by W. J. May
Chapter Sixteen
“Oh, this just keeps getting better.” I did nothing to hide my exasperation. “When were you planning on mentioning this, and why the hell would your daughter be on a murderous rampage? What did you do to her?”
My words ended on a squeak. Instinctively, my hands balled into white-knuckled fists. Adrenaline blazed through my veins, and I forced myself to breathe deep and calm.
“Oh, that is so typical.” He fixed me with his black stare, but instead of vehement, he was only weary. “You immediately assume it’s my fault that somebody else chose to take lives? I’m not pulling the strings here, Alexa. I didn’t think your feminist side went so far as to condone murder.”
He was right. I was out of line. “Hey, I am not a feminist. I’m an equal.” I took an awkward step back but didn’t apologize. “You’re right though. I shouldn’t automatically accuse you, so keep talking.”
With a half-hearted shrug, he said, “I met her mother more than twenty years ago. She was the first of only two women that I truly loved. I’d just turned twenty-one. She was a few years younger, and though I knew I should stay away from her, I just couldn’t resist.” He smiled then, but it lacked his usual arrogance and sarcasm.
“Her name was Naomi,” he continued. The love in his eyes shocked me. “She sparkled with such life. I’d only been a werewolf for two years and was still struggling to come to terms with my wolf, but it was worth learning to have her in my life.”
A long heavy sigh escaped him. He sounded so defeated, and I reminded myself that I had no reason to feel sorry for him. Not yet.
“So what happened?” I asked with feigned casualness.
His eyes roamed around the small room, and I could feel his blood pressure increase. “She actually fell in love with me. We dreamed of having a picket fence life and living happily ever after.” He laughed bitterly and wiped the corner of one eye. “I was an idiot to think I could have that.”
“She didn’t know, did she?” I could see where this was going.
“No. She told me she was pregnant, so I had to tell her. I was so goddamned scared.”
I would have been too. Weres are generally sterile. However, rare fecundity led to offspring like Jez, a natural full-blooded Were, and hybrids, a wolf and human combination. Neither is common by any means.
I sat as Raoul paced the office. I perched on the arm of the couch and followed his movements with my gaze. “So, you told her.”
“And, she hated me. She screamed and cried. She thought I was crazy until I showed her.” His voice grew thick with unshed tears. “Then, she simply feared me. Her pregnancy was full of complications. Zoey was a parasite that tried to consume her. Still, Naomi refused to see me. She finally called me during labor, when she realized that it was killing her.”
Raoul stopped pacing with his back to me. I said nothing, as his heart-rending pain reached me. My heart ached for him, but I didn’t let his emotions influence my reactions.
He took one long shuddery breath. “By the time I reached her, she was barely hanging on. She begged me to take care of Zoey, no matter what, and I swore that I would.”
When he turned to me again, unshed tears glittered in his ebony eyes like diamonds. I couldn’t imagine how hard it was for him to face me like that.
“I failed her, Alexa. God help me, I thought I was doing the right thing for her at the time.”
“Tell me what you did with her, Raoul.” He trembled. How many had he told this secret to?
The need to comfort him won out. I went to him, bridged the distance between us, and reached out to grasp his large hand. It was warm and slightly damp. I leaned in, just enough to rub my face gently alongside his. I nuzzled him with a teenage affection that wouldn’t die after all these years.
He surprised me by grabbing me in a big hug that pulled me off balance. The scent of shampoo, cologne and musky wolf filled my nostrils, and the sudden desire to run on four feet struck me.
“I went to an older wolf that I trusted for help,” he continued in a sudden rush. “I didn’t know how I’d manage to work and raise a baby while being a damn shifter. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to do.”
When I pulled back gently, he allowed me to disengage myself from his grasp. I was afraid to speak, afraid he would stop sharing.
“She helped me locate a tight-knit pack down south that was willing to care for her while teaching her about her mixed blood. They had women to nurture her in ways that I never could. But now, it seems like a mistake.”
