by Jessie Evans
“I know,” Tulsi said, heart breaking. “But we need to stay until you’re better. The doctors and nurses are doing a great job taking care of you and in a few days you’ll be stronger and we can go home.”
“I don’t like the nurses. They’re mean. They wouldn’t let me see you when I woke up,” Clem said with a pitiful sniff. “I said I wanted my mommy, but they wouldn’t go get you. I was so mad I wanted to push them and run away, but everything hurt too bad.”
“I’m sorry, baby.” Tulsi smoothed Clem’s hair from her forehead. “I know it’s confusing, but they weren’t trying to be mean. They just had to make sure you were okay before they came to get me. Those are the hospital rules. But now I’m here and I’m sticking to you like glue. I’ll sleep right by your bed and be there whenever you wake up.”
“You promise?” Clem said, her eyelids already drooping.
“I promise,” Tulsi said. “A team of wild horses couldn’t drag me away. Mr. Pike is getting my things from the house and he’s bringing your stuffed animals, too. Next time you wake up you’ll have animal friends in your bed, and I’ll be here to get you anything you need. We’ll rest and watch movies and play cards and do whatever we can to keep your mind off the bad stuff until you’re all better.”
Clem blinked sleepily. “Can we play for candy?”
“Of course,” Tulsi said, swallowing hard as she watched Clem’s eyes close. “Of course we can play for candy.”
She managed to hold back her tears until she was certain Clem was asleep, but then they came in a fresh wave, pouring silently down her cheeks. She was just so grateful—so grateful to hear her baby’s voice, to hear her complain about the mean nurses, to know she was still plotting ways to increase her candy stash. Her little girl was going to be okay and they were both going to have a fresh start, with even more love in their lives than they’d had before.
The past six years had taught Tulsi that her capacity for love truly was limitless. On the day Clementine was born, she’d assumed nothing could surpass the love that had flooded her heart the moment Clem looked up at her with those wise and beautiful baby blue eyes. But with every passing year, Tulsi had come to treasure her daughter even more. Loving Clem was a blessing that had taught her that the heart isn’t a fixed entity, it’s a mansion always under construction, with an endless number of rooms and always more space for love and light.
And so when Tulsi woke up in the hospital folding chair the next morning to see her father sitting in a wheelchair by Clem’s bed, watching his granddaughter sleep, she didn’t hesitate. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, padded in her sock feet around the edge of the bed, and wrapped her arms around her daddy’s shoulders.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, Daddy,” Tulsi said, kissing his cheek. “I love you so much.”
“We almost lost her,” Dale said, remaining stiff in her embrace. “After the crash, I was trapped on my side of the truck. I sat there watching her cry and bleed and I couldn’t help. And then she closed her eyes and I thought that was it…that she was gone…”
Tulsi hugged him harder and whispered, “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Dad. But we didn’t lose her. And we’re all here and we’re a family. It’s going to be okay.”
“You should never have sent her away to camp,” Dale said in a gruff voice. “She’s just a baby. She should have stayed home with you and me, where she belongs. So we could keep her safe.”
“She was with you when it happened, Dad,” Tulsi said gently as she stood up. “Not at camp.”
“So it’s my fault, is it?” he asked, glaring at Clem’s bedspread, his jaw clenched tight.
“No, it’s that boy who decided to drink and drive and race his friend down the highway’s fault.” Tulsi leaned over, trying to catch her father’s eye. “You and Clem were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was terrible luck, but you’re okay and Clem’s going to snap back from this fast, I can tell already. We don’t have to be scared anymore.”
Dale grunted, but still didn’t turn her way.
“Please, Dad,” Tulsi begged, “I love you, but I can’t do this for another six years. I’m sorry I disappointed you, I truly am, but I was just doing the best I could. Can’t you just forgive me and maybe try to…love me? The way you love Clem?”
Her dad turned to her with a stunned expression. “Of course I love you. What do you think the past six years of taking care of you and Clementine has been about?”
