holding it up between them with one trembling hand. “It broke.”
Tulsi sat up on the thick blankets they’d spread before the fire, her heart racing as she realized what that could mean. “Okay, so…what do we do?”
He shook his head as he tossed the condom into the paper bag along with their trash from dinner. “I don’t know. I’ve never had one break before. But I think there’s a pill or something you can take. We’d have to go into town and talk to the pharmacist. Or maybe your doctor?”
“Oh God,” Tulsi said, running a hand through her blond curls. “I can’t, Pike. Dr. Brown’s been our family doctor since my mom was a baby. If I go to him, my parents will find out, and my dad will kill me. Reece is the one who gets into trouble, I’m supposed to be the good one.”
“You’re still the good one.” Pike reached out, drawing her into his lap. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We were trying to be responsible, but…accidents happen.”
Tulsi shook her head. “My dad won’t see it that way. And I don’t know what he’ll do. He said he’d pay for college, but if he finds out about this…”
Pike hugged her closer with a sigh. “I get it. Your dad’s not as much of an asshole as mine, but…I understand why you’re worried. Still, we should be more worried about what happens if our timing is off. Do you remember when you had your period?”
Tulsi’s tongue slipped out to dampen her lips as she thought back over the past few weeks. “It’s been almost…three weeks. I had it the week before spring break.”
His arms relaxed around her. “Then we should be fine.”
“Really?” she asked, gazing up at him, unable to keep from noticing how handsome he looked in the firelight even when she was scared to death.
“Really,” he said with a smile as he smoothed her hair from her face. “We’re at least a week too late for a baby. It’s fine. No worries.”
Tulsi sagged against him in relief. “Thank goodness. I’m not ready.”
“Me, either,” he said with a laugh. “I want a few more years of having you all to myself.”
She tipped her head back, gazing up at him with a mixture of wonder and disbelief. “Did you just say what I think you said?”
“What?” he asked, an uncertain note in his voice. “Don’t you want to have kids with me someday?”
Tulsi nodded numbly, worried her chest might explode from an overload of joy.
“Too soon?” he asked when she was silent for another long minute. “Should I pretend I’m not crazy in love with you?”
Tulsi’s nod transformed into a swift shake of her head, making him laugh.
“Good.” He kissed her bare shoulder. “Because I am, and I’m going to figure out a way for us to be together. I promise.”
The rest of the weekend passed in a blissful haze and Tulsi practically floated back to school Monday morning. Her friends, Mia and Bubba, knew immediately that something was up, but Tulsi refused to say a word, wanting to keep what she’d found with Pike to herself for a little longer. She’d waited so long for him, she wasn’t ready to share him with the world just yet.
The weeks before graduation seemed to drag with unnatural slowness, even as weekends with Pike flew by. They spent their time alone riding horses, learning each other’s secrets, and making love like it was their mission on earth. After her period, mercifully, came right on time, Tulsi drove into San Antonio to get a prescription for birth control pills. By the end of April she and Pike were taking full advantage of their newfound freedom, making love in the river during a swim, on the side of the trail while they watered the horses, and in the back of Pike’s truck after Tulsi’s graduation, the night before Pike left to go on the road with his team.
They stayed together until the sun came up, and Pike couldn’t put off leaving another moment.
“I’ll call as soon as I can,” he said, kissing her goodbye. “I love you.”
“Love you, too,” Tulsi said, trying not to cry as she watched him drive away. Things were going to be harder with him on the road, but what they felt for each other was real, the kind of love people wrote songs and stories about. She had no doubt—her and Pike’s love was going to last.
She believed that with every fiber of her being…right up until the day he proved she’d been a fool to trust him with every piece of her heart.
But by then, it was too late. Her fate had been sealed that warm spring day in Springfield, Texas, when Pike Sherman kissed her, and put her permanently under his spell. No matter how hard the coming years proved to be, or how lonely she often felt, Tulsi never stopped loving him. Even as she lied to him, pushed him away, and learned to hate him, love was there, pulsing beneath the stormier emotions, refusing to be snuffed out.
Loving Pike was a habit she couldn’t break, as much a part of her as her passion for horses, her devotion to her daughter, and her belief that there is beauty in almost everything, if you just take the time to stop and look for it.
But on the hot July night when she locked eyes with Pike for the first time in seven long years, Tulsi wasn’t looking for beauty. She was looking for strength, and the will to cut her heart free of the man who had ripped it out of her chest once and for all.
CHAPTER ONE
Present Day
Tulsi
The setting sun dipped closer to the butte on the western side of Old Town Lonesome Point, casting the main thoroughfare of the historic site in a blood-red glow, sending a shiver of foreboding up Tulsi Hearst’s spine.