It didn’t sound like a bad choice to me considering his options at the time. But, I wasn’t Zoey, and she obviously felt betrayed. The girl was on a damn rampage.
“You made the choice you thought was best for her. How can that be a mistake?”
“She apparently thinks so. She’s single handedly destroying the women that I’ve been involved with. I knew she was upset, but I never would have guessed she’d take it this far.”
That made me snap to attention. “What? So you’ve been in contact with her over the years?”
The look he gave me was full of scorn, and he scoffed. “I’m not a dead-beat dad, Alexa. I didn’t just dump her and run. I stayed there for two weeks with her before I felt right about leaving her. I wrote and called and went to see her up until a few years ago when she asked me not to.”
With a shrug of his massive shoulders, his short-lived defense evaporated. “She can’t forgive me for not keeping her. But, she was blossoming there, and I didn’t think to bring her here. I’m a bachelor. My lifestyle isn’t right for a young woman. Sometimes, I think she hates me for being wolf while she cannot without risking everything.”
Part of me was astounded at how completely clueless he was. I turned it over in my head. Hybrids have a much harder existence than the average Were. A hybrid is born missing a piece of the puzzle. Their half-human blood inhibits the ability to change forms. The urge to shift could never truly be fulfilled. If a hybrid did manage to change forms, they rarely shifted back. Many were trapped in wolf form forever. It made sense that a hybrid could be driven completely mad from resisting their natural urges.
“How was she doing with everything? The full moon and the wolf urges.” I moved across the room to feign interest in the bookshelf. The puzzle had come together, or I thought it had.
“Good, for the most part. Or, at least I thought she was. It wasn’t until the past five years or so that things began to change with her. I’m not going to give you the long version but you can see where it’s led to.” He gestured wildly at nothing, but I nodded just the same.
“She sees you from a distance, pouring your affections on other women. When you said you live the bachelor life, you weren’t kidding.”
“Do you have a point?”
“Yes,” I bared my teeth at him. “In her eyes, you have all of this love and attention to shower on other women, but you’ve abandoned her. Is this making some sense to you? Throw in the whole being a hybrid thing, and it’s no wonder she’s lost her marbles.”
Raoul gave me a blank look that told me my words weren’t registering completely. I chalked it up to purposeful ignorance on his part. He can be the kind of guy that will blame you for his guilt after he screws you over.
A thought suddenly occurred to me. “You said that Naomi was one of two women you loved… Who was the other?”
Raoul’s eyes narrowed in a glare and a chill stole over me. The atmosphere shifted so dramatically that I was momentarily confused.
“Why?” He asked, suspiciously.
I stared at him. His demeanor told me to be wary. “Because you said she was the first of two. I just thought that maybe the other woman may have something to do with Zoey’s mental decline.”
The heavy silence that followed made me wish I hadn’t asked. However, I wondered why it was such a touchy subject. He stared daggers into me. He blinked, took a deep breath, and ran a hand through his hair. Ultimately, he turned away with his head dow
n.
“I really don’t want to talk about it, Lex, but believe me, those are two entirely separate times of my life. I don’t believe Zoey could have known anything about the other woman anyway.” The way that he said that spurred even more interest in this mysterious second great love of Raoul’s life.
When I refocused, another thought struck me. I’d been involved with Raoul at one point, on and off for a very long time.
“I’m sorry, Raoul, but I’ve got to warn you, if she comes after me—”
“Don’t say it!” He interrupted. “I know. I would expect you to defend yourself. But promise me, if you come across her before I do, you won’t kill her. Please.”
After years of imagining Raoul begging me for something, the reality wasn’t at all satisfying. It didn’t really feel good in any way.
“I can’t make any promises to you. If it’s me or her, I’m walking out of it alive. Hell, maybe what she really wants is someone to put her out of her misery after two decades of torture.”
Wow. When had I become so cold? The words froze on my tongue, and I briefly wondered if Arys’s attitude had rubbed off on me, another lovely parting gift from him. That was ridiculous, and I knew it. I was bitter enough to kick Raoul when he was down, but I don’t play that dirty.