“About you doing the right thing even though you think I’m a fool,” Tulsi whispered, smiling even as her eyes filled with tears for the tenth time in the past twelve hours. “And I appreciate it so much, I do, but I don’t want to feel like a fool anymore, Daddy. I’m not a child, I’m a grown woman, and I’m a good mama to Clem and a good daughter to you. I just want to love you and be loved without feeling like I’m never going to be good enough, no matter how hard I try.”
Dale blinked, and Tulsi was shocked to see tears rise in her father’s eyes. She’d never seen him cry, not once in her entire life.
“I just… I hate that I let you down,” he said, his voice gravelly with emotion.
“What do you mean?” Tulsi whispered, afraid of what he was going to say.
“Don’t you think I know it’s my fault?” he continued, tears slipping down his cheeks. “For pushing you aside when you were little and never making time the way I should have? If I’d been better to you back then, if I’d taught you how special you were, instead of being so hard on you all the time, you would have respected yourself enough to pick a decent man. Then you wouldn’t have had to fight so hard to get by and do without the good husband you deserve. It’s my fault. I’m a bastard, just like your sister always says I am.”
“Oh, Dad, that’s not true.” Tulsi shook her head, stunned to realize that this was what had been going through her father’s head all these years. “I respect myself. And I picked a wonderful man, we were just young that’s all. We both made mistakes, but Clementine isn’t one of them. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn’t take back one minute of being her mama. And you’re a wonderful grandfather to her. She loves you to bits and pieces.”
Dale pulled in a breath and his lips turned down hard. “I tried my damnedest with her. Tried to make up for how I failed you and your sister.”
Tulsi squatted down beside his chair, looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Daddy, you have hurt me, but you haven’t failed me. It’s not too late. We can have a fresh start. Right now. I’m ready to let all the bad things go, aren’t you?”
His lips pressed so tight together the color seeped out of them, but after a long moment he nodded. “This is hitting me hard, Tulsi,” he said in a strained voice. “I barely slept last night for thinking. I don’t want to go out feeling like I’ve failed the people who matter the most.”
“Then you won’t,” Tulsi whispered. “You’ll make a change and make things better. But as far as you and I are concerned, all the sad stuff can stay in the past. I’m keeping my eyes on the future.”
Dale swiped the tears from his cheeks as he cleared his throat. “That reminds me, I was thinking…I can probably let the barn rent go until after Christmas. There’s a difference between teaching someone how to run a business and punishing them for things they can’t control. I know your funding was cut and that’s not your fault.”
“Thank you, Dad,” Tulsi said with a smile. “But I think it’s time to find another therapist for my kids. There’s a wonderful woman in San Antonio I bet I can convince to come take care of my clients one day a week. I’ve got things to think about, too, and I have a feeling my life is moving in a different direction.”
“Knock, knock,” Pike called softly from the door, making Tulsi smile.
Speaking of different directions…
“Can I come in?” he whispered. “The nurse said morning visiting hours started a few minutes ago, but I don’t want to interrupt.”
Tulsi stood, turni
ng to face him, smile widening when she saw the flowers he’d brought. “Come on in. Dad and I are waiting for Clem to wake up. She should be awake soon. She slept really well last night, which the nurses say is a good thing.”
“Great,” Pike said, looking a little nervous as he entered the room and said good morning to her dad.
“Morning,” Dale grunted as he rolled his chair away from the bed. “I should get back to my own room. Patty’s plane landed a while ago. She’ll be here soon. We’ll both come back later when Clem’s awake.”
“Okay, Daddy,” Tulsi said, watching her dad roll slowly out of the room, hope swelling inside her.
Maybe things really would be different between them from now on. She hoped so. The real test, of course, would come when she told her parents who Clem’s father really was and that she and her daughter were moving to Montana to be with him. If her dad didn’t give her the disapproving glare and at least a thirty-minute lecture after that doozy, then she’d know they were truly on the path to a healthier relationship.
“How about you?” Pike set the flowers and a brown paper bag, she hoped contained breakfast, down on the nightstand and pulled her into a hug. “How did you sleep?”