This patch of Texas desert had once been home to Wild West cowboys and outlaws. Now, it was littered with hot dog wrappers, red solo cups, and discarded arm bands—leftovers from the two-day benefit concert that had ended only hours ago. But Tulsi had the cleanup crews stabbing trash and had supervised the removal of the temporary fences meant to keep rowdy concert-goers from damaging the historic structures. All that was left was to pack up the ropes and dividers that had allowed the talent to move from stage to stage without mixing with the crowd and she’d be ready to head for home.
She glanced down at her watch. Five after six. She had approximately forty-five minutes to finish up her duties, dash to her truck, and get out of Dodge without risking a run-in with the last person she wanted to see.
A few days ago, she’d flirted with the idea of running into her old flame “accidentally-on-purpose” after his meet and greet with the fans who couldn’t wait to rub elbows with one of the most famous pitchers in major league baseball. But now that she was mere minutes
away from a potential Pike Sherman sighting, she couldn’t believe she’d ever been so stupid. She didn’t want to see Pike; she hated Pike.
Or at least she wanted to hate Pike…
She wanted to forget that he was her first everything and the only man who had ever made her feel like she was flying with her feet still on the ground. She wanted to forget that, for one perfect spring, he’d been her world, and she’d been certain the love they’d found was going to last forever. She wanted to forget the way she’d pined for him for years after any self-respecting woman would have moved on, fallen in love again, and settled down to build a life with a man who cared about her. Remembering her weakness made Tulsi feel like a fool, but it was understanding how wrong things could go if Pike got too close to her life in Lonesome Point that transformed her rib cage into a vice that squeezed at her heart.
She had far more to lose than pride. That she had let it slip her mind, even for a day, was terrifying.
No matter how deeply he’d hurt her, Pike still had the power to make her feel like a lovesick schoolgirl, a fact that should have sent her running for the safety of her parents’ ranch hours ago. She’d promised Mia that she would supervise cleanup while Mia got ready for the meet and greet fundraiser, but Tulsi could have pled sick. Mia would have understood.
For a moment, the urge to run was so great that Tulsi almost dropped the rope in her hands and made a break for her truck.
“Woman up,” she muttered to herself instead, continuing to coil the thick divider rope around her arm. “You made a promise, and you’ll keep it.”
She had to keep this promise. Knowing she’d done her best to help Mia raise money for the ghost town restoration would make it easier to back out of the float trip later this week. Mia was looking forward to her pre-wedding float trip with her fiancé and closest friends as much as most brides-to-be looked forward to the big day, but there was no way Tulsi would survive twenty-four hours of forced proximity to Pike.
She would have to see him at the wedding shower trail ride, the rehearsal, and the wedding Saturday afternoon. That would be more than enough torture, especially considering her daughter Clementine would be home from camp on Saturday to join the wedding party. Clementine and Mia were as thick as thieves, and it had been assumed from the moment Mia set the date for her wedding that Clem would be the flower girl. If Tulsi had even hinted that Mia should find another little girl to do the honors, her best friend would have immediately known that something was wrong.
Tulsi’s only shot at keeping her secret under wraps was to keep her chin up and pretend this week was business as usual. And if Mia or her fiancé, Sawyer, or any of Tulsi’s other friends noticed she seemed a little off, she could always blame her weird mood on her business woes.
Last Friday she’d learned that Head Starts for Good Hearts, the charitable organization that had provided funding for her Equine therapy business, was under new management and had decided to direct their efforts elsewhere in the community. They’d given her sixty days’ notice, but that wasn’t nearly enough time to find alternative funding. Grant boards were notoriously slow. Any grants she applied for now wouldn’t be awarded until Christmas or later. By then, she’d be out of business. Even if she could convince her dad to let her stop paying rent on the barn for a month or two, the upkeep on the horses would be too much for her to float with her few paying clients.
She was on the verge of losing everything she’d worked so hard for and ending up back where she started when she’d come back to Lonesome Point after college as a single mother with barely a penny to her name. Clem was going into first grade this year, so if Tulsi found a job that kept school hours she wouldn’t have to pay for childcare or ask Mia for extra babysitting help. But the thought of working as a waitress or a sales clerk at one of the stores downtown, while all the kids who had flourished under her treatment lost their connection to the horses that had brought them self-confidence and healing, was enough to break her heart.
She had an appointment to talk to the new chair of Head Starts—a man she’d gone to high school with, who she hoped would empathize with her position—on Monday. God willing, she’d be able to convince him to restore funding. If not, she would simply have to find another way to keep the business afloat. She was working miracles for her kids and she wasn’t going to give up on them without a fight.
Most people assumed shy, reserved Tulsi was a pushover, but when it came to the precious things in life, she had a fiercely protective side.
Speaking of precious things…
Tulsi tugged her cell from her back pocket, dialing her dad’s number as she loaded the last of the rope into her wheelbarrow and went back for the metal stands.
“Grandpa Central,” her father answered, sounding upbeat for a man who’d been watching a high-energy six-year-old all day.