“I’m sorry, Raoul. That was a nasty thing for me to say.”
I felt guilty and crude as I waited for him to say something. His disgusted look spoke volumes, and I wished I could drop into a hole and hide. Couldn’t this moment just end already?
“Clearly, you have your own issues with me, Lex.” He spoke softer than I’d been anticipating. “I suppose I should be thankful you haven’t already taken me out. Or tried to.”
Something about that last sentence. Was that a challenge? I couldn’t believe his audacity. I moved to go, and he blocked the door in one smooth motion.
“Don’t walk out on me.” His voice, now a low growl, sent a delicious shiver down my spine, and the wolf within me responded in full.
I suspected that Raoul didn’t want the sharp ears beyond the thin door to catch our exchange. Though, if Arys had caught the challenge in Raoul’s voice, he was already on alert.
“Don’t try to stop me.” I wasn’t growling yet, but instinct had blanketed me in warm Were energy. In one blink, my eyes shone with the blazing brilliance of my wolf.
I watched Raoul’s black eyes bleed to wolf, and my heart began to pound.
“I’m not going to. Alexa, you’ve had years to get the closure you need. Instead, you hold it inside and allow it to feed your bitterness and anger.” He advanced on me so that we stood just inches apart. “If you need to hash out the past, if you want to tell me exactly why you loathe me so much, then do it, but stop dragging it into every encounter we have.”
I stared into his eyes with amazement. I admired him for calling me on what, I have to admit, was the truth, but I was pissed that he allowed his voice to rise so those beyond the door might hear. I opened my mouth to speak, but he kept talking.
“I asked for your help because I know you’re a true survivor. I thought I could count on you. Despite everything, we are pack. Or at least, we were.”
His words rang in my ears, and I recalled my very similar thoughts about Belle upstairs. Shit.
I hate when Raoul’s right. I had agreed to help him, and he’d thrown me out of his house. Yet, here we were, together, pack.
“I was a young, scared girl who counted on you, and you let me down.” I was surprised as the whispered words left my lips. I was more surprised when my voice cracked. “You taught me about blood and sex, but I needed more than that.”
Unnerved by my words, I understood. Zoey had been better off wherever she’d grown up. Raoul’s life had always consisted of fulfilling his many urges and desires. She would have hated him more had she been here, if only she knew that.
His gaze softened, as if he never had a clue how bad it had been for me.
“Alexa,” he breathed my name and reached for me, but I stepped away. If he touched me, I might cry, and I refused to give him the satisfaction of my tears.
“Don’t,” I said, a growl rumbled low in my throat, barely audible. “Don’t you dare try to placate me. You didn’t care then, and I’ll be damned if you care now.”
The tears on my cheeks were warm and silent, and I didn’t recall the first one falling. I wiped them away with an angry motion, infuriated that I would cry over this. Maybe I still harbored more of that frightened teenager inside me than I realized.
I didn’t expect Raoul to challenge my withdrawal. He caught me off guard when he backed me up against the desk. I craned my neck to look up at him as the hard wooden edge dug into the back of my legs. My body reacted defensively. My fangs extended, ready for a fight. My nails dug into the wood, as they became claws.
I expected an attack, but he leaned down and buried his face in my long blonde locks. One well-muscled arm went around my lower back and pressed me to him. He nipped my neck lightly, just below my ear. It didn’t hurt. He hadn’t meant it to. I realized that he was trying to comfort me.
Both of his large, warm arms went around me. He held me with an odd intensity. He nuzzled deeper into my hair, and when the first hot drop ran down the side of my neck, I realized he, too, shed tears. Unsure of what to do, I let him hold me, even though I was vibing off his pain. I just wanted to hide my feelings. I felt too exposed.
That close to Raoul, I was damn glad to be free of Arys’s hunger. Amid the excitement of the evening, I hadn’t noted that I had been completely free of his hunger since he’d fed.
“I know that I wasn’t what you needed me to be. But, there’s just so much you don’t know. I’m sorry. It doesn’t mean anything now, but I am.”