“Not much,” Tulsi said with a smile. “But that’s okay. I’ll take a nap later when Clementine does. Are Mia and Sawyer coming by again before they catch their flight?”
“They are. Mia was talking about canceling the honeymoon, but I told her that would only make you and Clementine feel bad. And I promised I’d stick around so you two will have plenty of support until they get home next week.”
“Good.” Tulsi rested her cheek on his chest, soaking up the strength she always found in his arms. “They should go enjoy themselves. We’re all going to be just fine.”
“We are,” Pike agreed, kissing the top of her head. “I have breakfast, by the way. And three bags of hard candy from the drugstore. I didn’t know how much we’d need for candy poker, but I figured that’s a good place to start.”
“I like gummy worms better,” Clem’s sleepy voice said from the bed. “But we can start with hard candy, and once I win all that, you can go get gummies, Mr. Pike.”
Tulsi grinned as she turned to Clem, relieved to see her daughter looking more alert this morning. “Well good morning, bossy pants. A please and thank you in there somewhere would be nice.”
“That’s okay,” Pike said, laughing. “I think you should get a break from saying please and thank you for at least a day or two after major surgery. If I have knee surgery, I’m not going to say please or thank you for at least four days. And I’m going to make you two bring me milk shakes for every meal.”
Clem’s eyes widened. “Can I have a milk shake for breakfast, Mama? And lunch?”
“I think you should have something easy on your stomach and healthy,” Tulsi said, smiling as Clem wrinkled her nose. “We’ll talk to the nurses, but milk shakes might have to wait for a few days. And any candy you win has to go into the stash to eat later.”
“Your mama and I won’t eat any candy, either,” Pike said. “In a show of solidarity.”
Clem sighed. “Okay, but can we watch a movie before we play? My brain is too sleepy for poker.”
Tulsi started toward the door. “I’ll go check with the nurses and see what movies they have for kids, but if there’s nothing you like, I can always run home to get your DVDs.”
“No, you stay, Mama,” Clem said, panic flashing across her features. “Mr. Pike can go.”
“Of course I can.” Pike cast a reassuring look Tulsi’s way before sitting down in the chair next to Clem’s bed. “I’ll go get you any movie you want, but I’ve also got some videos on my phone. You want to see the tree house on my ranch in Montana? It’s pretty cool.”
“Oh yes, please.” Clem smiled as Pike pressed the button to elevate the top of the bed, propping her up. “Mia told me all about it, but she always forgets to take pictures.”
“I know,” Pike said, leaning closer to Clem as they both looked down at the phone. “She says she gets too busy having fun to take pictures.”
“But you can do two things at the same time,” Clem mumbled before continuing in an awed tone. “Oh wow. That looks like a real house! Do you live in there?”
“I visit sometimes, but it’s mostly for my little cousins when they come to stay,” Pike said. “They have slumber parties in there almost every Christmas.”
“I want to have a slumber party,” Clem said, lifting her eyes to where Tulsi stood in the doorway. “Can we go to Mr. Pike’s next Christmas, Mama?”
“I hope you’ll come before then,” Pike said, meeting Tulsi’s gaze, the love in his eyes enough to melt her heart from across the room. “I can’t wait to have you girls up for a good long visit.”
“Can we, Mama? Can we please please please?” Clem begged, but she already sounded more tired than she had a moment ago.
“Let’s concentrate on resting and getting well for now,” Tulsi said, pushing on when Clem frowned. “But as soon as you’re better, we’ll plan a trip.”
“Really?” Her daughter’s pale brows lifted. “All the way to Montana?”
“All the way to Montana,” Tulsi promised, silently adding, where we’re going to stay and be a family, the way we should have been for the past six years.
“Now you two take it easy,” she said aloud. “I’ll be back in a sec.”
She left Pike and Clementine with their heads close together, talking softly about all the different parts of the tree house and returned, with a selection of movies, a few moments later to find them watching videos of the horses on Pike’s ranch.
“Oh, I want to see,” Tulsi said, unable to resist a horse video.