“Hey, Dad. Thanks for the help today. I’m almost done, and I’ll be by to get Clem in an hour. Can you make sure she has her things ready to go?”
“I thought you two were sleeping here tonight,” her father said, a frown in his voice. “Clementine made me put fresh sheets on the top bunk and she has all those weird dolls of hers tucked into the bottom one. We already picked out bedtime stories.”
“I’m so sorry, but we can’t, Dad.” Tulsi sighed as she lugged one heavy metal stand toward the wheelbarrow. She’d told Clem three times that they weren’t staying at Grandpa’s, but her daughter wasn’t a fan of listening to things she didn’t want to hear. “Clem’s leaving for camp tomorrow. We have to go home and get her packed. But we’ll come stay the week after the wedding. She’s dying to go on a trail ride before school starts.”
“I guess the fresh sheets will keep,” her dad grumbled. “But you two shouldn’t be on your own. I know how scatterbrained you are, Tulsi. Half the time you forget to lock the front door.”
“I do not, Dad.” Tulsi rolled her eyes. “Clem and I are fine at Bubba’s.”
“Just don’t leave the stove on again,” her dad continued, clearly determined to bring up every minor mistake Tulsi had made in the past six years. “And bring me that stereo system you stole when you moved out. With your mom gone on her trip, the house is too damned quiet.”
“I’ll bring the stereo over soon.” Her stereo, the one her mom had given her for her birthday last year, but there was no point arguing about it. “And Clem and I will make lots of noise next week. I promise.”
Her dad sighed. “Well, all right. Hopefully, I’ll still be alive by then…”
Tulsi lifted her eyes to the heavens and prayed for patience. “You’re as healthy as a horse, Daddy. See you soon.” She ended the call before her father could lay the guilt on any thicker.
When she’d been living with her parents, her father had made no secret of the fact that he found it embarrassing to have a grown daughter living at home. But ever since Tulsi and Clem had moved into Bubba’s house, while he was on tour with his band, Dad had been acting like an abandoned puppy.
A cranky puppy, with a tendency to bite.
There was no pleasing the man, something she should have learned a long time ago. Since the day she’d told her parents she was pregnant at eighteen with no potential husband in the picture, as far as Dale Hearst was concerned, Tulsi had been able to do no right. He’d supported her throughout the pregnancy and beyond, but he’d done it all with a disappointed grit to his jaw. Even as he spoiled Clementine rotten—doting on her in a way he never had his own daughters—he treated Tulsi like a prized filly who’d gone lame the night before her first race.
She was grateful her father didn’t punish Clem for what he saw as Tulsi’s failure, but it would have been nice not to be a disappointment in the first place. Having her daughter so young had been hard, but she’d never regretted keeping Clementine. She loved her baby girl with every piece of her heart and she put everything she had into being the best parent she could be. Tulsi couldn’t understand how anyone—especially her own father—could see that as
failing.
But Dad had never been the easiest man to get along with, which made Tulsi grateful to have a place of her own, even if it was only until Bubba came back to town.
She finished stacking the last of the metal stands into the wheelbarrow and with a glance at her watch to make sure she was still on schedule, rolled it down the street. She unloaded at the visitor’s center—stacking the stands and ropes in the back room—and delivered the wheelbarrow back to the gardener’s shed. Finally, after one last check-in with the head of the cleanup crew, Tulsi grabbed her purse from the old general store and hustled down the dusty street at a trot, ignoring the pain shooting through her aching feet.
In an effort to be festive, she’d worn her new brown boots with skinny jeans and a sparkly brown tank top. This morning, dressing up had seemed like a good idea, but now she wished she’d stuck with her comfy work boots. After two days of running around the ghost town fetching water for the talent, carrying amps, and being Mia’s right hand woman while her best friend kept all the concert balls in the air, Tulsi felt bruised from the kneecaps down.
She already regretted rescheduling all of her clients for Tuesday in preparation for Mia’s wedding festivities. When she was planning out her week last Friday, taking every day off but one had seemed like a scandalous indulgence. Now, she had a feeling she was going to need more than a day to recover from the excitement of the weekend.
By the time she made it through the ghost town gates and across the now empty parking lot, she was in pain. By the time she had power-walked a mile down the old highway to where the volunteers had parked under a small grove of Chinese Pistache trees, she couldn’t keep the grimace from her face.
The boots had to go. Stat.
Tulsi dropped the truck’s tailgate and hopped up to sit on top, moaning with relief as she tugged off her boots and socks and let her bare toes wiggle in the breeze. The desert wind was warm, but it was cooler under the shade trees than anywhere else she’d been today. For the first time in hours, she felt the sweat beading around her hairline begin to dry. With a sigh, she lay back in the truck bed with her hands laced behind her head, watching the green leaves sway against the pink and purple sky.
