by W. J. May
A nervous sweat trickled down my spine, and I swallowed hard. Yeah, I was aware of the attraction between us. It was mutual on many levels. But, I was in no way ready for his confession. My heart pounded in my ears.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted.
“Don’t say anything.”
“I have to. I have to make this right. Or, is it too late for that?”
“What can you do, Alexa? Turn back time? I can’t expect you to cater to my needs. You are your own woman.”
The way he looked at me when he said that made me feel tainted, like damaged goods. My head ached in confusion, and I hugged myself tightly.
“I fucked up, Shaz. That’s all I know. I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t even think it’s possible. And now everything is all messed up, and I regret my stupid decision for so many reasons.”
I blinked back tears, fearing they would be red. My eyes had been brown when I had crawled into bed, but the worry gripped me just the same.
“Is it because you made a mistake or because I found out about it?” He asked, knowing the answer already.
“Both.” I was honest. “The last thing I want is to hurt you.” I silently fumed at Arys. He had known damn well that I didn’t want Shaz to find out, particularly not from him.
“It’s not my place to be hurt. I feel like I’m over reacting by being as upset about it as I am.”
“No, Shaz. You’re entitled to your feelings. There is no sense in denying them.”
The small car felt huge all of a sudden. The space between us felt like a canyon opening up, dividing us. The air felt fuzzy, and I needed to open the window to allow in a fresh breeze.
The sun broke on the horizon. We were awash in an orange glow, but the magnificence was lost on us as we both looked inward to personal wounds.
That moment cut deep. I had done something that could never be undone, and I may have effectively killed anything bigger between Shaz and me. I looked at him.
Sadly, I couldn’t recall the last time that I had been in his arms. We had been so close. We had once touched one another with a familiarity and comfort reserved for lovers, though we never had been intimate.
When did it stop? I couldn’t remember, and I felt all the sadder. I did this to us.
I felt sick with fear. Surely, he could smell it on my skin. Everything in me told me not to try, but I couldn’t deny the sudden need to touch him, to feel his warmth and gain comfort from it. Selfishly, I needed to know we were ok.
He turned to look at me when my fingers brushed his, but he didn’t pull away like I expected.
“Alexa, I can’t…”
“Please, don’t say it.” I heard the tears in my voice. I couldn’t hold them back. When they fell, they were just tears, crystal clear.
With a tender touch, he wiped each one away as it fell. He said nothing. He simply allowed me to release my guilt and sorrow with each wracking sob. Drawing me close, he stroked my hair.
“Tell me we’re ok” I whispered as desperation seized me. “Can you promise we’re ok?”
A deep sigh escaped him, and he slumped against me. Who was I to weep like the victim when I was the victimizer? He owed me nothing. But, what he gave me was worth everything.
“We’re ok.”
Chapter Eleven
I stared at Arys’s house for a really long time before I got out of the Charger. I easily imagined striding up the walk and ringing the bell, but doing it was a whole lot tougher. The sun had just disappeared from the western sky. Only a pale glow remained at the start of another perfect summer night. I planned to catch him here before he left for the evening.
I was on my way to talk to Veryl and meet a new client about a potential job. I didn’t have time to run around town right now. But, I needed to see Arys. A glance at the dash clock told me I should hurry, but I still had time. Or did I? Maybe I should just go to work and deal with this later. Duty called.
No. I was being cowardly, and thankfully, nobody was there to see it. My heart pounded from the anxiety, and a cold sweat broke over me. I stepped out of the car and steeled myself against the power inside me. It recognized his presence. I could feel him within the walls of the house. The little hairs on my arms stood on end, and I wished I’d brought a sweater to throw over my tank top. Dread settled in the pit of my stomach.
I rang the bell but got no response, and I wondered if he was trying to get rid of me. The door swung open suddenly, catching me off guard.
“Back for more, Alexa?” He greeted me with a big shit-eating grin plastered on his handsome face. His dark hair was wet and messy. He wore only jeans. I hoped that I wasn’t gawking openly as I imagined running my hands over his hard, bare chest.
“Hardly,” I managed to say despite the aching inside me. In that moment, I wanted to spill blood, his and mine, to bask in all of our power, to reach the heights that we hadn’t yet dreamed possible. I went to take my first step towards him but snapped back to myself. I gave myself a shake to clear my head.
“Would you like to come in? I didn’t really take the time to give you the grand tour during your last visit. I just had the place redecorated last month.” His midnight ocean eyes spoke volumes. He made no attempt to hide his lust as he ogled me from head to toe and back up again.
Something didn’t feel right. The air buzzed with our power, anticipating.
“Come on, Arys, you know why I’m here.” He stared at me like a feline on catnip, and I resisted the urge to smack him upside the head.
“I assume it’s to explain to me why I made a chew toy out of Mrs. Olson’s dog last night.”
“You say that as if I know.”
“Don’t you?”
“Of course not!” I was incredulous.
What the hell was he trying to insinuate? That I had done this on purpose? I shouldered my way inside and fixed him with eyes blazing with anger. “You’re not the only one suffering, Arys.”
