by Piper King
“What’s wrong?” She grabbed her tank top and pulled it over her head, still blushing ferociously as if she’d been caught doing something very naughty.
I sucked in a small breath. As much as I hated to upset her, I had to tell her about the tear. Keeping something like this from her would send me straight to hell. “There’s a small hole in the condom.”
Frowning, she leaned in to look, and I got distracted again by the sweet scent of her shampoo. “It’s tiny. I’m sure it’s fine.”
“Yeah, I think so, too,” I said, relieved that she hadn’t freaked out. The truth was, there probably wasn’t anything to worry about. Surely that tiny hole hadn’t caused more than a drop of my cum to get inside her. And what harm could that do?
When Lucy slid back into her clothes, I did the same. I guessed that meant our time together had come to a close. It had been over far too fast. I needed more time with her body wrapped around mine. But instead of hopping out of my truck, she glanced over to me and lifted the flask.
“Mind if I stay for a few minutes longer? I’m not in any rush to get back into that place, ” she said, though she didn’t wait for my answer as she took another sip of the whiskey. When she’d first had a taste, she’d wrinkled her nose, but she tipped it back like it was nothing now.
“Why do you work there anyway?” I asked. “A girl like you must have more options than that.”
Lucy sighed and glanced out the window, her eyes caught on the sagging roof of the diner. The place was so run down, like the diesel from the gas pumps had clawed its way up the brick sides, striped here and there across the surface and making it look as though it belonged in a post-apocalyptic world. It wasn’t somewhere that a girl like Lucy should work, and the tear that ran down her cheek spoke louder than anything she could say. She was fucking stuck here, trapped as much as I was in my past.
“This is the only place in town that will hire me,” she said. “And I’m too poor to get out of this place.”
“But you want to leave?” I felt captivated by the look on her face. There was a determined set to her jaw, and her eyes flashed with something fierce. It was like she’d suddenly become more alive, like there was a fire burning inside her that couldn’t be doused no matter how hard this town tried. And it took my fucking breath away.
“With my entire soul,” she whispered, brushing away the tears on her cheeks.
My heart stirred. I knew how she felt. I’d been trapped in my past so long I didn’t remember what it was like to want something so bad that I’d yank fucking mountains out of the ground if that’s what it took. It had been a long-ass time since I’d felt anything like that at all. I just drove my truck down the road every damn day, feeling nothing, wasting away my years like they meant nothing at all.
But there’d been a time when I’d been like Lucy. And I hoped she never gave up like I had.
“Where would you go if you could?” I asked.
“Somewhere peaceful,” she said in a faraway voice. “Somewhere calm. Maybe somewhere by the ocean.”
I stared at Lucy. All I wanted was to reach out, take her in my arms, and kiss her worries away. Not like I’d kissed her before. No, this time I wanted to make it count. I wanted to stroke my finger against her jaw and hear her sweet sigh. And after I’d kissed every inch of her face, I wanted to see those gorgeous eyes of hers, staring at me with that look, the one I’d never seen from anyone but her. And then I’d drive her sweet little ass of hers right out of here and take her straight to the sandy beach down south.
I wanted to make her dreams come true.
Shit.
I blinked and glanced away. What the hell was I doing? I couldn’t be having these thoughts. This wasn’t like me, dreaming up oceans and kisses. I was a fucking man, not some lovestruck puppy. I needed to get a goddamn grip.
Lucy and I could never be together. I couldn’t ever be with anyone. All I’d do was ruin her life.
A truck rumbled into the parking lot, saving me from my fucked up thoughts.
“Shit,” Lucy said. “Looks like we’ve got a customer.”
“Looks like it,” I said, avoiding her gaze.
“I guess I better go.” Her hand hesitated just above the door handle, and I knew I had to say something, do something. Otherwise, I’d look like the biggest asshole in the world. Though maybe that was for the best. “I had a nice time…”
“You bet your sweet ass you did.” I finally glanced over and gave her a wicked smile, one that made her blush in response.
“So, listen…”
This was it. The moment I dreaded with every fiber of my being. When can I see you again? With anyone else, the lie came easy. Who the hell cared if I tossed out some bullshit to a stranger I’d spent half an hour making squirm and pant? But I didn’t want to lie to this girl. It was the whole fucking reason I’d avoided this thing in the first place.
I didn’t want to be a dick. Not to Lucy.
Too bad it had to happen anyway.
“Why don’t you stick around?” she asked. “I’ll be done with my shift in a few hours.”
She waited, looking at me expectantly with those big green eyes.
I forced a smile. I couldn’t bear to tell her no. “Sure. I’ll hang out here until you’re done.”
“Awesome.” She gave me a small smile and hopped out of the truck. “See you in a few hours.”
I watched her sashay back into the diner, a little hop in her step. I’d made her happy. That was the worst part about all this. In some other life, maybe things would have been different. But I had no other choice, and I couldn’t sit here any longer and torture myself.
Without another glance in her direction, I powered up my truck and drove out of Lucy’s life.