“Then come over here, little mama,” Pike said, holding out one arm. “You can sit on my lap.”
Tulsi settled into his lap, not missing Clem’s curious look, but knowing now wasn’t the time to talk about anything serious. “Oh, she’s lovely,” Tulsi cooed when she saw the big-eyed filly on the screen. “How old?”
“Not quite two, but this was filmed a while back.” Pike hugged her close with one arm. “Her name’s Strawberry Sunshine.”
“Aw, that’s cute,” Clem said, watching the two of them out of the corner of her eye for a moment before she added in her most polite tone, “Mr. Pike, my mom’s short, but she’s not a kid you know.”
Pike chuckled. “I know.”
Clem cleared her throat. “What I mean is, she doesn’t usually sit in people’s laps.”
“She does mine,” Pike said, holding Tulsi tight when she tried to stand up. “Because I love her a lot and like to keep her as close as I can get her.”
Tulsi opened her mouth to say that now wasn’t the time to talk about that sort of thing, but Clementine surprised her with a smile.
“Really?” she asked. “Mr. Pike, are you Mama’s boyfriend?”
“Something like that,” Tulsi said, anxiously, wishing they could have put this off for a few days. “How do you feel about that, bug?”
“Good,” Clem said, smile widening. “Miss Emily always says you need a boyfriend, but that guy from the bank you went out with, when I was a baby, smells funny and never gives me a lollipop. Mr. Pike is better. Waaaay better.”
“Glad I meet with approval.” Pike laughed as he reached over to ruffle Clem’s hair.
“Okay, enough about boyfriends and girlfriends.” Tulsi was relieved that had gone so well, but didn’t want to risk bringing stress into Clem’s recovery. “Let’s get down to serious business—My Little Pony Movie, Princess Bride, or Alexander’s No Good Very Bad Day? Choose your adventure, Clementine.”
“My Little Pony,” Clem said. “Because the other two make me laugh and it hurts when I laugh.”
“Poor baby.” Tulsi stood, pressing a kiss to Clem’s cheek. “It won’t hurt for long, I promise. The nurse will be in soon to check on you. She can give you some more pain medicine if you need it.”
“It’
s okay, Mom,” Clem said. “Don’t worry. I’m going to be all right.”
“I know you will, bug,” Tulsi said, believing it with all her heart. They were both going to be okay, better than okay.
EPILOGUE
Four months later
Tulsi
Outside, snow was falling again, blanketing the front lawn, where the kids had spent the morning rolling up snowmen, in a fresh coat of white. But inside the house, a fire roared in the great room’s fireplace, laughter echoed off the mahogany walls, and mulled cider and hot chocolate kept everyone warm and cozy as they waited for the turkey to come out of the oven. Tulsi was surrounded by all the people she adored, enjoying the best Thanksgiving she’d ever had, and watching her daughter coach the love of her life through the championship round of a family foosball tournament.
Life was perfect and getting better every day.
“Okay, it’s time to bring it home,” Clem said, thumping Pike on the back as he faced Sawyer down across the foosball table. “You’ve got this. Keep the ball on your left side ’cause that’s Sawyer’s hurt shoulder, and you’ll crush him fast. He looks tough, but he’s soft under pressure.”
“I heard that,” Sawyer said from across the table, laughing as he spun the foosball dials. “This competitive side of you is dark and twisted, Clementine.”
“And he didn’t pitch a no-hitter in the World Series, either,” Clem said, ignoring Sawyer. “And I bet he’s tired from the last round against Grandpa.”
“Got it,” Pike said with a wicked grin that matched his daughter’s perfectly. “Fist bump for luck.”
Clem gave Pike a fist bump as she backed away from the table. “Just remember, Dad, defeat does not exist in this dojo!”
“Yes, sensei!” Pike dropped the white ball into play and he and Sawyer began furiously spinning the dials while Mia and Tulsi watched the manly display from the leather couch closest to the fireplace.
“Get over here, crazy person,” Tulsi said, pulling Clementine down onto the couch and kissing her cheek. “You’re so worked up, your cheeks are bright red.”