“Oh?” He cocked his head to the side and studied me. I told him about the previous night: the blood tears, the eye color and the memories plagued with bloodlust.
He knew all too well. A glint of something new and unsettled haunted his eyes.
“I think the memories may have been the worst part,” he said, and I frowned, insulted. My memories couldn’t have been worse than his. His were much more gruesome. “But then again, perhaps it was the pain.”
“The pain?” I asked. I wanted to hear his side now.
“After you left in the morning, I slept through the day. I woke, and everything hit me.” He seemed to sober considerably as he spoke. “I was hungry but not just for blood, for the rush of running on four legs and the thrill of being one with nature. I couldn’t shake the need to hunt, to tear into a fresh, meaty kill, so soft and warm.” He paused for a minute.
He was sickened, but I found that funny considering his way of survival. I nodded and encouraged him to continue.
“That wasn’t the worst part though. The worst part was the change.”
“The change?” I was flabbergasted.
“Well, the need to shift would be more precise. It was like a wolf had been trapped inside me, scratching and biting to get out. Only I couldn’t let it out, Alexa. It burned. God, it burned. I thought that was it for me.”
I stared at him with a terror-stricken expression. We had been inside one another’s minds, seen each other’s souls, but I didn’t realize the exchange had truly been to the core. This was so not funny.
“You had the need to change form?” I shook my head. This was dangerous. I anticipated a backlash of some kind, but a wolf trying to tear itself from a form unable to shift was downright scary.
“I’m surprised claws didn’t spring from my fingertips. I could feel them, like torturous little needles pricking right beneath the surface.” Arys shuddered then and stared at his hands as if they were foreign objects. “It ate at me for most of the night. I went to Lucy’s Lounge but couldn’t sit still. I had t
o get out of there.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I cast a glance around me as if searching for the unspoken answer.
I had called Lena earlier, but she’d been busy with her store and only had time to scold me for acting impulsively. Lena had used some pretty colorful language to describe our actions. “Loss of control is your undoing every time. It’s all about security, Alexa, mental shields. I can’t stress that enough.”
Lena added that the real problem wasn’t the power itself. We’d bonded. We’d joined on a metaphysical level, which could last forever or until one of us was dead.
“What do you mean bonded?” Arys’s reply sounded similar to the one that I’d given Lena.
“We didn’t just call power. We bonded our own personal powers which created something else entirely. Some of this is never going away.” Why did I feel so insulted by the suspicious look he wore?
“How bad is it really?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged and cast a glance around his country-style kitchen. It didn’t look lived in enough. “I guess we find out.”
“Well damn. I bet you could take down a lot of vampires with that tactic.”
“What the hell are you saying, Arys? That I did this on purpose?” I took a step toward him, and he stood his ground.
Staring down his nose at me with those steely blue eyes, I remained unflinching under his predatory stare. It was my stare.
“The thought crossed my mind,” he admitted. “I feel like I’ve been waiting for you forever and this is just too good to be true. I still want you though.”
His admission was shocking. I went on as if he hadn’t said that, but the pressure inside me was beginning to strip away my control. I couldn’t be here. I had a meeting.
“There is a plus side to this,” I stammered. “Lena said we should be able to call on each other’s power now, like vampires can when they create a blood bond.”
A vampire formed a blood bond at siring, by draining a human to the point of death then feeding the dark blood in return. However, two totally unrelated vampires could share blood. The bond would let them access one another’s thoughts and power whether together or apart. Vampires never created a blood bond lightly.
“We didn’t exchange blood. I took yours, you didn’t take mine.” His gaze dropped to my throat, and I felt my breath catch. My stomach knotted at the memory. He licked his lips, and I knew he was remembering the taste of me.
“I know, but I still took your power.” My head began to cloud with the energy surrounding us. “I’ve got to get out of here. I have a meeting I’m going to be late for.”
I turned to go, and his hand on my arm made me pause. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer: Please, no temptation. The need to writhe naked in his arms was overpowering me.
“Will I see you tonight?” His hypnotic gaze stared into me, and my knees went weak. I knew what he was really asking. But, it was just power. There was no love behind it.
“Why did you tell Shaz?” The words spilled out of my mouth before I could catch them. I hadn’t really meant to ask.
“How could I not? He found me eating a dog on the side of the road.” Point for him, he had me there. I was just pissed about Shaz finding out from somebody else.
“Just forget it. It doesn’t matter.” I turned to go before he could lure me any farther into the house. “Did you get cleaned up, ok?”
Arys ignored my attempt at casual conversation. He reached around me and opened the front door. Before I could escape, he drew me into a warm embrace and just held me for a long moment.
I feared it would stoke the fire between us, but it didn’t. The embrace was a need that my wolf could not deny.
Arys had a renewed sense of loss and longing that had not been there before. Gently, I disengaged myself from him and touched his cheek. With the barest touch of my lips on his, I turned to go.
After I left Arys’s place, an unexpected flow of hot, guilt ridden tears seized me. I wiped my eyes and knew my mascara had run down my face. Son of a bitch. The last thing I wanted to do was walk into the office all cry-eyed. I’d either get questioned or comforted, or both. I dreaded the thought.