10
One Year Later
The Exit 276 sign flashed as my headlights swept across it. My fingers twitched to steer the wheel to the right, to pull off the interstate, and to take a pit stop at the diner I hadn’t seen in over a year. Ever since that single night of passion with Lucy, I’d avoided the place like the plague.
She’d been perfect. Too perfect. Every curve of her hips, every beat of her eyelashes, every word she said about her hopes and her dreams for her life. She had drawn me in so hard and so fast that my fucking heart had actually felt something for the first time in a long-ass while, if I’d ever felt something like that in my life. I barely knew the girl, but I’d fallen for her.
Hard.
Because of that I’d run right out of there as fast as I could go. And why I’d never turned back. All I’d do was break her heart and wreck her life. She didn’t need an asshole with shitty issues. My past was mine to bear alone, and I wouldn’t put that on her to save my life.
But all this time, I hadn’t been able to shake her. It’d been a fucking year, and I still couldn’t get her off my mind. Every day, I wondered how she was, if she’d managed to get out of her tiny town and build the life she’d always wanted. Surely she had. She was a sweet and innocent girl, but there was a determination in her eyes that said she’d put her fucking guts into making her dreams come true.
She wouldn’t be working at that goddamn shitty diner anymore. I could go back. It had been long enough. And whoever worked there now could tell me how she was.
Plus, a man had to eat, and this place was the closest stop for miles.
11
My eyes blurred as I took the order, scribbling on my notepad while the scruffy-faced trucker droned on and on and on, listing what seemed like the entire menu. What, was he feeding a family of elephants or something? I pasted on my fake smile and nodded, pretending to give a shit about the greasy pancakes and the flickering fluorescent lights overhead.
I was just so tired. So very, very tired. Sleep had become a distant memory these past few months, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a chance to eat a full meal myself. I needed a break, but I couldn’t take one. I needed to get out of this town for more than a minute, but I couldn
’t leave. We needed the money, and the only way to get it was to work as many shifts as I could. No matter how exhausted I might be. No matter how much I wanted out of this place.
This was my life forever now, and I had to find a way to accept that no matter how hard it was. Otherwise, I’d spend the rest of my years on this planet miserable and bitter, and I didn’t want that. It wasn’t fair to either of us. This wasn’t just about me. Not anymore.
The trucker finished his order, and I took his menu and sighed when I heard the door jingle behind me. Another customer, another order, another plate full of greasy food.
I whirled with my fake smile still plastered on my face and froze mid-step. A hundred different emotions crashed into me so fast, I could barely process them all. Hurt, excitement, anger, confusion. A tidal wave of feelings that threatened to pull me under if I so much as breathed.
It was Diesel. The man who had fucked the logic right out of my brain, made me fall for him in two seconds flat. And the man who had fled into the night without so much as a goodbye. There’d been no sight of him for an entire fucking year. Until now.
I balled my hands into fists as the anger began to grow louder than everything else. “What the hell are you doing here?”
I heard the customer behind me mumble something, but I didn’t care. Nothing mattered more than glaring right into Diesel’s own shocked face. What, did I look different to him or something? With my curvier hips and extra weight around the middle? What a surprise. Or maybe he was shocked by my anger. Typical clueless guy who thought he could just roll up here whenever he wanted another piece of ass, even if it was an entire year later.
“Lucy?” His mouth dropped open and he shook his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Why wouldn’t I be here?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest and lifting my chin. “I work here. Or did you forget? Not surprising since it’s been at least a year.”
He grimaced and glanced away, the muscles in his arms rippling as he clenched and unclenched his fists. I might look different, but so did he. Though, I hated to admit, he’d changed in the best possible way. I thought he’d had muscles before, but he’d clearly been sculpting them into absolute perfection at the gym. Tattoos covered one arm, the dark ink swirling down his tanned skin.
He was still the sexiest man I’d ever seen, and I hated him for it.
“I didn’t forget. I just thought…” He cleared his throat and met my eyes. The heat that had drawn me to him in the first place was still there, but instead of making me quiver with desire, it caused my anger to boil even more.
“You just thought what?” I threw my hands in the air and stalked toward the counter where I tossed the menu onto a pile with such intensity that the whole stack went crashing to the floor. Groaning, I crouched to pick them up. To my extreme irritation, Diesel squatted to help.
“Give that to me.” I snatched the menus out of his calloused hands. “I can manage on my own, thanks.” Just like I’d been doing for the past year, though I left that part unsaid.
In fact, there was a lot I hadn’t said, things I needed to say. I’d tried. For six months, I’d tried to track him down, desperate to share the news I thought he’d want to hear. It turned out no one knew a trucker named Diesel. He was either totally off the radar or Diesel wasn’t his name. Remembering all those months I’d spent chasing him, I could barely look into his eyes.
“I was just trying to help, Lucy,” he said as I stood with the menus clutched in my arms.
“Well, your help has a tendency of causing a hell of a lot more than people bargained for.”
I hadn’t meant to say that, but it had flown right out of my mouth like my words had a mind of their own. The need for him to know exactly what he’d caused, exactly what he’d left behind, exactly what he’d been absent for exploded within me. Tears pricked my eyes, and I took a shuddering breath in through my nose.