Time seemed to stop with his small confession. My wolf was content to rest in his arms, but something deep down began to ache for Shaz. We both needed this moment, but people were waiting for us, and a dangerous hybrid was on the loose with a taste for blood and vengeance.
“Raoul?” I said tentatively. He didn’t release his hold, so I prodded him gently. “It’s ok. We don’t have to do this right now. It’s not the right time. We have to deal with Zoey.”
In slow hesitation, he let go and stepped back. His ebony wolf eyes were hauntingly beautiful with tears, and I allowed myself an extra moment to fall into their depths. I wanted him to tell me the things that I didn’t know, but I didn’t dare ask. Call it cowardice, but an inner voice warned that I really didn’t want to know.
I pushed away from the desk, past him. “So, do you have a picture of her? You know, so I actually know what she looks like if I happen to see her.” Or get jumped by her, I added silently.
He relented with a shrug. “We have to find her before she does anything else.”
“Do you think you can track her down?” I forced a casual tone while he produced a large envelope from the desk. I felt ill at ease.
He pulled a wallet-sized photo out and handed it to me. “I’m not sure, but I damn well intend to. There isn’t a distinct scent to a hybrid, though. It’s all human.”
I nodded in agreement and focused my attention on the picture. Zoey was absolutely striking. She had her father’s dark hair and defined features. Her eyes were a pleasant blue that I couldn’t even picture on Raoul. She was smiling in the photo, standing beside a wishing well with the countryside behind her. A pale blue sundress adorned what appeared to be a tall but slender frame. I could take her.
“I think Arys and I can locate her by her energy. He immediately knew she was a hybrid when we were upstairs.” I wiped a hand across my eyes to eliminate any last traces of tears. A glance around the room revealed a much-needed tissue box on the corner of the desk.
Raoul’s eyes narrowed, and just like that, the tension was back. “I don’t want him involved in this. He isn’t pack. Hell, he isn’t even a werewolf.”
Was this more male-hierarchy bullshit or what? “If you want me involved then you ac
cept who I choose to bring in.”
I met his defiant gaze with my own. The decade old rift between us was back. I didn’t think we’d ever truly banish it. The past was the past, but our resentments remained fresh and bitter.
“Just because you’re bedding the vampire does not mean you can make him a part of this. This is my daughter we’re talking about.”
“Don’t start the macho man shit with me. I’m in or I’m out. If you prefer to deal with your daughter yourself, that’s fine with me.” We stared into one another until the angry heat became too much. “I could be making money, right now, for a job like this, rather than screwing around here for free.”
This time, I didn’t hang around to get sucked into another argument. I threw the office door open and strode back into the kitchen.
Raoul appeared behind me. He clutched my coffee mug in his hand as if he’d shatter it by sheer will alone.
“Sorry,” I offered lamely.
Arys stood in the front sitting room while Julian paced in the large kitchen uncomfortably. Zak still stood on the back deck and shouted into his phone. He had great timing for a lover’s quarrel. Before I reached the doorway that connected the kitchen and front room, Raoul grabbed my wrist hard enough to bruise and spun me to face him.
“Fine. Have it your way. But keep him on a leash. No funny stuff. This is my flesh and blood we’re after.”
I couldn’t help but risk a glance at Arys in the neighboring room. He might not appreciate the leash comment. I certainly did not miss how Arys’s eyes were riveted to where Raoul’s hand gripped my wrist. Not good.
“You need to remember,” I jerked my arm from his grasp. “That your daughter is losing her mind. And, one thing about crazy people, Raoul, sometimes they don’t want to come back. The brink of insanity suits them just fine. Don’t go into this expecting to save her. You’ll just be fooling yourself.”
A series of emotions crossed his face, and he successfully squashed them all. “I’m aware of the circumstances, but nobody is going to kill her. Clear?”
I wasn’t getting into this again. I mustered an exasperated sigh and shrug. I rubbed the rawness out of my wrist. He manhandled me because I was wolf and not human, which aggravated me all to hell.