I had this nagging guilt that I couldn’t shake. I had to put my personal life aside. This was time to be professional. Or, as professional as one can be when getting paid to hunt and kill things.
Jez got out of her Jeep as I pulled into the small parking lot. She paused and waited for me to park. Her gold curls were tied up in a high ponytail atop her head, and she wore little makeup. She didn’t need much. She was stunning. I was momentarily envious of how great her long legs looked in blue jeans.
“How’s it going?” She greeted me as she puffed quickly on a cigarette.
“That shit will kill you,” I replied, sounding more like Kale than myself.
“So I hear.” She ground the butt into the driveway with her heel and followed me inside.
On Sundays, the accounting business next door was closed, and the street was blessedly deserted. The only sound was Lilah’s phone ringing down the hall.
Jez gave me a knowing wink and headed to her office, while I turned into the kitchen to make some coffee. I considered going after her to talk about Shaz but decided it could wait. I had an appointment in twenty minutes, so it had to wait.
The coffee began to brew, and I breathed in the wonderful aroma. There is no scent quite like that of fresh coffee.
Jez’s voice carried to me faintly down the hall as she made a phone call. Minutes later, she turned up the steady beat of a heavy metal song. My head ached slightly from my brief crying stint, and I looked to the coffee pot for the solution to my problems. I poured a cup full of steaming coffee, and too lazy to add cream and sugar, padded down to Veryl’s office.
The door was slightly ajar in open invitation. I poked my head in. He would have sensed my approach anyway. He sat behind his old, elaborately designed desk, my favorite piece of décor. Despite the phone pressed to his ear, he inclined his head toward the seat across from him.
Veryl was the type of man that nearly all women find attractive. His short chocolate brown hair was streaked with the barest trace of silver, which only added to his distinguished presence. His clear blue eyes beamed at me as he informed the person on the phone that he had to attend to business.
I knew that I had his undivided attention when his gaze swept over me slowly, agonizingly so. I was dying to spit my questions at him but felt obligated to make small talk first.
“You’re in early tonight.” He commented. His rich voice was deep and melodic. “Expecting somebody?”
I nodded, as I looked at the paintings behind his desk. “Yeah. I figured I’d take it easy tonight after the last few assignments I’ve had. Been a little on the rough side.”
“I think you enjoy it, though.” Veryl’s slightly hawk-like nose was angular and intimidating when paired with the studious expression he now wore. “Standing so close to the flame can be hypnotizing in its draw. It can also kill you. Be careful with that outlook, Alexa. It has destroyed many that I have worked with in the past.”
“I know. I blame my personal life for that,” I offered lamely. When I didn’t say more he knew better than to prompt. Veryl is absolutely the most professional person that I know.
“So what is it that brings you to my office?” He shuffled through the papers on his desk and produced a copy of the day’s paper. He handed it to me.
The headline screamed that police may be after a serial killer after the murders of two women in the past week. I skimmed the article. They referenced Raoul as a suspect, but the write up seemed to be based more on hearsay that factual truths.
“Not this,” I said as I handed the paper back to him. “Raoul didn’t do it. I’ve seen him a few times this past week. I know for a fact he could never have killed Julie Price.”
Veryl shifted languidly in his chair, stretched his arms out, and cracked his fingers with a sound that chilled my bones
. “I don’t have to tell you what’s going to happen if he is somehow behind this or if he ends up being convicted.”
No, he didn’t have to tell me. I knew that Raoul would be put on the extermination list, treated like the vampires raping young girls of both their blood and innocence or the Weres that just didn’t know how to pass up fresh meat. A conviction would put Raoul behind bars where he couldn’t hide his true nature.
“Someone’s setting him up, Veryl. I can only ask that you let me keep an eye on this situation for now.” I met his eyes, seeking the wisdom within. “At least until I can figure out who is behind it, and why.”
“I can’t make you any promises, my dear, but as of right now, it’s in your hands.”
Great. That was just what I needed to hear and more than a little irritating, since it had nothing to do with my questions.
“Ok, the real reason I’m here: I’m trying to find information on the werewolf who killed my family.”
The blank look that passed over his sharp features was not quick enough to disguise the moment of recognition in his eyes. He knew something.
“Alexa, it’s been years. Can’t you just allow sleeping dogs to lie?”
“If you’re trying to tell me that the bastard is still alive then no, I will not. I keep having the nightmare, Veryl, and if you know who it is, anything at all, I need to know.”
Fingers poised into a steeple, he smiled softly as one might smile at a child who refuses to give up. “I cannot say whether I know of this wolf’s existence or not, but, I can advise you to forget about it. I completely understand what it means to live out your life with doors that remain open and questions that are unanswered. But, trust me, this is better left that way.”
I stared at him, stupefied. I couldn’t believe he was giving me the whole “ignorance is bliss” crap. “You know who it is.”
His brow furrowed as we stared at one another. I had the distinct feeling that he was weighing his words before speaking. What was he hiding from me? And most importantly, why?
“I know that you need to leave this alone. I’m sorry that I can’t say anymore about this matter. If you choose to continue to seek this wolf out, that is entirely your business. But, I will not help you.”