“What’s going on, Lucy?” He tucked his finger underneath my chin and forced me to meet his steady gaze. “I can understand why you’d be mad about me leaving the way I did, but this feels like something else. Something more. Why are you so upset?”
The words bubbled up in my throat. Words I had longed to tell him months ago. He had to know. As much as I hated him, I couldn’t keep him in the dark.
“I had a baby,” I whispered. “Your baby.”
12
I blinked, and the world rolled to a stop around me. I couldn’t have heard that right. Lucy had just said she’d had my baby.
“What?” I kept my finger tucked under her chin and searched her eyes for a sign that this was some horrible joke to get back at me for leaving her last year. But there was no laughter, no hardened smirk. Tears spilled down her cheeks as her chest heaved, and my heart twitched. This was no fucking joke. Lucy wasn’t lying. A thunderous roar shook in my ears, and the breath got sucked from my lungs.
A baby. Lucy had my baby.
My baby.
“Tell me everything,” I said quietly. “Maybe somewhere more privately than this.”
Lucy’s eyes widened but she nodded her head. “Give me two seconds. I’ll be right back.”
She disappeared through the door leading into the kitchen, her steps shaky. My heart thudded so hard that I had to press a hand against the countertop to keep myself steady.
My baby. All this time, Lucy had been here all alone, pregnant with my baby. And then she’d given birth without the father anywhere in sight. I cursed myself under my breath. What an absolute asshole. All my life I’d sworn I’d never become my fucking father, and yet here I’d left the mother of my child to take care of my baby alone.
I hadn’t known though. How could I have fucking known?
Still, that didn’t change the facts, and I’d do whatever it took to make this up to both of them.
Lucy returned from the kitchen, this time without her apron. Now that I knew she’d been pregnant, I noticed the fullness of her breasts and the wider curve of her hips. She looked damn good. She’d been pretty as hell before but now she looked absolutely delicious.
I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts. Not here and definitely not now.
She nodded toward the diner door and led me outside where she leaned against the brick wall, tipping back her head to look up at a sky full of stars. “I’ve got a fifteen minute break.”
“Lucy…” I crossed my arms and frowned. “Don’t you think we need more than fifteen minutes to talk about this?”
She sighed and closed her eyes. “There’s only so much to say, Diesel. I got pregnant. I decided to keep her, because while it was scary and surprising, I wanted her very, very much.”
My heart lurched again, and something inside me felt so full that I almost shook from the intensity of it all. “Her?” I took a deep breath. “I have a daughter.”
“You have a daughter.” Lucy nodded and another tear slipped down her cheek. “I tried to find you, but there was no trace of you anywhere. All I had to go on was the name Diesel, and it turned out that wasn’t enough.”
Her voice had an accusing tone to it, and I couldn’t blame her one bit.
“Not many people know me by Diesel, so it’s no wonder you weren’t able to find me,” I said. “It’s my old army nickname.”
“Army nickname” she said slowly, as if she was filing the information somewhere in her brain. “What’s your real name then?”
“Just Dean, but I prefer Diesel.” I took a step closer to Lucy who still leaned heavily against the brick wall. There was a question I wanted to ask, but it took all my effort to speak the words in a steady voice. I was never much for emotions, and now that they were raging through me, I didn’t know how to react. “What’s our daughter’s name?”
“Anna,” Lucy said with a small smile, clear love shining in her eyes. It made my heart hurt. “A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”
“Anna,” I said, testing out the name. She was right. It was fucking beautif
ul, but I had to take Lucy at her word that the girl was just as gorgeous as the name. Because I’d never seen my own daughter’s face.
Resolution tightened in my gut. I would find a way to be a father while still protecting my baby girl from a past too dark for her to ever know. I may have abandoned Lucy once, but now that I knew exactly what—and who—I’d run away from, I couldn’t make the same mistake again.
“What time do you get off work?” I asked.
“Ten.” Lucy blinked as she finally met my gaze. “Why?”
“I want to meet her.”
13
My heart thumped at Diesel’s words. They were everything I’d wanted to hear a few months before but time had changed how I felt. Anger now fuelled my thoughts, drowning out whatever else I might think about having Diesel in our daughter’s life. He hadn’t been here, not when I’d needed him the most. And now he thought he could just drive right in to say hello before rolling off into the sunset, never to be heard from again.
I turned away, putting my back toward Diesel and my face toward the diner door. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
It was funny. My words were an echo of what he’d said to me the year before, only this time it was the other way around. And the worst part about it was that he’d been right. It hadn’t been a good idea for us to fuck that night. I wouldn’t go back and change it though. Not in a million years. Our mistake had given me my daughter, the most beautiful part of my life.
“She’s my daughter, Lucy.” His voice sounded hurt, sad, but I forced myself to brush it aside. I needed to stay strong and make sure he knew exactly how I felt.
“She is.” I took a deep breath and whirled on him, jabbing a finger at his hard chest. “But she doesn’t need some absentee father flitting in and out of her life whenever he pleases. It’s one thing to do it to me, but I won’t let you do it to her.”
